Stinking Rich NYC Parents Can Now Outsource Potty Training For A Mere $2000
Is there any aspect of raising children wealthy New York City parents can’t outsource? I’m thinking the answer is “no.” Especially after this article I read about the newest trend in pillaging the pockets of rich parents – paying for potty training. For around $2,000, NYC Potting Training will have your diapered kid using a toilet in two days – or your money back. Just kidding! Not about the exorbitant price, about getting your money back. You can’t have your money back if your dumb kid can’t get the hang of this in 48 hours. Sorry.
There’s a $200 consultation fee, in which they will “advise you on readiness, methods, and techniques that may work best for your child.” What are we consulting about? I’m paying you $1750 to get my kid potty trained in two days, and you expect me to pay you and extra $200 so you can counsel me about potty training? I thought you were doing it? If the potty training doesn’t work – you are shit out of luck (see what I did there?) – this disclaimer is on the rate page:
NYC Potty Training, Inc offers no verbal or written promise, covenant, guaranty, warranty, either expressed or implied, regarding the success of any services rendered.
There’s also this gem:
In no event shall NYC Potty Training, its members, partners, shareholders, subsidiaries or affiliates, or their respective officers… be held liable for special, business, incidental, consequential, punitive, direct, indirect, physical, compensatory, punitive or any other damages whatsoever, including but not limited to, physical injury, loss of property, however caused, whether for breach of contract, negligence, omission, or otherwise, regardless if NYC Potty Training has been advised of the possibility of any such damages.
I’m pretty sure this means they can come into your house, break stuff, smear caca everywhere when your spoiled little kid refuses to sit on the potty, and eat the Balthazar croissants you left on the counter without consequence. I think I want to work here. To bad I left New York, because they’re hiring.
Well, potty training is a pain in the ass, so if they really can deliver results and you have the money – why not? I would just want some kind of guarantee. As my co-worker Valerie said,” I think if my kid shit themselves after that I would bring it to these people and rub their faces in it like a dog.”