having a baby

20 Reasons Why New Parents Are The Most Annoying People You Will Ever Meet

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I always tell my husband that I wouldn’t wish that first year of parenting on my worst enemy. Whenever friends pop out a baby, I’m overwhelmed with happiness for them, and I simultaneously cringe and pray that they will have the fortitude to make it through this time of trials and tribulation.

Being a new parent isn’t that bad, but it will put you through the wringer. Maybe that’s the reason why new parents say and do the darndest things. New parents are likely to post one million baby pictures on social media within one month of popping out their miracle creation. We also know that new parents are some of the worst Facebook offenders, as evidenced by STFU, Parents.

New parents, I have been where you are, and I don’t technically hold it against you. You’re probably so sleep deprived that you don’t know what you’re saying half the time, and you likely won’t remember how many times you hit “post” to Facebook within the course of a day.

This doesn’t change the fact that new parents can still be really annoying. The first step is admitting you have a problem:

1. The overload of pictures on social media.

2. The automatic reflex to share the same baby pictures in person.

3. The over-share of bodily fluids, online and in person.

4. The mommyjacking of any conversation.

5. The humblebrags, oh, the humblebrags.

6. The not-so-humble #proudmama brags.

7. The constant use of “mommy” and “daddy.”

8. The accidental-on-purpose slip of baby talk.

9. The crowdsourcing for medical advice.

10. The accompanying pictures of horrendous rashes.

11. The constant complaining about the baby.

12. The constant praising of the baby.

13. The constant reference to lack of sleep.

14. The photo documentation of monthly milestones.

15. The loving blog recap of monthly milestones.

16. The passive aggressive comparing of monthly milestones.

17. The inability to understand that all babies eventually learn to walk, talk, and roll over.

18. The vaguebooking after a “tough night” with the baby.

19. The last minute cancellation of plans.

20. The inability to remember former, child-free interests.

(Image:Β DmZ/Shutterstock)

 

 

27 Comments

  1. Robotic Socks

    April 2, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Only 20? I thought we’re doing 100 for every list

  2. rrlo

    April 2, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Been there, done that. Guilty as charged… and feel no shame. No shame at all.

  3. val97

    April 2, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Everyday I’m grateful that social media did not exist in it’s current form when I had my kids.

    • Robotic Socks

      April 2, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      Did they have telephones then?

    • val97

      April 2, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      Party lines

    • Bethany Ramos

      April 2, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      I know… Makes it easier to share pics with family and easier to annoy your friends. πŸ™‚

    • val97

      April 2, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      I would have done something like deliberately try to annoy my one friend with TMI about labor or delivery and then realize later that I had friended my boss.

  4. Jallun-Keatres

    April 2, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    Facebook isn’t just a place full of child-haters wtf πŸ™

  5. AlbinoWino

    April 2, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    Hate to say it but I went to my fiance’s friend’s wedding last fall and discovered most of those in attendance (he wasn’t friends with most of the guests) had just had babies. They all brought their babies to the wedding and I probably only heard 25% of the actual ceremony due to crying babies and shouting toddlers. Then during the reception they all talked about their babies….for 2 hours straight. And I mean literally nothing else. I was such an outsider being a few years younger and without child. I told my fiance after that if we ever had a kid together we could never let ourselves become so lame. I’m really holding out hope.

    • Elle

      April 2, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      Good luck with that. I said/swore the same, pre-parenthood.

    • Angel

      April 11, 2014 at 1:23 am

      To be honest if I’m with people the last thing I want to talk about is my baby as I’m dying for some non baby related adult conversation.

  6. Emme

    April 2, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    I generally don’t like oversharing on social media. But for most of the rest of these, I am guilty, but don’t necessarily care. I am enjoying being goofy and corny, laughing at the baby talk that comes out without even realizing it. I waited a long time to call myself “Mommy” and I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t feel fantastic.

    I might say the same things about new parents later though πŸ˜‰

  7. Snipe

    April 2, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    One of the guests at my best friend’s baby shower had the unsettling tendency to start singing baby songs in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes she interrupted herself mid-sentence to bust out in song, as though she couldn’t hold it in anymore. The funny thing was that her baby didn’t seem to be paying attention at all. It had crawled away and was attempting to stand. It made her seem a bit unhinged, like she was compulsively singing songs to herself. It seemed best to leave her to her own devices. And yes, she was a new parent.

    • JJ

      April 2, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      lol she’s sounds like a sad real life version of a Disney musical movie. I don’t recall seeing any of these signs in the various parent and baby books out there: ‘warning: new parents will have overwhelming desire to sing baby songs at any and all opportunity even in social setting surrounded by people”.

  8. Ashlea Phenicie

    April 2, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Am I the only one that enjoys getting baby updates? I genuinely find the photos and statuses cute. Is it because I’m only 20 and don’t feel pressured to be doing the same thing?

    • Harriet Meadow

      April 2, 2014 at 9:39 pm

      I’m the same way, and I always have been even before I had a kid. I love seeing other people’s pregnancy/baby updates and pictures. As far as this list, I think the only thing I’m guilty of is sharing pictures of my little guy (I don’t talk about my parenting tribulations and victories, ESPECIALLY not bodily fluids), although I try not to share too many. I always try to make sure that only 1/3 of my Facebook feed (or less) has to do with parenthood, because I’m very conscious about the way that other people feel about that, but in truth it’s about 80% of my life right now, so part of me kind of hates that I feel that I have to do that.

  9. Kay_Sue

    April 2, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    <—Hides new parents on her Facebook feed for at least 6 to 12 months, then only unhides for probationary period #NoShame

    You forgot that they all have parenting figured out RIGHT AWAY (this is the one that I was guilty of as a new parent–thus the reason why the Flying Spagehtti Monster saw fit to bless me with my humble-child #Blessed).

    • Bethany Ramos

      April 2, 2014 at 9:21 pm

      New parent probation is the smartest thing I’ve ever heard!

    • Kay_Sue

      April 2, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      It works, and it lets me keep friends. It also lets my friends keep their naivety, because as I got a head-start on most of them in the realm of babymaking, I am a little…yeah, I’m a cynical parent.

  10. darras

    April 3, 2014 at 7:13 am

    What’s worse is when you KNOW you’re doing it.. and you KNOW it’s stupid, but you can’t stop it! Happily I keep most of my idiocy off of social media and keep it confined to my poor long suffering mother but you know.. I would really like to stop worrying that my 9 month old is still not rolling (because he doesn’t want to more than that he can’t apparently..) because I KNOW he’ll not be slumping along to university on his back like some weird upside down crab missing a few legs. But you know.. Irrationality, how we love you. *head desk*

    • Bethany Ramos

      April 3, 2014 at 7:18 am

      DUDE – I understand. I was an insane Googler about all of my first son’s milestones. Shame… πŸ™

  11. Suzie

    April 3, 2014 at 10:21 am

    I have a 6 week old, and always was SO annoyed by this phenomenon, now I can’t help myself, LOL. Can’t. Stop.

  12. Melastik Bintang

    April 3, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    agreed…

    by the way the video image really funny.. =)

  13. robbie

    April 5, 2014 at 8:26 am

    That’s too funny!! Unfortunately, grandparents of a new baby also face their challenges. I have to remember that not everyone thinks that my grandboys are the cutest babies that were EVER conceived! I even tell people that and they aren’t buying it. I try really hard not to show too many pics but sometimes I just do it anyway πŸ™‚

    • Bethany Ramos

      April 5, 2014 at 8:46 am

      Very sweet πŸ™‚

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