In Honor Of National Sibling’s Day Let’s Celebrate All The ‘Only’ Children In The World!
Today is something called National Sibling’s Day. Are you celebrating? Have you decorated your Sibling Tree and dyed your Sibling Eggs and done whatever the hell you do on National Sibling’s Day – which I suppose is give a shoutout to your brother or sister on social media in thanks for them being there for you throughout the years and also helping you decide which home to put your parents in? No, Mom, I am joking, we have not been scheming behind your back to put you into a home, well, not really. But anyway! It seems like this holiday, and ya know, I sort of hate these fake holidays more than anything, does nothing but make only children and people who have decided to only have only child feel bad because they can’t celebrate this invented holiday.
There is nothing wrong with being an only child. There is nothing wrong with only having one kid. But you see it all the time, people trying to guilt people into having more children by tossing out nonsense opinions like “Only children always have issues” and “Your kid will be so lonely without a brother or sister” and “You should really have one more, so your dumb kid has another dumb kid to play with.” Having more than one kid isn’t some safeguard against loneliness. Having more than one kid won’t protect your only child from growing up to be a selfish asshole. The only thing having a second or third child totally guarantees is that you will have less money to spend every month on cigarettes and beer because having additional children is expensive.
Growing up I loved having my sisters around. Sometimes. But I’m not buying them shit for National Siblings day or posting on their Facebook walls, because it isn’t their birthday. If they want to realize how much I love them they can simply remember all the times I didn’t narc them out for sneaking out of the house or piercing their body parts growing up. That’s proof enough. I totally refuse to celebrate some made up holiday that makes kids who don’t have a brother or sister or who lost a brother or sister feel bad.
Being an only means a kid gets a lot of your undivided attention. They never have to share a room. They get more Christmas and birthday presents. They never bicker over the big piece of chicken and as a parent you never have to witness fights over idiotic things like who shoved whose Lego down the toilet. As much as I love all of my children, there are plenty of days when I sort of wish a few of them would go on extended vacation or go off to college at age 9.
Now, when your kid grows up, and you become old and cranky and act like a bitch and start wetting yourself, it would be nice if your only child have a sibling to commiserate with in order to decide which home to stick you into, but the nice thing about being an only is when they start pilfering money out of your bank account they won’t have to share it with anyone.
And that’s something to celebrate.