My Mom Hogs Hosting Holiday Events, And I’m Fine With That
I am 32 years old. My husband and I have owned a home for close to a decade. We have two children and we both have full-time jobs. We keep our house tidy most weeks, we are organized and I am a pretty good cook. On paper, we are legitimate grown-ups in every way and more than capable of hosting a holiday but I have absolutely less than zero desire. My mom hogs hosting holiday events and because of how amazing she is at it (and out of pure laziness) I have no problem with that at all.
My mother still has a very demanding full-time job so seeing as I am not a total jerk, I have asked her over the years if she would like for me to take over hosting anything major. She always insists she is fine and then suggests items I can bring to help. It works out nicely for us every year and I really am fine with this arrangement but part of me feels like less of a “real” adult woman that I am the age I am and have never done the hosting bit before.
Then, I think of all the logical reasons why my mom should host. She renovated her kitchen a few years ago and it’s gorgeous and built for cooking large meals. She is also a great cook. Her house is a lot bigger than mine. She has more parking for guests. And more importantly, she is very calm and does a great job of prepping in advance. She never seems harried when we arrive and always has every single aspect under complete control. We are offered drinks and directed to an array of appetizers with a lovely table scape in the center. It is actually tranquil. I have no idea how she does it.
In contrast, I can tell you exactly how it would go if we hosted a big holiday. We would have forgotten some crucial ingredient so my husband would be throwing on sweatpants at 7 am to run to whatever store has business hours on a holiday. I would have neglected to prepare any side dishes in advance because, work and kids, so I would be up at 4 am getting things started and trying to fight with a giant turkey I have no clue what to do with. The kids would get underfoot so they would end up on a 5-hour Disney channel marathon while we got our shit together. The house would only be half-clean because, work and kids, so my husband and I would be running around until the bitter end, in between culinary feats, scrubbing toilets, hiding dirty laundry and dusting. Oh, and our dog will be barking his fool head off at everyone who shows up because he still can’t tell the difference between friends and enemies. Sounds relaxing, right?
I know if I tried hard enough and did a lot of research I could pull it together but if I’m being honest, I really like things the way they are. Last year, we did our own little kitchen renovation and I offered to host Thanksgiving for once- it just seemed like the right thing to do. My mother quietly agreed and a few days later, my dad sent me a text telling me that she seemed sad about not having hosting duties so I called her the next day and told her I wasn’t up for it. She happily agreed to host and that was that. I think I am officially done pretending that I ever want to do this myself- as long as she is healthy and wants the job, it’s hers. And I must admit- being a busy mom every day and taking care of everyone around me makes it a huge comfort and a total treat to go to the one place where someone still takes care of me. I will enjoy that for as long as I can. Thanks for being you, mom. You rock at making us all feel cared for. And at stuffing us until we can’t breathe. Can’t wait for Thanksgiving!
(Image: Slawomir Fajer/Shutterstock)