Childrearing

My Drug Vacations Are No Longer Fun Now That My Friends Have Kids

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I’ve had the same close crew of friends for 15 years. Some of us met in high school. Some of us met in college at our large Midwestern university. And for more than 10 years, we’ve gone on what I jokingly call a “drug vacation”. And now that some of my friends have children, I don’t find them fun any more.

Our vacations used to happen during winter break. We’d all go to a cabin in the woods. Drop acid. Smoke weed. Some people tried some other stuff. Now, even though these are my nearest and dearest friends, I’m actually not much of a drug user. I’ve tried most everything but the only thing I really enjoy is E. My husband, who I dated for 10 years before we married, does … everything. It’s just not my thing and he’s not such a copious user that it’s any problem at all in our marriage.

There are times to do drugs and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve found those times happen less frequently than they used to.

After we graduated, we got jobs in different cities and we still wanted to do our drug vacation. So we all reunited in New York City. And had a blast. One year we went to Amsterdam. Another to Vegas. We’d schedule everything to the last minute and then just rage for days. We’d eat well, drink well and just keep going and going. Strip clubs! Dance clubs! Fantastic meals!

Then a couple friends got married. We worried that this meant that they wouldn’t keep coming. But they did! Other friends got married. Even we got married. And we kept going.

The first sign of trouble was when we were in the Florida Keys a few years ago. One of our couple friends had a child. And they brought her that year. She’d been too young to come prior to that. But actually, there is no age where children are really a good idea on a drug vacation. And what was horrible was that the kid’s parents acted as if they were right back in Minnesota at our first cabin retreat. They were far too out of it to provide care to the little one. And I think that they knew that I, since I’m the sober government employee, would be there to take care of the kid if she needed it.

I was there. When she woke up in the middle of the night, I’m the one who went and comforted her. In the morning when everyone was wearing off whatever they’d done the previous night, I was the one to make her breakfast. When her parents still hadn’t woken up hours later, I took her to the beach.

Don’t get me wrong. I love kids. I hope to have kids some day. But I was pissed off. And I tried to explain to the parents that I thought they’d been unfair. And I thought they got it.

But the next year we all went to Tahoe. And there were more kids. And guess who had to watch them all! Mostly what upset me was that my husband and I were spending our money to take part in this fun time with friends. We couldn’t care if the drug part went away. I couldn’t care at all. I really don’t do anything any more. We just want to spend time with our friends. But because of their irresponsibility, I couldn’t even get tipsy for fear that something bad would happen to the various toddlers strewn about the lakeside condominium. It was ridiculous.

So my husband and I decided that we’d tell the friends that we’re only going to go one more year. And we’re only going to go if it’s adults only. I told the couple I’m closest to and they said they’d try to get the grandparents to watch their little one. I’m trying to get the courage to tell the rest.

But I’ll be damned if I keep enabling my friends to behave so irresponsibly.

(Photo: Kzenon/Shutterstock)

31 Comments

  1. Tim

    July 19, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Get over yourself. You have some real issues and your immaturity is showing.

    • amanda

      July 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

      Seriously tim?? did you read the article?? seems she’s not the only one who needs to get over themselves.

    • Frances

      July 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

      So she, a working adult, doesn’t want to take care of her drug addled friend’s kids on a vacation that she paid for and she’s immature? I smell a troll.

  2. Tonya

    July 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I am actually surprised you wrote that you are a government employee and attached your name. Must be all the drugs you took, made you dumb.

    • Frances

      July 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

      Did you ever stop to think that she is most likely using a pen name? Who is the stupid one now?

  3. CCPat

    July 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Shaking my head at the amount of self-absorption it took to write this article.

    Ugh…that’s 2 minutes of my life I can’t get back.

    • MMc

      July 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

      Agreed! It was like a long bad twitter comment.

  4. Rebecca

    July 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

    What kind of idiot parent would think it was remotely ok to take a child on a vacation like that??? When your a childless adult go ahead and party all you want, but once you have kids anytime you do something illegal you’re putting your child at risk. Unbelievable. Why would you even want to take your kids on a trip like that anyways??!

  5. Amanda

    July 19, 2012 at 11:05 am

    You do not have any issues. You are totally right. I am a recovering drug addict and I had my baby daughter with me all the time. I thought she would not notice, but I am amazed she is still alive. I slept with her in bed with me when she was a newborn and I was high on painkillers. When she was about 1 I was taking 15 pain pills in the day and 4 zanax at night to sleep. Then when she was about 18 months I started meth. By the time she was 22 months I got arrested and charged with, among other things, child abuse for having my daughter with me. After cps took her for a bit and I went to rehab, got her back, and have been clean for 1 1/2 yrs. I didn’t think it would affect her but she has some behaviour problems now. It was irresponsible of your friends to do that to you, and you have every right to be mad. And aside from that, if something happened everyone there would be in a lot of trouble.

  6. Veronique

    July 19, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I’m sorry if you make it your responsibility to take care of those kids. In the end you could just as easily choose to go and shove your friends awake to have them take care of their own flesh and blood. the fact is that they probably know that you’ll be the responsible one and use it as an excuse to get smashed, and then you just play into their game. Instead of depriving yourself from some fun you should just stop playing into this dynamic and let the parents take care of their kids. You’ll see that they’ll adjust.

    But in the end, I do agree with the others. Perhaps it’s time for you to toss in the towel and grow up once and for all… You’re not in college anymore and perhaps it’s time to find some more fun stuff to do

    • Girlie

      July 20, 2012 at 9:12 am

      “in the end you could just as easily choose to go and shove your friends awake” Ehh, really? I don’t think so, when they’re under influence. I don’t have experience of friends doing drugs, but i have tried to awake a drunk person after they passed out/fell asleep and it’s just impossible. I imagine it’s the same or worse with under the influence of drugs. I mean, that was the whole point here. The friends are out and wouldn’t probably wake up even to their child crying, and the author knows that, so she stays sober.

      On another note, this article just made me sad.

  7. Michelle

    July 19, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Why do you still hang out with these people? They are immature and willing to put their children in harms way. What if one of those children found a pill and ate it thinking it was candy?

  8. Justme

    July 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    What an utterly bizarre article and accompanying lifestyle. Maybe I’m sheltered and naive but……really? Drug vacations? I don’t even know anyone who smokes cigarettes let alone illegal drugs.

    But to each his own, I suppose. At least you’re recognizing the error of your friends’ ways. I totally understand the desire to hang out with old friends every once in awhile, but at some point (possibly when you’re writing an online article about how hanging with your friends isn’t fun anymore) isn’t it time to move on and find friends that are better suited to your current situation in life?

  9. L

    July 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    stop hanging out with these morons. problem solved. i cant believe they would bring kids around drugs!!! WTF are you all thinking?!?????

  10. LiteBrite

    July 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    I’ll put it bluntly: your friends are immature, irresponsible assholes.

    I’m not judging the drug vacation lifestyle. Prior to kids, a husband, a full-time job, I was known to partake on more than one ocassion. But now that I have a child, things are different. If I go on vacation and know copious amounts of drugs and alcohol will be involved, I sure as hell don’t bring my kid. (Not that drugs are involved in a typical vacation for us anymore. We’re all old, married parents.) If that means I can’t go, OH WELL. Ditto for having someone else watch him while on vacation. My kid; my responsibility, and if I have to stay sober, OH WELL.

    Despite being the “sober government employee” it is not your job to play unpaid babysitter, and you need to work up the cojones to stop doing it. I have to wonder why you even would want to spend time with people who would treat you (and their children) like this. Maybe it IS time to say goodbye to the close crew, especially if theyr’e willing to get blasted while their kid is around and hope someone else takes the parenting helm.

    • Frances

      July 19, 2012 at 2:24 pm

      I agree with you. I don’t think it’s a huge deal to partake in most drug activities, but I would never do it around my kids. I might have the occasional glass of wine at dinner or a couple of beers with my husband during a movie or game, but anything beyond that is off limits and honestly would feel wrong to me.

      I hate to say this, because in my old neighborhood women did this as retaliation for stupid crap, and not for legitimate reasons, but I think someone should get CPS involved with these people. As the child of a former alcoholic who used to drive drunk with me in the car (and feels terrible for it now and thankful that I’m alive) I can’t imagine seeing children being treated like that and not doing something.

      How does the author know if this happens at home. Maybe the parents simply don’t give a fuck if there is a responsible person there. I wish someone had stepped in sooner when I was a kid and I would do the same if I had to.

    • Jennifer

      July 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      agreed!!! what kind of parent takes their kid to that kind of vacation.

      what you partake in is none of my business I like to drink. sometimes I like to get drunk. but I’d never take a kid to a BAR!!!

    • Jennifer

      July 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm

      agreed!!! what kind of parent takes their kid to that kind of vacation.

      what you partake in is none of my business I like to drink. sometimes I like to get drunk. but I’d never take a kid to a BAR!!!

    • Justme

      July 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

      You reminded me of something – as another “sober government employee” who greatly enjoys her job, I would NEVER put myself in a position where my actions or the actions of those around me could potentially threaten my job status. Ridiculous.

  11. CW

    July 19, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Doesn’t anybody else remember the tragic case of Danielle Van Dam who was kidnapped during her parents’ drug-laden group orgy and tragically murdered? It’s one thing to party when you’re childless, but it is completely irresponsible to do the same as a parent.

  12. Wanderlust

    July 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    You shouldn’t be watching kids for your friends, you should be reporting them to CPS. What a stupid, self-indulgent article.

  13. Layla

    July 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    This article is just boring and self-indulgent.

  14. Another Steph

    July 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    I agree with commenters who say that this is a weird one. I actually take an occasional drug holiday with my friends and if anyone brought their kid they’d be sent home. That you feel the need to pen a lengthy article about your feelings on the subject is just bizarre.

  15. David

    July 20, 2012 at 9:53 am

    There are so many things wrong with this lifestyle that I don’t think i could accurately convey my thoughts at all on it. However I think the most disconcerting thing is that this whole fashion of ‘vacation’ is talked about so casually–as if it’s normal, and, (dare I say) right?

    On another note–in the eyes of the law, those kids were that girl’s responsibility. If she decided to say “screw it” and get high–and then something happened to those kids, EVERY one of those adults would have been charged with neglect.

    • rose

      July 21, 2012 at 3:06 pm

      Actually, that’s not true. You aren’t responsible for other people’s kids legally unless you have a statutory duty (paid babysitter, nanny, etc). They could be charged with providing drugs to a minor (not that they did that) or any of their own crimes, but not neglect. You can’t neglect a kid who isn’t yours.
      – a lawyer

  16. Tom Scott

    July 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    When was this written…1979? Come on, I thought drug use was so out of fashion and so un-mainstream. That people who are successful enough to afford far-away vacations can be so immature and irresponsible is beyond me. What kind of magazine/website is this? To throw such an irresponsible article out there like its a trip to the zoo.

  17. Tom Scott

    July 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Me again. Even the title of this article is just absurd! My drug vacations are no longer fun??!! Gawd! Like we’re supposed to pity her. “Aw, poor girl. Her drug vacations aren’t fun anymore.” I gotta go and take a shower now (or vomit) after re-reading this. Loved most of the other comments too, BTW. Except for the Frances/Tim/Amanda/Frances chain.

  18. neo

    July 20, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    I can so relate to this. I do the drug vacays every few months and my friends and I agreed no kids! I’ll do my own thing with friends but I will never ever do that around my daughter. And if I can’t get a sitter it just aint happening. Also, it’s just not as fun anymore. I like the occasionally E but even smoking out or drinking is just not as enjoyable.

  19. Ken

    July 22, 2012 at 10:40 am

    This website is truly pathetic. Some of you have to see that this is a big part of what is wrong with this country, this immature self indulgence. Not to mention the level of shamelessness it must have taken to write this and then to post it. No wonder our country is falling apart and nobody seems to notice, idiots like this are taking and then writing about their “drug vacations.” Pesky kids always getting in the way huh? Let’s all be childless, childish drug addicts and party like rock stars.

  20. Danielle

    July 22, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I can not believe this article saw daylight. I have lost all respect for this website. I am appalled that a site that is supposed to be for mommies is so blatantly running a story that promotes illegal activity, dangerous behavior and a pity party about children getting in the way. Absolutely appalled.

  21. Catherine

    July 22, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I really hope there’s a follow-up to this article, called “I Feel Kind Of Guilty Because I Called Child Protective Services on My Friends.”

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