being a mom

If You Want To Share A Secret Cigarette With Me, I Won’t Judge

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shutterstock_146189504I remember smoking my first cigarette with my two best friends at the age of 13. At the time, it was the first legitimately” bad” thing I had done, and it was thrilling.

I remained a social smoker on and off until the present day. I’ve never been addicted, and now I probably smoke every few months. I didn’t touch a cigarette when I was pregnant, and I don’t smoke around my kids.

But there’s something about social smoking that I love so very much. I wouldn’t call it an addiction, but maybe a mental association. If I’m out with friends or on vacation, and the kids aren’t around, I relate having a cigarette and a drink with the utmost relaxation. After months and months of heavy-duty parenting, I’m having a night out, and I deserve it.

The only thing that really sucks about the whole scene is smoker’s guilt, and I am a very guilty person by nature. We’ve all heard from a young age how terrible it is to even touch one “cancer stick,” but I am skeptical.

Did you know that you can find almost any information to support your argument if you Google it? I googled “smoking in moderation” and “smoking benefits” just to have a bigger picture. I’m not trying to create a pro-smoking campaign, but I am looking for some slightly unbiased information. Believe it or not, there are a few health benefits to smokingβ€”obviously, not enough to outweigh the risk, but it makes for an interesting read.

I’ve talked with the other Mommyish gals around the office, and we’re all guilty of our love for social smoking. I see smoking as a delightful treat, when enjoyed in moderation. Of course, I’m waiting for all of the hateful comments that point out, “Oh, you think cancer is a treat? You are a terrible person.” To which I reply, Okay, keep on enjoying your “healthy” Big Macs and Diet Cokes and tanning beds and lack of exercise, and maybe we can call it a draw.

Among moms, you may be a pariah if you even smoke on occasion. HOW DARE YOU. Social smoker moms, I’m not throwing any shade your way. If you want to share a secret smoke after a playdate, I’ll give you a light.

(Image:Β leonardo2011/Shutterstock)

126 Comments

  1. G.E. Phillips

    February 26, 2014 at 10:11 am

    I’m not gonna lie–I do enjoy the very, very occasional Newport Light. #sorrynotsorry

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 10:12 am

      I love #trueconfessions

  2. Steph

    February 26, 2014 at 10:13 am

    This is so me. I can go a year without a smoke, but I get one night away with my best girlfriends and it’s all martinis and Marlboro Lights. The only thing that sucks is how crappy I feel the next day after just one ciggie. I don’t care if I get judged. I work full time and spend every other second of my day taking care of my kid and managing the household biz-ness. My husband actually finds this sneaky habit adorable and he is a firm non-smoker. I think it reminds him of the beer-chugging, cig-smoking, pool-playing college girl he fell in love with 10 years ago. My best girlfriends and I made a pact that we will always share one cigarette a year until we are 80. And I should note that I pretty much am the healthiest person EVER in my daily life. Love this post!

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 10:16 am

      I am super healthy too!! Healthy secret smoker club fo life.

    • Steph

      February 26, 2014 at 10:20 am

      My Secret Smoker Club Bio would read: Runs Marathons. Eats Organic. Takes Her Vitamins. Devoted Mommy. Once Got Drunk and Paid a Bum $10 For a Pall Mall.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 10:23 am

      HAHAH!

    • Steph

      February 26, 2014 at 10:24 am

      True story. It was last year. I consider myself a great role model.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 10:25 am

      You are CHARITABLE. πŸ˜‰

    • CMJ

      February 26, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Sometimes, all I want after Bikram Yoga and a spin class is a cigarette.

  3. Eve Vawter

    February 26, 2014 at 10:13 am

    I wanna smoke all the things

  4. Eve Vawter

    February 26, 2014 at 10:14 am

    also! There is nothing on earth better than drinking an ice cold beer and smoking in summer and listening to shitty 80’s metal. FIGHT ME ON THIS

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 10:16 am

      Omg no, I’ll JOIN you on this.

    • Scarlet

      February 26, 2014 at 11:04 am

      There is nothing better than on vacation than a beer and a smoke sitting on a wrap around porch looking at the ocean once the kids are in bed!!

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 11:21 am

      I want to go to there. NOW.

    • Scarlet

      February 26, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Me too! Especially since I live in the Northeast and we are having 45 months of winter here!!

    • Lee

      February 26, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      There one thing better. Leaving the kids with grandma and doing all that. Also several more beers. πŸ™‚

    • Rachel Sea

      February 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      I see your beach and raise you sitting in a hot tub while it’s snowing at a mountain cabin, smoking and drinking champagne.

    • Scarlet

      February 26, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Damn it that is good too! Except the champagne part, I’ve had one to many disastrous evenings drinking champagne but I’ll have wine while you have champagne!!

    • Rachel Sea

      February 26, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      Wine is certainly acceptable, but I would make you delightful champagne cocktails of decreasing potency so that you neither get embarrassingly drunk, nor hungover.

    • LiteBrite

      February 26, 2014 at 11:28 am

      Oh heck yeah. I’m not gonna fight you; I’m gonna back you up.

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:30 am

      I’m gonna sit, have a beer, and sniff your secondhand smoke, k?

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 11:30 am

      we srsly need a mommyish meet up. big time.

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:31 am

      Amen.

    • Crusty Socks

      February 26, 2014 at 11:32 am

      Can I come? I’ll bring booze!

    • Tea

      February 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

      I’ll bring the home-made mead and wine!

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

      I’m srsly thinking about this for real… we need a huge beach house or a campground with wifi or something

    • allisonjayne

      February 26, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Canada has these things.

    • Jezebel76

      February 26, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      I have always wanted to visit. I was born on Canada Day, so I think it’s a sign.

    • LiteBrite

      February 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

      I’ll steal my kid’s Pringles and bring those!

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:34 am

      I think I have some Tootsie Rolls stuck to his carseat? Would that count? πŸ˜‰

    • LiteBrite

      February 26, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Sure! Let’s bring everything we got!

    • Rachel Sea

      February 26, 2014 at 1:44 pm

      Anyone who wants to fight you will have to go through me first.

  5. Maria Guido

    February 26, 2014 at 10:17 am

    If I want an occasional cigarette, I will have one damnit.

  6. rrlo

    February 26, 2014 at 10:20 am

    I haven’t smoked in over 3 years (pregnancy and breast feeding) and now that I am squeezing out a new baby soon- it will probably be another couple of years. But I am totally with you on the social smoking… Whenever I smoke – it takes me back to some really happy times from a long time ago.

    • NYBondLady

      February 26, 2014 at 10:33 am

      Ditto. When I smell smoke (usually outside of a bar) I immediately get transported back to college/young adulthood and become nostalgic. It’s a nice feeling.

    • Bic

      February 26, 2014 at 11:02 am

      I’ve never smoked but the smell always takes me back to open air concerts and summertime.

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 11:26 am

      I get that way with Djarms. If I smell one I am like 16 again. But those are scary scary bad for you but I love the way clove cigarettes smell.

    • Lee

      February 26, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      I am totally with you on the cloves. Every once in a while I buy some splashs just for the nostalgia. I smoke one or two and end up tossing them because they really are disgusting after a couple drags. Such a waste of money but I am never sorry for it.

    • Alexandra

      February 26, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      LOVE LOVE LOVE Clove cigarettes – they really are worse for you than regular cigs? *sigh and sad face* I was looking forward to one when i’m done with this preggo and breastfeeding shiz πŸ™

    • Kitsune

      February 26, 2014 at 11:58 pm

      I love cloves. They bring me back to my college days of goth clubbing when everyone smoked them. I know they stopped selling the Djarm Black because bad for you and I was sad. I recently found a pack when cleaning out some stuff. Totally smoking one when I’m done breastfeeding, health hazards be damned.

    • Momma425

      February 26, 2014 at 10:21 pm

      Mmmmm, yes.

      I smoke about as often as I get drunk- like once every 2 months. I like e-cigarettes tons, because I can have them at work and don’t come in smelling like it.

      I’m all for the occasional cigarette and it reminds me of college. πŸ™‚

  7. Snarktopus

    February 26, 2014 at 10:26 am

    If you want to smoke every once in a while, more power to you. I haven’t had a cigarette in my life, but when I get beer drunk, I start craving a smoke. It’s the weirdest thing.

    • Harriet Meadow

      February 26, 2014 at 10:39 am

      I always want a cigarette when I’m beer-drunk, too!

  8. Angela

    February 26, 2014 at 10:28 am

    I don’t judge but I also don’t get the appeal. I never have. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke and can’t imagine wanting that in my hair, clothes, etc. And seeing as I’ve made it this far without a smoke I can’t imagine starting to light up now that I’m a mom in my 30’s. Plus I would I personally would worry about the example it sets for my kids (even if you don’t smoke in front of them there’s a good chance they’ll eventually find out). But yeah, I don’t think that a few ciggies a year are going to really affect your health and don’t think you’re any less of a mom for it.

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 10:29 am

      Noo, you don’t have to worry about the example it sets for your kids, you have to worry about THEM stealing YOUR cigarettes!

    • Mystik Spiral

      February 26, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Oh I totally stole Merits out of my mom’s purse when I was a teenager. Do they even make Merits anymore?

    • Angela

      February 26, 2014 at 11:28 am

      Lol, I love you ladies! Seriously though, as long as they keep away from my wine stash we’re good

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 11:29 am

      word!

  9. pixie

    February 26, 2014 at 10:50 am

    I try not to judge people who smoke, socially or otherwise, unless it’s in front of their kids, like in a vehicle or enclosed area (mostly for health benefits, even with a car window open, there is a fair amount of second-hand smoke). I’ve never been tempted to try smoking cigarettes. I just had no interest, even though some of my friends in grade 8 tried to pressure me (it didn’t work on me and another friend, so we became the ones to smell them to make sure they didn’t smell like smoke so they wouldn’t get in trouble…all I could smell was cigarettes for a week). I’m also allergic to the smoke and don’t like the smell.

    My boyfriend occasionally smokes cigars socially, and while I really try not to get on his case, I just really hate the smell and the taste it leaves on him, even after brushing his teeth. He hasn’t smoked tobacco in a long time, though, because even he felt it was getting out of hand over the summer when he was away working and nearly everyone he worked with smoked. He’s also got health issues in his family. It’s not a “stop doing this or else” kind of thing, more of a really big turn-off.

  10. Zettai

    February 26, 2014 at 10:54 am

    I don’t give two craps if a mom smokes as long as a baby isn’t inside her. THAT I have seen too many times in a particular(ly trashy) area of the Midwest. I would move away from them just so the smoke from MY cigarette wouldn’t contribute to lowering their baby’s birth weight.

    Moms all do at least one thing that isn’t the greatest for their health, like you pointed out, so I also agree that we need to give mom smokers a break. If they aren’t blowing smoke in their kids faces or using the soft spot of their heads for an ashtray (a la Family Guy) then who cares?

    • Guest

      February 26, 2014 at 10:59 am

      This must be a midwest thing because I remember seeing a VERY pregnant lady doing it once and I was horrified. Then I realized several of my regular smoker friends smoked while they were pregnant. Don’t worry though, they switched to lights. (sarcasm)

    • Zettai

      February 26, 2014 at 11:08 am

      I wonder if it is, but I’ve only seen it in that area of the Midwest, never in Chicago or any other large cities. The coworkers that I knew that did it had zero shame in their game. They acted like it was totally normal to do that.

    • Guest

      February 26, 2014 at 11:10 am

      I know! I was amazed that my friends didn’t even attempt to stop and it didn’t bother them in the least. I was uncomfortable just WATCHING them do it and I don’t even consider myself to be a smoking nazi by any means.

    • Zettai

      February 26, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Same here. I find it so extremely selfish.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 10:59 am

      Hahahha I love that soft spot image.

    • Jana

      February 26, 2014 at 11:34 am

      I have had friends who were smokers that were told by their doctors not to quit cold turkey during pregnancy. Depending on other health factors, sometimes it’s better to smoke in moderation than to risk getting preeclampsia and other health problems that can be caused by nicotine withdrawal. Smokers can’t use any of the smoking cessation methods during pregnancy, like the patch or pills, and stopping all at once can lead to stress and health problems that are worse for the mom and baby than potential low birth rate. Not saying it’s super common, or that many pregnant women who smoke aren’t doing so because they’re addicted and don’t want to quit…but it is a thing that sometimes happens if the mother has other risk factors.

    • Zettai

      February 26, 2014 at 11:50 am

      I see what you mean.

  11. Jessifer

    February 26, 2014 at 10:54 am

    I used to be a social smoker too, especially at work. My friend/coworker and I would step out of the office a few times a day to smoke and bitch about our bosses and workload – it was a great way to vent! Then she got pregnant and stopped smoking, and just when she came back from maternity leave, I got pregnant and stopped smoking. I’m now on mat leave and since I have no one around to smoke with, I just don’t… but I won’t lie when I say that I miss it! I’m seeing my friend this weekend, maybe we’ll have a smoke-a-thon, for old times sake!

  12. Kay_Sue

    February 26, 2014 at 10:59 am

    I haven’t had one since November 12, 2007. Well, that’s a lie, I had one more after that, but it was so stale and terrible that it probably saved my life, because I was definitely not just a social smoker…although I did smoke more when I was out with people, so maybe that counts?

    • Crusty Socks

      February 26, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Secondhand cigarette is fine

      Just like heroin

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:27 am

      I do tend to sniff my husband pretty hard on a stressful day. He still partakes. It’s a contact high.

    • Crusty Socks

      February 26, 2014 at 11:31 am

      Awww, you’re addicted to your hubby like heroin?

      (or did you just call him a chick hero?)

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:32 am

      Not like heroin. Maybe crack? *ponders*

    • Crusty Socks

      February 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

      Awww, just like heroin and crack, does your husband make your heart stop?

      β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯β™‘β™₯

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Exactly, lol!

    • Crusty Socks

      February 26, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Good man!

    • LiteBrite

      February 26, 2014 at 11:36 am

      My husband still has one or two cigarettes at night. I love how he smells right after coming in the house. He smells like a “bad boy.” πŸ™‚ Takes me back to my misspent youth.

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:39 am

      Yup. That hint of Marlboro and his tattoos…smells/looks like everything my parents warned me to avoid! πŸ˜‰

    • LiteBrite

      February 26, 2014 at 11:41 am

      DH has tattoos as well. AND he wears his black leather jacket when smoking outside too. Poser bad boy indeed.

    • Alexandra

      February 26, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      I love secondhand heroin πŸ™‚ To quote some movie, I don’t really do cocaine, I just enjoy the smell of it.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      LOL!

  13. Guest

    February 26, 2014 at 11:00 am

    My husband and I are not smokers by any means but we do love a nice cigar. They make ones that taste like candy. Just sayin.

  14. Theresa Edwards

    February 26, 2014 at 11:08 am

    My grandmother was prescribed cigarettes for her constipation back in the day.

    • CMJ

      February 26, 2014 at 11:11 am

      True Story: I used to work with a lady who did not smoke and one day she needed to go to the bathroom and she turned to my coworker and said: “I need a cigarette.” She took one, took a couple puffs and went straight to the bathroom.

    • Zettai

      February 26, 2014 at 11:24 am

      I will have to keep this in mind.

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:29 am

      I saw an episode of House where he prescribed cigarettes to treat irritable bowel….wait, that’s totally not the same thing…but still. πŸ˜‰

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 11:30 am

      My Moms OBGYN smoked during her appointments back in the day.

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

      I have seen Mad Men–EVERYONE smoked back in the day. πŸ˜›

  15. Tauren Stiles

    February 26, 2014 at 11:16 am

    My mom was a social smoker. I used to steal her cigarettes. I thought I was a social smoker too but found it very difficult to stop smoking the first time I was pregnant. I lost that baby. I’ve since quit smoking and gone on to have 3 healthy children. But I would never kid myself that it’s ok to light one up. I’ve seen the dark side of smoking. I never want to go there again. And I think you are doing a disservice to yourself and those around you with your attitude about smoking. Just my .02

  16. Crusty Socks

    February 26, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Judgyβ„’

  17. LiteBrite

    February 26, 2014 at 11:32 am

    I love the taste of a good cigarette along with a beer.

    However, I will say that coming from a family of smokers, I don’t love the after-smell that just seeps into everything around you. And though I miss being able to sit in a bar with a beer and a smoke (preferably with some Black Sabbath in the background), I do not miss coming home and having to take two showers just to get the smell out of my hair nor do I miss sounding like a guy for most of the next day.

    So yeah. That’s all I got.

  18. Kate

    February 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

    I’ve always told my husband that if smoking were cheap and not bad for you, I would totally be a two-packs-a-day gal. I love how relaxing it is, and I like that it gets you outside and chit chatting rather than staring at the boob tube.

  19. Tea

    February 26, 2014 at 11:35 am

    We smoke pipes, dads are allowed to do that, right? Isn’t it in the Dad Code of 1957?

    • Kay_Sue

      February 26, 2014 at 11:35 am

      Dads get to have all the fun. *exaggerated sigh*

  20. maxfab

    February 26, 2014 at 11:54 am

    I am a full on hardcore smoker and a (single) mum of twins. I get the judgeys alll the time and I just tell everyone “smoking might kill me but it saves my children’s lives”.
    Those moments when I’m about to lose my shit and I step outside for a quick one calm me down enough to stop me wanting to scream, shake, or otherwise traumatize my kids.

    • Eve Vawter

      February 26, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      You officially get to throat punch anyone who judges you from now on, from me to them

    • maxfab

      February 26, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      Yas! I’m going to have a celebratory smoke πŸ˜›

  21. Crusty Socks

    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    • SA

      February 26, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      I always refer to them as my “sin sticks”

  22. Valerie

    February 26, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    OMG, secret cigs are the best. I was never a smoker but in my 20’s I would have one now and then out at a bar. Now, I have one maybe twice a year at a bar and it is the best 5 minutes ever. I *pink puffy heart* secret cigs.

  23. Givemeabreak

    February 26, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    My kids are early to bedders and seriously I LOVE that moment when they’ve conked out when I can slip out the back door and hot foot it across the street to my neighbors to have a beer and smoke if they are home πŸ™‚ It keeps me sane. It’s my 10 minutes, every once and again, that doesn’t make me want to go all psycho.

  24. guest

    February 26, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    Yeah, I lost my Dad to COPD. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Smoking is so amazingly hard to quit once you’re addicted that I totally fail to understand why people start today. I am willing to cut slack to people in an older generation, because there was so much less information about its destructive health effects; I just don’t understand why anyone starts today when we know how much damage it does. (The benefits pretty clearly outweigh the costs, not including the effects of withdrawal – that’s why I’m focusing on people *starting* today, not continuing today.)

    (Yes, there are health problems with eating the wrong things too, however, eating is itself essential for humans, so we can’t avoid eating completely; having the time, money, availability, etc. for the correct food is another set of issues. Humans can, however, survive without cigarettes – it is entirely possible to avoid them.)

    I don’t think you’re a terrible person, because I generally support everyone’s right to do whatever the hell they want to their own bodies; I thus think you have the right to put what you want into it. It’s just not a choice I understand.

  25. val97

    February 26, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    My husband and I have an ecig that we break out on occasion when friends are over. I know the research on the effects of ecigs is not very good yet, but I like them because they don’t stink up your hair, hands, etc.

  26. Rachel Sea

    February 26, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    I envy social smokers so much. I quit smoking 7 years ago, and I still crave it every day of my life. When I catch a whiff of my brand I breathe deeply and contemplate mugging the unsuspecting passerby for their cigarette. I am too much of an addict to ever have another cigarette, or I will be hooked again, and have to quit again. Quitting was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I never want to experience anything like it ever again.

    I will definitely take up smoking again when I’m in my ’80s. I fancy the idea of sitting on my porch with a cocktail and a pipe, watching the world go by.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      Good for you for quitting! I also creepily smell people’s cigarette smoke when I can. πŸ™‚

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      February 26, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      Same, I quit about 2 and a half years ago and if I so much as take one drag I’m done. I just inhale deeply when my fiance smokes near me. =P A secret cigarette would be AMAZING if I could keep it at just the one.

    • AnastasiaMcNally

      February 26, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      Oh my this is me! Last night a lady at work who smokes my old brand complained she was hot and before I could stop I said “if you would like to go and have a cigarette I would love to come and smell that”… She looked at me like I had seven heads πŸ˜‰

    • Kresaera

      February 27, 2014 at 2:41 am

      My husband and I decided to quit smoking 2 days ago. It’s been so damn hard! It’s seriously the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I kicked a pretty severe drug addiction! All I think about now is smoking. =( Does it ever get easier?!

    • Rachel Sea

      March 4, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      It does get much easier. The first two weeks were pure hell. If I could have isolated myself away from all other humans during those two weeks I would have, because I HATED everyone and their smug, in-my-face lack of severe cravings. After that it was all about tricking myself into being okay with it. Smoking is an action, so all you have to do to quit is nothing, right? That’s what I told myself anyway.

      I also kept a half-pack in my car for about 6 months, because nothing triggered a desire to hunt down a smoke as badly as being out of cigarettes.

      I had to spend months tapering off the habits that wen’t with smoking so I didn’t go stir crazy. I still went outside at all my usual smoking times, but I went with a book instead. I still drove with the windows cracked whenever I wanted a cigarette in the car.

      Deep breathing, relaxation exercises, patches, gum and all that did nothing for me, they just reminded me about what I was missing, and I really needed no help with that.

      I always thought that people gained weight when they quit because they snacked instead of smoking, but that was totally not the case with me. I gained weight because when I smoked, I could miss a meal without even noticing. When I quit, I wasn’t taking in all that appetite suppressant, so when I was hungry, I ate. I probably increased my food intake by almost half because of it. If I had it to do again I would have worked out some meal planning and calorie counting to go with the quitting.

      Now my desire for a cigarette is still ever-present, but it’s weak. I want a smoke like I want a cup of tea – it would be nice, and sometimes I really, really want it, but I don’t NEED it like I used to, and I don’t get cranky, or angry, or bitter, or sad about not smoking.

  27. SA

    February 26, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Love your posts! Aaak! They are so me! πŸ™‚

    Quit smoking years ago, but was never able to give it up socially (aka when drinking). There is just something so deliciously wonderful about socially smoking. Aaaaand, it helps with my social anxiety. I live in a non-smoking state, which means you have to go outdoors to smoke at public places and it is always nice to just step outside and have a quick one-on-one with someone over a cig. <3

    • SA

      February 26, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Of course the next day, I am furiously scrubbing my skin and washing EVERYTHING I wore the night before – coat and hairbands included. πŸ˜‰

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      We are internet friends!! I so know what you mean — I always play off an outside cigarette break as bonding time with someone on a night of drinking, and it really is a nice way to have a conversation. πŸ™‚

  28. Jallun-Keatres

    February 26, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    Ugh. My supervisor sat with me today and smelled of thirdhand smoke. She’s a bit more than an occasional smoker though lol

  29. Tinyfaeri

    February 26, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    My husband and I both quit 6 years ago, and I honestly don’t think I could smoke one now if I wanted to. I was a pack+ a day smoker for quite a while, though, and now just can’t stand the smell on me. I’ll keep a friend company outside, but I have no interest in having one. I do have quite a few friends who smoke even after having kids, but that’s their choice and I don’t think I’ve ever heckled one of them to quit. I will admit that I did cringe a bit, though, at the one woman who worked on an adjacent helpdesk to mine – she was still smoking up until the day she gave birth and there is something I (and the other smokers there) found horribly uncomfortable about a woman who’s 9 months pregnant smokin a butt.

  30. Courtney Lynn

    February 26, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Not gonna lie. I miss before kids when my husband and I would sit outside on the patio during nice weather, play music, get shitfaced and smoke. I miss it!

    • SA

      February 26, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      That was my FAVORITE! This past Sunday we sat out during nap time and had a couple of ‘day-drinks’. Still just not the same though….it used to be a couple of pitchers of margaritas.

    • Courtney Lynn

      February 27, 2014 at 12:00 am

      We could put away the drinks ourselves. I’m a really cheap date these days. Once in a while, we get some blow off time, but part of me looks forward to the high school years!

  31. Jordana

    February 26, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    Once again, love this author’s honesty. I honestly don’t think it’s the cigarettes or Big Macs or diet cokes that are killing us….I think it is stressing over all of them that’s doing the most damage!

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      Thank you!! I am with you 100%. Now I need a cigarette to relax. πŸ˜‰

  32. Kaitlin Reilly

    February 26, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    I’m all for not judging someone for their own personal decisions, but I don’t know if we can really equate Diet Coke with cigarettes (Of course this is coming from a hardcore Diet Coke fan, haha) The only reason I bring it up is because I hear this argument a lot and I don’t really think it’s equivalent until the same research backs it up. But maybe having a cigarette is the same as like, taking a shot of hard liquor? I’m not really sure.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      We all have our vices! πŸ™‚ My only point in the comparison is that I have studied the American diet and nutrition extensively, and there are so many chemicals, issues, side effects, etc. from what the majority of us intake. For example, too much sugar was proven to cause birth defects in babies, which is astonishing. I’m sure we’re all guilty of binging on sugar at one time or another.

      Anyway, I don’t have any solid conclusions for social smoking, but I do think it helps to take all “evils” into consideration.

    • Kaitlin Reilly

      February 26, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Agreed! And YES I am super guilty of sugar binging… and I had no idea that it caused birth defects in babies. Probably would be more heavily publicized if added sugar wasn’t in everything we eat nowadays… πŸ™

  33. Sam Inoue

    February 26, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    I’m in! Lets have a few drinks and smoke a secret cigarette together. I used to smoke as a teen, but I lived in Europe (many different cities, mostly near the Mediterranean) so I don’t think I had the guilt thing going on.

    • Bethany Ramos

      February 26, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      It’s a date!!

    • Sam Inoue

      February 26, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      We might wanna meet here in Japan, there is a lot less smoker guilt going on.

  34. allisonjayne

    February 26, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    I always smoke when I’m travelling overseas for work (once or twice a year). It started when I went to a conference in South Africa and I just really wanted to buy a pack from a cigarette machine (they had one in the conference centre! It was so quaint! and it was like $2 a pack!), and it just sort of became a thing. One of the first things I do after checking in is seek out a pack of Marlboros and buy a souvenir lighter.

  35. John Debon

    February 27, 2014 at 12:28 am

    I am always with you.
    http://www.buylikess.com/

  36. Rosa

    February 27, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    I miss smoking

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  40. Jim

    May 30, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Hi Gals,
    I found this post delightful. It’s great smiled all the away through.
    True story… My wife use to work at a hospice full of old people. One was an old women in her late 70s. She use to smoke heavy rollies she use to make her self.
    My wife was a therapist there. Anyway these lunatics said to her you have to stop smoking … it was almost an imposed task she had to do.I remember this wome use to do to Mass every day in the Cathedral here in Adelaide Australia. I remember her she was known by anyone who ever went to that Cathedral.
    Within 2 weeks after having smoking stopped she died.
    At the time I was almost furious at these selfish bastards utterly brainwashed into in my opinion absolute rubbish about smoking and its dangers.
    Its a tragic story I know.
    But honestly Gals forget eth guilt’s of any kind. I don’t know about all other men but I personally recon its one of the most elegant and sexy things just to watch a women smoke elegantly and enjoy it.
    The other side of the story is this… these mental cases who wish to harass peoples personal choices (re smoking) and the adds that impose others wills upon those that do smoke.
    Why aren’t they on about the present and horrendously sad damage done by Alcohol smashing up individuals lives far more violently then cigarettes. Children’s minds and hearts and spouses minds and hearts and lives or the violence in homes, mentally spiritually and physically, there are literally a thousand far more violent and tragic violations …. but why smoking.
    I’ve always said … its the one drug I can take that doesn’t interfere with my intellect and sense of reason. So to all those that delude themselves that they are on a rampage of kindness and charity for smokers and those effected by it .. I say F…n wake up. And use your time constructively on something that actually does need attention.
    Enjoy your cigarette … the secrete is … moderation.
    So just be careful once it has its claw in you it does hurt.
    Enjoy πŸ™‚

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