When you compare moms to anything else in the world it's hard to come up with a better match than ninjas. Moms are so crafty and fast- we have the ability to fly totally under the radar if necessary and we are more or less always in survival mode. Just give us an all-black outfit (which most of us wear regularly anyway) and we are on our way. We can notice every movement, hear every sound and sense any irregularity with our children. We have so many abilities once the placenta drops- it is really no wonder packs of moms have not started roaming the earth ridding it of crime and all other threats. Moms are exactly like ninjas and here is my proof:
1. Moms Move In Total Stealth Mode
If you ever want to see stellar ninja moves, observe a mom backing out of her baby's nursery right after they fall asleep.
2. Moms See Everything
There are never surprise attacks- even the tiniest bit of movement in our peripheral is enough warning.
3. Moms Have Many Potential Weapons
Ninjas use whatever they have at the ready to dispatch their enemies and moms have SO much stuff. With my son's toy collection alone I have Donatello's "stick", a baseball bat, a pretend sword and so many Legos I could booby-trap every room in a 3000 square foot home.
4. Moms Can Think Quickly In Any Situation
In the middle of the grocery store and your 3-year old has to pee? Stuck in the drive-thru lane at Dunkin Donuts and someone is about to barf? Moms can find a neat and tidy way out of any situation. One time, my son threw up in an empty gift bag I had laying on the floor of my passenger seat. Our brains are always firing.
5. Moms Can Spy Without Being Caught
I know there are gadgets for this now, but moms have been able to spy on their kids without being detected since the dawn of time. I have taken whole 10-minute videos of my kids doing cute things while standing in their bedroom doorway and they were none the wiser. I am invisible when I want to be.
6. Moms Can Outsmart Their Opponents
Any time a child thinks he can pull one over on me he has another think coming. I always have a plan. And my plan always wins.
7. Moms Can Do Things At Freakish Speeds
Whether it's getting ready for work in the seven minutes you have to yourself, making a bottle for a screaming baby or stuffing sleepy toddlers into their pajamas so they can break into a bottle of wine, with the right motivation, moms can do things so fast your head would spin.
8. Moms Can Become Anything On A Moment's Notice
Santa? Tooth Fairy? Easter Bunny? Barbie playhouse character? We are nothing if not totally versatile.
9. Moms Can Eat Without Being Detected
Moms can make half a bag of Doritos disappear without anyone in her house being the wiser. Sharing is the worst and all moms know this.
10. Moms Can Throw Things Away And It's Like They Never Existed
Annoying McDonald's toys, the 458 drawings that come out of backpacks every week, half of a giant collection of Rainbow Loom bands- moms can make things disappear better than the Mob.
(Image: Boriss Skorbin/Shutterstock)