I’m Making A Profile To Go On A Mom Date

I somehow managed to make it through my dating years without ever doing any online dating. I’ve had two relationships in the last 15 years, and they kind of butted up against each other, with only six months between them. I really didn’t have the time to consider the whole online thing – since it became all the rage after my single years were over.

I used to think meeting someone online was a little strange. I was certain you had to be in the presence of someone to really know who they are and whether you would want to spend more time with them. I was totally wrong about that. Years of blogging have proven it.

I have met some really amazing people online; people I am sure would be my friends in real life. I may have missed the whole “online dating” boat, but I am considering putting a profile on one of those mom-dating sites to make some friends. Mom Meet Mom is one that was brought to my attention today. You create a profile and browse the profiles of other moms in your area. I generally don’t like women who only define themselves as mothers, but there has to be plenty of women out there like me – who just really need to make some friends with kid benefits, right? We’ll see. I’m making a rough draft profile. Here goes:

I am a woman who knows what she wants. It usually has bacon in it. Or tequila.

I enjoy exercising if it involves walking. Slowly. With a giant cup of coffee in my hands. While gossiping. If you are one of those people who abhors gossip, or claims not to do it – we can’t be friends. I don’t like liars.

I love music. Can you differentiate between John Coltrane and Miles Davis? I love you. Do you understand the musical importance of Prince? We can be friends forever.

If you are one of those people who thinks parenting is easy and it causes you no stress or anxiety, I may ask to come over and observe you in your natural habitat. I make a fantastic lasagna and I know a lot about wine. Speaking of lasagna, vegetarian lasagna is a travesty and if we are friends you must never speak of it.

I am an unashamed lover of all shows that have the word “wives” in them. This includes, but is not limited to: Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, The Real Housewives of (insert city here), and Broke Intellectual Wives. I’m in the process of crafting a pitch for the last one now.

Bacon, tequila, coffee, gossiping, music, lasagna, reality TV, wine… I guess that pretty much sums up my likes. As far as dislikes go – I hate it when people take their gum out of their mouths and stick it on their can of Diet Coke. That is fucking disgusting. I’m pretty easy going about just about everything else – as long as you are pro-choice and comfortable calling yourself a feminist.

Can we be friends? I hope so. Oh – I almost forgot! I have a 7-month-old girl and a 3-year-old boy.

(photo: Getty Images)