Chores are a part of adult life for everyone and obviously, they are not meant to be fun. Although I will cop to a sick pleasure when I see all the junk my Dyson picks up, I will say that I do not enjoy cleaning for the most part. When I had my kids, I came to realize that in addition to what I already do, there are chores all parents hate that childless people don't have to deal with. They are soul-crushing, miserable chores that suck the life out of you and make you want to fast-forward time to the point where your kids aren't making messes every five minutes. Yes, our kids are adorable and these years are precious but I dare you to say that while doing any of the below:
1. Cleaning The Diaper Genie
The Diaper Genie was not in our house for very long because I quickly realized that it caused more trouble than it was worth. After six months, it gave off a funk that no amount of disinfecting could prevent and on top of that, I was so over scraping shit off the side of it when an especially mushy diaper splatted out during the "push down" process. Vomit.
2. Wiping Pee Off The Toilet Seat
Why, God? Why did you make little boys physically unable to avoid peeing on the toilet seat? This is now a daily chore for me as my son cannot seem to stop the dribbling and spraying.
3. Scrubbing The Highchair
Trying to get the petrified peas and dried on yogurt out of those crevices is pretty much futile. Yet, I did it daily anyway.
Kids spill stuff. Like, a lot. Trying to keep the floors from looking like they belong in a frat house is a constant effort.
5. Tiny Laundry Duty
Adult arms do not fit nicely through the arms and legs of kid's clothes. I hate trying to turn them all right-side in. Oh, and as a parent, the laundry never ends. The piles have sex and reproduce overnight, like bunnies. It's science.
6. Cleaning Bottles
A dishwasher obviously fixes this issue but when our daughter was a baby, we didn't have one. And of course, I stupidly got her into Dr. Brown's bottles so we had that annoying little inner tube to clean along with everything else. Even with a dishwasher, trying to keep track of nipples, tops and bottles is so annoying.
7. Putting Toys Away
Every day. Every single day. Mine clean up their own now and have for a while but back in the day, I felt like all I did was shuffle around on my knees putting toys into bins. Sad trombone.
8. Vacuuming The Car
Cheerios, french fries, sand from the beach, discarded gum- there is always junk on the floor of my car. Sure, I could say "no eating in the car" but we all know that's not going to happen.
9. Cleaning Up After A Diaper Blow-Out
Whether it's getting poop out of the baby's hair or scraping it off of an outfit you like too much to throw away, cleaning up after a blow-out just fucking sucks. There is no way around it.
10. Dealing With Curdled Milk Sippies
I'm a terrible and wasteful person so I would simply toss them out when I found them under the couch or on the floor of the car. Cleaning them out is just too disgusting.
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