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Pregnancy

This Man Invented The Worst Menstrual Product Of In The History Of Feminine Hygiene

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(alex_kz/iStockPhoto)

You guys, I think I just found the best story of the week, so buckle in, because this has everything: Menstruation, misogyny, crackpot medicine, labial glue, white male persecution complexes, and a Fox News article saying this is the most terrible idea in the history of feminine hygiene.

A chiropractor in Kansas is marketing a new “feminine lipstick” called Mensez, and it is designed to solve the gross, disgusting menstruation problem by — wait for it — gluing the lips of your labia shut so that none of the menstrual fluid can come out.

Kansas chiropractor Daniel Dopps says the Mensez “feminine lipstick” will glue your labia shut so the blood just collects inside. Then when you have to go to the bathroom, the urine will unstick the glue and all the urine and menstrual fluid will come out at once. Then you will just have to re-use your feminine lipstick to re-glue your labia back together again, and go about your business.

… what happens if you sneeze?

 

Seriously, this is a glue stick in the shape of a lipstick, and you use it to glue your labia closed. I thought this had to be a hoax, but Dopps has a patent on the device, and according to Google patents, he applied for it in 2011.

Dopps appears to have been blindsided by the fact that the people of the world think this is hands-down the worst feminine hygiene idea anybody has ever had, except perhaps for the time some guys invented the chainsaw to deliver babies. Dopps is indignant that we are not all rushing to buy his product, and he says that we would have invented it ourselves if our periods hadn’t made us so stupid.

This Man Invented the Worst Menstrual Product of in the History of Feminine Hygiene mensez feminine lipstick glue crazy chiropractor jpg

(Facebook/Thea Butler)

Dopps even told Forbes’ Kavin Senapathy that a lot of the outrage is because lesbians are mad at him for being a heterosexual white man.

“A lot of the LGBT community, lesbians in particular, are furious at me because I’m a white straight man,” he said, on the record, to a reporter from Forbes.

Somehow, he seems completely oblivious to the idea that nobody would like his creepy product because nobody wants to glue their labia closed, and that suggesting it is creepy as hell.

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