If you were watching the Super Bowl last night, you may have noticed that one minute out of the four-hour manstravaganza was devoted to an Always commercial. The commercial, although it was designed to flog sanitary pads, still touched my crusty mean old heart with its attempt to fight the negativity associated with fighting, throwing, and running 'like a girl'.
But if you thought the self-titled 'meninist' movement was content to let young women have the spotlight for 0.4% of the evening, think again. As soon as the commercial ended, whiny diaper-babies who like to think that they are men started trending the hashtag #LikeABoy. Here are the 12 most pathetic responses they came up with.
1. Popping a random boner is pretty much just as bad as systematic inequality
And when Always develops a line of anti-random-boner products, I'm sure we'll see a commercial about that during the Super Bowl, too.
2. Dream big, Dalton
Yes, maybe someday men won't have to suffer with the terrible injustice of making up 95% of the highest-paid film stars, 100% of the Presidents of the United States, and 100% of players in the Super Bowl. On that far-off and shining day, maybe guys like Dalton will also finally be free of critique from mean old feminists when they open their mouths to complain about how unfair their lives are.
3. Some people have a penis #likeagirl and some have a vagina #likeaboy
I'm not the Arbiter Of All Feminism or anything, but I for one will say that since some men have vaginas and some women have penises, feminism does not require anyone to hate their current between-the-legs adornment. If you have opinions like this guy, though, it's fine with me if you experience some self-loathing.
4. Why are women insulted when I insult them?!
Probably somewhere around the time "like a girl" was used to describe anything a girl did badly and "like a boy" for anything she did well.
5. WE HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING EQUALLY AT ALL TIMES
All I can see when I read the Tweets like this is Kris Straub's comic on the subject.
6. 'Not a men'
It's such a relief being a woman, where we never ever have to worry about experiencing oppressive expectations for our appearance or work/life goals.
7. Godwin's law violation
Nothing says "my opinion is valid and should be considered with due merit" like referring to people who disagree with you as Nazis.
8. It must be Opposite Day where he lives
"Why does all of society cater to girls?" he wondered, during a four-hour paean to masculinity.
9. Nothing says 'equality' like punching women in the face
Somehow, someone was able to write this Tweet complaining about the existence of the #LikeAGirl commercial without creating a super-dense black hole of irony that consumed the entire planet. For that, we should be thankful.
10. Bad news, buddy
I'd like to respond to this with a cogent argument but instead all my silly ladybrain can come up with is "bleegle blargle tampons chocolate Sex and the City bloop"
11. I apologize on behalf of my state for this guy
Everyone knows the gene that controls your ability to understand pass interference is only activated in the presence of testosterone.
12. Confused on the concept
Yes, the vast and totally not imaginary monolith of 'feminists' all got together and bought a Super Bowl ad - not a tampon company trying to sell products. I have to ask, are we also going to complain about Doritos spending millions on an ad spot instead of using its money to feed the hungry - or is it only this one #LikeAGirl commercial that's a problem for some mysterious reason?