mom fun

39 Easy Steps To Making A Healthy Green Smoothie While Holding A Baby

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Making Smoothies Is A Total HassleEveryone knows that green smoothies are the key to living a healthy, fiber-filled, bowel-happy, cancer-free, and also sparkly immortal life. Why wouldn’t you want to give your baby that same start? Here is a great beginner’s recipe for a smoothie your little ones will love.

Chef’s note: Feel free to experiment with the ingredients in this recipe. For example, any exhausted new mother will suffice, it is not necessary to have a parenting partner at hand, and you can include any number of babies or children.

Also, if any of these ingredients are non-local or non-organic, they will likely cause irreparable harm to your child, so, you know, LET THAT BE ON YOUR HEAD.


Green Smoothie in 39 Easy Steps



Eight cubes of honeydew melon

About two inches of cucumber, peeled

One apple, seeds removed and quartered, sliced

Handful of spinach

Slightly larger handful of kale (ALL HAIL KALE)

Four slices of frozen peaches

One cup almond milk

One New Mother, slightly awake

One Partner (optional)

One 11-month-old baby (Feel free to add other children as well)

One highly disruptive pet (We used a 70-pound, bull-headed, large doberman/pit/rottweiler mix with great results)

One wristwatch (waterproof, preferably)


Prep time: 45 minutes.

Pages: 1 2


  1. rockmonster

    August 11, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Haha! Great post, although I’m not all organic-fed.

  2. Maria Guido

    August 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    This is basically describing every task I take on right now.

  3. Alex Lee

    August 11, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    I admit the following:

    1. I paused momentarily at the phrase “bowel-happy”. While my bowels are not outright angry, they’re more “meh” most of the time.

    2. It’s surprising how often I pretend I am Hermione Granger

    3. I was looking forward to someone or something eventually finding the knife tip. Now, it’s still all cliff-hanger-y.

  4. Bethany Ramos

    August 11, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Squatting when I drop things while holding a baby seriously makes me want to murder in cold blood. My husband and I were just talking about this.

  5. Lilly

    August 11, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    well that is why I stick to coffee

  6. tiomela

    August 11, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Make sure it is Dolphin safe kale.

    Back story – there was a guy in a grocery store shouting about he wanted to know if the veggies he was buying were GMO-Free, organic, pesticide-free, etc. When this was relayed to my husband, he chimed in with did he ask if it was dolphin safe… Which has become our running joke if someone is taking the health food “life style” too far.

  7. chill

    August 11, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    Thank you for my dose of “birth control” for today! 🙂

  8. guest

    August 11, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    This is awesome! Love it. I wonder if people didn’t realize it would be a humor piece because of the title. I didn’t catch it at first, then I thought “Wait, 39 steps? This is probably funny”. Otherwise I probably would have skipped it, thinking it was seriously about how to make a smoothie. Great writing, I really enjoyed it.

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