Mom Finds Maggots In Yogurt, Should’ve Made Her Own Food
I was on the internet this morning, pinning organic, gluten free, meat-free alternatives to the poison otherwise known as chicken nuggets and drafting an instructable on how one can make one’s own kombucha SCOBY when I stumbled across this unsurprising little piece of news:
Some couple bought their child some Gerber brand sugar goo, sometimes referred to amongst the plebeians as “yogurt”, and that yogurt had some maggots in it. A lot of maggots.
Well I have but one word for this couple: Shame. Shame on you. Did we learn nothing from the whole Go-Go Squeeze ordeal? I mean, I’m not saying that these people are bad parents, I’m just saying that good parents make their own baby food and cultured dairy products, unlike this couple. See the difference?
After all, I work 94 hours a week in between my job and homeschooling my kid and volunteering for the PTA and pinning organic gluten-free nugs alternatives, and I still have plenty of time to grow my own yogurt culture that I made from the raw dairy I got at the farmer’s market. Where there’s a will there’s a way.
Frankly, if you aren’t going to feed your child only the freshest, ethically sourced organic food that you lovingly prepare while flagellating yourself, why did you even have children? Raising kids is like making artisinal barbed wire for your goat pen out of stinging nettles and urchin spines that you harvested yourself: if it doesn’t hurt and isn’t difficult, you’re doing something terribly, terribly wrong.
It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for anyone in this family. Obviously the real victim here is the toddler for whom this little carcinogen snack was meant for. I’m extremely sympathetic to her. Perhaps her parents will take this as a sign from a genderless, benevolent higher power and see the error of their ways before it’s too late.
Because I, too, am benevolent, I have a suggestion for these parents and anyone else who could use a little help loving their children more: organic kefir yogurt. It tastes like a mixture of vomit and horsefeed, so you know it’s really good for you. Other pluses include the fact that it only takes about 48 hours to make, and is relatively inexpensive, when compared to the therapy your child will need if you don’t love them enough to make it. Here’s some starter grains for you when you’re ready to start caring about your child’s well-being:
Isn’t your child worth it?