Here’s A Look-A-Like Doll For The Child You Hate
Sometimes I hate the internet; some mornings it gives me nothing but rapist coddling, child molestation, and potato salad fundraisers and I wonder about the state of civilization. Other mornings it gives me stuff like these creepy-ass dolls and I thank the internet gods for the mercy they show.
This is something called “Little-Look-A-Like” and it costs $40.00 if you feel the need to get one of these bad boys right now. I am so torn on the idea of these custom photo dolls, which are made by scanning a photo onto a cotton doll and then, for a nominal fee, adding a voice recording that plays to the recipient of such a gift.
On the one hand, I can see how useful these would be for kids with parents overseas in the military or otherwise, but on the other hand these are creepy like whoa.
Because my husband left a few weeks ago to set up shop in our new city, I’ve been frantically Googling ways to make my kid feel better, and that’s how I came across the website where you can order these unholy abominations. I saw them and my first thought was not “wow, this would be really helpful”. It was “how can I order one of these and use it to creep Bethany out?” followed directly by, “I wonder if I can use a picture of Nicolas Cage?”
According to the website, here’s all the situations where one of these dolls could be useful:
Military, airline, or executive on the go? Be hugged while away from home!
Soothe your child at school, daycare, or bedtime.
Grandparents, and everyone else in the family tree will be closer to their loved ones from afar.
Kids love playing with a miniature version of themselves. Or, our dolls make for one of the best gag gifts around!
Remind your child they are always loved, even if they call two places “home.”
Keep a lasting visual reminder and personal voice message from a loved one who is no longer with us.
Except for the “travelers”, I’m inclined to disagree with all of these, but particularly “tough times”. I don’t want a doll with a dead person’s face scanned onto it. I mean, I know everyone grieves differently, but that’s some dark territory right there. They also forgot one important category – “People You Hate” – because really, I can’t think of a more effective way to let someone know you don’t care.
The idea of a doll that looks “just like your kid” has already been done, and it’s been done pretty well. If my child wanted a doll that resembled her and I could order one without plunging into waking nightmares, she would probably be super disappointed if this is the one I chose.
Maybe I’m just completely out of touch with what children like and want, but I don’t think this is it. But still, I have to give Little-Look-A-Like some major props for doing what some might consider the impossible: they made one of the creepiest toys known to man exponentially more creepy.
Oh and Bethany, if you’re reading this, you can expect your Little-Look-A-Like in a few weeks, after which I will patiently await your thank you note.