List Of Which Names Are More Often Naughty Or Nice Makes Me Question The Validity Of Non-Science

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend about how you’ve never met a bad Dave, or how every Jessica you’ve ever know has been a horror story in human form? Well, an educational program called School Stickers has compiled the most common boys and girls names on Santa’s naughty and nice lists.

The Huffington Post has put up these lists which are described by the School Stickers managing director as “just a bit of fun.” That’s important to note, because if you judge your child’s character based on a study done by a sticker company, you need to go sailing on the S.S. Perspective.

The Huffington Post describes how School Stickers made their lists:

An education rewards program called School Stickers put together a list of “most naughty” and “most nice” names, based on data from the nearly 60,000 children at 10,000 different schools that use the system. The kid participants receive stickers for good behavior and then digitally log their stickers on the website.

 

Totaling over one million stickers, the data helped School Stickers determine which names belonged to children with the most rewards stickers and which names most often had the lowest number.

Excellent. I’m all in. Let’s check it out.

“Naughtiest Girls”

1. Ella 

Ella?! Who knew. Maybe moms of girls named Ella.

2. Bethany

That might be valid. If you’re as old as I am, you might remember Bethany from The Real World, who was horrible and also the only person I have ever heard of named Bethany.

3. Eleanor

A friend’s daughter is named Eleanor. That’s not cool.

4. Olivia

Pope! Definitely naughty.

5. Laura

Ingalls! Definitely not naughty.

6. Holly

Holly does sound kind of bitchy.

7. Courtney

All the Courtneys I know are lovely. Fail.

8. Amber

See “Holly.”

9. Caitlin

Again, a friend of mine. I think I’m seeing a trend here.

10. Jade

I only know Jade from America’s Next Top Model, and therefore I agree. Look out, Meredith! You’re letting your culture show!

“Nicest Girls”

1. Amy

2. Georgia

3. Emma

4. Charlotte

5. Grace

6. Sophie

7. Abigail

8. Hannah

9. Emily

10. Alice

I can’t argue with any of these. So far my only problem is that my daughter’s name didn’t make it onto the “naughty” name list, which is a blatant oversight. (I kid mostly.)

“Naughtiest Boys”

1. Joseph

Joe? What a weird choice for a naughty name. Isn’t everybody named Joe?

2. Cameron

Kirk! That checks out.

3. William

That was my dad’s name, you assholes. And yes, you are still correct.

4. Jake

The Bachelor. Check.

5. Joshua

Lots of biblical names here. Hm.

6. Jamie

Ew. Boys named Jaime do tend to be pretty gross.

7. Lewis

Shut up, School Stickers. No one names their kid Lewis anymore.

8. Benjamin

That’s my son’s name. And that is a lie unless the subject of pasta is involved.

9. Ethan

Ethan does feel kind of evil, doesn’t it? Must be the E.

10. Luke

Really, now. Does anyone out there know a boy named Luke who is under thirty and doesn’t live in Montana?

“Nicest Boys”

1. Jacob

I’m going to go ahead and call some serious bullshit on that one.

2. Daniel

Tiger! True!

3. Thomas

The Tank Engine! True!

4. James

And The Giant Peach! True as far as I can remember!

5. Adam

Ant! Okay. I think I’m tapped out on pop culture.

6. Harry

7. Samuel

8. Jack

9. Oliver

10. Ryan

I guess I’ve never known enough boys with those names to pass judgment. But these lists really are a hoot. I look forward to talking to my boy with his #8 naughty name and telling him to defy his fate and break the curse that is the name Benjamin.

Are your kids names here? What do you think of the lists?

(Photo: Sergey Nivens / Shutterstock)