This is it: the last week of what has been (or felt like) the longest pregnancy in history. You’ve been through hell and back, and have the hemorrhoids and stretchmarks to prove it. You haven’t slept in months, your body has morphed into something unrecognizable, and you haven’t seen your feet since your second trimester. But you made it! The last week of pregnancy is an important one. But it can feel like the longest week, and I’ve already covered why it’s the absolute worst. But you know what? I’ve changed my mind. This week? This week is actually THE BEST. It’s all a matter of perspective!
1. You know why the last week of pregnancy is the best? Because you have gone through all of your fucks, and you have none left.
You no longer have to pretend to care about anything else in the world. You are T-minus a handful of days away from having a baby, so honestly, fuck everything else. Someone needs something from you? Sorry, out of fucks. Rude-ass cashier at Target made a comment about your belly? Make them cry and then skip away. This is the most free to be your true self you will feel, like, ever. So make the most of it. No one holds what a pregnant does against her this last week.
2. You are READY. You’ve been preparing for this moment for months. This is your time to shine.
Use these final days to proudly survey all the preparation you’ve done for the baby’s arrival. You made the crib your bitch. Those onesies are washed, color-coded, and sorted by size. You’ve got enough diapers to last through the zombie apocalypse. Your bag is packed, your partner’s bag is packed, you’ve got your route to the hospital planned out. “Oh, do you need anything?” No bitch, I HAVE DONE IT ALL. You are free to coast through this last week, and not do a single goddamn thing.
3. The pain you feel has sort of joined forces and in some weird miracle, has cancelled itself out.
Sure, your hips and knees have screamed at you with every step up until now. But sometimes your body is like, hey this is happening, and it does you the solid of finally calming down during the last week of pregnancy. Or maybe you’re too numb to feel pain anymore, whatever. As long as you’re feeling good, that’s all that matters.
4. You owe nothing to no one. Bye-bye obligations!
“You know, I’d love to get you that final project this week, but my mucus plug just came out and I can feel my cervix softening. So … sorry.” The last week of pregnancy is a get out of jail free card. Use it in abundance.
5. In just a few days, you’re finally going to see your baby’s face, and you can stop having nightmares about the Claymation creature currently kicking your spine.
Have a 3D ultrasound, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Then you saw that smushed face and spent the rest of your pregnancy riddled with anxiety that you’ll give birth to a potato with a mouth. Sure, you stared at that picture and loved the little baby in your belly. But let’s be real: it kind of freaked you out a bit. But in just a few days, you’ll see their actual, non-smushed in fluid face, and it’ll be so goddamn cute you won’t even be able to handle it.
6. Finally, the number one reason the last week of pregnancy is the best: IT’S THE LAST WEEK OF PREGNANCY!
All good things must come to an end. And even really terrible things eventually come to an end, LOL. This is it, the moment you’ve been working toward for the last 39 weeks. You are about to be NOT PREGNANT. Yes yes, the baby at the end of the shit rainbow is lovely and worth it and blah blah blah. But the fact that you’re almost done being pregnant is just to exciting. I can’t even put it into words.
If you’re nearing the last week of your pregnancy, just remember: you’re almost done. You’ve accomplished an absolutely mind-blowing thing, and as soon as you can reach your arms up without farting, you need to give yourself a major pat on the back.