mom fun

Ungrateful Lands’ End Customers Don’t Appreciate Free Boobs

By  | 

Does Lands’ End sell pearls? If not, they totally should because they could make a killing off of their fans’ predisposition to clutch them. Tightly.

Apparently the purveyor of fine monogrammed canvas goods committed a crime against preppiness by including a free issue of GQ along with their catalogue, it almost had a sort of, kind of naked lady on it, and this just won’t do, no it will not do at all.

According to the New York Times, the magazine was included as part of a deal with its publisher, Condè Nast, and was supposed to be a reward for high value customers, and it was the July issue, which features Emily Ratajkowski with a lei draped across her breasts:

gqcover

via gq.com

To be completely fair, GQ wasn’t exactly the best choice. I don’t know what goes on inside a Lands’ End catalogue, but I’ve always assumed it’s secret yachting stuff or something. Now I’m starting to think it’s all monogrammed bible covers and linen-look chastity belts, because the reactions to the GQ cover have brought all kinds of horrified people out of the woodwork.

Including horrified children, like this woman’s confused child, who is probably just concerned because they have never seen a torso or something before.

land's_end_4

Confused! Horrified! Horrifyingly confused!

Or this woman, who is really adorable in her concern for her 14-year-old’s first ever exposure to covered up breasts, met with a mixture of fascination and disturbance:

land's_end_2

Awww, she thinks that’s pornography. Awww, she thinks that her 14-year-old son has never seen pornography before.

Or this other woman, who is concerned about Emily Ratajkowski’s breast tentacles reaching into her marriage to choke all of the trust out of it or something.

land's_end_3

I’m confused: do her grandchildren not know what clothing labels are? Why would she need to explain them?

Lands’ End of course sent an apology letter to the affected customers, admitting that they had made a mistake and promising to switch the gift to a free subscription of Conde Nast Traveler, which I’ve also never read but I bet it features way less boobies and way more nautical striping.

In the meantime, I officially found my favorite response to the whole Lands’ End/GQ fiasco:

land's_end_5

(Images: Facebook)

82 Comments

  1. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    August 14, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Okay, I would probably be like, “What the fuck?” if it showed up. Not gonna lie. However…

    1. Having a conversation with my child about the human body isn’t the end of the world to me.
    2. I know my fourteen year old will be looking at pornography. I just hope he stays out of his dad and my stash.
    3. My husband has seen naked females before.
    4. I would never assume my husband had bought something without my knowledge without talking to him first.

    So yeah. I don’t think I’d be angry, just…bemused.

    • JenH1986

      August 14, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      I would be confused, other than ownership, not sure what GQ has to do with Land’s End. Where do you hide the porn when you have kids? We don’t really hide ours (plus in the no kids column). And while I am a control freak, I don’t freak out over a magazine subscription…unless it was like FoxNewsMag. That i would have issue with.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      I have an under the bed box of naughty stuff, because everything goes under the bed.

      Don’t sit still for long around here or you will be color-coded and slipped under the bed in a handy container.

    • Kitsune

      August 14, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      God Kay why can’t you organize your porn in your head like I learned to in parochial school? You’re the reason I have to buy so many school supplies.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      You just killed me. I hope you are happy. I choked on a sip of water when I laughed out loud at this.

    • Ezzy666

      August 14, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      behind the umbilical cords. My mom kept ours, I wonder about her sometimes. Every time we opened a drawer and saw them we would slam it shut.

    • Theresa Edwards

      August 14, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      this is fantastic.

    • JenH1986

      August 14, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      you know…that’s pretty brilliant

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      That is bone-chillingly brilliant. Although it’d make me troubled to go past the umbilical cords, since those would be a reminder of one of the possible results of reaching beyond them.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      We use my iPhone. Then we make sure to delete the website after and clear out all cookies, etc. My son doesn’t typically use my phone for anything other than looking at baby pics of himself and playing Minion Rush, but still.

      And now you all learned something about the LiteBrite household!

    • JenH1986

      August 14, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      HA HA since everyone is sharing. We just have it on our laptop. There is no point in hiding it since we don’t have kids. Friends do use our tablet when they visit so we don’t put anything on that.

    • Amber Leigh Wood

      August 14, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      My partner is so discreet he has a folder on our computer labelled “porn” ….. Pretty sneaky

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      The pearl-clutching reactions on this are pretty hilarious (and I need a little hilarity after the Ferguson, MO article).

      I’m also wondering why GQ is including an article on how to cook everything outdoors this summer when it’s a FALL issue.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      Maybe they’re either confused or just acknowledging the disparity between actual publication dates and stated publication dates? I mean, they did refer to Emily as “The bombshell of summer,” not fall…I mean, not that I was corrupting my pure little mind by examining the cover OR any of its descriptions, of course.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      Of course not. 🙂

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      Maybe they have a very southern editor? August is still summer for me, lol

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      True. Here in the northern Midwest, we’re already looking at autumn. Not that I mind, but I always think of August as the last month of true summer.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      We mountain-staters have four seasons…it’s just we sometimes get them all in the span of fifteen minutes. It doesn’t really matter what season or month a publisher slaps on its cover as far as we’re concerned.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      We’ll have summer until the beginning of October and then all the sudden it will die, we’ll have autumn for a few weeks, and then winter until March…then spring for five minutes…then summer again…….blah.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Oy! We have “Will I ever be able to put this ice scraper away?”, “The mud. It’s EVERYWHERE.”, “Christ on a pogo stick, did we turn into Phoenix overnight?!?”, and, “Oh, look at how golden the aspens are! Wait–is that a snowflake? And three million of its relatives? Fuuuuuuuuck.”

      Though as mentioned previously, these can all take place between the first and second cups of coffee.

    • Katherine Handcock

      August 15, 2014 at 6:55 am

      I love your version of the four seasons!

    • jsterling93

      August 14, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      Summer here starts around Easter and holds on until the day before Halloween. It always fools you into thinking it will still be hot on Halloween and then when you are in your costume designed for the hot temps it plunges to 35 degrees in 8 hours and tricks you every time.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Ours has been similar, with a random spike in temperature the week before Christmas. Kid you not, the past two years it has been in the 70s the week right before, then plunging way down…Mother Nature has gone nuts, I think.

    • Marigold

      August 15, 2014 at 12:37 am

      You live in Texas, don’t you?

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 15, 2014 at 9:29 am

      Nope. But I hear the weather is similar and I may be well-prepared for a move there if one ever happens. 🙂

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      August 14, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      In Ontario, we never stop grilling. We shovel paths to the grill if the snow is deep enough.

  2. Patricia

    August 14, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    I’ve seen billboards on the freeway and advertisements in the mall featuring women less clothed and posed more provocatively than the woman on that cover. So these woman shield their children’s, and husband’s eyes each time they encounter something similar?

  3. Coffee

    August 14, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    It can’t be an accident that today the Conde Nast homepage features a link to an article on unexpected ways to wear pearls from head to toe. It’s too perfect!

  4. NotTakenNotAvailable

    August 14, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Hmmm. I’d be kind of interested in reading the article about the Craigslist killers–is it too late to get a free copy if I order from Lands’ End?

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      I was intrigued by the investigation into Adam Levine’s douche status. I was thinking that was well-established.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      We could add comments with our order: “We really are just getting the magazine for the articles!”

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      “Just the articles! I promise! Pinky swear!”

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      I mean, the only reason that I looked at the rest of the cover was that the sand looks like it could be in a very uncomfortable place for poor Emily. That’s the only reason I was looking, I SWEAR!

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Ha! I just posted the same darn thing.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      Great minds!

  5. K.

    August 14, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    “Smut”? “Pornography”? I mean, there’s something for everyone, I guess, but if this counts as smutty pornography, I might need to go see a therapist for what I read.

    • Natasha

      August 14, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      I know. I’d hate to know what these people would think of the smutty avengers fanfics I tend to read while I’m nursing.

    • itpainsme2say

      August 14, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      thank goodness for marvel

    • Natasha

      August 15, 2014 at 12:00 am

      Steve/Bucky are my total otp

      Not even straight smut. All the gay smit.

    • itpainsme2say

      August 15, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Same and the strait stuff is almost always misinformed or to mushy for me to contend with

  6. allisonjayne

    August 14, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Aw, Sue Skindall Bauman was so horrified by the cover that she looked inside for more reasons to be horrified!

    • Maria Guido

      August 14, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      HAHA

    • whiteroses

      August 14, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      Yeah, I got confused by that. If you’re so offended, put it in the trashcan. Nobody’s forcing you to look at teh boobiez.

  7. LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

    August 14, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    I’m more offended by one of the featured articles “Is Adam Levine a douche?” Cuz I thought that question was already answered….

    • rockmonster

      August 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      “Definitely.”

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      I just saw him take the ice bucket challenge in a lotus position with mudra hands and, well… “doucheasaurus-rex” came to mind.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      Best I could do…

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      It’s pretty damn good. 🙂

    • Spongeworthy

      August 14, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Is it an article, or just one page with a giant YES written on it?

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 14, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      According to the cover, it’s an “investigation.” Which almost offends me even more.

  8. WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

    August 14, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    BOOBS!? NOOOOoooooo!

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Shocked.gif

    Confession: My mom bought me a t-shirt when I was 12 that had the word “BOOBS” in giant sparkly bubble letters across the (flats as a board) chest….hmm… same year she taught me about penises with a playgirl magazine.

    Note to self: stop talking about mom’s parenting skills today.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      Ooooh, I’m all for playing the “Crazy Mom” game! When I finally developed breasts at 16, they were bigger than my mother’s. Mom didn’t quite seem to know how to react to the zaftigness that I’d clearly gotten from elsewhere, so she eventually started calling me “Tits McGee.” Yay parenting skills!

      Is 11 a.m. too early to drink? I feel like today it is not.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Have at it and I shall join you! It’s summer time and I… I have no other reason than that! Cheers to Tits McGee, Boob t-shirts & paralyzingly your 5-yr old daughter with mace!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      I think I owe you the first round! :X

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      I’ll take it.! Rumple Minze & jäger shots… Mmmmmmmm tastes like NyQuil.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      I like that you get straight to the point in drunkenness! Let’s do it.

    • Maria Guido

      August 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      I have to save this gif.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      It’s the curl! THE BOBBLY CURL! It makes me pee with giggles!

  9. Personal

    August 14, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Well, I may be in the minority here, but I do find that cover pornographic. I have no problem with nudity, really. I live in northern Europe, see nude folks on the beach, and generally feel OK with it. But ‘pornography’ means ‘intended to stimulate sexual excitement.’ Am I the only one who can’t think of any other reason to have that picture on the cover of a magazine designed for men?

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Effective advertising?

  10. Jezebeelzebub

    August 14, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    It’s the new black, y’all- I am not even kidding. I’m thinking of starting a church or something.. Our Lady of Perpetual Righteous Indignation, maybe. I also like Our Lady of The Clutched Pearl. Something like that, something hella-classy. I like the “Our Lady” part, I really do.

    • Kelly

      August 14, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      If you make t-shirts I will buy one and wear it all the time. With matching pearls. Or probably Chewbeads because that is safer for my baby.

    • janey

      August 14, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      Chew/prayer beads.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      August 14, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I read that as instruction.

      :[=] nom nom nom

    • janey

      August 14, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      If you’re going with the “Our Lady,” I recommend going in for the “Our Lady Queen of…” while you’re at it.

    • Caitlin Burrows

      August 14, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      I’m not a parent, but I want one!

  11. Warren Pacholzuk

    August 14, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    Okay the 14 yr old boy brought it in? At that age, I would have hid that magazine.
    Horrified over that cover photo? Don’t take your kid into the big city, the billboards, bus sides and such will give them nightmares for life.

    • rockmonster

      August 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Where do you live, my city doesn’t have that?

  12. Caitlin Burrows

    August 14, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    When I worked for Victoria’s Secret, we were encouraged to get customers to open up an Angel card. One customer I talked to had one and closed it, because she didn’t want her son getting ahold of the VS catalog that’s sent to Angel card holders.

    • rockmonster

      August 14, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      IT’S FOR YOU, LADY! HIDE IT!

  13. AP

    August 14, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    The number 1 rule of marketing is to know your audience. Lands’ End’s audience is people who want to wear boring, unfashionable, “sturdy value” clothing.

    The kind of people who pay for no-name chinos and baggy, nondescript midweight jackets are not the kind of people who will appreciate GQ, just as the readers of GQ would probably toss a complimentary Lands’ End catalogue right into the trash. It was a very foolish cross-promotion.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      August 14, 2014 at 4:30 pm

      OMG, if I ever start wearing “sturdy value clothing,” kill me. I’ve never heard a phrase so apt and yet so repelling before. Well done.

  14. Alexandra

    August 14, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    Last comment is the BEST meow 🙂

  15. Terrappyn

    August 14, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    These parents are partially what’s wrong with America. Head to toe dressed always. Then they are surprised when their child becomes a 16 years old parent. Keep communications open about sex.

  16. JJ

    August 14, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    Something tells me the ladies 14 year old son borrowed that magazine later on. I bet he wasn’t complaining.

  17. Airbones

    August 14, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Molly Brown! Buying her grandkids ALOT of clothes!!!

  18. Fondue

    August 14, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    I bet these same people are also the ones bitching about the anatomically correct baby boy doll.

  19. SunGryphon

    August 14, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    First, I just have to say this is one of the few times I have not regretted reading the comments. There are some super witty replies in here.
    Second, I was going to make a snarky comment about free boobs every time I look in the mirror, but it’s probably already been said. Plus they don’t look near as fabulous as the boobs on the cover of GQ.

  20. Allen

    August 15, 2014 at 1:04 am

    Though that cover is revealing, acting like GQ is some sort of porn mag makes me laugh. It’s a pretty mainstream men’s magazine, and I’ve never seen it sold bagged like some more explicit magazines are. It would be odd to randomly receive an issue with a Lands’ End catalogue, though. I don’t really see the intended demographics overlapping much.

    Molly Brown’s comment about thinking her husband got it without her knowledge makes her sound really controlling. I would not want to be with someone who cared that much about what magazines I read.

  21. Kathryn Mackenzie

    August 15, 2014 at 1:08 am

    When I was a kid I had to buy National Geographic if I wanted to almost see boobs. Kids today have it too easy, what with it appearing right in their mailboxes….

  22. Jallun-Keatres

    August 15, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Um yeah, WTF.

  23. Pingback: CPS Should Have Been Called During My 1990's Childhood

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *