having a baby

Labor Day Submission: I Peed On My Nurse

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I peed on my nurse.

For my first child, 18 years ago, we did not have cell phones. My husband worked at a job laying underground fiber optic cable so when I went into labor I had to call the main office and they radioed the foreman at the job site he was on and then he had to get into his car and drive to a pay phone to call me back because for some reason “I’m going into labor and I need my husband to come home and take me to the hospital” translated to “Tell Erik to call his wife.” To make matters worse the job site was way on the other side of Orlando and it was raining, which meant that the main highway, I4, was basically a parking lot.

It took me several hours to get my husband home, and then get us both to the hospital. (We only had one car at the time). So I get there and I swear every pregnant woman in Orlando was in labor. So I’m in the waiting room, waiting to be called into triage, and I have to pee. But I was so worried that if I get into the bathroom they will call my name and then I would miss my turn. So I held it. For an hour. Finally I got called back to triage. And I was 5 cm dilated! So they rushed me into a labor room. I was still waiting for my doctor to get there–and telling the nurse that I had to pee, really bad that I’d been holding it. But she refused to let me out of bed. I have no idea why, but she kept saying “Don’t worry honey, it’s just the baby pushing on you. All you feel is the pressure.” I kept insisting that I had to pee. It was horrid. She wouldn’t even get me a bed pan–cause she didn’t want me to “start pushing before it’s time.”

Finally my doctor got there and he asked the nurse to check to see how dilated I was, and as soon as she touched my cervix…I peed–right in her face. It was completely automatic, I could not have stopped it if I had wanted to. Now if she had been nice and had gotten me a bed pan or had let me up to go pee I would have felt mortified; but since she was not willing to let me pee when I told her I had to go, then I have never felt bad about it at all. I have always felt like she got her just desserts, LOL.

This article is a submission in our Labor Day Giveaway contest. Have a funny/crazy labor story you’d like to share with Mommyish readers? Go here for more details.

(Image: IconsJewelry/Shutterstock)


  1. Bethany Ramos

    August 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Hahhaha Shelly, you are the best!

  2. Dirty Old Lady Phillips

    August 27, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Shelly, this made my day. It probably did not make the nurses day, but mine, yes! Thank you for sharing!!

  3. Guinevere

    August 27, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    LOVE THIS!!!

  4. guest

    August 27, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    When it comes to bodily fluids I always try to err on the side of caution. I’ll bet she gets bed pans ready anytime someone mentions that they have to pee now 🙂

  5. Jen TheTit Whipper

    August 27, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Shelly, this is amazing! ha ha. Thank you for this giggle!

  6. Bleu Cheese Bewbs

    August 27, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      August 27, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Oh Dave Chappelle, where are you now?

      Seriously, Shelly, this story was hilarious. 🙂

    • Shelly Lloyd

      August 27, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      That is a real song???

    • Bleu Cheese Bewbs

      August 27, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      It’s a parody of R. Kelly from Chappelle’s Show 🙂

    • Shelly Lloyd

      August 27, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      Ah, ok. Thanks for clearing that up.

  7. Fondue

    August 27, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    I wonder if she started wearing safety goggles or a face shield after that…

  8. Rachel Sea

    August 27, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    I bet she learned to listen when a woman says she has to pee.

  9. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    August 27, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    Shelly, I lol’ed! So funny!

  10. Katherine Handcock

    August 27, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    I have a friend who is a nurse, and she says her #1 rule is assume the person is telling the truth about ANY bodily function until proven otherwise. If they say they need to sneeze/pee/puke/whatever, get them what they need!

  11. Angie S

    August 27, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    Instant Karma….

  12. Guest

    August 27, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    This was really funny! (But it’s “deserts” like “deserve”, not “desserts” like “something tasty you eat.”)

    • Emee

      August 28, 2014 at 4:41 am

      In an entirely non-sarcastic way, I had NO idea! I totally always thought it was desserts. The English language is stupid.

    • alexesq33

      August 28, 2014 at 8:12 am

      I always thought it was “Desserts” as well!

    • Shelly Lloyd

      August 28, 2014 at 7:37 am

      Sorry, you’re right I did not proof read as well as I had thought. Did not notice I had put the extra “s” in there. But you know I work in a bakery, so I’m surrounded by desserts all day. 🙂

  13. js argh

    August 27, 2014 at 8:41 pm


    Also, seriously, I hate I-4 so much.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      August 28, 2014 at 11:12 am

      Oh yeah, you don’t know frustration until you sit in I4 at 5pm on a Monday evening.

  14. alexesq33

    August 28, 2014 at 8:11 am

    OMG yep she got her just deserts alright. That is hilarious!

  15. PAJane

    August 28, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Who doesn’t believe a pregnant woman when she says she needs to pee? Who does that?

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