Parents, Stop Letting Your Kids Put Their Grimy Little Hands On Everything

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Our kids are really gross at times. I fear there are occasions when we don’t notice this, due to the whole you’re-the-fruit-of-my-womb-I-love-you-more-than-anything thing.

This particular example is extreme, but a woman observed a four-year-old pull a roll out of a bin at the supermarket and lick it. Then she observed the kid’s mother take it from her and put it back in the bin. We can all agree that’s disgusting, right? Clearly. But there are a lot of other times our kids do really gross things that we all need to notice are really gross.

The most glaringly obvious ones for me happen at restaurants. This probably has something to do with the fact that I worked in them for so long – so I have a lot of examples of kids behaving badly and parents doing nothing about it. My biggest pet peeve is the salt thing. Did you know that kids love salt? Some love it so much, they lick the top of the salt shakers at the table. Do you know how many times I’ve seen this happen, and seen parents say something like, Oh my gosh! He just loooooves salt! wipe it off with their napkin and then act like it’s all good? No. No.

I’ve actually seen kids drink out of creamers at brunch. You all know that those don’t usually get dumped every time a table gets up, right? There is usually such a high turnover at a time like brunch that those things are just refilled and remain. Also, the sugar packets. They are played with, licked, thrown on the floor and then shoved back into their containers. Yuck.

Kids are filthy creatures. Their hands always need to be washed and they are constantly touching things they haven’t grasped are socially unacceptable to touch. That’s why we should really all do our best to teach them to keep their hands to themselves and make sure they fully grasp how disgusting it is to lick stuff other people need to touch.


  1. Tea

    March 26, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    Try working art fairs. I’ve seen some shit, sometimes literally. The best one though was one of my profs having a kid smash their ice cream covered hands on a 1200$ canvas, and their mom just laugh and say “she’s an artist too.” This wasn’t a craft show, either, this was a fine art fair.

    I don’t know how that one ended, and when my almost always docile old friend got that look in his eyes, I don’t want to know how it panned out.

    • pixie

      March 26, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      I would have made her pay for it. Like the whole “you break it, you buy it” rule. Yeah, don’t let your kid touch my art if you don’t want to pay for it.

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:41 am

      Exactly. Response: “She is a little artist! Did you want to pay with cash or credit?”

    • Jezebeelzebub

      March 26, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      I wish I had a TARDIS. I would wipe my nasty ass hands all over that mom and make her tell me how adorable I am.

    • JJ

      March 26, 2014 at 7:20 pm

      Funny how some parents think once they have a kid their kid is a creative artist every time they smear food or gross stuff on stuff that doesn’t belong to them. “oh she’s just a little artist” they say while the sneeze or smear juice on an uber expensive original work of art at the museum. Well damn I just spilt pizza sauce on my shirt and smeared it a little trying to get it out the other night I must be an artist too!

    • C.J.

      March 26, 2014 at 10:42 pm

      That’s just wrong. If your kid can’t keep their hands to themselves they shouldn’t be at a fine art fair. Unless of coarse you are prepared to buy everything your kid wrecks.

    • whiteroses

      March 27, 2014 at 11:10 am

      As a crafter- that pisses me off.
      I knit. And I sometimes use high quality fibers in my knitting. If my two year old can keep his hands off my yarn, there’s no excuse.

  2. Jezebeelzebub

    March 26, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Giirrrrrlll… you are gonna get hammered for this, I fear. That being said, I TOTALLY AGREE. I hate it when parents let their kids run amok in any situation, really. It’s not my job to think everyone’s kids are little darlings and that everything they do is just adorable. I think kids get some leeway, sure- but for the most part if my kid is doing something that would horrify me if an adult did it, then she can’t do that thing. Because… you know… I’m a parent, so I do parent stuff like not letting her do awful shit. I swear to god, I’m going to start fucking with parents who let their kids do this stuff. I’m gonna do to them all the things their kids are doing to everyone else. You gonna let your kid climb around a cafe and get all over other people and annoy them? FINE. But I’m gonna go dig in your purse and lick YOUR salt shaker. Fuck it, I’M cute too.

    • Mystik Spiral

      March 26, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      Anyone who hammers her for this piece, well… then we’ll know who the offenders are, won’t we? 😉

  3. JJ

    March 26, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    People are nasty as S*** in general so add in the young age factor and kids are disgusting magnets. And I don’t blame the young kids because there kids but the parents who are standing right there watching their kids do gross things but saying nothing? Complete a hole parenting right there. Needless to say while I am not germaphobe(I think a little germ exposure is good for the immune system) I do avoid some of those loose candy bins at grocery stores because some nasty mom or dad probably watched their kid lick the scoop or put their hand in the bin then walk away without telling employees. Trust me I worked at a candy shop with open bins like that you had to watch the little brats like hawks around it because they thought it was free for the taking. Ick.The messed up part is the parents sometimes wached them do it and freaked out at us, the employees, for saying they can’t do it. “But he just wants to try it”. The rich irony is the same parents who let their kids do that then go to public wash room and don’t let little Johnny touch anything in there because Oh noes the germs! I watched some dumb mother one day take her son to the public washroom at my work and they didn’t flush the toilet afer, put the seat back down(it was the ladies room) or do any typical washroom etiquette things because, “Oh I don’t him to touch anything its so dirty in here”. Bitch please have you seen toddlers they put their damn hands down their pants and all over their butt and penis just because they can and feel like it. Your worried about him touching the flush lever on the toilet? Hahaha I bet ten bucks you probably let him lick the salt shaker at restaurants, smear his booger’s on stuff in public and then glare at anyone who says its rude or asks him to stop.

  4. Robotic Socks

    March 26, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Just like playgrounds, restaurants would be better if they didn’t allow kids!

  5. Jessie

    March 26, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    I have to clean two wall-to-wall windows every night at my job, inside and out. Inside is always dog slobber and whatnot (the windows are in playrooms which allow the customers of our store watch the dogs play all day), so that’s part and parcel of my job,, but the outside?
    GRIMY. STICKY. SLOBBERY-AND-GODS-KNOW-WHAT-ELSE MARKINGS from everyone’s grungy little brats pawing and LICKING (yes, LICKING) at the windows. Drives me nuts. My mom always smacked my hands away if I touched a window/glass cabinet/etc, saying “someone has to clean that,” to this day I don’t touch windows or glass cabinets that do not belong to me. I wish other people would teach their precious snowflakes the same lesson.

    Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I find some comfort in knowing that the parents who let their brats touch and lick on the windows are also letting them touch and lick on dog pee and slobber from customer pets who also mark up the outside. >:D

    • C.J.

      March 26, 2014 at 10:40 pm

      All I can say is ewww.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      March 26, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      I tell my daughter the same thing, don’t touch the windows someone has to clean them. Then one time the waitress was like, oh no, its fine, it will give me something to do later. WAY TO UNDERMINE MY PARENTING WAITRESS I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU #HOWDAREYOU My daughter looks so sugary sweet and cute, people in public undermine my parenting all the time, because she hides her constant urge to destroy pretty well I guess.

    • MerlePerle

      March 27, 2014 at 3:38 am

      I always tell my kid unless she plans to ask for cleaning supplies, she better not touch windows/glass surfaces.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 9:01 am

      I actually cried in work once.
      The shop has long glass windows, we keep valuable items behind the glass so no one can try run off with them.

      I spent TWO HOURS scraping and cleaning the windows and next thing a woman comes in with her little 3/4 year old- with an ice cream.
      I tell her, I’m sorry, no food allowed instore.
      She looks at me and says He’s VERY WELL BEHAVED!

      I say I’m sorry I cannot allow ice-cream instore, irrespective of how old or well-behaved the child is, it’s just store policy.

      The mother turned and TOLD THE KID TO “Put your ice-cream on the glass”
      Kid did, I went nuts at the mother, mother gives me a shit-eating grin and says- “Now you’ve something to keep you busy while we look around”

      I kicked her ass straight out, closed the shop for ten minutes, cried, then re-cleaned the glass.

    • Jessie

      March 27, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      Oh, holy Hades. NO.
      I just… I can’t even… Wow. I don’t blame you for crying, I would have done the same thing. That’s the sort of customer that used to make me flat out tell my manager “I’m going on break. For 20 minutes” when I worked the day shift. D:

    • girlindisguise

      March 28, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      That sounds like a nightmare. What an insufferable woman.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 29, 2014 at 7:46 am

      I cried like a bubba for a good solid ten minutes before I rolled up my sleeves and started again lol

  6. Katherine Handcock

    March 26, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    What makes me laugh is when I’m with a parent who says, “Your kids are always so GOOD about not touching things!” And then when their kid tries to touch/smear/lick/mutilate something, they laugh. Guess what, fellow parent, there MAY in fact be a relationship between me telling my kids “Don’t make a mess” (or even, “Now that you’ve made a mess, you have to take this wipe and help me clean it up”) and the fact that they’re so good about not touching things…

    • MerlePerle

      March 27, 2014 at 3:39 am

      That is madness!

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:35 am

      My automatic reply would be, “That is because I teach them not to touch things because I’m not a lazy parent”. I’m going to make so many new friends when I have kids!

  7. Layla

    March 26, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    The worst is when parents just sit back as their toddler tries to touch my four month old. Your toddler can touch my toddler – fine they are both germy but can you at least try to intervene so I don’t have to be the one to have to block your kids hands away from my baby. Anytime my older child tries to go anywhere near a baby I’m there guarding her hands making sure she doesn’t touch even if the parent okays it. My toddler is not always super clean (you know from touching everything !) and I kinda don’t think it’s okay if she touches your baby’s face. Would be nice to have that sentiment reciprocated!

    • koolchicken

      March 26, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      That crap made me nuts when my son was tiny. We had to fly to another island right after he was born and again for visits with his cardiologist. So while we did our best to hide in the hotel with our sick preemie, sometimes we still had to do things like eat. I just can’t count the number of times toddlers and older kids tried to touch my son. And where were the parents, “busy” elsewhere. Never an apology, never a reprimand, just an “Oh well”. Yeah, your little germ bucket could kill my kid, but oh well. I recently had a six year old try to make off with my stroller at Disneyland while their parents chatted away oblivious in line. I feel like everyday contact with the public is a new opportunity to learn what not to do.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 8:54 am

      I was staying in hospital with my stepson who had a burst appendix and got a blood infection from the op.
      When he was nearly better they moved us to a public ward.
      I swear to god I met the doziest mother there.
      Her little girl was truly beautiful and a sweetheart, but when a four year old keeps trying to yank out my SS’s IV that’s not a good thing.

      When I have to pick up your child and put her back on your bed cos you’re on your laptop in the KIDS BED that’s not cool.

      When your kid wakes me up in the early morning to say she needs to pee and you won’t bring her, that’s not cool.

      I put up with this for three days, and my god that little girl was so lonely and neglected. Her mother would push her away whenever she wanted a hug, she forgot to feed her twice (luckily I always carry a yoghurt drink and crackers with me)

      But when your 4 year old asks can I read her a story and poops herself while I read it to her, DO NOT blearily look at me and say- Can you handle that please, I can’t.

      Because I WILL sit your poopy child beside your head on the pillow and I WILL notify a nurse.

      That nurse WILL report you to the managerial staff and you WILL be asked to go home and have your husband come in instead.


  8. itpainsme2say

    March 26, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    My family will never get over the biscuit incident, she let the dog lick it for goodness sake and who knows what kind of sawmill chemicals were on that floor and soot is NOT seasoning. When I ripped it out of her hand there was a collective sigh of relief and her mother just sat there like nothing happened, I still question her sanity.
    Ps this is my cousin and she’s kind of a sanctimommy so she cray

  9. Joy

    March 26, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    If you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to go barf forever.

  10. Kay_Sue

    March 26, 2014 at 9:37 pm

    Working in a toy store…

    I have stories, man. I have stories. *eyes glass over*

    • OhHeyDelilah

      March 26, 2014 at 11:24 pm

      A friend of mine used to work in a shoe store and some kid took a dump in one of the boots in the window display. No words. I have no words.

    • koolchicken

      March 26, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      I used to work in a pharmacy and we had adults do that crap. It’s a scary world.

    • OhHeyDelilah

      March 27, 2014 at 2:01 am

      Okay, what now? Nope. Who are these people who would … in a pharmacy? *Rocks back and forth in the corner, crying softly.*

    • koolchicken

      March 27, 2014 at 2:11 am

      All sorts of freaks do this stuff, you really can’t tell who will pull it and who won’t till after it’s started…

      And it wasn’t just one store that had this issue. People pooping on the floors of retail pharmacy chains is not as rare a phenomenon as you might hope. This is why I buy soooo much stuff online.

    • OhHeyDelilah

      March 27, 2014 at 7:22 am

      I was hoping it was too rare to even be classed as a phenomenon at all!!

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 8:48 am

      I once had a woman try sell me a used personal shaver.
      She insisted I take a look at it..
      Crusty isn’t even the word…

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:33 am

      I worked at a store that accepted returned underwear…so, yeah. We had to give them money back and then toss it obviously.But apparently period stains aren’t so bad, because the same manager had me return pants with one to a clearance rack after a customer brought it to our attention. I really don’t know how I ever worked at these type of places as a kid.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 11:46 am

      o god no…
      we buy electrical goods so i suppose in one way it was fair game but still…

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:30 am

      We had someone crap themselves when I worked at Wally World in high school in front of the registers (adult) and it fell out of their pant legs in front of all 20+ registers on the way to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom they smeared it all over the wall. Our psycho manager tried to get cashiers to clean it and several just up and quit. Wth.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      March 26, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      Oh yeah, I can ALMOST excuse gross stuff kids do, but working in retail and having to explain more than once that fitting room does not equal bathroom to fully functioning adults, and I lose hope for humanity.

    • OhHeyDelilah

      March 27, 2014 at 1:59 am

      Actually, yeah, I used to work at a Starbucks in Canada and we had what we called ‘code brown’ to refer to particularly shocking bathroom situations. And these were situations caused by adults, on a terrifyingly regular basis. It is fcking frightening. Like, how do you get through 30 whatever years of life and seemingly not understand how to get your body close enough to the toilet that your business goes in it? I’m having flashbacks just thinking about it. But in a FITTING ROOM? I just … there’s not even a toilet IN THERE. What are people doing? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 8:48 am

      I once went into a Burger King toilet and there was a poop near the door.
      Like, no conscious effort had been made to even get it NEAR the toilet!

    • AlbinoWino

      March 27, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      Yeah, I have had friends working retail find used sanitary pads stuffed into corners of fitting rooms. What. The. Hell.

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:28 am

      We had someone come into our dressing room and pee onto a pile of clothing once and then left it there.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      March 27, 2014 at 11:51 am

      I’m praying we worked at the same store and there aren’t multiple people who do that, but I already know there are. Sigh.

    • Kay_Sue

      March 27, 2014 at 7:57 am

      Power Wheels displays were a favorite spot for some reason. *shudders*

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:26 am

      Retail too- we had one kid who somehow shit on our carpeted floor in the middle of racks of clothing and dragged his ass. Then they left and told no one. The other time a mom ran to the front with her toddler to ask if they had a bathroom and the kid just started peeing himself in front of the registers also on carpet. That one I felt bad for everyone. Rough day for mom, rough day for kid, rough day for employees trying to figure out how to clean pee out of the carpet while other customers were unknowingly standing in it waiting to check out. Bleck.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 8:47 am

      Work in retail also.
      I feel your pain
      *Virtual commiseration hug*

    • Rebecca R

      March 27, 2014 at 11:54 am

      I was a lifeguard at a waterpark for 2 seasons and…I will never let my face go underwater in any public facility, ever. Also, once there was poop on a walkway that people were stepping in and tracking all over the place because apparently no one looks down.

    • Kay_Sue

      March 27, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      I didn’t have to be a lifeguard to figure that out–my hat is majorly off to you, because I don’t think I could take the actual confirmation of what I can only fear is in that water and still remain sane.

  11. koolchicken

    March 26, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    This is why I teach my kid to behave and not act like a filthy little heathen. But on some parenting sites *cough* baby center *cough* I’m routinely told how I’m damaging my kid. Sorry but I’m not okay with being “that parent” with “that kid” that no one wants to go near.

    • C.J.

      March 26, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      Heaven forbid we teach our children respect. I think it is much more damaging to a child to not teach respect and boundaries. I never let my kids act like little heathen’s either. There are people that think I am too strict and that I am mean, not that I care what they think. My kids know how to behave, they rarely get punished. I don’t yell or spank. They are super happy respectful kids. The ones that think I am mean are always the ones with the worst behaved kids.

    • koolchicken

      March 27, 2014 at 12:13 am

      “The ones that think I am mean are always the ones with the worst behaved kids.” Bingo!

      My kid is 16 months and for the most part is extremely well behaved because I’ve told him since birth “you’re one of many”. It’s something I’ll continue to tell him as he grows older.

      We were out to eat with my in-laws recently when my husband got up to use the bathroom. My son started to whine and I pulled his highchair right over to my side of the table, looked him right in the eye, and told him very clearly, “No one wants to hear you whine”. He stopped instantly and went right back to playing. My MIL saw this and whispered to my BIL “How could she act like that to her son?” Apparently a first born son should not be disciplined. Well, her first born son is horrible, we don’t speak to him. Her other children who she did discipline because they weren’t as “important”? They’re all successful, well adjusted individuals. Go figure.

    • C.J.

      March 27, 2014 at 12:29 am

      Kids thrive on structure and boundaries. It doesn’t surprise me that the one that didn’t have that grew up to be horrible and the others ones grew up to be successful and well adjusted. My kids are 8 and 11. I tell them we have rules and expectations because we love them and it is our job to make sure they grow up knowing how to handle whatever life throws at them. They don’t think I am mean. The older one has actually said she is glad she was taught to behave. She gets annoyed when other children are being rotten and has asked my why their parents don’t do something about it.

    • koolchicken

      March 27, 2014 at 2:04 am

      I love that. My son is still a baby but even he shoots me an annoyed look when there’s another kid acting up on a plane or in a restaurant. I think my son is going to have a lot in common with your daughter.

      I love it when people tell me you just can’t plan for things and kids will just be horrible for no reason so there’s no point in trying to head it off or control it. Seriously? I mean we all know kids pull all sorts of crap, it’s like they’re born with zero impulse control. It’s up to us as parents to teach them how to reel it back in when they’re careening towards meltdown city. You don’t just ignore it. When you do you’re not just inconveniencing everyone around you, you’re setting your kid up for a life with no friends and few job prospects.

      It’s nice to know my kid won’t be the only one who isn’t complete hell on wheels. That there are people out there who believe in teaching their kids the basics. I just really can’t stand the attitude of those who act like I’m saying my kid is perfect and I’m a perfect parent because he doesn’t throw a tantrum every time we leave the house. It does take work, and I’m not abusing my kid because I want him to grow up knowing he can’t be a selfish little jerk.

    • C.J.

      March 27, 2014 at 11:30 am

      I know, because I correct my kids doesn’t mean I think they are perfect or that I am perfect. No one is perfect. I expect kids are going to act up sometimes. I don’t see why people think it is so hard to correct the behaviour or try to prevent it. I always brought little toys for them to play with when they were small so they wouldn’t get bored. It is also easier to start creating boundaries when they are little so it is less likely to have little terrors as they get older. I have a friends that don’t think you need to start disciplining until their kids are 4, then they spend the next 5 years trying to correct the bad behaviour.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      March 27, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      My kid isn’t perfect- and neither am I. I fall so short of the mark that I can’t even see it from where I’m standing. I love my kid, though- so I try to do right by her. I don’t want her self-esteem to hang on whether or not everyone just loveslovesloves her, but neither do I want people to scatter like roaches when she approaches. I want her to understand that she is special to *me*, but that other people don’t have to think so… that she has to earn people’s good will. To not do that is setting her ass up for failure and confusion. To me, THAT is cruel.

    • C.J.

      March 27, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      Yep, my kids know I think they are special and love them more than anything. They also know that respect is earned and that they need to respect themselves too.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 8:42 am

      O my god, my father was SO strict with us and it used to drive me mad how he was the same with my little sis. However, we were all taught to address people we didn’t know as Sir or Miss.
      (A lot of older people get a kick out of a 10 year old calling them “Sir” nowadays)

      I’m 13 years older than her, so I used to do a LOT of her parenting as my dad travels for work.
      We’re very close!

      I always thought he was too hard on her and us as kids until our neighbours kid came up.

      Our neighbour has what she calls a “Free Parenting Style”
      As in the kids act up as much as they can until she notices and disciplines them.
      Which involves discussing their feelings and why they are misbehaving.
      Which results in the kids acting remorseful, getting a hug and a cookie and resuming destruction.

      I was asked to babysit ONCE and apparently she “didn’t like my method of discipline” (taking away their DS because they were literally punching each other to play it)

      Well her daughter came up and she broke my sister’s toys, spat on the kitchen floor, said my dad’s cooking was “bloody disgusting” (he’d made curry especially for her as it’s her favourite meal)
      to top it all off, she had the nerve to march into my room, wipe her nose on my duvet and when I told her to leave she did that irritating little head shake (you all know the one I mean, the side to side ATTITUDE one) and said You’re not my mom, I can do what I want.

      Well I picked her up and deposited her outside my room and the screaming commenced.
      My dad called her mother to take her home. Her mother tried to say we were “restricing my daughter’s creativity” and she is a “free spirit and doesn’t believe in doors or any boundaries”. Then she tried to get into a fight with me because I honestly told her yes,I physically removed your daughter from my room, she was invading my privacy. Then she said to my father- Well we can see whose daughters are NOT well-behaved! You’re raising a monster!

      Before I knew it, she’d started a rumour in the town that I had DRAGGED her daughter out and slapped her!

      So yeah, there is no RIGHT way to parent, but for the love of god, try and see if there IS a problem with your kids behaviour!
      I thank my Dad now for raising us so sternly, because in the long run, it worked out. (and for the record, that kid has been kicked out of FOUR schools for her behaviour) Her mother says the schools don’t “understand her and she is above their level anyway”


    • C.J.

      March 27, 2014 at 10:31 am

      She sounds like a terror. Her mother sounds like a terror too. I really hate the whole my child is a “free spirit” and can do no wrong attitude. Kids who are never told no are not going to fair well as adults. No one gets everything they want in life and kids like that often can’t handle it when they don’t get everything their way as adults. There is no right way to parent and all kids are different and need to be parented different ways but some people don’t bother to parent at all.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 11:49 am

      Her mother is a complete hippie and while there is nothing wrong with love (naked hug anyone?) to dismiss misbehaviour as funny or US not understanding her kid is beyond crazy.

      She’s the mom who’ll tear a lollipop out of the kids hands and give them a quinoa cookie with soy milk.

      She actually threw a party once for the kids and told other parents “if you allow your children to eat processed foods, they can bring their own”
      meanwhile she dished out couscous and cherry tomatoes with glee before producing a fruitcake as the birthday cake.

      I mean, like fruit, cut up into pieces, put on wooden skewers and stuck into half a watermelon. as cake.
      which is fine also- but don’t shame parents at a party cos they choose to pack a few oreos for their kid.

    • C.J.

      March 27, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Well, I suppose that was better than an actual fruitcake, those things are disgusting. She sounds a little crazy. I don’t think I would want my kids to go to someone’s house that is like that, especially not if I wasn’t there too.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      Lol I like fruitcakes, as long as they don’t have that slimy layer of marzipan yuck!

      Oh yeah, she’s actually a LOVELY woman, I get on well with her, but only when the kids aren’t around (I’m a bitch, I know) cos once they pop up, she turns into psycho mommy

    • C.J.

      March 27, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      I must be a bitch too then. There are people I like too except when their kids are around.

    • Guets

      March 27, 2014 at 10:22 am

      There must be something about first born sons… I’m waiting for the day we have kids because even though my MIL and I get along I’ve seen how she feels about other people’s parenting (even though she admits MANY faults as a parent herself). What you did with your son is exactly how I would have handled that and I could just see her response being the same as your MIL’s but funnily enough her first son is damn train wreck too 🙂 and she knows it! She also coddles the shit out of her first grandson, although I give her a pass on that because his dad is the train wreck sooo :-/

    • Jezebeelzebub

      March 27, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      I’ll drink to this over and over and over again.

  12. jorgehernandezarteaga

    March 27, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Hola estoy probando esta ma……

  13. Roberta

    March 27, 2014 at 1:30 am

    I love working with kids, they are creative and kind (mostly) and fun.

    And they are walking biological hazards.

    Even just for hand washing. At this time of the year, everyone is sick, so we redouble our efforts to make them wash their hands. They will often forget, or skip soap, or purposely try to beat the system, just so they can stick it to the rules. There needs to be a Lysol spray we can mist the entire group with, preferably with a pine or citrus scent.

  14. Rowan

    March 27, 2014 at 1:39 am

    There were a couple of years where “Don’t touch that!” “But I’m just looking!” “Look with your eyes, NOT your hands.” was 90% of conversations when out with my son.

    • koolchicken

      March 27, 2014 at 2:06 am

      I think that’s all kids. I’m pretty sure “Look with your eyes, not with your hands.” is still ringing in my mothers ears. I find myself saying it to my 16 month old daily. Let the games begin!

    • Buffy

      March 27, 2014 at 3:16 am

      We have exactly the same phrase in Germany and I am constantly repeating it 😉

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      March 27, 2014 at 8:31 am

      LOL I still say that.

      It’s my mantra!

    • allisonjayne

      March 27, 2014 at 9:49 am

      Oh man, the “But I’m just” is my least favourite phrase, even though I know I’m totally guilty of it myself.

    • LiteBrite

      March 27, 2014 at 10:54 am

      I still say that to my own son. I’m always like “Seriously. Do you have to touch EVERYTHING? Just don’t.”

  15. Afton

    March 27, 2014 at 1:44 am

    I just got done with a shift at a restaurant and this article is basically how my night went. I had a table with two parents and a four-ish year old child who got ketchup handprints ALL over the window behind them, threw all the crayons and sugar packets on the floor, got some sort of body fluids on the salt and pepper shakers, and they let her color all over the table with her crayons (not a huge deal since that happens all the time), but the best part was when she ran behind the counter and when I said “You need to go sit back down at the table” in a nice, but stern voice and she started crying so her dad said something like, “You really have no right to parent our child” and I just wanted to be like “Hey someone should”, but I kept my mouth shut.

    I get that kids make messes and I do work at a family restaurant. I expect drinks to spill and food to end up on the floor, but still you need to keep an eye on your children and understand that when it is busy I really can’t devote 10-15 minutes just cleaning up your mess.

    • OhHeyDelilah

      March 27, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      Rage rage raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. I used to work at a cafe, and one evening we had this little kid come running in behind the counter where people were preparing hot drinks and plates of food and trying to serve people and get meals out to tables. And all this kid’s mother could do was say ‘Ohh, he just wants to say hello to all the staff!’ Really? Will you still be saying that when someone trips over him and drops a cup of boiling hot tea on him? If you don’t want other people ‘parenting’ your child, then maybe, I don’t know, spend some time parenting them yourself. *has rage blackout*

  16. Alex Lee

    March 27, 2014 at 9:15 am

    This might qualify as nightmare fuel for some:

    University of Ohio estimated we eat one pound of insects per year, unknowingly.

    Honestly, I think the best defense is to not focus too much on the germophobia. Human immune systems are pretty adept at handling a lot – and there’s always minute-clinic antibiotics to fall back on.

    I mean, if someone is going to blame their sore throat on a kid touching them 6 days ago – that’s unfair, pointless, and borderline delusional.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      March 27, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      eh, for me it isn’t about a sore throat or whatever, it’s more about me really not understanding why some parents let their kids be all gross and/or horrible in public. Germs happen- grimy little handprints and touching things that don’t belong to you without permission and fucking with other people’s stuff *shouldn’t* happen.

  17. allisonjayne

    March 27, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Ack. I’m totally guilty of the creamer one. I didn’t really think about it. In my defense…it’s only been a couple of times, and only when we’re at a restaurant when the server brings my coffee right away but takes like 20 minutes to get my kid a cup of milk even though they were ordered at the same time.
    But I guess it’s kinda gross. I’ll stop doing that.

    • Alex Lee

      March 27, 2014 at 9:59 am

      Totally lacto-shaming you with Donald Sutherland.

    • allisonjayne

      March 27, 2014 at 10:32 am

      I feel sufficiently lacto-shamed.

  18. LiteBrite

    March 27, 2014 at 10:09 am

    My son once licked the top of the salt shaker at a restaurant. I was horrified. HORRIFIED I tell you. I gave it to our waitress and explained the issue saying, “You might want to put a new one on the table.” I have no clue if she did. But hey, at least I tried right?

  19. whiteroses

    March 27, 2014 at 11:02 am

    I was at an outdoor museum where there were fruit displays, and a woman allowed her toddler to take a bite out of an apple hanging on a door. When I informed her that not only were those apples not washed but they’d been chemically treated to look decent so they could hang for weeks on end, she lost every single bit of color in her face.

    • Fondue

      March 27, 2014 at 12:53 pm

      “The entire world isn’t kidproofed. Everything that exists is not for the benefit of your child. Know that and adjust your expectations accordingly. ”

      ^^LOVE THAT!!!

  20. Rebecca R

    March 27, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    I was standing in line at Home Depot and a little girl in front of me dropped ice from her cup, picked it up and as she carried it to her mouth I gasped. She looked at me and I shook my head in horror and she slowly put it back on the ground. My husband joked that I scarred her, but if she never does that again I consider my work done.

  21. AP

    March 27, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Children are the reason I never buy anything from bulk bins. The number of parents I’ve seen letting their kids paw through bulk bins is horrifying. No, it’s not “free granola” or “free candies.”

    I’ve seen adults do pretty nasty stuff, too, though. Parents who let kids do gross stuff are usually gross adults.

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