Our Kids Are Creeps But Thanks To Maternal Instincts We’ll Never Know It

Have you guys ever read the blog Moms Who Drink And Swear? Personally, I’ll read anything that has a sign that says “Welcome, F*&kers” on it – so I feel very at home there. Today, Nicole Knepper, genius creator of the blog asked a question that I’ve been thinking about all day; Is my child a genius or a creep?

Anyhoo”¦everyone thinks their kid is cute and funny and smart, but really not everybody’s kid is cute, funny or smart. Some kids are just”¦I don’t know, creepy. Like any parent, I have zero ability to be objective when it comes to my kids, because they are fucking mine and I don’t like to think they might possibly be all fucked up. There’s just so much potential for me to wreck them, am I right? Of course I am.

She’s right, isn’t she? Is there a mother on the planet who doesn’t think her kid is the absolute best? My 3-year-old is obsessed with farts right now. Every time he farts, he runs up to whomever is nearest to him and screams, YOU farted! I try to just quickly tell him not to say that and then ignore it, because I obviously don’t want to encourage this behavior – but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was cute. It’s adorable! See? I’m clearly not objective here.

Nicole mentions her daughter produced a hilariously creepy image out of a shot she took of her brother’s ingrown toenail. It’s like ingrown-toenail-meets-Beeker-meets-fire-and-world-domination. I’m totally creeped out by it. Her daughter? Nonplussed. Her? Well…

I don’t know if she’s full on creepy or an artistic genius. It’s like not knowing if your kid is a cute and funny imp or a filthy, creepy urchin, you know? I mean, she’s my daughter for fuck sakes! I just don’t know.

Ha! Oh my god. I have a three-year-old who loves “boobies” and farts so I think I know what she means here. Do we ever stop thinking our kids are totally adorable and recognize them for the creeps they might be?

I hope not.

(photo: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich/ Shutterstock)