Justin Bieber Is A Terrible Monkey Daddy – Can We Start A #FreeMallyBieber Campaign?
Justin Bieber had to leave a monkey in quarantine in Germany because he did not have the necessary paperwork to bring the monkey into the country. The tiny capuchin, a gift from record producer Mally Mall, is probably all scared and cold and alone in Germany. Maybe he will just give the baby monkey away to a fan like he did his pet hamster!
Now, now, before I get a ton of really angry monkey owners commenting about how wonderful they are as pets, I’m going to warn you that I won’t be swayed on his subject. Monkeys are adorable! But they shouldn’t be kept in captivity, especially by a pop star who doesn’t understand simple things like the necessary paperwork required to bring an animal into another country. Maybe Justin will just return the monkey to Mally, because looking at Mally’s twitter feed he has some weird zoo in his house comprised of cheetahs and mountain lions and lots of other monkeys. Mally posted this along with a bunch of RIP caplock messages, so I think this is one of his bigger cats who died.
I am just like any other human who sees images like this and I am all I WANT A BABY MONKEY I WANT A BABY LYNX – or whatever the hell breed that cat is, it looks to big to be a serval, gosh, what am I? A Zoologist? But like even I know that despite how adorable and awesome all of these animals are, they should not be kept as pets. Capuchin monkeys like to live in packs. They can transmit diseases like hepatitis to humans. They have to wear diapers all the time. And a lot of capuchin trainers kindly suggest having their canine teeth removed so their owners don’t suffer from really nasty bites from them.
And now this baby monkey is in monkey jail and when these tiny primates are taken away from their mothers they have to be bottle-fed and held and kept warm and they get scared very easily and I can’t even imagine how traumatic this whole thing must be for this little guy.
Do the right thing Justin Bieber! I am begging you as a middle-aged woman who can possibly name two of your songs and how knows next to nothing about you other than the fact your mom is happy she didn’t abort you! Turn the baby monkey over to a professional who can rehabilitate it to live amongst other monkeys or put it in a safe zoo environment or something! #FreeMallyBieber!