Before we get started, let me tell you all that I am Catholic. I am not a very active Catholic but I try to follow the rules and our kids are in religious education classes. Both have been baptized and we plan for them to follow through as many of the sacraments as they are willing. Mine and my husband's families are both devoutly Catholic and several are heavily involved in their churches as Eucharistic ministers, readers, choir members, etc. This post is NOT a Catholic bash. It is a bashing of a sanctimonious and judgmental person who just happens to be Catholic.
Now that we have that out of the way, let us continue.
This post comes to us from Catholicmom.com via a tip from loyal Mommyish reader Allthingsblue and I am going to quote the most WTF passages so we can figure out together what exactly in the hell is going on:
Dear young woman who I observed buying condoms at the store the other night,
You probably didn’t notice that we crossed paths the other night. Coincidence Providence placed us in the same grocery aisle when I was buying baby supplies which someone humorously located right across from the family planning section.
You were there with a girlfriend and you were on your cell phone. You sounded a bit tipsy.
Ok, judgement number one: she thinks this young lady is tipsy. And my response to that? So the fuck what? Was she behind the wheel of a vehicle? Was she swearing and hollering at you? Was she slurring her words and falling on the ground? Doesn't sound like it. Apparently, she was just trying to buy condoms like a responsible young person about to go out for the night SHOULD be doing. Gird your loins, because this is just the beginning.
As I walked by holding my baby, I overheard you explain to your caller, “I’m trying to buy condoms here.”
I admit it: I shuddered when you said that. Judging by appearances, you must be at least ten years younger than myself. No wedding ring either.
Your girlfriend casually suggested buying someone else a box of condoms too. And one for herself. “Might as well,” you said.
Then my heart bled.
No wedding ring, 10 years younger- obviously a deviant harlot with no morals whatsoever, amirite? And she wanted to buy not one, not two, but THREE boxes of condoms?! I think Baby Jesus has the vapors. And now your heart is bleeding- you're kidding, right?
Let me explain. I realize we aren’t personally acquainted. I’m not here to judge you or belittle you or to lambast you with fire and brimstone over your personal choices but I am here to tell you one thing: you are beautiful.
Let me repeat that. You. Are. Beautiful.
That’s probably why it hurt to overhear you that night, to watch you and your friend pay for your condoms and walk away laughing into the night. Because there but for the grace of God go I.
I wanted to run after you and tell you how you deserved better than inebriated “safe” sex, to show you a card of the Divine Mercy, to introduce you to my one-year-old as an interactive example of what sex is actually meant for.
I wonder if you would have listened.
I cannot believe she has the nerve (or the ignorance) to say that she is not judging these young ladies. She may not have set out to judge people at the drug store that evening but "Providence" would have it that she is doing that very thing. I'm sure this young lady IS beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that she is planning to go out and find someone who agrees to go home and get busy with safely and SO WHAT? Sex is not only for making babies, as she states, it is also for fun and for pleasure. A woman IS allowed to have sex outside of marriage and not with the intent of creating new life. And might I say, if some lunatic came running up to me in the condom aisle at the drug store shoving her baby in my face and preaching at me I probably would have called drug store security.
At the pregnancy center I see girls, no, young women like yourself who all made a string of decisions, perhaps starting with buying condoms at the store, only to wind up broken, isolated, and regretful. It’s nothing I would want for you or anyone and yet I failed to have the courage to dissuade you from your choices that night.
Again, I wonder if you would have listened.
She probably would have listened and then either burst out laughing and walked away or rolled her eyes and given you a piece of her mind (which is what my sassy 22-year old self probably would have leaned toward). Broken, isolated and regretful? Yes, that is exactly how I picture young women who have the forethought, maturity and intelligence to procure protection before a night that may possibly include consensual sexual activity. I'm pretty confident that buying the condoms gives these girls a 97% chance (if used correctly!) that they will not end up at your pregnancy center. Just a hunch, but I'm guessing this shining piece of humanity had an "abstinence only" sex education.
Perhaps I could have shared my own experience. You see, I don’t know what condom-sex feels like, but I can’t imagine it’s better than the au natural.
I only know what it is like to have sex with my husband without any barriers between us. By God’s grace I have been blessed to experience what it is to have a man cherish me for all I am and relish in the joy of conceiving child after child with me, and who desires all of me, including my fertility, in a passionate way.
My question to you, my dear, is this: isn’t that something you want for yourself?
We all make our own choices in life and no, we don't all "want that for ourselves". Some people begin having sex at a very young age. Some wait for marriage, some do not. Some are virgins until they are 35. Some have 100 sexual partners over their lifetimes, some have just one. There is no singular correct formula for every human being when it comes to becoming sexually active and what makes one person happy might not work for another. I can say with experience that evil, slutty, slutty condom-sex is perfectly fine and that even married people use them when other forms of birth control are not an option.
And as far as conceiving "child after child" as some sort of aphrodisiac? My husband and I would not find that sexifying at all- that would be fucking panic-inducing as we have built our lives around the family size we can afford and mentally tolerate. Not all of us are out to be Duggar-esque brood mares, lady. And who says this young girl will not one day find someone who cherishes her? I would wager that dating several men over the course of my younger years made me BETTER equipped to decide what kind of man I ultimately wanted to spend my life with. I am not saying that it cannot go the way this blogger is espousing- I think it is a lovely idea to only be with one man your entire life but it is not realistic to think everyone feels that way.
And I promise you this: whether or not you feel what you are doing is wrong, I’m sure there is a question in your heart over whether there is anything more you are meant for.
I’m here to tell you there is. There is a plan for sex for you and me and everyone. It is, in fact a perfect plan that is moral, natural, satisfying, fun, pleasurable, marriage strengthening, life-giving, and faith solidifying.
What’s more, you and I, in all of our imperfections and sinfulness, have been made worthy of it because you are a child of God and again, you are beautiful.
Somehow, someway, someday I hope you will listen. And I pray to have the courage to finally speak this truth in love to you.
Your big sister in Christ who would gladly throw herself in front of a bus to keep you from sin, if she could (as would all of your anonymous sisters in Christ who are praying for you.)
Sorry, I had to go grab a paper towel to wipe the vomit off my chin. Yes, Catholic mom. There is a plan for sex for you, me, my friends, my neighbors and everyone else in the world and that plan does not have to be the same for us all. I read this last night and told a group of our amazing readers that I deeply believe that people who know in their hearts that what they are doing is right for them and makes them happy, they don't then feel the need to preach to everyone else. If they have no doubts about their own decisions they go about life happily without openly judging others. A person who is not pleased with their own life choices or who feels jealous at the situation of someone else may decry that person's way of living and try to force their own life on them but it's just not going to work. We are all different and last I checked, Jesus was wholly ok with that. Seeing as he made us, and all.
(Image: Patrick Foto/Shutterstock)