Jimmy Fallon Gets Williams Sonoma For Valentine’s Day, I Get Pics Of Poop

By  | 

Andy Samberg Visits "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon"Celebrities are different from you and I. Sometimes I forget that concept, because in my head many of them are my BFF’s. Yes, it’s pathetic – but I can’t be the only one that has imaginary conversations with my celebrity BFF’s in my head, can I? Hello? Anyone else?

Today I read an article about one of my favorite imaginary BFF’s, Jimmy Fallon. It was a story in  in Parade magazine  about the Valentine’s Day gift that he’s probably going to receive from his wife:

Wife Nancy usually heads to Williams-Sonoma when it comes to gift-giving. Fallon loves his gourmet gadgets, including a sous-vide machine and a device that both steams and purees vegetables, which he uses to make baby food for Winnie.

I found this incredibly adorable and heartwarming. Imagining these two parents, who have wanted to be parents for so long celebrating their first Valentine’s Day with their baby was making me a little weepy. Until I got this text:


Hello reality, how are you today? Yes, that is a text message from my Valentine and father of my children – we had a constipated toddler today, and he figured sending me these updates would make my day. I am a parent, so it sort of did. I added the hearts because I love you all too much to ambush you with poop.

I’m just a blogger, not a celebrity – so I’m getting pictures of poop instead of fancy sous-vide machines and pureeing contraptions. But the Fallons and I have something in common if this Parade story is true – we’re celebrating Valentine’s day thinking about our kids. Sappy, but kind of lovely.

Pictures of poop really don’t need to exist,  but I tell the anecdote to say that sometimes it’s those boring (or disgusting) parenting/relationship things that you tell no one else about that are the things that bring you the closest. I mean really, who else can you email pictures of your toddler’s poop to? It’s pretty gross, but it’s a testament that we’re doing this gross parenting thing together. And that’s something worth celebrating.

Happy Valentine’s Day, honey. Never text me a picture of poop again.

(photo: Getty Images)


  1. Julia Sonenshein

    February 14, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    True love = poop texts.

  2. Bethany Ramos

    February 14, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Hahahaha your husband has the best timing! I only took a toddler poop pic once because it was the more epic, overflowing situation I could ever imagine, puddles, and I felt so mad that I took a pic to make my husband feel my pain.

  3. Megan Zander

    February 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    I will admit to so,etiher wondering what it would be like to get stuck in the elevator with certain celebs. Like Ellen, I just think she would make it a fun time. I’ve also had conversations in my head with Justin Timberlake, but those are of a different nature altogether…

    • Ddaisy

      February 14, 2014 at 11:05 pm

      I always have imaginary conversations with famous people. As long as I remember not to start moving my lips when I’m in public, it is allll good. (In high school, I was known as “that girl who talks to herself on the bus.” It was mortifying; I never did it on purpose…)

  4. Megan Zander

    February 14, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    PS Maria, please don’t say you’re ” just” a blogger unless it’s #justablogger. That term is getting such a crappy Connotation. You are one of my favorite writers with such a fresh perspective and more than ” just” .

    • Maria Guido

      February 14, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Aww. Thanks Megan! You’re my Valentine <3

    • Megan Zander

      February 14, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      <3 sugar makes me sappy.

  5. Alexandra

    February 14, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    When I started reading this I thought your husband sent you a pic of HIS poop, which would have been ridiculously hilarious (and also gross and crass – yes I have a 10 y o boy’s sense of humor).
    But the fact that it was your poor baby’s with an upset tummy makes it actually super cute and sweet <3.

    • Maria Guido

      February 14, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      Oh my god – that would be horrifying.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      February 14, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      My man has done this. 🙁 And yet I still had a child with him. I’m going to marry an adolescent boy in a man’s body…

  6. Kay_Sue

    February 14, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    I did not text my husband with it, but I once called my father crying because my husband was at work and I could not figure out how to get it unstuck and get it to go down (I did plunge it, I promise, I’m not a total wimp).

    And my kid was so damned proud when Pappy showed up. He took him right in there and said, “I did that.” WTF, kid? WTF?!

    But you’re right–there’s something in the commiseration of these types of moments, the whole “we made that, can we deny it” momentary reaction, that’s pretty meaningful, I think. 😛

    • Crusty Socks

      February 14, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      I could not figure out how to get it unstuck and get it to go down

      I just wanted to take that out of context…

    • Kay_Sue

      February 14, 2014 at 8:07 pm

      I did not think that word choice through. I was, unfortunately, reliving the moment….

    • MellyG

      February 15, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      I find that most men are proud of their poo. I really don’t get it – i have never felt a desire to examine mine, show anyone, inspect……just flush ASAP. But men, they seem to view it as an achievement.

  7. Crusty Socks

    February 14, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    This is awkward Maria, I just tweeted you a pic of a heart shaped poop

    Um… ignore the DM from @spicyhotloverboi69 alright?

    • Maria Guido

      February 14, 2014 at 5:36 pm


  8. Valerie

    February 14, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    My brother was around 22 when he shat out a poo the shape of a candy cane on Christmas Eve and felt the need to text it to me and our other brother with the caption “Merry Christmas from Mr. Hanky!” Just wanted to share and let you know that you aren’t the only woman to receive a poo text on a holiday.

    • AP

      February 14, 2014 at 7:54 pm

      My cousin’s freshman year roommate and her friends used to text back and forth pictures of their poops.

      Needless to say, they did not room again for later semesters.

  9. MellyG

    February 15, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    You’re not alone – i totally have celeb bffs, celeb boyfriends, celeb husbands, and celeb girl crushes. Totally different categories. Thankfully my REAL boyfriend doesn’t get intimidated by the celeb boyfriends and husbands

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *