Women's Issues

Stop Excusing The Actions Of A Murderer By Calling Him ‘Heartbroken’

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Four days ago, 14-year-old Jaylen Fryberg walked into his high school cafeteria and shot three girls and two boys before turning the gun on himself. Both of the boys were his cousins. Fryberg and 14-year-old Zoe Galasso died at the scene. 14-year-old Gia Soriano died from her injuries on Sunday. His three other victims remain in critical condition.

Fryberg walked into a school armed and ready to kill several of his peers and his own family members. Today it came to light that he texted all of his friends to invite them to lunch before he made his way to the cafeteria and shot them all. But he was attractive. And popular. And there was a girl involved. It’s amazing how much we are willing to forgive – and the narrative that will unfold—when the shooter doesn’t fit everyone’s idea of what a “killer” is – and when his intended target includes a girl who broke his heart.

Fryberg allegedly became heartbroken when a girl didn’t return his affections and started dating his cousin, Andrew Fryberg, instead. 15-year-old Andrew remains in critical condition after a gunshot wound to the head.

(Related: Parents Can’t Afford To Ignore Their Kids’ Social Media)

We could very well be calling Fryberg a depressed sociopath with a bloodlust for a girl he felt an unnatural ownership over. Instead, we’re calling him the heartbroken Homecoming Prince. There is a lesson here for parents of girls and boys alike; this is what happens when you neglect to teach boys that the object of their affection isn’t their property. And the way that we are speaking about this murderous rampage is sending a message to young girls everywhere,

Don’t be the girl who drives the boy crazy – you may wind up dead. And no one will speak of you or your right to rebut his advances or choose whom you want to give your 14-year-old heart to. You’ll be a distant memory to most – but your killer’s name will live on as everyone grapples to figure out how he could possibly have done it? When in fact, it’s the most obvious motive in the world. Women die at the hands of ‘jilted’ men at an alarming rate in this country. Ignoring the lesson parents should be learning here – to teach their children that people they like are not objects to be won or owned – is a grave mistake and makes the loss of these lives even more senseless.

(Related: The Worst School Shooting Since Sandy Hook Happened, And No One’s Looking For An Explanation)

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  1. SunnyD847

    October 28, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I have nothing to say except THANK YOU.

  2. Ursi

    October 28, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Short of coming at you with a weapon, there is nothing a woman can do to a man that justifies killing her. So unless it’s a life-threatening kill or be killed situation then it’s never okay. It’s never justified. I don’t care if she cheats on you, posts nude photos of you on the internet, mocks you, bullies you, lies about you, steals from you, ruins your friendships and family relationships, IDGAF. Same as it is for a woman who is mistreated by a man. Nothing excuses shooting someone. Certainly not just being turned down.

  3. LeggEggTorpedoTits

    October 28, 2014 at 11:37 am

    These are threats, blatant threats and #3 is particularly telling: “…when something is mine, it’s mine”. This one statement sums it up, really. He didn’t see this young girl as a person at all. She was a “something” and an “it”.

    Thank you, because this is — and has always been — a big problem with adolescent relationships. How to address it without going full Duggar, is a conversation we need to have.

    • ToninaMDC

      October 28, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      I think the full-Duggar thing and the mindset behind it is a big part of this sort of problem.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 28, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      I agree. They see women as sort of like an IF/THEN “problem”: IF we treat women like property, THEN we have to “protect” them like property and, IF the property is misused and “broken”, THEN we can dispose of it.

    • Guest

      October 28, 2014 at 11:26 pm

      What reasoning or factual evidence do you have that those particular tweets being about a girl? If you have the facts, can you please also enlighten me as to which girl in particular that he meant?

    • SunnyD847

      October 28, 2014 at 11:47 pm

      “Did you forget she was my girlfriend?”

    • Guest

      October 29, 2014 at 12:04 am

      The tweets were to his girlfriend Shilene… She was not one of the victims

    • Diana Baylie

      October 29, 2014 at 7:56 am

      Zoe was not his girlfriend or the object of his affection. His long time gf, with whom he recently broke up, goes to another school and was not present at the shooting.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:09 am

      And that makes what he did ok?

    • Diana Baylie

      October 29, 2014 at 9:13 am

      Did I say that?? I merely corrected the misconception that zoe was the girlfriend.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      And I’ll be honest- if that’s all you’re taking away from this article, you’re not paying attention.

    • Rosanne Larson

      October 30, 2014 at 12:00 am

      So much misinformation out there. So many jumping to conclusions.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 7:32 am

      Then please, please, please enlighten us. I am begging you. I’d love to be wrong about this.

    • brebay

      October 31, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      He shot human beings with premeditation and deliberation, with the intent to kill or do serious bodily harm to them. That is the only pertinent information.

    • brebay

      October 31, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      It. Doesn’t. Matter. You’re so far from the point it’s actually almost impressive…

    • Rosanne Larson

      October 30, 2014 at 12:00 am

      Thank you!

    • LeeToo

      October 31, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      then why did he murder the other kids?

    • Jeanette

      October 28, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      What reasoning or factual evidence do you have to provide that those particular tweets were even about a person or even a girl? If you have the facts, can you please also enlighten me as to which girl in particular that he was talking about? Also, so you are aware, I am from the area, and know the family members of the victims/shooters. If you can enlighten me further, or the members of society that are reading this, then please do.

    • SunnyD847

      October 28, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      How about “Did you forget she was my girlfriend?”

    • theprinterlady

      October 30, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      Tweets are one-sided conversations. You don’t know “which” girl he is referring to, what he’s responding to or anything else. A lot of rumors are flying… and a lot of assumptions are being made. We don’t have the facts (yet)…. how about we wait for the investigation and see what it tells us?

      Just FYI… according to the local paper (the Everett Herald), in an article written by a long-term family friend of the shooter, the long time girlfriend that Fryberg was apparently having a hard time “getting over” did not attend his school and was not one of the victims.

      Do not know where this author got her information.

    • MsSoleil

      November 8, 2014 at 4:26 am

      I also live in the area where this happened and the girlfriend was NOT one of the victims

    • Michael Crane

      October 29, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      So being from the area and knowing the family, you have firsthand knowledge, so, if we go back to the tweets he references “his girlfriend.” So as being from the area and knowing the family, maybe you could tell us who he is actually referencing too? Again, as you are from the area and know the family you should be able to tell us yes? Also, no response proves you’re either a child, or an extremely ignorant adult.

    • theprinterlady

      October 30, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      No, what it shows is that some of this is unknown at this time. What has been published in our local paper (the Everett Herald) is that the shooters long-term girlfriend did not attend the school and was not one of the victims.

      Why not wait for the facts before assuming things?

    • LeeToo

      October 31, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      FACT: the killer invited his victims to meet at their “usual” spot int he cafeteria. The killer invited them, because he intended to execute them. Then, the killer attempted to murder his friends and family, and was successful on at least two counts.
      those are all of the facts I need.

    • ?

      October 29, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      Context clues. What he was subtweeting is clear as day.

    • Rodney Dangertits

      October 30, 2014 at 12:21 am

      I’m also from the area. I CAN ENLIGHTEN ALL OF YOU. Prepare to be enlightened with all my knowledge.

  4. Colleen

    October 28, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Amen to this story. Thank you for writing it.

  5. Moliss

    October 28, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Very well written article. I just had a daughter and while she’s only a baby, stories like this make me absolutely terrified that someday, sooner than I want to, I am going to have to release her out into the world. Something definitely needs to change.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      If it helps at all, I have the same feelings about my son. And then I feel better in the knowledge that the more kids who are raised to know not to do this, the better off the world will inevitably be.

  6. SmrtGrl86

    October 28, 2014 at 11:43 am

    This ALL FUCKING DAY. I don’t understand how our society has managed to paint this kid as a victim. You can’t always have what or who you want, that’s life. IDGAF if he was “jilted”, somewhere along the line, someone forgot to teach this kid that women are not possessions. Teaching boys that women are people seems to be a real failing in our society & it’s pretty fucking pitiful that not only do we not teach it, we excuse possessive violence. I quit the Internet today.


      October 28, 2014 at 5:02 pm



      If you think Clifford`s story is really great..., last pay cheque my boy frends dad worked and got paid $6122 putting in a thirteen hour week from home and they’re best friends aunt`s neighbour was doing this for 8-months and broght in over $6122 in there spare time from there laptop. follow the guidelines from this website....&nbsphttp://Facebookprojects/profit/mWB1/qTY8U……

    • Jeanette

      October 28, 2014 at 11:25 pm

      You should quit the internet. You believe too much of the hype and propaganda.


      October 29, 2014 at 2:24 am

      @ToninaMDC:disqus ►►►►►before I saw the draft which had said $9775, I didnt believe that my mother in law woz truley erning money part time at their laptop.. there neighbor has been doing this 4 only about a year and resently repaid the debts on their mini mansion and purchased a top of the range Fiat Multipla. go to,►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►..&nbsphttp://Incomefortuneonline/VIP/VYS8o/CtCo3i……

    • ToninaMDC

      October 29, 2014 at 6:59 am

      You know, if a bot’s going to pseudo-reply to me, I wish it would at least put in the effort to use correct grammar and spelling.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Yeah, but that Fiat tho…

    • keelhaulrose

      October 29, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      What is even funnier, that Fiat… has not been made in 4 years. And it is the ugliest piece of shit Fiat has ever put out. That ad is supposed to make me want to click the link?

    • BM

      October 29, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      You should grow a brain that thinks for itself.

    • SmrtGrl86

      October 29, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      You know what, I had a family member murdered recently because jealousy of jealousy over a girl. You know what’s really fucked up? All of that murderers friends said the same thing “you don’t know the whole story blah blah blah” so excuse me when I say, either enlighten us and the rest of the media with cold, hard proof, or go fuck yourself.

    • Rodney Dangertits

      October 30, 2014 at 12:17 am

      I didn’t realize that treating people as though they are people and have the freedom to make choices (including who they are romantically involved with) was hype and propaganda. Glad you don’t buy into it.

    • Dave Herrington

      October 30, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      You’re a special kind of ignorant aren’t you Jeanette?

    • Meredith

      October 29, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      Maybe not a victim of a girl, but certainly a victim of patriarchy.

    • Jimthefish

      October 29, 2014 at 6:29 pm

      The state that he lives in ranks 49/50 in terms of mental health care accessibility. While sexism plays a massive part in this tragedy, we also need to finally acknowledge that there is a mental health care crisis in our country, and people need access to the help that they need so that these sorts of tragedies could never happen again.

    • Kim

      October 31, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Sexism had nothing to do with it!

    • yogigirl

      November 1, 2014 at 1:10 am

      You can’t know that.

    • Dm

      November 1, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Agreed. and no to all those who say in caps “THIS”. NO. You know what sickens me? Its articles like this using a horrible tragedy of mental violence that HAPPENS to be in the context of story about a mad crush to drum up agenda driven drivel about how men are taught by society as boys to feel ‘entitled'(what a laugh) to womens bodies. Guess what? We all have our experiences from the other side–and girls feel just as entitled to everything about boys and men. Objectification? Sexism? Women do it just as much and the criteria is actually much wider. More feminist self obsession and ego-tripping and laying all of the problems of the world at the feet of men, when violence is committed everywhere by EVERYONE. Its utter Horshite and its despicable to blare on about women dying at the hands of jilted men at an ‘alarming’ rate and that “we need to do something about it!!!!!!! Its an epidemic!!!!!!! Men must be stopped!!!!! men must be taught they don’t control women!!!!!!men must be taught when they’re boys they don’t own women’s bodies!!!!!!!!! This collective anger feminist women like this writer would feel so personally in the context of some paranoid perception that men ‘feeling entitled’ to women’s bodies is a horrible mental sickness in and of itself in my opinion. I could switch it around and it would sound just as (or perhaps less) nuts. Men are being attacked at the hands of jilted women at an alarming rate!!!!!! They LAUGH at cutting off mens PENISES like they OWN them!!! We need to do something about it!!!!! Women must be stopped!!!!!! Women must be taught that they don’t control men!!!!!!!Women must be taught when they’re girls they don’t own or control everything a man says or does!!!!!!!!!! Its easy to fan the flames of hysteria to suit any agenda or propaganda and thats all this article is and does. Its not fact driven, Its ideological victimization emotion and propaganda driven. Misandric, not mysognistic propaganda dressed up to look like facts or statistics drummed up by feminist funded studies. The fact is, this kid , regardless of where he came from, or how happy he may have seemed had serious MENTAL problems –he MURDERED PEOPLE–as have many women and men all over the world throughout history and domestic violence is NOT just men committing it on women. The fact is, women initiate domestic violence on men MORE than men, but men do more damage. Women commit domestic violence on their children MORE than men do–so its the women who probably need to be taught to not be violent to their children if they don’t want their children to grow up angry. God we cant say that in pc culture though –oh the OUTRAGE! Yeah the truth hurts and its much easier to blame it on the warped spin of women’s bodies being ‘owned’ by men. Paranoid idiocy. And women initiate sexual molestation on children MORE than men do. Maybe we need to start teaching girls and women that children and mens bodies are not their property. How does that sound? Pretty offensive doesnt it? The difference between this article and many like myself is that I would NEVER say such a thing and make such negative paranoid sweeping generalizations even though it DOES happen because Im SMART enough to know that its SICK people that do it..You know who teaches men or boys that women are trophies to be won? WOMEN do, Do you know who teaches women that men are trophies? MEN do. not men or ‘society’ only about women. Look at football players and cheerleaders. Who’s teaching what to who there? Oh you think ONLY those cheerleaders are the trophies to be won and that MEN put them there? No WOMEN put THEMSELVES there with their biological directive to pursue RESOURCES and strong males, and in the context of the MALES– the players are the trophies that the WOMEN are winning. SO it GOES BOTH WAYS. But no, you nuts who believe the garbage spewed out by feminism that says that its the other way around want or need to point a finger at someone or something other than human nature so it MUST be mens fault since were the ones who built everything. ( for women interestingly) So–Who’s Cheering who to be (win) a trophy?The WOMEN are cheering the MEN to be the social-well connected, rich, popular, well built,well funded, warrior trophy. The point is women/girls teach men/boys in the way they behave and treat boys when boys arent good enough or fast enough or witty enough or successful enough or caring enough about their needs enough or stoic enough, or that if they don’t get out there and perform for them, that they won’t be loved and that they have fallen short of being successful in finding a mate. Alot of men fail at it because we’re human–the same way a lot of women fail at being Gizelle Bundschen– but we handle this and accept it as the way of things, but every now and then you come across a mental case like this or f’ing OJ Simpson–or JODY ARIAS–(heard of her??) who CANT handle it and nobody knew. And its some women in their inability to think of themselves as capable or culpable in anything that goes wrong with the world that has deluded them into viewing the world from this skewed angle like this writer. Why? Because a classic trait of people who are victims have trouble taking responsibility for anything in the world because in their minds something is always being DONE to them so they cant possibly be culpable. No, this case has very little to do with’ men’ in general feeling ‘entitled’ to anything that women don’t give them FREELY. Maybe this girl knew she didn’t want him because in her instinct something told her there was something wrong or off about this kid. Feminism and/or women who write articles like this— needs to stop trying to brainwash the public and stop the lies and misinformation and man hating THATS what needs to STOP. Put that energy into the pursuit of understanding mental illness everywhere.

    • BellaBeast

      October 31, 2014 at 10:29 pm

      I can’t say I believe sexism played a part in this. Jealousy played the biggest part in this. Betrayal, anger, his possible obsession with this girl and his love for this girl played a part in this. He may have loved this girl too much and couldn’t handle the thought of her being with another guy, especially his own cousin. I think he also felt a bit humiliated as well. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not excusing his actions at all. He was wrong and something was definitely wrong with him. He is in fact a murder and his actions can not be excused. I just think these are what played a part in why he decided to snap, not sexism or this “patriarchy”.

    • Kim

      October 31, 2014 at 12:29 pm

      I think those are harsh words from someone who was not at all involved. Has nothing to do with handsome or popular. It has to do with a young man who was well loved and had issues the people in his life didn’t recognize. They are not making excuses but trying to make sense of it all. I think for the first time they got it right and all the other communities could learn something from how they are coping! Why does this continue to happen? Because lynch mob mentality like the lady who wrote this article have. In order to stop this We need to stop blaming others and take what blame belongs to us! We need to figure out what we and society are doing to cause this!

    • OhNoes234

      November 1, 2014 at 9:52 pm

      But they are honoring him next to the true victims. That aspect of it is sick. Forgiveness is important for healing. But to honor him does an injustice to the families of the true victims. Our prisons are full of violent people whose nature stems from mental health issues. Should we cut them all a pass?

      The fact is this kid is to BLAME for his own actions. What does he have to do before society says enough, KILL somebody? Oh whoops, I guess that’s not enough. He’s already killed 3+ himself.

    • Michelle

      November 10, 2014 at 9:16 am

      It’s deeper than that. He lost his social network since the girl moved on to his older cousin leaving him out in the cold. It’s easy to say “Suck it up. Take the humiliation and move past the friends you’ve depended on your entire life.” In high school those are some rough cards to be dealt. In another era this would have precipitated into a nasty fistfight or playing chicken on dead man’s curve. Unfortunately in this era it’s social media and school shootings.

  7. brebay

    October 28, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    Obsessed, personality-disordered, and ill-parented. How the hell are you not reading your kids’ facebook posts? This was in his ACTUAL name, not some coded name. His parent(s) completely dropped the ball. Your child has no right to ultimate right to online privacy. That’s just neglect.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Which is why, as long as my son is living under my roof, he will never have a computer in his room. That’s also why I will be his friend on any social media site he’s on until he leaves home. Not just so I can keep an eye on him, but so I can help him eliminate any issues as they come up.

    • Alicia

      October 28, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      I’m going to add any electronic device that can access the internet will be MINE, and my kids get to use it. I will have all passwords, and full access to EVERYTHING.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      My friend does the thing from pinterest. The WIFI password is changed every day until chores are done and if someone is on punishment. No wifi password. At any point she can (and does) take whatever device and look through it. Her oldest lost social media privileges for a year after my friend did just that and found an alternate FB page that she made under a different name and email and she was bullying other girls. She was grounded for 2 months and no IG, Twitter, FB or anything else for an entire year. She stuck with it too.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      I like the idea of changing the password- and good for your friend. I’m pretty sure her daughter got the message after that.

      Its so different than it was even when we were in high school- because when I went to college, AIM was still being used. I remember, distinctly, hearing from a friend who went to Stanford about this new thing her campus had called Facebook. Social media was barely a thing when I was in high school. The world is so completely different.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      Right? I was well out of college before FB was a thing for me.

    • Aldonza

      October 28, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      I remember when reading someone’s away message on AIM was a thing. Who could come up with clever ones.

    • Alicia

      October 28, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      Good for her! My niece actually set up a Myspace page (when it was cool) and friended me, then asked me not to tell her mom, my sister. I told her I would keep her secret as long as she didn’t do anything on there worth reporting. And I told my sister about it. So she felt like she was getting away with it, but had supervision. Again, this was about 8 years ago, so the environment was a little different.

    • Erica

      October 29, 2014 at 2:46 am

      Seriously… send your friend some flowers and treat her to a girls afternoon where you both get pedicures or massages. That year must have been miserable at times! And to parents who aren’t computer geeks? Recruit friends to teach you. Ask them if they will be your kids’ FB friends, or Instagram followers, etc. DON’T be offended if they might over react or question something your kids post that you don’t think is bad. I’m the Instagram auntie myself. The youngers w/ just access on wi-fi actually tag me on some of their stuff (which I LOVE) but the teenager has banned me from liking or making comments. I respect that – but he respects that he must keep me as a follower (and keep his account private) and respects the fact that I will rat his little ass out if he OR HIS FRIENDS post something inappropriate (more scared of his mom being mad at me than his being mad at me 🙂 He did think that statement was funny. His mamma appreciated it too)

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 29, 2014 at 9:45 am

      She said after the first couple of weeks, it was fine. Her kid was clear it wasn’t going to happen. And she actually thanked her mom about 6 months later because there was a huge bullying issue and a bunch of her friends got in mass trouble. She likely would have been included had she had an account, but when she was questioned she told them I’m not allowed to have one. The girls were suspended. She told her mom thanks because she does actually like school and a suspension is BAD. My friend still has her on a tight leash, but she thus far, has learned her lesson, her posts (i’m friends with her, that was also mom’s requirement, other adults who her mom knows) are silly typical teen stuff, but no more bullying.

    • Shea

      October 29, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      That right there is some quality parenting. Kudos to your friend.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 30, 2014 at 9:18 am

      Thank you Pinterest! lol

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Oh, definitely.

    • B

      October 29, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      This is the most ridiculous post. First of all, restricting your children from their freedoms and ability to learn is foolish. There are things in the world that are fucked, that’s the reality, and they need to understand that reality. Second, I do agree that the parents should monitor these things, but I think the more telling factor is the child felt like he had nobody he could TALK to about it. If a parent confronts a child based on something they put on social media the child feels as though the parent is invading their privacy, and this leads to more manipulative, secretive, sometimes dark behavior. There are ways to both monitor your child but allow them the freedom to learn from their own mistakes, balance is key, and no situation has a precise answer.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      Your opinion is noted. However, it changes nothing. My son will never have a computer in his room as long as he lives in my house, and I will monitor his access until such a time as I believe he can handle it.

    • Alisa Terry

      October 30, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      Good luck with that, because Kids have amazing ways of just doing all this at school, libraries, and friends’ houses. What parents need to do is develop empathetic relationships with their children so that they see the signs of depression, anxiety, or aggression. What you do by controlling what they do in your house is give yourself the illusion that you are in fact in control. Kids don’t need someone controlling them. they need someone they can trust who guides them and who they can turn to.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      I’m quite aware of what kids will do, thanks. I’d venture to guess that I have more experience with teenagers than most people in this thread, since I’ve taught quite a few of them. What I’m saying is that while he is in my house, he will not have unrestricted access to the Internet, until he can prove he can handle it. And going behind my back for it would prove he can’t. He would receive consequences for that as well.

      It’s not controlling not to allow your kids all the freedom in the world. If you can’t set limits, you shouldn’t be a parent.

    • Alisa Terry

      October 30, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      LOL. RIGHT. Like I said, good luck with that. There’s a difference between setting healthy limits, and just tricking yourself into thinking you have control. If you want something you can control, get a dog.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      And like I said- as long as I’m paying for the Internet in my home, I get to monitor my son’s access until such a time as I feel he can handle unlimited access. Your opinion is noted and changes nothing. And frankly, I’m not overly interested in what you think of my parenting skills- though I do have extensive experience in education ranging from elementary school to college, in addition to parenting my child. Tell me- how much experience with teenagers do you have?

    • Alex Mawdsley

      October 30, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      I agree with Alisa on this one. There is a fine balance between parenting and being a control freak. Touting your experience with children in a class room simply shows ignorance on the subject. It is practically an indisputable fact that the kids with parents who try to control every facet of their lives end up the rebellious ones, and the ones who allow the kid to make their own mistakes end up with the young adults when they hit 18, instead of the “I’m free!” idiots that find themselves on the floor at 4 in the morning, surrounded by blacked out drunks and missing their pants. Extreme? Yes. But growing up I saw it constantly.

      You are essentially teaching your kid that s/he cannot be trusted with basic responsibilities, and has no freedom unless s/he is outside of your household. Your house likely feels like a jail to them. If you want to keep it up, go right ahead. But it is seen as extremist by most, it has been tried hundreds of times and I’d like to see a situation where it doesn’t succeed in creating a rebellious monster or a dangerously introverted control freak themselves. You realize your kid can just go to school and call someone a bitch there, right? You realize the chances of them getting away with it is very close to indefinite, right?

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      My son is two. He still sleeps in a crib, so I’m sure he sees my home as a jail. By the time he’s thirteen, social media will be very different. And honestly, if he doesn’t know that he shouldn’t be calling women “bitches” by that point under any circumstances, my husband and I have failed as parents.

      I’m not saying he won’t be allowed to have freedom. But I’m not going to release a preteen or a kid who’s just barely a teenager onto the Internet without restrictions. I think that’s verging on insanity. If he has a Facebook account, I will know what he posts, because his freedom doesn’t mean more to me than his life. And when he’s permitted to go on the Internet, it will be with supervision. I also don’t see the point of giving a ten year old an iPhone, but I’m in the minority on that one too.

    • Pixie1012

      October 31, 2014 at 11:25 am

      And it’s not even saying one won’t let their kid have unmonitored access to the internet because of what THEY might do. I won’t let my 11 year old have FB or other social media accounts because of what other unparented, asshole children with unmonitored and unrestricted access to the internet are going to post, say, or show my kid. Girls are horrific to each other. I’m certainly not going to hand them a platform in which other jerk kids can use to screw with my kid. Nope. They’ll experience all that soon enough, but at 11 years old, I can at least get to push it off for a while perhaps to an age where they’ll be able to process it easier.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      Exactly. I’m not necessarily worried about what my kid might do- I’m worried about what everyone else’s kid would do. If he’s eighteen and he doesn’t have unrestricted access, that’s on him. Hopefully he’s mature enough by then to deal with it all.

    • dagreatpanda

      November 1, 2014 at 3:32 am

      Hahah. I’m so glad my parents weren’t that controlling when I was growing up.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2014 at 10:23 am

      You were allowed unlimited Internet access at the age of twelve?

      Depending on how old you are, that was before social media.

      Try again.

    • MsSoleil

      November 8, 2014 at 3:54 am

      Well, I have a 23 year old son, he has had social media all along, I am on his friend list, I know most of his friends and many have requested me as a friend, I always accept but I never request his friend to be mine,,,not even when he was a younger teen. I really didn’t check his FB account because I don’t feel the need to nut trust him just because he was a kid. I agree with the posters who say that you cannot control this as much as you think you can, bet ya any kid can set up a facebook acoount on their friends phone or tablet and look at it every day when they are away from home. I always allowed my teen a laptop in his room and guess what, he has 3 degrees and age 23 is in his 2nd year of medical school, not because he is a nerd (he isn’t), he is an athlete, a smart kid and responsible because I taught him by example. I also allowed him to have a cellphone at a young age because where we live it is pretty necessary to keep track of your kids and he always checked in. I trusted him and I got what I wanted for giving him that trust. To this day he has the password to all of my bank accounts and everything else just in case something comes up and I am not available, he has NEVER abused the privilege.
      He shares things with me, his feelings, his accomplishments, his fears because I have respected him as I expect to be respected and he knows he can trust me with all of those personal things that some kids are not able to discuss with their parents. I am not a perfect parent, he is not a perfect kid but how about believing in your kid until there is a reason not to instead of controlling their every move which will make them an incompetent adult.

    • whiteroses

      November 8, 2014 at 9:38 pm

      And that’s fine for you. But none of those will work for my kid for various reasons, none of which are anyone’s business. Unless my kid and your kid are exactly the same, what worked for your family is completely irrelevant to the discussion. Every kid is different. And I’m not going to allow my twelve year old on social media. Partly because I have relatives and friends who were bullied and partly because I don’t see the need. If I have knowledge of it, he won’t be on Facebook or whatever the equivalent is in eleven years. Colleges check Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and everything else. I’m not going to have him jeopardize his chances because he can’t see past a week from now.

      Am I going to trust my kid? I hope I can. But I don’t trust everyone else’s kids further than I can throw them. By the time he’s out of my house he can do what he likes, but while I’m paying the bill for the Internet I am, in fact, entitled to dictate what he does on it.

    • Pixie1012

      October 31, 2014 at 11:17 am

      “What parents need to do is develop empathetic relationships with their children so that they see the signs of depression, anxiety, or aggression.” True. But what makes you think that a parent who restricts access to the internet doesn’t have what you describe above? Most parents who care to bother and restrict their children’s internet access already have the things you describe just by the nature of the parent they are. It’s the loser parents, who doesn’t watch or know what there kids are doing who DON’T have that personal relationship with their kids. And you can take that to the bank.

    • vw1970

      October 31, 2014 at 6:45 pm

      And guns in the house not locked up? These parents are idiots

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 28, 2014 at 2:30 pm

      We have this taped to the fridge (stupid austenitic stainless steel):

      “Centrally located family devices are available upon request and subject to the house rules.

      (Please note: Mommy is a computer geek and knows how to find deleted history).”

    • everett to everett

      October 29, 2014 at 3:00 am

      I like that but does he have a phone in his room…just as useful as a computer ! I agree parents need to keep track of their kids more than ever…

    • brebay

      October 29, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      Me too, though I’ve promised them I won’t actually post on their page. Which is sooooooo tempting sometimes. Even if their friends are just jokingly ribbing them, I want to bust in and be like “Look who’s talking, you little pimple-faced shit!” I don’t, I don’t ….trust is a two-way street, but oh man, would I like to chime in sometimes!

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      I think that there’s a really fine line between respecting privacy and protecting your kids. It’s so hard. I like your style though 🙂

    • Sara

      October 28, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      My mom did this with all of us kids. When she thought we had a good grasp of the rules we were allowed more and more freedom. And when we were in high school we had pretty much unlimited access because we had proven we weren’t complete boneheads. (There was only one blip and that was my stupid brother giving his number to someone online, it turned out she really was a girl his age. Whoops!)

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      I think that it’s so important for kids to prove they can handle unlimited access. I hope that by the time my son leaves home he will have proven he can handle it for a few years.

    • Marisa Quinn-Haisu

      October 28, 2014 at 7:12 pm

      No, the child does have right to online privacy, it is not neglect and this is not the parent’s fault. HE made the decision to do this. HE is is responsible. Not his parents. Unless the parents put the gun in his hands they are victims in this as well because they have lost their son. I grew up with the internet and my parents did not spy on me to protect me. I refuse to do it to my daughter when she is older because if I go down that path where do I stop? should I put a GPS tracker on her as well? If I don’t is that neglect?

    • Jeanette

      October 28, 2014 at 11:18 pm

      The child has a privilege to online privacy, not a right. Yes, he is responsible for his actions. However, the gun he used was not his, it was a family members. His parents need to own up to the fact that they allowed access to that gun to him, in one way, shape or from. You, myself and your parents are from a time when the internet was newer for us to use and it was also a different society- they did not need to to a certain extent watch everything that we did. In today’s society and 15 years from now when your child is on the internet, YES, you should, as a parent be knowledgeable to what your child is not only doing, but subjecting herself to whether she is aware of it or not. It is no longer acceptable to ignore society, to ignore the dangers, ignorance is bliss. But we do NOT life in a blissful society. “If I go down that path where do I stop?” is your ultimate question here? Really? That is the one thing that you are taking away from all of this? Online child predators, cyber bullying, pressures of social acceptance, yes, you need to be aware of the things that your kids are doing. People often do not make decisions based on the ‘what-ifs’, but those what-ifs can be the very same things that save your child’s life. I’m not saying accept them and they will happen, I am saying think of the outcomes, and teach as best as you can to make sure that your child is not a child who ends up hanging herself in the garage because of cyber bullying. Kids nowadays are so tied up onto web based relation/friendships that it is the social norms to keep things from your family members. If you saw a tweet from your daughter that said something about “You’re not going to like what happens next.” or something negative or terrible along those lines, you don’t think that you should bring it up to them? Be there for them? Try your best to educate them? Kids are not always going to tell their parents something that they would say on social media. We need to accept that. Social media is a huge resources as well as outlet, to deny its power at this point in time and society is irrelevant. Anyway.

    • TL

      October 29, 2014 at 12:21 am

      Are you fuckng KIDDING me? He was a child. He was 14 years old. I looked on his Twitter feed the afternoon this happened as I was sitting at home waiting for my loved one to text me that he was okay and was going to come home in one piece from the school where this kid just set up five others to be executed. He did not have the right to anything but life, food, housing, and love. Online access and privacy is a privilege.

      What I found on his Twitter feed was disturbing but it wasn’t as much of what he said, which would have made me, were I his parent, concerned but it was also the highly raunchy sexual stuff he was retweeting. Tell me again how this clean cut lovely young man was a leader in his community while i was having to avert my eyes from his twitter feed because I (who am not normally offended easily) was disgusted by the things this freshmen was reposting. Any parent who saw that would be like “Dude, not cool.”

      And where did he get this gun? It belonged to a relative so someone who was supposed to be monitoring him wasn’t doing his or her job.

      You’re obviously an exceptionally immature child because here is a newsflash for you, when you are a parent it is your responsibility to keep your child safe. That means safe from himself, safe from the Internet, and keep other safe from him. There are influences out there that he will not be ready for when he thinks he is. Your job, as a parent, is to help prepare him for the real world by allowing him privileges as he is emotionally ready for them. You don’t just say “Go for it junior!” and give him the keys to the candy store. When you are a parent or are responsible for kids, you’ll get it. Until then, you don’t get it and don’t pretend that just because you were one single child at one point in time, you do.

    • shearnut

      October 30, 2014 at 1:39 am

      Good post. As a side note, did you see some of the dialog posted by some of his girl “friends”? I was blown away with what they wore, how the talk about sex at ages 14 & 15, and the crass material some posted through twitter. I realize I sound like an oldie but, if I saw my kids posting some of the content they were, their accounts would be deactivated. Kids need guidance and structure — and discipline. I was raised by a single parent — and I assure you, if you have too much time on your hands with little supervision — lets just say it’s not good for teenagers. S

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:12 am

      I don’t have to provide my son with unlimited online access. And I won’t.

    • brebay

      October 29, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Nope, nope, nope. If your minor children have online access in your home, you better be watching. I did not say he was not at fault, of course he is, and I would try him as an adult. He is guilty. He parents were also remiss in not checking out his online presence. The two are not mutually exclusive.

    • MsSoleil

      November 8, 2014 at 4:24 am

      How are you going to try a dead 14 year old as anything?
      He was guilty, he was wrong, and he is dead.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:03 pm

      A child does not have a right to online privacy. Having a persona online is a privilege, not a requirement.

  8. Kheldarson

    October 28, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Is it wrong to hope my child will be an aromantic asexual so he doesn’t have to be open to any of these issues? I kid, but…

    • LaughingRat

      October 28, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Well, he could still be victimized by someone who thinks he’s either lying or just holding out on them. Because, as should be obvious, even if you’re asexual your body exists for the pleasure of other people. I have had to kick more people out of my life for just that reason than I’d care to admit.

    • Kheldarson

      October 28, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      That’s sad. Both in the generic and in your specific case. Why is this a hard area for society to understand?

    • Rachel Sea

      October 28, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      It has only been illegal to rape your wife since 1991, that’s what’s wrong with us.

      Emancipation was 150 years ago and there are still quite a lot of people who think black people are no different than monkeys who were better off as slaves. It’s no wonder that with only 23 years of bodily autonomy, that wives and girlfriends are still seen as property.

    • LaughingRat

      October 28, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      In my specific case I think it’s because a lot of people just don’t understand asexuality. After all, if sexual people can’t wrap their minds around other sexual people’s bodily autonomy how can I expect them to comprehend mine? No one’s ever tried to get violent with me, but they have tried to talk me out of it. As for society in general, well, as Rachel Sea pointed out we clearly have a long way to go.

    • guest

      October 28, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      I also think there is a mindset (much like the “he is violent but he’ll change just for me because I’m so special) where they think they’ll be the ones to change you. You just haven’t yet had *the best sex of your life* to make you realize you’re not asexual. People are nutso and can’t comprehend that someone may not want them, may not want them in that way, or may not want anyone at all.

  9. shel

    October 28, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    This society… just ugh… So because he’s ‘handsome and popular’ he’s entitled to kill a girl for not wanting to date him? Nope, doesn’t work that way buddy, sorry.
    But this is eerily similar to the cali shooting a while back that was targeting attractive women because they weren’t agreeing to ‘date’ the guy who thought he deserved all of the sex. (I don’t remember his name, and am sort of glad for it, he doesn’t deserve me remembering him… i’d rather remember the actual innocent victims) Women are just a thing, we are property for men… these kids think so, a big part of the goverment also seems to think so… it’s pathetic.

    Nobody owes anybody anything when it comes to relationships- friendships or romantic relationships. And resorting to killing people because you didn’t get your way? That’s a huge, huge problem.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      Unfortunately yes. Popular athletes are given a pass for raping or assaulting girls on college campuses because they are attractive, popular and are athletes. The whole situation is disgusting.

    • shel

      October 28, 2014 at 1:44 pm

      Disgusting is a good word for it… this whole situation, on top of all of the other stories we hear about (and the ones that never get reported on) where people get away with things because they are popular or an athlete or a celebrity…. it’s disgusting and a giant red flag that there is something very wrong with how we do things.

  10. Guinevere

    October 28, 2014 at 12:11 pm


  11. keelhaulrose

    October 28, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    I do not care if it was Tom Hiddleston who had an issue with a girl breaking his heart, there is no freaking excuse for solving your problems with a goddamn gun. Girls are not property to be defended with a gun, they are living humans who can make their own choices.We, as a society, have failed majorly in teaching persons that ALL humans have worth and value and should be treated with respect and have the right to live their lives.

    • Alicia

      October 28, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      There’s a part of me that agrees fully with you, and another part of me that thinks if someone were hurting me, my husband would protect me. Not because I’m his property, but because he loves me. In extreme circumstances (zombie apocalypse? 😉 ), protecting your loved ones with a gun may be necessary. This was not an extreme situation. This was a spoiled brat who didn’t know how to deal with being told no.

    • keelhaulrose

      October 28, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      If lives are threatened guns are okay, but not in the emo “my heart hurts so much I fear it will break and bleed me dry” sense. I find it okay to protect you and your loved ones with a gun if they, for example, are being threatened with one. But this kid didn’t see the girl as a girl, he saw her as “his” and being kept from him. No excuse for a gun in that situation.

    • Alicia

      October 28, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      Agreed 100%. It’s that whole, if-I-can’t-have-her-nobody-will mentality. I don’t know where it started, but it needs to stop. Yesterday.

  12. whiteroses

    October 28, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Is this a tragedy? Absolutely. Was it preventable? Hell yes it was.

    Unless you’re in imminent danger, you have no excuse. And as awesome as it would be to pretend this whole thing is simply random, and therefore excuse society as a whole, we all bear some of the blame. We created the culture that allowed this kid to think that his reaction was acceptable. And three kids are dead because of it.

    I think one of the most important things we can teach our kids is that everyone is allowed to change their minds. Nobody owes you anything. Not the world, not your girlfriend, not your parents, not your best friend.

    • Martha Arenas

      October 30, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      Exactly! but instead we are telling them that they are entitled to everything, they can get whatever they want, everyone is special, everyone gets trophies, each individual should get all they desire, instant gratification, no work involved… that is just not the way life works on ANYTHING. we are all guilty and must change as a society!

  13. Michael Weldon

    October 28, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Good article. If nothing else the case is a good one to illustrate what kind of guy my daughters need to avoid.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Which is awesome, if both they and you can foresee all of that before it happens.

      Do you honestly think this poor girl’s parents would have allowed her to date him if they knew he was unstable?

    • Michael Weldon

      October 28, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Well, you can see what he was in his online writing clear enough. Pretty sure most people are not all that different in person. If a boy gets grabby and possesive (or a girl for that matter) a week or so into a relationship its time they hit the bricks IMHO.
      Also, the “what’s mine is mine” was posted in July…

    • Korine

      October 28, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      I totally understand what you’re saying and teaching my daughter to avoid possessive men is something I plan to do. Unfortunately in this specific case, she DID reject him and this still happened 🙁

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      The problem with that, though, is that so many people don’t take stuff like that seriously. Or they think possessiveness is cute.

      If grown women can’t tell when to let a possessive man go, a teenage girl has an even harder time.

    • Michael Weldon

      October 28, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      That is exactly why my daughters are not going to go into the dating scene unarmed. With enough information and knowing they have backup hopefully they can avoid going out with at least some of the bad actors they will run into.
      Articles like this are a bit depressing though, as there are plenty of good people out there as well.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      I hope they can avoid that too. But even knowing I had backup, there were things I didn’t tell my parents. As a teenager that made perfect sense, but as a parent knowing all the stuff I kept from my parents- and that i will someday have a teenager- it scares the hell out of me.

      All I’m saying is- there are no guarantees whatsoever. The best we can do as parents is make our kids aware, and make sure they know we’re on their side. But so much of that is going to be based on their own good judgement, which teenagers notoriously lack.

    • Michael Weldon

      October 28, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      Yeah, there is only so much a parent can do. On the plus side I do think that these stories are not all that common and most people are good people.
      And I am glad my oldest is still way more into sports and her friends than any 13 year old boy.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      This is going to sound awful, but I’m glad too. She’s got the rest of her life to worry about guys. I hope she doesn’t start too soon.

    • guest

      October 28, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      Soooo much this. I think a lot of it is “well its cute” or “well its sweet”. Random aside: I just saw a 26 year old woman post on fb today about her “daddy”. This was her actual dad. I don’t get where women think this shit is cute almost like their dad will be the one that gets to be possessive over them until another dude steps in (a la Duggar).

    • SunnyD847

      October 28, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      I’m 46 and still call my dad “daddy” from time to time. It’s just a term of affection. My dad is a radical feminist and would be horrified at the idea of me being his property.

    • guest

      October 29, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      Do you call your mom mommy?

    • SunnyD847

      October 29, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Occasionally. Mostly it’s mom or mama. And I don’t use the diminutives when talking about them, only when talking to them. I think it’s weirder to use these terms when talking about someone who is NOT your actual parent, like calling a significant other mommy or daddy. That’s creepy. I never even called my step-parents or in-laws mom or dad.

    • LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

      October 28, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      Or they think that his possessiveness means he “really cares.” This was what was told to a friend of mine who was dating a control freak. “Well, at least he cares about you,” the person said.

      Uh yeah no. Not exactly.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:27 am

      I think a lot more parents are going to read potential boyfriends’ Twitter and FB accounts. You can find out the ugly underbellies of even the nicest boys!

  14. jendra_berri

    October 28, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    There is something deeply flawed with a person who would shoot a partner who no longer wanted them. Most jilted males do not do this. Most will be angry/sad/humiliated/some combination, and they’ll move on in time. A noticeable minority of men will, however, react with violence and it’s definitely in part due to a belief in ownership, which isn’t a belief that comes out of nowhere. It is something that’s culturally out there.
    Why some men buy into it while others don’t, I can only think has to do with the environment they’re raised in and the more intimate messages they get from their families and community.

    • Pixie1012

      October 31, 2014 at 11:52 am

      It’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder… and people who have a deep disorder like that are seriously screwed up. The worse thing though is there is no cure for it. Anyone who has it, will always have it, and the only hope of those around them from escaping their behavior is to RUN, far far away.

  15. ohladyjayne

    October 28, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    This is so horrifying.

  16. Rachel Sea

    October 28, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    A few years ago, one of my friends was beaten to death by her boyfriend, in front of their 2 year old daughter, because she had broken up with him and wouldn’t take him back. At his trial his defense was all about what a terrible person she was for playing with his emotions, and how his daughter’s life would be ruined if she couldn’t be reunited with her daddy who loved her.

    Now, I come from a family of criminals and lawyers. I know full well that any defense attorney worth spit will put forth any argument to ensure that their client either gets off, or is unable to claim incompetent counsel if they are convicted. But no attorney will put forth a defense that they think the jury will be unsympathetic towards. They thought that appealing to the jury’s sense of women-as-property was their best defense, perhaps getting him down from murder 1 to voluntary manslaughter.

    They thought that 12 people might unanimously agree that not wanting to be with him was so heinous an act that it was reasonable that she should die, and that he could do a little time, or pay a fine, and regain custody of his daughter, who was still spattered with her mother’s blood when he was arrested.

    Entitlement is a poisonous condition, and when a person of privilege is denied their every desire, it condones destroying them. Maybe rape culture isn’t the phrase we should be using, maybe entitlement culture would be more accurate.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 28, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, Rachel.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure that was not easy for anyone.

    • Edify

      October 28, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      I’m so sorry to read this, it must’ve been an incredibly hard time. I hope the jury saw through the defense.

    • Rachel Sea

      October 28, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      He is rotting in prison for at least the next 31 years, thank god, the evidence was beyond overwhelming.

    • Edify

      October 28, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      I’m glad that the jury didn’t fall for such a gross defense. There is hope, I suppose, that just because the lawyers think this plot will work, it doesn’t mean the judge and jury will accept it.

      Again, sorry for your loss. I hope your friends daughter is in safe loving hands.

    • Boozy Inactivist

      October 28, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      That is horrific, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope your friend’s daughter has the love and support she needs.

    • FishQueen

      October 29, 2014 at 12:51 am

      That’s really terrible. I’m so sorry.

    • Another mom

      October 29, 2014 at 9:59 pm

      Beautifully stated!! The description “entitled” seems to be used only in politics but I feel exactly as you do regarding this wave of entitlement culture. If we don’t correctly identify the phenomenon we can’t even hope to figure out a solution.

    • SinDelle Morte

      October 30, 2014 at 5:59 am

      I was with a guy who was physically abusive for years and years. If I would tell anyone about the abuse, he’d say “You’re not telling what YOU did!! You’re making yourself look so innocent!” as if the fact that I called him an asshole for constantly accusing me of crazy things or said I was leaving him for harassing me nonstop for days would somehow make people say, “Oh, wow, yeah. She deserved to be punched” or “Well, beating her head off the floor was wrong but she WAS trying to leave…” He actually BELIEVED that it would make some kind of difference to people. He actually believed that somehow he was being presented unfairly because no one knew the “evil things” I was doing to him (you know, like disagreeing with him, insisting on being treated like a person with rights, those evil things?) I would say, “So you’re saying I deserved it?” And he would say, “No. I’m just saying you’re not telling them what YOU DID to provoke me.” LOL. Sad, ain’t it? I’m not saying you deserved it. I’m just saying you deserved it.

      As an aside, I always told the story start to finish and I never left anything out. Why would I? It would certainly not make people think less of me to hear that I cussed at him or wanted to leave after how I was being treated. The only person who thought it would was him.

      I am sorry for your loss. These kinds of things are inexcusable but all too common.

    • MsSoleil

      November 8, 2014 at 4:30 am

      Agree with the entitlement! Many kids these days don’t know how to deal with adversity or how to properly deal with their emotions, everything is handed over and easy.

  17. noodlestein's danger tits

    October 28, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    HELLO, yes! When I said something like this in the comments a couple days ago, people politely sort of pooh-poohed me. There is a problem pretty much everywhere of both disregard for women, and the idealization of hyper-masculinity. It’s troublesome, and the comments that a lot of people (on other sites) are making shows how far we still have to go in this society vis-a-vis our attitudes about women/men and the space that they occupy in the world.

    • guest

      October 28, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Very true. Whenever I read comments on articles that pop up on my fb I’m like “holy shit”. Just one today was about a woman being catcalled. While there were some smart normal comments a lot were like “it happens to guys too!” or “its a compliment gawd!”
      Like I can’t explain the problem to you if you can’t get it through your thick skull that there is a problem in the first place.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 28, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      No kidding! I’ve stopped trying to argue with idiots and mostly stick to site where people, even when they disagree, have some nodding aquaintence with sense and logic!

  18. LK

    October 28, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Yes yes YES. I knew it was bothering me every time I heard “heartbroken” or “love triangle” or whatever whenever this was being reported, but you have articulated it perfectly. It’s so critical that we recognize while this kid DOESN’T fit the stereotypical “loner” weirdo that we have come to expect with these shootings, he does fit the profile of an (at least) emotional abuser, and we’re missing an opportunity to talk about this, because as you’ve stated, this happens ALL the time.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      That’s the thing. We see on the news repeatedly when an ex husband guns down his ex wife and her friend or new boyfriend. It’s the same thing this kid did. Only he did it publicly and other people were hurt. There are men who have attacked their ex in a mall. This isn’t new, it’s just happening to younger people.

    • LK

      October 28, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Yeah, ‘Murrika, we have plenty of ALL KINDS of horrifying shootings.

    • OptimusPrime*

      October 28, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Amen. The “it’s just teen angst” causes the same reaction in me. I’m sorry, but those excuses do nothing to help anyone.

    • Blueathena623

      October 28, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Just realized it’s not even a love triangle — she wasn’t in love with him.

    • brebay

      November 1, 2014 at 12:01 am

      They’re mistaking his heart for his ego.

  19. jess

    October 28, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    This is an amazing article.

    my husband has a running gag that I don’t think is paticularly funny – but put up with because it used to be mostly harmless. He likes to grab me in bed – and keeps on grabbing me even when I push him off. mostly I get grouchy and he rolls away chuckling to himself.

    We have an eight week old son now and he started uo his little game again the other day. And the realisation that I was raising a little boy who will grow up to see this hit me. This is the example we are setting. It doesn’t matter if it’s a joke or if it’s harmless – all my son will see is his mother – his primary female figurehead saying no to her husband – his male role model – only to have the protestations ignored.

    something as small as that could change a child’s point of view.

    and that’s not ok

    • Rachel Sea

      October 28, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      I hope that when you explain this to your husband, he understands and improves his behavior.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      I agree. My husband and I are very conscious of how we behave around each other when our son is around- because we don’t want him to get the wrong impression.

    • Ursi

      October 28, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      That’s really not okay. If you both are in on it playfully then that’s one thing but it’s never harmless to put your hands on someone when they don’t want that kind of attention. If you don’t find it funny and you want it to stop, please say something. I grew up with a parent who believed that what was done to a partner in marriage was fair game because they belonged to you. It’s not a good way to raise a child and I’m glad you recognize this.

  20. Quinn

    October 28, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    This is one of the most beautiful articles I’ve read here. Thank you, Maria.

  21. Shadow

    October 28, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Agreed! I’m reading a book (it’s actually a little textbook) called Guys and Guns Amok, and it uses examples from Timothy mcveigh to the Virginia tech shootings, to try to describe why these (for the most part) young, skinny and bullied boys lash out in this horrific way. And then how the media portrays the shooters. This case is so interesting because the shooter doesn’t match the stereotype of other mass killers or school shooters. Very eye opening.

  22. NYCNanny

    October 28, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    You are so f’ed up, Maria.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      How so? Please elaborate.

    • Kate Spencer

      October 28, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      At least try to be constructive with your criticism, please and thanks.

    • Guinevere

      October 28, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      Maybe it was meant to be a threat? There are so many ways to read that….

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Apparently, the only person that had a “rational thought” was the one who kind of disagreed with this post….all of us though? IRRATIONAL.

    • Guinevere

      October 28, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      I wish she would share here rationality. You know, ration it out for the rest of us?

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      I know you’re anti whatever everyone else thinks, but you don’t have to type out everything you think. You really, really don’t.

    • Guinevere

      October 28, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      she might have a disorder where she does need to do that. Like, a compulsion? We don’t know….

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      I think she needs a hug.

  23. IsItScaryForYouBaby?

    October 28, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    I am not excusing the actions of a murderer by calling him heartbroken. I am saying that the signs were there that he was hurt, he was crying for help. He needed someone to help him, be there for him, love him, comfort him. Someone to tell him: “It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t have to be that bad. I love you, you are beautiful.” And there might be someone like him right now that is heartbroken and doesn’t know how to deal with it. We need to help these people, and love them.

    • NYCNanny

      October 28, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      Exactly. Thank you for a rational thought.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      Yes. it’s SUPER rational to think a kid who committed pre-meditated mass murder just needed a hug.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      Hugs for everyone. Do you think Kim Jong Un or Putin would be down for some TitWhisperer hugs? Or more like Sylvester Stallone hugs? I mean we need to get on this.

    • Blueathena623

      October 28, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      I’ll do the obvious — if only hitler had more hugs . . .

    • Guinevere

      October 28, 2014 at 3:17 pm

      you could at least try it….maybe it would help.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      I don’t think “rational” is the word you’re looking for.

      If you shoot someone in the head, you’re expecting them to die. A traumatic brain injury is serious. And to do what he did in the way that he did it means that he planned it. He went into that cafeteria with the intention of causing as much damage as possible. A hug wouldn’t have fixed that. I mean, it’s a nice thought and it effectively absolves him from all responsibility, but the fact is that kids can be incredibly loved and still do some terrible shit. My theory is that he didn’t kill himself because he was in so much pain. He killed himself because he knew he’d be held accountable for his actions.

      You can blame everyone around him all you want, tell them they should have done more, etc. But the fact is- sometimes we do everything we can for our kids, and that’s not enough. At some point, everything that we do is on us.

    • keelhaulrose

      October 28, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      How is it rational to think “if he just had a little more love this might not have happened” anything close to a rational thought?
      First, it sounded like he did have love and support from his family and community. It wasn’t enough because it wasn’t love from the girl he wanted. He could have been loved by every person in the school (and I don’t think many loners are elected to the homecoming court) but because it wasn’t that one specific girl he decided to solve his problems by shooting his friends.
      That’s not the actions of an unloved boy, it’s the actions of a deranged psychopath who feels entitled to the attention of anyone he wants attention from.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      But before any of that happens he should probably also know that it’s not appropriate to shoot up a school because he got dumped.

    • IsItScaryForYouBaby?

      October 28, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Of course, violence is never the answer.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      But all this kid needed was another hug, and he wouldn’t have shot up a school? That’s your thought process?

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 28, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      This might get me slammed but…here goes.

      No. While I appreciate your compassion and empathy, and with all due respect, this is not a rational response to rejection. How many kids are rejected and neglected on any given day? How many of them go shooting up a cafeteria and murdering their friends and family members? This was cold blooded, premeditated murder. If you excuse HIS murder as nothing more than a sad kid that needed a hug, you are in effect excusing every other murderer, rapist and abuser as a victim of ineffective parenting or blaming everyone around them for not loving them enough.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 2:47 pm


    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 28, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      You’re tickling my Benedict button.

    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 2:06 am

      Legg, Jaylen was not rejected by the people he shot. The shooting was not about his girlfriend. It was about what his friends did to him which affected him in a way that led to a tragic end. Jaylen did not “shoot up a cafeteria”. He premeditated and chose who his targets were. He was not random about his shots. He was specific. So many misinformed and misguided people believing the wrong truths.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 30, 2014 at 8:21 am

      I’m not sure you understand my point. It isn’t about the surface details, it’s about the killer’s perceptions.

    • Tulalip Tribe Proud

      October 30, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      The killer’s perceptions? You have insight into what Jaylen was perceiving before, during and at the final bullet? You know how he perceived the friends he targeted? You know how he perceived the girl he was in love with? You know how he perceived what those friends involvement was to the “breakup”? You can’t know of Jaylen’s perceptions because you don’t know the truth and how it transpired into a tragedy. To describe the incident as a boy “shooting up a cafeteria”, exaggerates the facts.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 31, 2014 at 9:09 am

      You do understand that murder is NEVER a solution barring self defense against an imanent threat? Can you imagine if every child reacted this way to rejection or insult or a perceived slight? Think this through…seriously.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      Did he or did he not shoot in a crowded cafeteria with the intention of killing multiple people?

      We don’t know what Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, Seung Hui Cho or Adam Lanza were thinking when they killed all those people. And I would argue that their perception of their victims doesn’t matter, because it didn’t stop any of them from pulling the trigger. It’s sad that all of them- and Jaylen- were apparently in such severe mental pain that they found it necessary to kill innocent people. But it doesn’t excuse what they did.

      My son means more to me than anyone on earth except his father. If someone took him from me because they were in mental distress, I would not give even the slightest shit. My baby would be gone because they wanted to play God. It’s beyond me how anyone could find that acceptable.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm

      More hugs and I love you’s don’t fix problems. There are many people who get lots of those and still make irreversible decisions.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 28, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Whoops, hit post before done. Anyway, it sounds like you ARE excusing his actions by saying he just needed a hug. No. What he needed was to learn that he is not owed affection by the girl of his choosing simply because he wanted it.

    • Blueathena623

      October 28, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      How do we know he wasn’t comforted and hugged?

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      I’m sorry- but no. Giving a teenage Charles Manson more hugs would not have prevented him from becoming a cold blooded killer. And at some point, “I love you” is like putting a band-aid on a bloody stump. It may make the person who applied it feel better, but it doesn’t stop the bleeding. I’ve taught hundreds of kids in my career, and I’ve seen hurt and anguish coming from them like you can’t imagine. Somehow, those children are still able to get through the day without killing someone else. And it’s really, incredibly simplistic to think that whatever was wrong with him could be fixed with a hug and a kiss. This isn’t a boo-boo on a playground. Two kids are dead at his hand and three are critically injured.

      And the fact that there are at least two sets of parents who want to hug their kid tonight and can’t, because some selfish little shit got dumped by his girlfriend? I don’t have sympathy for that. It’s a tragedy he’s dead, it really is, but it’s a tragedy he caused. He destroyed three families because he didn’t get what he wanted. That’s not ok.

    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 2:09 am

      whiteroses, you obviously don’t know why Jaylen did what he did.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 7:31 am

      Then please explain it. Everyone keeps talking about how there’s more, that there’s something deeper going on here, and nobody’s actually said what it is. Please explain to me if there’s something deeper here than a selfish kid who didn’t get what he wanted and chose to kill other people as a result.

      Look, I’d love for this not to be true, but in absence of new information I’m operating under what I know.

    • Tulalip Tribe Proud

      October 30, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      “Scores of people”. 3 people are not a “score”. In class, we teach that a “score” is at least 20. Perhaps if people used the correct language, the story would cease to exaggerate with each post.

      Jaylen was a child. He was immature. His emotions are not that of a learned, experienced adult. He made a terrible decision that has reverberated. You are not a member of his community. You are not someone who knew him personally. You are not someone who knew his friends and family. You are someone on the outside looking in and reading media stories.

      You can judge him. That is your perogative. (Although God trumps all earthly judging). Nate Hatch was shot. His friends are dead and two others fighting for their lives, yet he openly forgives Jaylen. Do you feel your judgement of Jaylen is wiser than his? Do you feel your opinions matter more than Nate’s? More than his girlfriend? More than his grandfather? More than the people who loved a Jaylen that you never knew?

      Nate has an understanding of “why” Jaylen did it, because he was involved with the “why”. It doesn’t mean Jaylen was justified. It means there is inside understanding that has yet to be revealed. The truth is not my story to explain. It belongs to the children involved. If they felt they wouldn’t be judged, ridiculed, belittled, bullied or chastised… maybe they wouldn’t be so fearful to own up and put the rumors to rest.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:21 pm

      First of all, when I said “scores of people” I was talking about Seung Hui Cho, who killed 33 people and injured more. Reading comprehension is your friend.

      Secondly, it’s not for me to forgive Jaylen Fryberg. I didn’t know him. I didn’t know Seung Hui Cho either, but he killed my friend, so I feel comfortable judging him and people like him. Jaylen Fryberg texted people to meet him for lunch, pumped bullets in their bodies with the intention of killing them, and then killed himself. for what? What possible thing could he be going through that would justify what he did? Because unless we know what that “inside story” is that people keep saying exists, we go on what we know. And what we know is that this teenager made an adult decision, destroyed and took people’s lives, and shattered countless others.

      When I say he was selfish and he opens himself up for judgement, you have to understand that I desperately want to be wrong. I want there to be a reason why he committed this terrible act. I want there to be a reason why three children are dead that’s more than just entitlement. But don’t come on here and claim that there’s more unless you’re willing to divulge it, because you can’t castigate us for judgement when we don’t have all the facts.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 9:26 pm

      You stop being a child when you start making adult decisions. A sixteen year old mom isn’t a child. A seventeen year old wife isn’t either, neither is a fourteen year old murderer. He may have been a child the day before he did this, but the second he pulled the trigger for the first time, he stopped being a kid.

      And I can’t forgive Jaylen Fryberg because he didn’t take anything from me. It’s not for me to do. As you said, I didn’t know him. But I can be angry at him for doing what he did.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:46 am

      There is no truth that would bring those three girls and probably soon one boy back to life. It really doesn’t matter why it happened. What matters is that he committed a very adult act and lionizing him and treating him like a little boy who didn’t now what he was doing is disgusting.

    • Ursi

      October 28, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      I am always for compassion, always always. But what you’re suggesting is absurd.

      Yes, we need to help those who are mentally unstable. Yes, we must offer them our love and our compassion and not treat them as monsters. But to suggest that this kid just needed a little sympathy is the same as suggesting that people who suffer from depression and dark thoughts just need to think positively.

      That’s not how we get better.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 3:29 pm


    • jen27

      October 28, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      This was a kid who had at least two close in age male cousins who called themselves his “brothers”. He was elected to homecoming court. He texted friends to meet him for lunch and they met him. He wasn’t feeling alone and unloved. He was angry that a girl he happened to be attracted to would date someone else and doubly angry that his “brother” would dare to infringe on his property.

      Please try and remember that this boy walked into his school carrying a loaded gun, texted his friends to meet him for lunch and when they did so opened fire shooting them in the head with the intention of murdering those people who had shown him love. This kid needed to be told that he was not the sun, moon and stars; not a hug.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 28, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      There are people here who have lost loved ones at the hands of domestic violence, so I don’t think anyone here is going to buy the Hug Therapy you are peddling.

    • keelhaulrose

      October 28, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      First, this boy wasn’t exactly some loner sitting in the corner of a cafeteria by himself every day. He had a lot of family and community support.
      Second, it takes some sort of mental illness to think that the rational response to being slighted by someone you desire is to shoot her and your friends. You can’t hug the psychopathic or narcissistic personality traits out of someone.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      It actually feeds those traits- narcissism, because it proves what they already believe (that they’re the center of the universe) and psychopathy because it lets them see where you’re vulnerable.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:47 am

      And really, those who were so close to him most likely saw little hints of what was brewing. If they let their shield of denial down they might even see it.

    • AlbinoWino

      October 28, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      That’s too much of a simplistic answer. I worked in the mental health field with teenage girls and if a hug and a few words of comfort could have fixed those kids, we wouldn’t have even needed to exist. You can give a person love and support but that is not a fix-all. Unfortunately when people hit a very volatile stage they need someone to intervene in a way that keeps the safety of everyone else in check.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      If only it was that easy…

  24. Shannon

    October 28, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Galasso was not his girlfriend.. lets get our stories correct before blogging about them. his girlfriend went to a different highschool.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Probably just a simple mistake. Maria can change it….

    • Maria Guido

      October 28, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      I never called her his girlfriend.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      I think it was maybe when you said “Galasso didn’t return his affections?” I don’t know….you know I hate these passive aggressive “get your story straight” stuff.

    • Guinevere

      October 28, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      yeah. what kind of “article” is this anyway?! 😉

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 28, 2014 at 3:39 pm


    • Guinevere

      October 28, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      check your facts at the door, oakland booty

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 28, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Must be my macronutrients again.

    • Lindsey

      October 28, 2014 at 4:23 pm

      What they mean is galasso was never his girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend he shot is the girl who is alive and in the hospital. Check your facts.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    • JW

      November 5, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Heavy.com is wrong! Sheesh.

    • 123

      October 28, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      No Shaylee was not his girlfriend, this is also bring incorrectly reported by the media

    • Matty

      October 28, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      I don’t know where everyone got this story about the crush on Galasso. This was about a girl, but it was about his long-time girlfriend who attended another school. RIP to those who passed, and I hope the others can make a full recovery.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 6:33 pm

      He did have a crush on her….


      Maria is not wrong.

    • Matty

      October 28, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      I know that it says it on Heavy and other outlets. I’m saying that they are wrong. The girl the issue was over was his long-time girlfriend, not poor Zoe.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 6:35 pm


      She never said she was his girlfriend she said that she didn’t return his affections…which is…TRUE.

    • 123

      October 28, 2014 at 11:32 pm

      All of that info is incorrect. And just because it was incorrectly reported doesn’t mean it’s a fact. His love interest or girlfriend which ever you want to call it he had “dated” since 7th grade did not attend school there not was she one of the victims. It is important when you are speaking or referring to victims of violence and the families left in the aftermath to get your facts checked. Otherwise you are just being a gossip monger.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 10:13 am

      Once again….she never said it was his girlfriend.

    • brebay

      November 1, 2014 at 12:13 am

      gossip<murder. Committing murder means losing your right to bitch about petty shit like teen gossip. No. one. cares.

    • Pixie1012

      October 31, 2014 at 11:54 am

      I’m not sure why it matters who it was. Boy, girl friend, just friend, Zoey, some other girl at another school. The point is this kid felt entitled to kill someone because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Bottom line.

  25. CrazyFor Kate

    October 28, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    I can’t imagine how Galasso’s parents must feel. To think that their daughter DIED because she exercised her right to date the person she wanted…it’s hideous. Just hideous. I can’t believe that some people are actually making excuses for this kid. What a slap in the face to the innocent people who died or were injured.

  26. JessBakesCakes

    October 28, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    There’s a huge difference between feeling heartbroken, hurt, and alone, and feeling entitled. This young man felt entitled. Yes, he may have been feeling hurt. But he was also acting in a very possessive, misogynistic, screwed up, and violent way. That’s not the way to react to anything.

    I am a huge advocate for awareness of mental health issues. However, mental health issues are not an excuse for blatant entitlement and misogyny. We have to stop excusing this type of behavior and sweeping it under the rug, chalking it up to some sort of emotional/mental issue, and saying “If only someone would have helped him…” That does a disservice to people with mental or emotional issues who manage to take care of themselves properly every day. It also does a disservice to the victims of these types of crimes. It implies that if they would have just given him what he wanted, or made him feel better, this wouldn’t have happened.

    I hope that more people become aware of this type of behavior, and we can stop lumping mental health issues in with these disgusting and deplorable actions.

    • Michael Weldon

      October 28, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Yah, I don’t think this guy was a mental case, he seems a lot more like a special snowflake on hyperdrive. The young lady may have been the first person to ever say no to him in any real way.

    • FishQueen

      October 29, 2014 at 12:55 am

      YES. Mental illness is absolutely informed by the society it exists in, and it makes me so nauseous to see society shirk responsibility by saying, “oh, what a tragedy, if only he could have gotten help”. Maybe the kid was mentally ill, but the root of the problem is the violence and the misogyny that is normalized in our culture, and no one wants to look directly at it.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:13 am

      Because then, we’re all responsible, and god forbid that happen.

    • Margaret Farron

      October 29, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      I felt the same way after the Isla Vista shooting. The response was immediately “he was mentally ill. Our mental health care in this country is not good enough. Mentally ill people should not own weapons” (I agree that the mental healthcare in the US is not good enough, but that is beside the point) From what I read about Elliot Rodgers’s motives and history, I got the impression that the “reason” he shot these people was because of deep misogyny and a huge sense of entitlement to women. That is not mental illness, that is just being a bad person. Framing it as mental illness ecuses his behaviour and the reasons for his behaviour as well as minimizing the reality of people who actually DO have mental health issues. (I’m aware that he was in counseling for some sort of mental health problem, but I don’t think it is fair to say that he did it because he was mentally ill.)

  27. andrea

    October 28, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    What I want to know is, how were all these people seeing his tweets, and just brushing it off as teenage angst???? Look, I am not on twitter, nor will I ever be. I limit FB to interaction with a private group of ladies I met through an infertility support group for the most part…but hello!!!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT TEENAGE ANGST!!! I know the world has changed a lot since i was a teen in the 80s, but jesus h. roosevelt christ. Every single person who knew him, read those tweets, and did NOTHING owns a little of the responsibility for these murders, IMO. I was a teenager, the wallflower variety who never had a change of getting the guy she liked, and had my share of teenage anxiety. I know what it looks like and this ain’t it.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      It’s because the way society is….he’s just being a “dude.” That’s what sucks so much…no one thought about it because they think it’s just normal entitled dude behavior.

      I don’t think this and you probably don’t either….but it is clear that Jaylen Fryberg thought he was entitled to this girl and no one who was reading his tweets thought his actions were inappropriate.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      This reminds me of all those stories we hear about people who kill others, told their friends about it, and their friends did nothing because they thought “they were kidding”.

  28. Chantal990

    October 28, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    This is one of the best articles I have read. The whole situation reminds me of the Elliot Roger kid who thought he was entitled to have women sleep with him and him being a virgin was used as an excuse by many for his actions. No. No excuses you are a f**ked up entitled prick. The end. Now let the family and friends grieve in peace without having o hear about how it was their loved ones “fault” because some douche thought that women things to be owned and controlled who owe them.

  29. William George

    October 28, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    It wasn’t that. Do you fucking know what’s going on? No, you fucking don’t. Me? I personally knew everyone involved. I used to live in Marysville before i moved. But listen here, you little bitch. Jaylen has been bullied to the point his judgement was clouded. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    • Spitting_mad

      October 28, 2014 at 5:49 pm

      Wow. Not helping the case at all. You actually made it worse.

    • CMJ

      October 28, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      oh honey, this isn’t going to help. You are saying he was bullies and you are calling someone a little bitch? and telling them to shut the fuck up?

      You’re actually proving Maria’s point.

    • Blueathena623

      October 28, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      Watch the misogyny mr homophobia is the fear that another man will treat you how you treat women.

    • Amber Starr

      October 28, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      Just because you use the word “fuck” 7222839238672135 times, that doesn’t make your point any more valid. One “fucking” would have been more than enough to drive your point home…. I think.

    • whiteroses

      October 28, 2014 at 8:36 pm

      I’d kindly ask you to understand that you’re on a website for adults, ones who can and will run intellectual circles around you if you continue whining like a child. Saying “fuck” doesn’t make you a grownup.

      Got it? Good.

      I’m sorry if Jaylen was bullied. But that doesn’t excuse what he did. If you think the answer to being bullied is to kill people, you need to step back and consider the fact that three families are without their children tonight, and three kids have had their lives as they knew them destroyed because of his actions. And please explain to me why none of this “bullying” he supposedly suffered has shown up on any news outlets.

      Look, bad shit happens, kid. But at some point, you have to be responsible for your own actions. And that point should probably happen before you commit mass murder. It’s a tragedy your friend is dead. It’s also a tragedy that he killed and injured other people. And the biggest tragedy of all? The fact that his selfishness destroyed so many people.

    • Pinkie Pie

      October 28, 2014 at 11:51 pm

      Um I would like to point out to all you who responded to william, he lost someone! What is wrong with you!??? Also I am guessing William George is a minor possibly? Why would you berate him like that? If you are adults act like it and show some compassion!
      Will I am sorry for your loss and the confusion and chaos that is going on right now. I don’t know you personally nor any of the tribe on an every day basis, but that said I grew up in the area and still visit often and know the big names out there and I feel for your loss. Healing and peace moving forward.

      All the rest of you grow up, geeze!

    • AlbinoWino

      October 29, 2014 at 12:04 am

      If they are really so upset and feeling lost right now, why would they comment on come random damn article or even read it at all? My brother died in a high profile murder and you best believe I wasn’t trying to find out everything about it on the interwebs. I’m pretty sure we’ve established some of the people that need to grow up here.

    • Pinkie Pie

      October 29, 2014 at 12:26 am

      because kids know social media and everyone grieves and vents differently…

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      Clearly. Jaylen did.

      But what most kids these days don’t understand- and what adults should- is that anything that goes online is permanent. How you choose to represent yourself makes a difference.

      Don’t encourage this.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:34 am

      If he’s a minor, he doesn’t need to be on the Internet calling people bitches.

      I’m sorry he lost his friend. But that’s not an excuse for terrible behavior.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 9:36 am

      He called someone a little bitch and told everyone to shut the fuck up and we need to grow up?

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      No one was rude, but simply stating that if you’re going to argue a certain point, you must use grown-up language that does not involve unnecessarily dropping the f-bomb every third word. Secondly, if you are going to post on an adult subject website (which, for most people…mother is an adult subject), then you must be prepared to be treated in an adult manner. Adolescents who venture into the adult world do not get treated with kid gloves.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      Nor should they.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:11 am

      Oh, he’s yet another young person who shouldn’t be held responsible for his actions. Thank you for setting us straight.

    • AlbinoWino

      October 29, 2014 at 12:01 am

      Ah yes, please make a list of excuses for homicide because that is SO helpful. You probably didn’t know any of these people. Funny, for years people said the ones who murdered my brother were bullied but really they weren’t that badly off socially. Maybe this guy was just a psychopath.

    • Pinkie Pie

      October 29, 2014 at 12:29 am

      wow you are not helping…geeze. bet you feel all mighty behind your keyboard don’t you! are you even from washington let alone marysville?

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:38 am

      I’m not from Washington. I am from Virginia. One girl I knew personally was killed in the Virginia Tech massacre.

      seung Hui Cho was hurting pretty badly too. He also had mental issues. That doesn’t excuse what he did. It doesn’t bring my friend back.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:09 am

      So he was bullied, which made him…kill…his friends and relatives whom I assume didn’t bully him? Wow, he was more messed up than I even thought. What if he’d attempted to kill you or your brother or sister? Would you feel the same way?

  30. apeacechild

    October 28, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    As a clarifying point- none of the three girls involved in Friday’s shooting, were Jaylens girlfriend. The girl pictured above goes to a different school and her image is being falsely identified as Shaylee, Zoe or Gia. While the photo serves its purpose in this article, it is neither accurate or fair to involve the poor girl in this mess. Please consider removing.

    • Mary

      October 29, 2014 at 7:11 pm

      Then why did he invite these three girls to lunch then execute them? I don’t understand why they were targets?

    • hmm

      October 30, 2014 at 12:17 am

      No one does. With your logic why would he had shot both cousins? Guessing doesnt help. Only prayer

    • brebay

      November 1, 2014 at 12:11 am

      Same reason Ted Bundy picked his victims.

  31. DM

    October 28, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    Thank you SO much for writing this. I actually live very close to the school. And I’m SHOCKED at how so many people in this community are saying to “remember the sweet boy” and all that crap. Doing what he did earns him a one way ticket to whatever hell his faith provided. Your analysis is spot on. Thanks again.

  32. 123

    October 28, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    You need to check your facts. The girl this was over was not one of the victims nor did she attend school there. I think you make a lot of valid points but the bigger point is how can we solve the problem of male violence. The film Tough Guise is an excellent resource and a good place to start.

    • Jeanette

      October 28, 2014 at 10:59 pm

      I agree! Thank you! I will check out that movie, thank you for providing a resource!

    • 123

      October 28, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      Yep I work full time at a domestic violence shelter and we use it as a teaching tool.

  33. Jeanette

    October 28, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    regard this article as just heartbreak is the problem with society.
    Yes, this was pre meditated, yes, he was heartbroken at some point, but
    that does not mean that his mental status should be ignored. Healthily
    minded individuals do not go shooting places up, nor do heartbroken
    people. However, someone with mental illness, and a broken heart just
    might. That is the issue and that is what is being ignored. This child
    suffered from a mental illness that he was probably unaware of himself.
    The priority of mental illness should be at the top of everyone’s daily
    to-do list. Unfortunately it is not. I
    can agree with some of the things that this article says, but I don’t
    completely agree with the authors angle. I don’t agree that when she
    weakly attempts to apologize, she shoots right back with a “but…”. That
    is unacceptable. She also used posts from his Twitter account that, yes,
    he said, but she used selected ones that were released by the media to
    make him look a certain way. They were released knowing how people would
    take them (an automatic tie to recent events), and she bit right on
    that hook. She used his tweets to prove her point. ONLY he knew what his tweets meant.
    Yes, I do understand that what any author/writer tries to do is prove their point with various types of resources. However, in a case such as this, in order to do the best by ALL people that this effected and involved, you need to do more research than what the surface level of media tells you to believe. The disconnect is that we live in a society where mental illness is not
    only something that is not widely or even at all taught on, what it
    looks like at different ages in life, etc., Therefore, left
    misunderstood and ignored and people don’t know what they are dealing
    with in their heads. Society had failed him- we all have.This is because
    at some point- this was an option for him and to him- his only option.
    Now that we all know better, we can do better. We can take action and
    not let the victims deaths be left in vain. The question is, “HOW?”. For the record, I am from that area, I went to the same high school, grew up with the shooters/victims aunts, cousins, etc,. my friends married the shooters/victims family members. This does effect me. To help you get your “facts” straight, the girl that those tweets were about, were his PREVIOUS girlfriend. Not that that changes the highlights (abusive relationships- there is value to your article) of your story, because you had good points, you just might want to know the facts, not just the propaganda of the media, to deepen your understanding of the situation and what it has caused the people who understand and have to live with this.

    • 123

      October 28, 2014 at 11:52 pm


  34. Jennifer Hall

    October 28, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    I live in Marysville, Washington and have been following this event very closely. Whomever wrote this has made an assumption about one of the girls shot being his ex-girlfriend. NOTHING has been said about one of the girls being her. In fact, I have read that she didn’t even go to that school. You need to do some fact checking.

    • Jeanette

      October 28, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      I am from there as well, thank you for standing up to this article. I hope that you will see my message above. The girl that got killed was his new “love” interest. The previous breakup is what left him so brokenhearted (she did not attend MPHS).

    • Jennifer Hall

      October 28, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      That is what I understand as well. I am very frustrated with this article and the comments!

    • SunnyD847

      October 28, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      I heard that he wanted to date Zoe but she dated his cousin instead. It was on the Today Show, so that story, true or not, is being widely reported. The author of this article is merely responding to that story.

    • Jennifer Hall

      October 29, 2014 at 12:14 am

      There is another girl who broke up with him and who he was really upset over.

    • SunnyD847

      October 29, 2014 at 12:26 am

      There always seems to be a lot of misinformation after these events. No matter which girl he was upset over -if that’s the case -it doesn’t justify his actions and the author of this article was just pointing that out.

    • 123

      October 29, 2014 at 12:29 am

      I think the author is reporting incorrect info and basically gossiping which is detracting from a very important subject matter.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 9:30 am

      She never implied Zoe was his girlfriend.

    • hmm

      October 30, 2014 at 12:14 am

      Did you read the article? She SAID Zoe was didnt imply

    • hmm

      October 30, 2014 at 12:24 am

      Pretty sure here is where she began to spread gossip.

    • Spitting_mad

      October 29, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      Is the subject matter “He murdered people and there’s no excuse for it”? Because I feel like it’s pretty spot-on about that.

    • brebay

      November 1, 2014 at 12:05 am

      Somebody is dead. Gossip doesn’t matter. It’s like a road rager who shoots another driver dead and then still tries to argue about who cut who off first. IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE!

    • Pixie1012

      October 31, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Does it really matter? The point is, whichever girl it was, he felt like he was owed something and that someone did him so wrong he felt compelled to blow them away.

  35. Shelley Armbruster

    October 28, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    A scary thought is that he didn’t intentionally kill himself. He accidentally shot himself when a teacher tried getting the gun away from him. How many others would he have injured if that hadn’t of happened?

    • Jennifer Hall

      October 28, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      That is not true. Investigators determined there was no physical contact between the teacher and the shooter.

    • Jeanette

      October 28, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      There was actually zero physical contact between the teacher and the student.

  36. Cdiana

    October 28, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    My best friend was four tables away from him and the people he shot. She went to school with him, knew who he was. He was apparently very friendly- could never hurt a fly. He was obviously suffering from some sort of mental disorder. I think that we should start educating people- especially young adults more on mental illnesses so that they can have some sort of grasp on how someone could do such of thing. We should spread more awareness then hatred.

    • Anon

      October 28, 2014 at 11:43 pm

      My ex-husband’a friends think the same thing about him. They find him super friendly and don’t think he would ever hurt a fly. They don’t believe that he gave my oldest a black eye for not reading to her little sister, or that he knocked her baby teeth out when she didn’t want to brush them. Violence doesn’t mean he was mentally ill. It just means that he was manipulative as well.

    • Spitting_mad

      October 29, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      He could never hurt a fly –

      But he shot his friends and family in the head and killed himself. Apparently he COULD do terrible things, because he did them.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:20 pm

      But he DID hurt a fly…more than a fly. He killed several people.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:25 am

      The people who mis-read Jaylen are not us. They are your best friend and you.

  37. Pinkie Pie

    October 28, 2014 at 11:23 pm

    I don’t think anyone is excusing his actions. He did what he did and we can not change that for him. But we can for others. We can start a conversation about domestic violence, objectification, and sexualizing our kids. The biggest issue is that kids are getting into relationships younger and younger! Hello that is a red flag! he was only 14 not even old enough to drive and yet our society thinks its ok that kids can date at that age and even be in a sexual relationship? You wonder why he had the issues he did? Look at his twitter and the tweets he was retweeting? Im certainly glad my daughter does not say stuff like that or emulate it, why because I am a part of her life and I make sure I know all that is going on, on her accounts. I check them and I talk to her skype friends and they all know I lay down the law when it comes to online and appropriate talks…
    The other major issue I have is your tone is full of anger and hate toward him, at least that is how I read it. No one is excusing his actions, they are however supporting his family. What if it was your child and don’t say it never could be because im sure his parents thought the same thing. kids are sneaky and they will find ways to do things you have asked them not to, be it a secret twitter or otherwise. They lost their son too and they deserve to be supported to, not thrown to the way side. Send them a note tell them hey I know this whole situation is terrible but I can forgive him and while it might take a while for my mind and heart to stop hurting over it I will forgive him and your family. His family will live with that ugly scar for the rest of their lives, they will always bear that mark that their child did this heinous thing. How do you think they are feeling right now? I can only imagine embarrassment and horror over it and on top of it grieving the loss of their son who could have gotten help and had a bright future.

    • Ursi

      October 29, 2014 at 9:25 am

      Where are you getting the idea that people don’t want to support the parents? No one is calling for a witch hunt for the parents.

      It COULD be anyone’s child. But that’s why people are talking here about preventing this from happening to other kids, being diligent about their online activities, giving them only the freedom they earn.

      And why on earth isn’t our anger justified? People are dead, including Jaylen Fryberg. Our anger is absolutely justified.

      It’s not our job to forgive him. It’s not the family’s job to accept forgiveness on his behalf. Forgiveness, if it comes, has to come from the victims to the person who hurt them.

      What exactly do you think is going to happen here, our comments are going to ruin his “reputation?” Too fucking late.

      You can have compassion for someone and also realize that they are a murderer and did a bad thing. I understand it’s difficult to reconcile but you can’t rationalize this. There’s no version of this in which the kid hasn’t done a terrible thing that will forever mar his reputation in the eyes of the world

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:33 am

      Exactly. I don’t have to forgive him- he didn’t take anything from me, other than chipping away at a sense of safety. The only people who can forgive him are those he’s hurt (and we’ll see about that) or those he’s killed- and they can’t forgive him.

      I feel terrible for Jaylen Fryberg’s family. They lost a son. Their son was also a murderer. And I also feel terrible for the families of the kids who were killed. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. fryberg clearly shouldn’t have had access to the Internet, but nobody is calling for his parent’s heads here.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 29, 2014 at 10:13 am

      I feel for all the families involved, but I always have a special “twist” in my feelings for the families of those who do the killing (barring them training them to do so of course) because i think most families don’t think they are raising a killer. And the guilt/shame/fear/sadness that comes with that? That’s…I just don’t know how they process that. How do you move on?

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      I hope they know that it’s not their fault. He was responsible for his own actions.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 8:48 pm

      We’re not angry at his family. We are angry at him. And frankly, we’re allowed to be. You know who else had a bright future? The kids he killed, and the ones who have traumatic brain injuries. And those futures, if they live through this, they may not have anymore.

      My uncle has a TBI. Has ever since he was six, when he accidentally shot himself in the head with what my grandfather believed was an unloaded pistol. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s taken anti seizure medication. He’s blind in one eye. He’ll never marry, has a volatile temper, and doesn’t make basic connections that the rest of us do. One of my first memories is being trained about what I had to do when my uncle had a seizure. My grandmother is in her eighties and is absolutely scared to death about what will happen to my uncle when she dies. He will, provided he lives that long, end up being my responsibility. It’s one I’ll willingly take, but the people who say that a TBI is no big deal have no goddamn idea what’s involved in that.

      We can’t forgive him. It’s not on us to forgive him. He didn’t shoot us and steal our futures, kill our children, or destroy our lives. But it is on us, as members of this society, to examine his actions and attempt to prevent this from happening again. I feel for his parents. I truly do. This is not their fault.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      I will also add: the only people who can truly offer him forgiveness are the people he killed and the ones he injured, which means that he’ll never get it- because two of those people aren’t here anymore.

  38. AlbinoWino

    October 28, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    I remember being a bit hurt when I realized a boy I liked in middle school didn’t really like me back but then you just move forward and realize you’re super young and probably not going to find the love of your life at age 14. I personally couldn’t stand kids at that age who took relationships SO seriously and thought that nothing else mattered. Even at a young age people need to realize that probably very few things that happen at that age are going to even matter in a few years.

  39. Crayonmuffin

    October 28, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    So, to the author of this questionable drivel, your analysis is that he did it because his own friend started dating the girl right in front of him instead of giving him affection? Because that is false. I went to, and live near the school and know friends who know the family. They know exactly why he did it. They aren’t going to go around spouting off why because ignorant morons like some found here would find a way to use it negatively. It’s amazing that it hasn’t been a week and people are already using any possible angle they can with a school shooting to boost their political agendas. You’re a scumbag and should be ashamed.

    And as for the whole “There were surely signs there.” comments. Every damn kid preteen to 18 are a bunch of whiny people that put stuff on their social media like that every single day. If they were to investigate every little post and comment and tweet that could be a red flag, there wouldn’t be enough resources to watch them all.

    Absolutely stunning to see so much hate being written by those who claim to have so much love. Is he a murderer and should be addressed as such? Of course. Any time people die in this country suddenly the creatures from the bottom of the internet come out like they’re all experts. Bottom line is making this issue into some sort of violence against women issue is disgusting and asinine. This instance hurt more males than females so maybe it’s a violence against men issue? Who knows. This whole “article” is something I wouldn’t expect from anyone with some sense in that grape on their shoulders, and my expectations seem to prove true.

    • 123

      October 28, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      You might be a tad over the top angry but I agree whole with you completely!!!!

    • AlbinoWino

      October 29, 2014 at 12:10 am

      Boost their political agendas? While I’ll agree that initially a lot of rumors and such about these sort of cases are often eventually shot down that doesn’t mean that people can’t talk about domestic violence possibly playing a motive here. And from the bit of info we have as far as his social media presence, yes, it does come across as him being a controlling and screwed up person. I don’t know what context this could be taken out of really. And even though you’re saying you know the REAL reasons he did it that is still a bit immaterial. He murdered and maimed people and there never will be a justifiable reason for that. And if we’ve got it all wrong then fine, we should correct ourselves. It won’t change the fact that another tragedy has happened in this country when a teen got their hands on a gun and used it to destroy lives.

    • Crayonmuffin

      October 29, 2014 at 12:15 am

      Saying it played a motive and writing an entire article on how badly women are treated because an angry, unstable kid shot up his school are two very different things. Other than that that’s exactly what I’m saying. There is no excuse or good reason he did what he did…as I never said. My point is people are taking advantage of a tragedy to try and make it about something that it wasn’t. I’ve seen a wealth of similarly written articles now about more gun control to boost votes for stricter gun laws in the state. It’s sickening and pitiful.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 29, 2014 at 10:03 am

      Based on the information we have, he called her, a human being his possession. That does lend itself to suggest that he did not see her as a human being, but as a thing, a thing that was his. And whether you, me, Maria or the rest of us creatures like it or not, there IS a social thought that women are not equal and that we are possessions of men. This blog post (note: not article) is merely opening that discussion. So that parents can say hey look the way this kid was describing a human is not ok. This post doesn’t diminish the tragedy, it doesn’t excuse him and it doesn’t take away from the boys who were shot either. It’s merely a discussion on this bloggers perspective. It’s neither asinine nor immaterial. I’m sorry that you are so close to the situation, but it’s perfectly okay for others to have different thoughts on the situation and extrapolate that.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 10:11 am

      This post is about men not treating woman as their possessions.

    • AlbinoWino

      October 29, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      Probably more than anything having school shootings is sickening and pitiful. And I certainly don’t see how it’s unreasonable to think that parents of emotionally volatile teenagers should probably not give them unfettered access to their weapons.

  40. Erin Hamlin

    October 28, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    I agree with you, he certainly was violent, abusive. But you have the facts of the story wrong. His longtime girlfriend (not Zoe) had just broken up with him, There are photos of this girl hugging(Shilene) his cousin who was also shot. He had just taken this girl to homecoming and they were in love for two years. Doesn’t change the fact that what you are saying is absolutely correct, but your facts might discredit your story.

  41. daniela

    October 28, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    you lost me with the galasso part because she wasnt his gf

  42. MPHS Alumni

    October 28, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    This is just more proof that the media needs to get their facts straight before writing stories based rumors. All you doing is hurting the victims of this horrific accident. Make sure your facts are confirmed before you write a story. Jaylen girlfriend that he is RUMORED to be so upset over didn’t even go to the school. She WAS NOT kill during the events from Friday. I am not condoning what happened, just a MP alumni who is tired of seeing the students and community hurt by inaccurate stories in the media.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:23 am

      Have you read the book “Columbine” by Dave Eggers? You might want to.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 10:12 am

      The students and community should feel more hurt by what Jaylen did….sorry. This is getting ridiculous. Maria is simply reporting the information she has been privy to..it is not sensationalized nor is it wholly inaccurate.

  43. Ethancantrell

    October 29, 2014 at 12:12 am

    I agree with Emilee about this.
    Another thing about the whole thing is that the Tulalip tribe society dosen’t regard women as trophies. Get your facts straight.

    Also I would like to know how you know that Zoe Galasso was dating Andrew Fryberg? I live in this community and there has been no correlation that is why Jayleen decided to shoot his friends.

    Besides if Zoe and Andrew where dating, then why did Jaylen shoot those other to girls and his other cousin?

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:42 am

      That last question is one nobody will ever be able to answer.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 29, 2014 at 10:08 am

      I don’t think the post was the tribe exclusively. It was more a statement of our society (the royal we) that from the information provided it appears that a woman saying no, which is and should be her right, can and does result in violence against her (and her friends/loved ones). We’ve seen countless stories where a man is left/jilted/heartbroken and the woman is injured or killed. The question is why? Where are we going wrong that men think that women can’t exercise their right to to be with (or leave) whomever they want.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:39 am

      Why Zoe and Andrew dating? Maybe it’s because they went to Homecoming together and Andrew referred to her as his WCE (woman crush eternal, or something like that).

  44. Lindy Chandler

    October 29, 2014 at 12:41 am

    Who are you people posting about a tragedy from the outside looking in? How many of you actually knew or know these kids or their families? You read posts on someone’s social media account and speculate that you know exactly who and what the message is meant for and what it is about and let anger seep into your minds. Read further. Read deeper. There are words you will never see because you’re not reading in the right place. Jaylen’s emotions were tangled not because he felt he needed to control a girl’s affections… there is another truth you are completely missing.

    Unless you can specifically name who Jaylen was directing his Twitter posts to and specifically know exactly what it pertained to, you can only assume, speculate and imagine. The students who are tribal members who know the meaning behind the posts, are silent. There are students at M-P high school who know this truth. They are
    afraid to speak out because they don’t want to bring any disgrace to
    victims. The Tulalip tribal leaders have remained silent as they deal with this tragedy on their own level, in their own way and with their own words.

    There is no excuse for premeditated murder. What he did was wrong and he knew it. Jaylen Fryberg is dead and his suicide sealed his accountability in murdering his friends and critically injuring others. He took responsibility by killing himself. He paid with his own life. He was not a grown adult who has learned life’s lessons. He was a child battling emotions he didn’t know how to cope with or control. His tragic decision was led by a fragile psyche. He was someone’s son. He was someone’s brother. He was someone’s grandchild. He was someone’s friend. His family grieves knowing he is a murderer, but they love him. His cousin, Nate Hatch, a person who knew Jaylen better than anyone on here, has forgiven Jaylen for shooting him. It doesn’t mean anyone else has to, but it speaks volumes as to how he feels for his departed friend and family member. Nate knows the truth too. He forgives Jaylen for a reason.

    • 123

      October 29, 2014 at 12:54 am

      Thank you for writing this. I really believe there is a lot of inaccurate information through out this blog post which is a major discredit to the author. Way to many judgements. Only those involved know this truth everything else is speculation and I am disgusted at the lack of respect for the dead and yes, even Jaylen.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      Can you explain to me why you feel anyone owes the murderer respect? Simply being dead doesn’t absolve him of the guilt of murdering two other people.

    • guest

      October 29, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      According to recent news stories apparently people in the area are too attached to their love for Jaylen and don’t seem to give a shit that he was a scumbag. They’re out there setting up memorials for him right next to his victims.

    • Ursi

      October 29, 2014 at 7:24 am

      Your suggestion that suicide is “taking responsibility” and that it’s some kind of blood-for-blood debt payment is absolutely disgusting.

      Committing an active of violence and then ending your life is not accountability. It is self-murder. It does not excuse ANYTHING. That’s one more life he took. One more precious human life he snuffed out.

    • ted3553

      October 29, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Thank you for saying this. He didn’t take responsibility, he ran away from it.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:22 am

      You’re not going to hear me say that this isn’t a tragedy. It is. But honestly, if someone took my son away from me because of their broken psyche, I wouldn’t care about them in the slightest. He killed three people (yes, three, including himself) and his suicide didn’t “seal his accountability”. It compounded the tragedy.

      My father has a dear friend who murdered his wife and daughter. He strangled them both and tried to kill himself. He’s currently in prison for life. People have things going on in their brains that nobody else, no matter how close they are, will ever understand. And just because they’re dead doesn’t mean we stop talking about them.

      All these people that loved him didn’t stop him from destroying dozens of lives. I wish it had never happened, but it did, and Jaylen doesn’t have to deal with the fallout. If that’s not selfish, I don’t know what is.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 10:46 am

      So what is this truth we are all missing?

    • leslie

      October 29, 2014 at 11:54 am

      So well said Lindy! I also want to know who these people are saying how these kids should grieve! It’s their tragedy, it’s their pain, let them deal with it the way they need to.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      Nobody’s telling them not to grieve. They need to look at the reality of the situation, though, and based on some of the comments I’ve read on this article, that’s going to be extremely difficult.

    • brebay

      November 1, 2014 at 12:10 am

      Yes, just like they let Jaylen deal with his “heartbreak” in the way he “needed” to. That worked out swell. God forbid you actually act like an adult and TEACH the kids something!

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:12 am

      What about the families of the victims. Paying loving tribute to the person who killed their smiling children very likely is causing them pain.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      Suicide is NOT taking responsibility for his actions. Not in the slightest.

    • Guest

      November 1, 2014 at 12:07 am

      They should have shown their love by teaching him some respect. and monitoring his online activities. He posted MONTHS of this garbage before he KILLED someone. His family was lazy. They didn’t do their job. He didn’t snap, he did exactly what he was taught he could do. And no one give a shit who “Nate” forgives. The State of Washington does not forgive 1st degree murder.

    • brebay

      November 1, 2014 at 12:09 am


    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:08 am

      Accountability means being tried, convicted and spending time in prison and/or on death row for his actions. What he did by taking his own life was about avoiding all that. He was a coward, not a person taking responsibility.

      Why, when other shooters commit the same acts we don’t have the same sympathy. Dylan Klebold (one of the Columbine shooters) was a manic depressive. I hope you were talking similarly about him.

      Our prisons are full of people who are mentally ill but somehow this kid should be cut a pass because? why? I have no idea. Because he was well-liked? So was Ted Bundy.

      It doesn’t matter how mentally ill he was. He KILLED 3 people, and a fourth is pretty likely going to be announced soon, given that only 5% of patients survive gunshot wounds to the brain.

      Maybe he should be forgiven for his actions, since he’s dead and we can’t do anything about it anyway. But the kid has been lionized in his community. It’s sickening. I feel nothing but sympathy for the families of the victims having to watch that. I’m pretty sure they don’t feel your sympathy toward this kid.

  45. guest

    October 29, 2014 at 12:54 am

    This us everything I’ve been thinking!! Everyone has been talking about how popular he was, and I’m like “aaaaaand?!?”… I don’t think it makes it any more unlikely or able to be forgiven. I fully remember being a crazy “in love” teenager, had my heart broken….and guess what, never killed anyone!!!

  46. Keshajae

    October 29, 2014 at 12:57 am

    A simple scroll of this kids Twitter account paints a very clear picture of what was going on in his 14 YEAR OLD brain, and frankly it should disturb everyone that a 14 YEAR OLD not only is retweeting and talking about these things, but engaging is this kind of sexually explicit and violent rhetoric. Just wow.

  47. Tashmonster

    October 29, 2014 at 12:58 am

    Actually the shooter and his girlfriend of 2 yrs broke up about a week before. She didnt go to the school and wasnt one of his victims. Another discrepancy I saw was listing all the of the surviving victims as being in critical condition. Thats not true. One of his cousins is has been in serious condition. I am not making excuses for the killer, just pointing out the faults in this story. Also not trying to argue, but please get your facts straight before posting something that goes viral with the wrong information on a serious issue. The kid flipped out and shot his best friends for absolutely no reason. Each person he shot was a friend who he invited to the table. It is totally sickening.

  48. shut it

    October 29, 2014 at 1:17 am

    Maybe everyone should stop listening to what the media is reporting. He actually just broke up with a girl that didn’t even go to that school. Only a few people know what was happening with this young KID, but yet nobody said or did anything to help with his emotions. Yes, he did a messed up thing but maybe he thought he didn’t have any other options. Months he was going through emotional shit. I don’t know this boy but this stuff is happening more and more with these kids killing. If you actually pay attention, bullying has a bit to do with these school shooting and suicides. But yet nobody wants to help anybody, and with people like this author calling a troubled young KID names, we wonder how/why kids become bullies. Well, it’s because they have parents like this author, that is also bullying a dead boy and trying to spread more hate for others. You know that saying that our parents used to teach us “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say it at all”. Well at least mine did, can’t say to much for the author.

    • Gamma

      October 29, 2014 at 4:50 am

      But millions of “kids” get their hearts broken DAILY – yet somehow manage not to murder all their friends. This whole incident must surely have more behind it than is reported. Why he did this may not be clear- but what is apparent is that he planned and intended to take at least 5 or more lives of those we are told were his friends. This is tragic for the victims and the families. RIP to those who were shot. I hope there is a proper inquest held so that the families get some answers.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:30 am

      Think about what you just said. “He did a messed up thing but maybe he thought he didn’t have any other options.”

      Killing someone is never a viable option, and never should be. I had an amazing childhood and a horrific adolescence. I went through a lot of shit. I never, ever considered killing other people as a viable option.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 9:34 am

      I’m pretty sure she just called him a murderer. Which is true.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 29, 2014 at 10:11 am

      Why are you defending someone who murdered 3 people? Potentially 5? I don’t care how old they are, if you intentionally ask people to meet you somewhere so you can shoot them in the head. You are a murderer. 14, 24 or 104.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:18 pm

      That ‘messed up thing’ he did has ended the lives of several adolescents. This is beyond ‘messed up.’

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:58 am

      You should go knock on the door of each of the 3 deceased girls and explain that to their parents. See what they have to say to you.

  49. James Blair

    October 29, 2014 at 2:31 am

    His (ex)girlfriend was NOT at this school. He didn’t go there either but I’d like to see the Twitter/FB feeds of what they said/did that set him off. This is according to the Sherriff’s dept.

  50. anonymous

    October 29, 2014 at 2:32 am

    Here’s my opinion. If it matters at all… I don’t know you or where you live or how you’re getting the facts of this tragic story. In fact I only stumbled upon your blog because some of my Facebook friends reposted it. I live 15 minutes north of Marysville. The town where the shootings happened . I lived there also many years ago for a short while. Worked in Marysville at the mall…which is on tribal land. Have friends in the community. Know many people that went to mphs. Know many people with kids that are enrolled there now. Guess one could say im Pretty familiar with the community. Now that doesn’t make me an expert by any means.. however…

    I am taking the time to reply to this article because I believe you should know the facts before spouting off on social media. The girl that was shot and killed on campus…not his girlfriend whom he tweeted about. I don’t know Jaylen personally… nor any of the victims. I don’t think the motive is totally clear either. I think there may be some other underlying mental issues at stake here.

    Hey people say the darnest things on Facebook and Twitter…where they can hide behind the somewhat anonymity of a phone/computer screen. Wouldn’t you agree? Are you telling me that you’ve never said something online that you regret later? FYI there’s a delete button…but the Internet is forever and every bit of info we put out there stays put there forever. Relevant to a current situation or not.

    What I can tell you is that the city of Marysville is in shock. Grieving. And morning. Including the surrounding cities including Arlington…where I reside. I also can tell you this… we’re all devastated and confused. We’re hurting and wondering how this could happen in our town? To our kids? The kids who were injured aren’t the only victims. Did you ever think about that? Do you think the boys and girls that saw with their own eyes the the shooter point the gun and pull the trigger do you think those people appreciate being constantly reminded through the media and posts like yours of the tragedy they had just witnessed? And for you to sound off with such little compassion? Not sure if that was your intent. But to me it seems you are using this topic to garner ‘likes’ and visits to your page.

    All in all this was a senseless crime. We will probably never fully understand all the details at play. My community needs time to heal. And hopefully we will grow from this experience. And learn. That’s all we can do. Grow heal learn. Letting this be an important life lesson. For us grown ups and the kids.

    I did appreciate the valid points your post made. But for crying out loud… let us grieve and mourn in peace. We know who the killer is. Let us put the puzzle pieces together the way we see fit. Everyone has an opinion on who to blame. But honestly in my opinion it’s past that. People are dead. The shooter is dead. I think that loss of life in itself is enough to set a lot of people’s minds straight.

    Sorry for the long reply I just felt you should know. At least how I feel…the media needs to give this a rest . And the media is propaganda and when it comes down to it it’s all about money when it comes to the news. Think before you post. Thanks for reading

    • Concernedmom

      October 29, 2014 at 11:36 am

      I live in this community too, and I am grieving as well. I have a son the same age as these kids. However, I think that this is exactly the discussion that needs to happen. We can’t ever protect other kids, including mine, if we don’t talk about the attitudes and beliefs that allowed the warning signs to go unnoticed. For me, being proactive is the best way to deal with my shock and amazement that this horrific tragedy happened in my hometown. And it happened in my community because the societal attitudes and beliefs that appear to have contributed to it are in every community unfortunately. I don’t know exactly what happened, and will never have all the answers but there appears to be more than enough evidence to have a discussion about attitudes towards women and the lack of monitoring of social media with our kids.

  51. anonymous

    October 29, 2014 at 3:15 am

    fuck you okay you don’t know Jaylen that is my cousin you are talking ababouyou have no idea what he was like okaydp don’t be writing a story about him when you don’t know him. Yeah he did shoot my other cousins and my best friends but he is NOT a murder he is an amazing yonge man so I’d appreciate it of you guys don’t talk about vim that way thanks!

    • Don Shipley

      October 29, 2014 at 3:47 am

      You are a stupid, stupid kid. So what he’s your cousin, that gives him the right to MURDER children?!! He’s not a murderer? He killed two innocent people in cold blood, that is the DEFINITION of a murderer! You need to wisen up and accept the fact that your cousin was a piece of s*** loser that will burn in hell for eternity. What gave him the right to MURDER Gia Soriano and Zoë Galasso? What gave him the right to destroy their families and plunge them forever in grief? Because he was a “cool guy”? You are retarded and part of the problem. It’s no surprise this happened in your family when kids are raised up like this. We should have laws in this country that hold parents accountable for serious crimes committed by their children. His dumbass parents gave him unlimited access to firearms including one as a birthday present and yet didn’t monitor him to make sure he didn’t use those firearms to kill people. They should go to prison for life. As for you his cousin, you should be locked up as you’re probably the next killer in the family. You are DISGUSTING!


    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:34 am

      Dude- too much. Just too much.

    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 2:25 am

      Mr. Shipley. You’ve called people “Moron”, “Clueless”, “Stupid”, “Disgusting”. “Retarded” on this forum. You accused a grieving cousin of being a potential killer. Your words scream BULLY and INTOLERANCE. You sir, lack integrity and self control. You can not refrain from name calling and belittling those who disagree with your point of view. Shame on you.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 9:37 am

      Yes. He is a murderer. A murderer is someone who kills people.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      He is a murderer, though- and while it’s sad that he spent fourteen years on this planet and will only be remembered by the world at large for killing others, that was a choice he made.

      He chose to text your cousins and your friends. He chose to look down the barrel of a gun and fire bullets into their bodies. He chose to kill himself. Nobody forced him to make those decisions.

  52. T Pratt

    October 29, 2014 at 3:33 am

    This article is great. I have been asking myself the same questions about the monitoring of the social media accounts.
    Jaylen was exhibiting erratic behavior via his social media. Simply bringing a gun to school, then texting the individuals to all join him for lunch was in no doubt “Pre-meditated”.
    I can’t justify in any regard what he did. The deaths of these children were senseless and brutal.
    Additionally, reading through the numerous social media accounts, it does not look like any were monitored. 14 and 15 year old kids drinking, smoking weed, and the biggest one, having sex. These were just Children. It seems as though as strong as social media is for education and the ability to get an answer to almost anything your mind could ask, it’s even more dangerous to our kids and their ability to be “kids”.
    This is just a heartbreaking incident that has damaged people for life. The families of the children that didn’t make it along with the children that are still fighting to live and all of the children that were witness to the chaos the day it happened. May peaceful blessings be bestowed upon all of them.

  53. Don Shipley

    October 29, 2014 at 3:35 am

    This is exactly what’s going wrong in our country. People are celebrating a mass child murderer along with his victims?! How do you think the families of the kids he killed feel about that? This is political correctness taken to absurdity. And what does this teach our children? That it’s okay to kill other people as long as you were well-liked and popular? That somehow that instead of being an evil piece of s*** that tried to murder five children he’s actually a good kid? This is a disgrace!

    Let’s remember the VICTIMS, not the murderer!

    • Her Vajesty

      October 29, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      It’s not an example of political correctness, it’s an example of misogyny.

  54. matr

    October 29, 2014 at 4:04 am

    Nobody called this kid the heartbroken Homecoming Prince, honestly this is worst written work I hav ever read

  55. Lindy Chandler

    October 29, 2014 at 4:19 am

    It does not need to be established that Jaylen is a murderer. He knew it before he put the gun to his head. He took responsibility for his horrifying actions. Zoe was not his love interest, or his current or former girlfriend. Gia was not his love interest, or his current or former girlfriend. Shaylee is was not his love interest, or his current or former girlfriend. That should be established in order to understand the truth of the circumstances. He very recently broke up with his girlfriend who lives in another town and attends a different school….. a breakup that was not his choice.

    It’s not up to me or anyone else outside of that circle to spell out the catalyst which led to a tragic end result.The only ones who can speak the truth from a first person perspective, are the survivors and anyone else who was inside that circle of friends and knew exactly what happened between Jaylen and the friends he loved. Don’t waste your time typing on blogs or message boards about things you know nothing about just to use it as a platform to pontificate about your personal social issues. Don’t speculate over half truths. Don’t assume over media blurbs. Don’t make a fool of yourself by portraying a boy’s last few weeks of life as something it wasn’t.

    What happened in that cafeteria was NOT an instance or issue of violence against women. He shot boys, too. What happened was not because he wanted to control a girl…. or take what he couldn’t have. If that was the case, he would have shot the girl he loved and not his friends. Jaylen lacked self control when he acted out on his emotions. He lacked maturity and possibly lacked the awareness of who he could have turned to for help if he didn’t want to share his problems with his family. What he did was wrong. It’s inexcusable. It’s irreversible.

    FYI: The girl who recently broke up with Jaylen posted on her pages that she will love Jaylen forever. “Soul mates”. I hope she has a counselor to talk to because this is a heavy burden to carry if she’s feeling guilty about any part of what happened. She needs to know it’s not her fault. Her life has been forever scarred, forever changed as much as those struggling for their lives. And my heart aches for all of them…the children and their families…. including Jaylen.

    • Don Shipley

      October 29, 2014 at 5:37 am

      You’re a moron. First you say, “It’s not up to me or anyone else outside of that circle to spell out the catalyst which led to a tragic end result”, and then you do EXACTLY THAT by stating, “What happened was not because…” Hypocrite much?

      “He took responsibility for his horrifying actions.”

      Killing yourself after committing MURDER is not “taking responsibility”, it’s taking the coward’s way out. You’re a true idiot.

      You write, “Don’t waste your time typing on blogs or message boards about things you know nothing about just to use it as a platform to pontificate about your personal social issues. Don’t speculate over half truths. Don’t assume over media blurbs. Don’t make a fool of yourself by portraying a boy’s last few weeks of life as something it wasn’t,” and yet that’s EXACTLY what YOU ARE DOING.

      You are a true piece of s*** to be crying for, defending and sympathizing with a MURDERER who killed two innocent kids and tried to kill three others. It doesn’t matter what problems he was having, for him to think he had the right to kill other people because he was going through some broken heart non-sense proves he was a MONSTER. There’s no two ways about it, he was EVIL and a despicable worthless scum of the earth. It’s easy for you to have “heart aches” for him since it wasn’t YOUR CHILD that he murdered.

      People like you are the reason we have problems like this. Do the world a favor and don’t ever have kids. If you already do, do the public a service and put them up for adoption.


    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 1:54 am

      Mr. Shipley, Why are you so angry at another person’s opinion? Resorting to name calling is the first step to losing respect. That is a childish reaction to someone who knows these kids. This world comes with all sizes, shapes and aspects of personal thinking. Lindy is not a hypocrite. She knows things you and the majority of the responders on here, don’t. Many…. MANY… people forgive Jaylen. Tribal members forgive him. Students forgive him. Family members forgive him. They do what their heart says is right. Leave the forgiving ones in peace.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 7:37 am

      But the thing is- it’s not on any of us to forgive him. The only people that can truly do that are those he’s injured or killed.

    • guest

      October 29, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Lindy, what was the catalyst for his actions? I read his twitter feed again after your first post and he could have been posting to someone who was abusing him, and maybe at least one of his friends? Is that the case? As far as his friends not talking because it would bring disgrace to his people, how can they be any more disgraced than they are now? If there is more to it, shouldn’t the responsible person be held accountable? (and yes, I know Jaylen is responsible). Someone else who knows the town and people commented here and also says there is more to it, and asks the media to investigate. What is going on there?

    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 2:00 am

      Teenagers can sometimes be very ugly, dishonest, manipulative and secretive to each other. Even to their “best friends”. When a truth is revealed, it can bring out feelings of anger. Uncontrolled feelings of hate. In this tragedy, the victims are not all they seem as much as Jaylen is not as all he seems. You try to put together a scenario and personality profile by reading snippets from Twitter and think you’ve figured it out? No. What happened was of bigger thoughts. Bigger events. Bigger emotions. If the children were to reveal the truth, they would disgrace themselves and their families. Lindy is correct. There was a catalyst that set this in motion and that catalyst set Jaylen on the wrong path of destruction.

    • guest

      October 30, 2014 at 6:10 am

      No, I don’t think I have it figured out, but I’m trying to understand. I’m miles and miles away, but I too feel awful for all involved, and I’m also a mother of two sons.

    • Tulalip Tribe Proud

      October 30, 2014 at 9:15 pm

      Jaylen acted out on immature, misguided, teenage emotions.. He was brought to those feelings by the words and actions of others. He didn’t blame his girlfriend. He blamed others. What he did was wrong. Tragically wrong. He did not think of the repercussions of what he set out to do. He wanted to punish those who hurt him. The story is there if you read enough and make the connections. Like a jig saw puzzle linking pieces together. Unfortunately, the public can only read limited messages and are not privy to private messages and texts. Detectives can only hope that they get the truth from all who are interviewed. Jaylen will be remembered for being two very different people: A good natured boy who was loved by many….. and a murderer.

    • Totally Upset and Confused

      November 7, 2014 at 1:26 am

      Well– Lindy and Marysville Mom seem to know, or want to portray, that they know, a great deal about what actually happened here. And both are being quite cagey at the same time. I certainly hope you both are working with the team of investigators to honestly add your knowledge to the explanation of why these poor kids were ambushed and assassinated at MP. I want you to know that other families outside of the MP community are very affected by this school shooting because we have kids too and we play sports with MP kids and we care about all kids in our sports district, our state, our country and all over the world. There seems to be a complete truth blackout on this story and I don’t know where to leave it or how to get over it. I get the message that the Tribe and the MP community should be allowed to solve this among yourselves and that we are all meddling somehow in being completely horrified and very concerned by the school shooting and by what we read on the social media of these kids. You are trying to message that this is somehow none of our business. I want to tell you that is just crazy and wrong. It is our business. When will we be told where JF got that Baretta? Will that person be named and charged? Why did he choose these poor killed and maimed kids to target? Why are you alleging that they knew “why” he did it and alleging that they bullied him into this horrific act of teenage terrorism? And that the sole survivor has the right to “forgive” him because “he knows why JF did it”. This is all so sick and sordid. Yes – these MP kids are going to be forever traumatized but it is made worse by the lies and secrets of adults who don’t want to face up to the real truths and call a murderer a murderer and disclaim his actions. You all need to face the fact that there is no justification– only the truth and it is your communities obligation to face it and learn from it.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:18 pm

      Suicide is NOT taking responsibility for his actions.

    • JL

      November 5, 2014 at 9:58 pm

      Thank you for attempting to bring some truth and clarity to all who continue to paint this tragic event as something it wasn’t. Deepest sympathy to your community and all the families who are suffering.

  56. H

    October 29, 2014 at 4:21 am

    Maria I read all your work and this is some of your best.

  57. countryxoxo

    October 29, 2014 at 5:19 am

    It’s funny how a lot of you guys are being rude and hating on a 14 year old boy who you do not know. You don’t know all the facts either so just stop. None of the kids involved in this were bad kids. All 6 of them our victims of this event even the jaylen. His family is suffering just like the other ones. The police have never cleared this about being about a girl there could be more behind this so stop jumping to conclusions about it.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:36 am

      I don’t hate him. I think what he did was horrendous, and it was a tragedy. I think murdering other people is the most selfish thing a person can do. And I think that Jaylen doesn’t get a free pass because he’s dead.

    • mnm

      October 30, 2014 at 2:24 am

      How could you possibly think that Jaylen was his own victim? Seriously? The minute that he decided to shoot and kill his friends (that he invited via text message to the table in the cafeteria), he became a monster, a murderer. Age does not matter when you make the calculated decision to end multiple lives of others. Would we say something different if he was 24, 34, 44? His actions can never be justified, and likely not ever fully understood. There will always be speculation about the situation – we can’t ever fully know what happened, Jaylen took that to his grave. What got him there was certainly multifactorial, and we will never know what one thing that it was that finally pushed him over the edge to become a murderer. Nice kid for the previous years or not, he still took aim and fired on 3 of his friends and 2 of his cousins, with deadly, premeditated force.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:14 am

      The 5 kids who were shot were victims. Jaylen was the shooter. Nobody told him he had to shoot others or die. Jaylen had a choice. But the victims had no choice in the matter.

      Just think how horrendous it is to the families of the victims when you lionize their childrens’ killer.

  58. bigdaverino

    October 29, 2014 at 5:36 am

    The shootings in Marysville were senseless. But there was senselessness preceding the event as well. Firearms need to be secured. Also if you see a child making repeated sexualized and sinister posts on social media it’s time for mature adults to intervene.

  59. May

    October 29, 2014 at 5:39 am

    I agree with the author of this article that gender roles create a dangerous mindset and need to be addressed. The thing that confuses me is the storyline that Jaylen was in love with Zoe. Jaylen’s girlfriend (or ex) of the last six months at least went to a different school. She is not Zoe Galasso. So why did Jaylen murder Zoe? Was he in love with two girls? It doesn’t add up.

    • Don Shipley

      October 29, 2014 at 5:52 am

      He murdered and shot his friends and even his family because he was a psychopath. He was a MONSTER in every sense of the word. The people defending him are CLUELESS and despicable. The grief that he’s caused to the families of those he murdered and his community and his own family is indefensible. May Jaylen Fryberg ROT IN HELL for eternity!


    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 2:16 am

      Mr. Shipley. Jaylen will not rot in hell. God forgives him. God knows he is a child. God knows the truth. His cousin, Nate forgives him. Are you going to say Nate is clueless? Are you going to call him a moron too (like you’ve done to others) ?

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 10:32 am

      He’s a child who made the very adult decision that he was entitled to kill and seriously injure five other people. It’s not up to us to forgive him or not. The only people who can do that are the people he injured, the parents whose lives he destroyed, and the two people he killed. And since he’s not here, we can’t forgive him. He took that ability away.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:55 am

      I would say Nate, another 14-15 year old is naive and in denial — as well as being pressured by his grandfather. And if hell isn’t for someone like Jaylen who would premeditate the slaughter of at least 3 people he called his friends, who, then, is it for?

  60. LeggEggTorpedoTits

    October 29, 2014 at 7:44 am

    Clearly some folks that are close to the situation have crashed the Mommyish blog to bring their perspective which, while somewhat enlightening, doesn’t change anything.

    When we ask why a murderer kills people, we aren’t really looking to point the finger at the outside influences on him, we’re trying to identify the internal causes for his inability to cope with normal distress and anxiety.

    The author, here, is also trying to make that distinction. It doesn’t matter if he was a heartbroken, home coming prince. It doesn’t matter if he was angry about someone “taking” his girlfriend or his lawnmower, what we want to know is why this young man was so incapable of confronting reality without resorting to murdering his friends and family. We all get angry. The difference between this young man and everyone else is that he killed people. He blamed them for his inadequacy.

    The details that have been provided here are interesting to know but they don’t alter the bottom line.

    • ted3553

      October 29, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      He took out his frustrations on other people resulting in their death. That doesn’t make me feel sorry for him. It makes me angry.

  61. Diana Baylie

    October 29, 2014 at 7:52 am

    Good article, despite the fact that a few of your facts are incorrect. Zoe was not his girlfriend and not the object of his affection. His long time girlfriend, with whom he recently broke up, goes to another school and was not present at the shooting. She had recently begun dating his cousin, and the other kids in the group were fine with that, which apparently made him feel betrayed.

    • May

      October 29, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      How do you know that they were fine with it and that’s why he was mad? Are you close to the situation? I’m asking honestly and politely, this comment intrigued me as that piece of information would kind of be the missing puzzle piece to his motives.

  62. Tabitha Miera

    October 29, 2014 at 7:52 am

    I dnt agree with this post… this boy maybe a murderer but we dnt know his story, his circumstances his mental health or any factors besides what the news tells us…. we r quick to judge but slow to analyze… what he did was awful but our reactions to a terrible situation is judgement instead of awareness…..

    We have lost humanity and compassion and we have failed our children…. lets take sm of this responsibility… and it is even clearer that this is so after seeing some of these ignorant post.. how about we turn off our computers and take sm action… lets reach out to your children others children take part in youth growth…. anything positive!! I plan to… do you??…. we can not judge if we do not know the facts and we can not comment if we have not done our part to take actipon….. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS>>> And until we turn off our computers, stop judging ppl, reach out to our youth and attempt to change the issues at hand we have no right to sit behing our screens so ignorantly judging…….. I pray for us all…; GOD BLESS!

    • Blueathena623

      October 29, 2014 at 9:46 am

      Uh, why are you so quick to judge his parents as being shitty people?

    • Tabitha Miera

      October 30, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Im not saying “its his parents” or “its a mental disability.. Im saying it could be anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If we haven’t walked a day in his shoes we do not know if any of this is a factor?? everyone on here is asking why I would say it was mental or why I would say it was his parents? if you read it in whole and not out of context I merely used those as examples of different situations that we may not be aware of? unless we walk in that boys shoes we can not judge… that’s all im saying.. but everyone is missing the big picture that should be commented on! OUTREACH>>>> stepping in as adults, as human beings taking initiative to teach our youth better and to pay attention to them and to lead and guide them properly… this should be an eye opener for us to all come together and learn and grow, and teach and build… NOT sit behind our computers and judge..

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 11:13 am

      How can we “change the issues at hand” if we don’t thoroughly examine the situation to determine what the issue is?

    • Tabitha Miera

      October 30, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      When we thoroughly examine an issue we must look at it from all perspectives and points of view? We have to analyze it unbiased. Otherwise we are only getting one side and not the full story. Although we may not agree with the other side or even understand it. Even if one side is right or wrong! If we are analyzing something to find a solution you must view all aspects non judgmentally? I am studying psychology an if I ever want to council people I can not judge them one way or another or else I wouldn’t be able to help them one way or another?

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 1:42 pm

      His parents could have done everything they knew to do, and that wouldn’t have changed anything. And honestly, when someone does something like this, they open themselves up for judgement.

    • Tabitha Miera

      October 30, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      He may have opened himself up for judging ( remember he was still a child.. A lost child! but still not fully mentally grown.) but we can be better human beings (maturer ADULT human beings!) by not judging ignorantly and instead stepping up and building awareness and teaching our youth…

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      And how are we supposed to do that if we don’t discuss it?

      I don’t consider the judgement I made- that he was a murderer who made an adult decision- inaccurate. He was a murderer. He did make an adult decision, and the time to be considered a child is probably before you commit mass murder. The second you step into the adult world and make adult decisions, you lose the right to consider yourself a child, IMO. And the idea that he was a mixed up kid is a nice one, I guess, but once you kill two people you’re not “mixed up” anymore.

    • Tabitha Miera

      October 31, 2014 at 8:22 am

      Discussing it is find.. as long as you r discussing it in search of a resolution not just placing your opinion, and when “placing your opinion you must see if frm all points of view even if you do not agree with the opposing argument.. Everyone is missing “THE BIG PICTURE” It happened! we can dwell on it till our eyes explode about why but it makes no difference because you cant change what happened???? We are mature adults how about we stop dwelling and take action… reach out to our youth and teach better.. petty bickering over the whys just shows our children more pettiness.. we are saying “kids this is how to act in the wake of a crisis…. we get on the internet and argue about it till our faces turn blue then forget about it an move on to the next petty topic…. how bout we take charge, take action and make a difference threw out reach???? I.J.S,.,, lets stop giving opinon and start reaching out to our youth…???

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2014 at 8:36 am

      You have to figure out what your opinion on something is before you can engage in any kind of outreach. And with something like this, figuring out “why” is pretty damn important, if it’s something that can be done.

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      I agree….. But we cannot figure out why by being bias and judging, our opinion can not over take the question at hand? We have to view all aspects whether we agree or not? My professor says if a patient walks in to our office to be counseled and they feel judged or offended they will shut down and you get no where. BUT If they walk in and we are open to their opinion and listen with out judgment or personal opinion we will be able to better grasp the “why?” we do not have to agree with their “why” but we can learn to better understand it so that we can better assist in solving it?

    • whiteroses

      November 3, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Honestly? The time to worry about judgement is before you kill people.

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      no one said he wasnt a murderer? but how can we discuss it by being bias? (thats a one sided discussion, that becomes just a judgment?) we will never get any where in solving the “why” and with out knowing why we can never find a solution?

    • whiteroses

      November 3, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      It will always be a one sided discussion because Jaylen Fryberg is dead. And clearly, even those who knew him well had no idea what was going on in his mind.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      The millions of people who suffer from mental health issues (including myself) and manage to not shoot people would take great offense to what you just said.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      But she’s praying for us all!! *eyeroll*

    • Tabitha Miera

      October 30, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      With all do respect, I am working on my masters in psychology, and i do not understand why all people with a mental disability would be offended?? All mental disability’s are different and effect people in different ways depending on their mental disability and the level of illness they suffer from.. I mean not every person with depression takes their lives either?? I am not “trying to offend anyone? I am stating a fact that we do not know what this boys situation is and we can not judge unless we walk in his shoes? we do not know what his circumstances where or what set him off?? The media and even us are all speculating with judgments good and bad?? but the fact of the matter is IT HAPPENED! so now we can sit an analyze it and judge and argue WHY?? or we can step up and take physical action and step in and help and teach our youth awareness?? instead of trying to find whats wrong lets do whats right??

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 30, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      I’m a school counselor, so I get what you’re saying. But, people chalking it up to a mental illness trivializes the gravity of this situation. People seem to think “Oh, he must have been mentally ill” is an excuse or an explanation, and it gives the people who struggle with mental illnesses a bad reputation. And I don’t think “mental disability” is the right term here. I’m thinking anxiety, depression, etc, rather than someone who is differently mentally abled.

      And as someone who is working toward a masters in psychology you also know that we work to recognize those who are a danger to themselves and/or to others. If people see that this kid was both, and associate that with mental illness, the stigma you know exists won’t go away. I personally don’t think chalking this situation up to mental illness is appropriate.

    • Tabitha Miera

      October 31, 2014 at 8:25 am

      Everyone is missing “THE BIG PICTURE” It happened! we can dwell on it till our eyes explode about why but it makes no difference because you cant change what happened???? we are dwelling on if he had a mental issue or wether his parents were good parets?? It could have just as well been one of those issues… or a million other ones as well?? We are mature adults how about we stop dwelling and take action… reach out to our youth and teach better.. petty bickering over the whys just shows our children more pettiness.. we are saying “kids this is how to act in the wake of a crisis…. we get on the internet and argue about it till our faces turn blue then forget about it an move on to the next petty topic…. how bout we take charge, take action and make a difference threw out reach???? I.J.S,.,, lets stop giving opinion and start giving a helping hand.. reaching out to our youth…??? instead of reaching for our computers

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 31, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      Um, I do help the youth. I work at a title I, low income, 99% minority school as a school counselor. I was just stating my opinion as someone in the field, and someone who works with kids his age. I don’t know why it’s either “reach for a computer” or “reach out to help kids”. They’re not mutually exclusive.

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      you know that is the most common sense thing I have heard on here out of all this ignorance and you are right…

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 31, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      There are multiple “big pictures” here. 1-Why are our youth deciding that murdering friends is an appropriate way to resolve hurt and 2-Why are we ‘poo pooing’ a murder because of a broken heart? Understanding the hows and whys may help us prevent this in the future. What action do you recommend taking? Hugs for everyone. Hugs fix everything after all. Reach out to whom? Kids are angsty drama filled almost adults. A discussion about all of this IS appropriate always. Having more than one why leads to more dialogue about how we’ve arrived here. We cant’ just go charging in and mucking about without having any context or clear plan. But I’ll tell you what, we’ll stay here and have “petty” debates over why kids are doing this and you can go ahead and attempt to out reach to kids who text their 4 best friends and invite them to lunch so they can shoot them, because telling them “it’ll be ok” and giving a big hug will 100% change their mind.

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      we do need to look and analyze all those whys? in the big picture.. now Idk about the “poo Pooing??” and hugs (that’s just you being sarcastic and petty?) but we do need to ask all these questions in order to grasp the mentality of the issue and to be able to help change it.? I am not, nor will i ever condone it or say it was just cuz he was broken hearted??? that is not ok or an acuse? but we do need to figure out why they would feel it was an exuse?? and we can not get to that by judging and shutting them down because you do not agree if we never listening to they other side? you canot fully understand some ones ill though to be able to change it??

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      November 3, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      There is literally nothing in this comment that makes sense. If you’re frustrated, please take a moment, regroup, and try typing that again. If not, I don’t understand this poorly written response and therefore have no response.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 31, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Also, since you’re aware of the APA code of Ethics:

      “5.01 Avoidance of False or Deceptive Statements
      (b) Psychologists do not make false, deceptive or fraudulent statements concerning (1) their training, experience or competence; (2) their academic degrees; (3) their credentials; (4) their institutional or association affiliations; (5) their services; (6) the scientific or clinical basis for or results or degree of success of, their services; (7) their fees; or (8) their publications or research findings.”

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 31, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      And yet, it seems to be such a popular claim lately! lol

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 31, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      There should be a (9) Their ability to use question marks and exclamation points appropriately…

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      Lol!!! LAdy no one said I was a psychologist yet?? I said I am studying Psychology.. I am in school… (you must have missed that part???) I have my a.a and i am almost done with my bachelors and I start on my masters in the fall.?? I am not making “false statements?” I never lied about my academic degrees or credentials or any of that…? So what are you speaking about??? lady I think you are officially just talking to argue?? I originally spoke my opinion that we cannot judge some ones actions whether they are right or wrong?? We must try to learn from it and do our part to make a difference??? to learn from it we must analyze the situation frm all aspects.. (to fully understand why?) to be able to assist in changing that negative aspect.. NOTHING MO RE OR NOTHING LESS>>>>> smh…………..

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      November 4, 2014 at 11:23 am

      You are killing me. You are working on your bachelor’s not your Master’s. Only people in grad school are working on their Master’s. Let’s just get that out of the way. You are working on your Master’s in the same way I’m working on my Doctorate. By not attending school. Awesome if that’s your ultimate goal, but saying you are “working on your Master’s” Implies you are in grad school. As someone who just completed an ACTUAL Master’s degree, undergrad is nothing in comparison and I’m actually peeved you would suggest that your last few semesters of undergrad even compare to grad school. I’m telling you now, they don’t. You are working on your bachelor’s (and implying you work in the field, which you don’t) with the goal of getting your Master’s, please specify that before spouting off at the mouth. Moving on for the love of all that is holy, please do the industry you are attempting to enter a solid and learn to write. I get typos, I do not get the multiple punctuation or atrocious grammar. Lots of us comment from phones or tablets, that’s a crap excuse. A question mark, by it’s very definition, is sufficient to ask the question. Please. No one can take you or your comments seriously if you don’t get it together.

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 13, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      I never said I had a doctrine or that I was working in my field yet you idiot! I am in school dummy! I go to the University of Washington, and I am working on my bachelors. (almost done!) You are implying that I am saying things I never said?? you think your so intelligent… this is coming from the dumb ass who put their name as “tit whisperer?” what a douche bag!

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      I merely used mental illness or home problems as examples of why we cannot judge because we do not know their circumstances? I now see i should have never used examples because they where picked out the context and ran with… (I learned a great lesson here.) I was not excusing mentally ill or blaming mentally ill or excusing home problems or blaming parents????????????? I was just stating that we do not know this child or his life or issues? I originally stated that we do not know his circumstances but people didn’t get that and blew it up? so I used examples? then they took the examples and blew them up into an issue?

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 31, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      If you are working on your Master’s degree, why haven’t you figured out when to use a question mark, and when to use a period?

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      Sir I am on my phone, I am not worried about my punctuation at the moment… it’s not a APA paper, a school or work document or any of that just simply typing on a small device… grow up… thank you.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 31, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      That is merely perpetuating a stigma for those diagnosed with mental illness that they ‘can’t help it’ or that all people with mental illness are violent and that’s not true. Further, you are merely giving those who do not wish to work on their mental illness an out. Oh, you have a mental illness, you just can’t help it, poor dear. That’s not how treatment works. That’s not how advocating for your clients works. That’s not how advocating for your profession works.

    • Tabitha Miera

      November 3, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      lord jesus… you are now putting words in my mouth??? I never said ANY OF THAT????? All I said is that we do not know that boys circumstances???? you are taking on little part of my comment and blowing it up into something it is not?? It is not a bash on the mentally ill, it is not a excuse for the mentally ill it is simply a comment on how we do not know what that boys circumstances are??? you can not judge some one OR!!! Excuse some one till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes?? that is all….. nothing more or nothing less lady???? Its that simple… first your mad that I may be offending the mentally ill, now your mad that im making excuses for them?? you may be a little confused or just talking for the sake of arguing????

  63. blazay

    October 29, 2014 at 7:59 am

    Its a shame the internet allows judgmental people onto the internet, it is traumatizing to friends and family when someone puts their opinion out there that will not hold any salt to the shooter’s and victims’ families thoughts. I hope you never have to go through something losing your son and having to watch helplessly as everyone berates you as a parent and the nature of the kid in front of the whole world when they don’t know anything about him.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 10:01 am

      Nobody’s berating his parents. We don’t think he should have had unlimited access to the internet, but what Jaylen Fryberg did is all on him.

    • Ursi

      October 29, 2014 at 10:05 am

      We know he murdered people. I’m sorry, is there some nicer way we should put that?

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:13 am

      It’s equally a shame that people in the real world aren’t accountable for their actions, and are lionized for slaughtering people.

  64. TigersInLove

    October 29, 2014 at 8:38 am

    The “How did this happen?” narrative repeated in the media probably comes from the fact that popular kids with lots of friends aren’t supposed to be the ones who snap–that’s too scary and unpredictable. It’s “supposed” to be the bullied loner misfit so we can all gravely shake our heads and say, yeah, I knew that kid was off.

  65. Lackadaisical

    October 29, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Whenever I see something like this, where a person goes off the deep end because the person they adore doesn’t see them that way and they feel entitled to that love and feel victimised and cheated for not being desired, my first thought is usually “but that is probably exactly why you were rejected”. Someone who puts their own desire for a person who is not interested above all of the other persons rights and life sends off all kinds of creepy vibes of potential domestic abuser. She didn’t jilt the nice guy for another guy over superficial reasons, she rejected the person who saw her as an object or a trophy and had the potential to be violent over someone who did her no harm whatsoever. She made the right choice in her love life and got punished for it.

  66. Gina

    October 29, 2014 at 9:02 am

    He didn’t shoot the girlfriend. Hello???

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 11:21 am

      From his social media accounts, the motivation for the shooting appaers to be being dumped by his girlfriend who then started dating his cousin, whom he did shoot. So, what are you trying to say?

    • Gina

      October 29, 2014 at 11:32 am

      This whole post is about violence against the girlfriend who supposedly dumped him but it appears he cheated on her. That girlfriend of several years wasn’t present at the school and was not shot. That’s all I’m saying…He also shot two boys, his cousins…so I would say this is more than about violence against women…I think this article misses the boat. That’s all I’m saying…

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 11:43 am

      Maria’s larger point is that men treat women as possessions , not as human beings who are entitled to feel or not feel romantically about men. Jaylen, when dumped, chose to murder people. He felt so entitled to her affections that he ended the lives of people when she withdrew them.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      I don’t understand what people aren’t getting about the correlation. Anger over being dumped —-> made decision to shoot people. Never mind who was there, who wasn’t, who he was dating… those are the 100% true events.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      I don’t understand it either. It seems pretty straightforward to me…

  67. LoveInfinitely

    October 29, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Breaking news: handsome, popular boys can be violent too!
    People are shocked that someone committed a violent crime without being a social outcast? Why? Is angry just for “losers” now?
    Until society steps up and realizes that no, it’s actually not ok to teach boys to objectify and “own” girls, this kind of thing will continue to happen. We need to teach our sons, as a collective community, that this type of behaviour is simply not acceptable. From day 1. Not once it has begun, but from the very beginning. No more “boys will be boys” and no more “he only hurt you because he likes you” and no more “he’s jealous, which means he likes you.” No. Enough is enough. The hand-wringing and the victim-blaming is too much. I feel sorry for everyone involved (yes, including Fryberg – I feel sorry for anyone who is that messed up) but let’s not lose the opportunity to learn something and make some changes.
    I’m not even going to touch the gun angle. Not today, friends.

  68. LLuthor

    October 29, 2014 at 9:19 am

    When I was in school we didn’t worry about kids with guns. You know why, because they actually punished us when we were bad. Spanking happened. I think when we started listening to the idiots who told us that spankings were wrong is when kids went out of control. I’m not just talking about spanking but all the other things that we stopped doing because of stupid people who never had kids telling people with kids that they were doing wrong. Next time you see a mother spanking her kid cause the kid acted out, thank her instead of calling the cops. That kid has learned that there are real and painful consequences for bad behavior. And please stop the male bashing.

    • Blueathena623

      October 29, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Yeah, I really don’t think this is a spanking issue.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:47 am

      I’m not sure you know what this article is actually about.

    • Ursi

      October 29, 2014 at 10:04 am

      Didn’t realize that speaking about violence in a male dominated society which is largely perpetuated by men against other men and women, and which is spurned on by a mindset which men are also victims of constitutes “male bashing”

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Yes, we should definitely teach kids about how to peacefully, non-violently resolve conflict by hitting them. Genius.

  69. Cat Buchanan(VA)

    October 29, 2014 at 9:49 am

    THIS! Really … THIS!!!!!

    I am a Domestic Abuse survivor. I genuinely feared for my life when I left my ex. I also attended a funeral for his step-sister while I was married to him. His step-sister was MURDERED by her husband who then took his own life.

    I have a son who is 8. I am doing my best to raise him with the idea that EVERYONE has agency over their own bodies, their own decisions. I don’t care if it’s a boy/man or a girl/woman. They have the right to dress the way they want, to date whoever they want, to make decisions for themselves – that violence is NOT the answer when your will is thwarted.

    I LIVED receiving verbal, mental, emotional, sexual and physical violence from my ex. I went to a f-ing funeral of a woman who was killed because of domestic violence. I know this story from BOTH EFFING SIDES. It’s time to stop this madness and hold the abusers – whether male or female – to account for their actions and words. It’s time to STOP excusing violence because “he/she was heartbroken” or “he/she made her/him angry”. Those are NOT EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE. PERIOD.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through in your life, but if the way you’re teaching your son is any indication, you’re a very strong human being, and your son will grow up to be, too. Thanks for sharing your story.

  70. Michael

    October 29, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Despite the headline of this article, Maria Guido fails to provide even one example of someone “excusing” this act. Maria says she “disagrees” with everyone who didn’t see this coming (though I’m pretty sure they were truthful about this even if she feels they should have known more), but that context changes dramatically had those people seen his ominous texts or had any insight into his mindset other than an anonymous broken-hearted teen. I agree with just about everything she says in the article, but the suggestion that many people are excusing this action is a complete fallacy and detracts from the credibility and substantive points.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:55 am

      It isn’t, actually. Read the comments. Not just here but in other news stories.

    • Michael

      October 29, 2014 at 11:47 am

      I’m not claiming to have ready every article or comment, but I don’t see anyone “excusing” or justifying these murders. I have, however, read several articles almost identical to this one which highlight important themes of entitlement, violent-relationships, parental involvement, etc… Again, I agree with the substance of the article, but feel the headline is awfully misleading without any information or evidence about people “excusing” this murder.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      Again, read the comments. There are a lot of people talking about how we don’t know what we’re talking about, how he was bullied, how he felt like his only option was to shoot five other people. Sounds like excuses to me.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 10:16 am

      Have you read the comments here?

    • Concernedmom

      October 29, 2014 at 11:26 am

      Plenty of people are defending him as an outstanding young man who happened to do this bad thing. You can see it even on the comments here.

  71. Blueathena623

    October 29, 2014 at 10:06 am

    I really don’t understand the people saying he needed more hugs, more understanding. Multiple, multiple people have come forward saying he was well-liked. Tribal elders say he showed such promise that he was thought as a potential future tribe leader. His family was one of the most respected in the tribe. He did face some discrimination (see the fight he had with a kid he said called him an ethnic slur), but as a whole, he appears to have had a good family situation.
    On the flip side, he fucking texted his victims to meet them at lunch, supposedly looked them straight in the face, and from what I’ve read (correct me if I’m wrong) took mostly head shots. Seriously, that is not someone who needs more hugs.

  72. Dustyhockeymom

    October 29, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Thank you!!! I work in the domestic violence field and have been saying this for days. I can’t believe how many people are defining him as a normal teenage boy. I live in the community where this happened, and I have a son the same age who has had his heart broken. It isn’t normal to respond to that by executing five people, which was clearly his intent. It was very clear that his mentality was if I can’t have her no one can, which is not normal teenage heartbreak is it domestic abuse. Thank you for being brave enough to name it as it is and using your platform to express your opinion.

  73. been there

    October 29, 2014 at 11:02 am

    The shooter’s family is notorious for abuse towards women. MEDIA NEEDS TO LOOK DEEPER into the domestic violence legacy & unaccountability story this really is, starting with the grandparents. It’s so more than parents not paying attention to their kids – that’s nothing new. Yes, the family is .prominent, in some circles, but more than that, their dirty deeds color their prominence in the real world. That doesn’t make the PREMEDITATED EXECUTION any less potent. So many of us are reeling from the devastation. There are many of us that know the families. But there is way more to the story. Violence is a way of life in this age group and even older generations- it’s been way out of control for years. The grandfather is renown for his disregard for women and those are very mild words. This story isn’t over yet – there is talk of retaliation in the youth. MEDIA — LOOK DEEPER INTO JAYLENS BACKGROUND – THE REAL TRUTH.

    • Megan

      October 29, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      I grew up in Marysville and know exactly what you’re talking about and totally agree that the media is missing the much bigger story about the violence associated with the tribe. Especially in the schools, what a nightmare.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:18 am

      They will never do this. The tribe spends huge advertising dollars at local TV stations as well as the Seattle Times. There is no media accountability for them.

  74. Caleb Powell

    October 29, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Jaylen Fryberg was a bully and a murderer and a misogynist, and that’s how he should be remembered: Jaylen Fryberg: Can We Forgive a Murderer? Should We?

  75. Pingback: Jaylen Fryberg: Can We Forgive a Murderer? Should We? | Arguments Worth Having

  76. sk smith

    October 29, 2014 at 11:18 am

    Thank you for posting this!!!! I couldn’t have said it better!!!! And yes I have a high schooler at Mphs!

  77. Guest

    October 29, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Alright, so at the risk of being castigated as a misogynist, I’ll disagree with the article and most of the comments on this blog.

    Point # 1 – Nothing justifies this young man’s choice to kill himself or perpetrate violence on others. Hopefully we can all agree on that point.

    Point #2 – As I see it, most of the women commenting on this website and others like it hate men, unless men comport to an effeminate version that they can control. Men were created to protect. We are not the same as women and we were never meant to be the same as women. For centuries, men and women have served very different roles. Unsurprisingly, in nearly every single culture the roles have been the same. Why? Because that is the natural order of things. What is happening today is an attempt to redesign the natural order, which by definition, is unnatural. This does not constitute a value judgement upon either gender. It does not designate a superiority for either gender. It just means that the genders are different and their roles are different. Just because “the man” is the head of the house doesn’t mean he is superior. It is like metaphor of a body, if the man is the brain (yes, I hear your snickers) then the woman is the heart, but the body can not live without both of them. What many of you are saying is that they both need to be the heart or they should be both the heart and the brain. Well, it doesn’t work that way. You are demanding men to be something they are not and then pretend to be surprised when they react negatively to your demands.

    Point #3 – Many of you are hypocritical. For those of you that are married, let me ask you a question. Have you ever referred to him as “my husband” or “your husband”? Don’t either of those phrases suggest a type of possession or ownership? Please don’t misunderstand me, I think he is yours. He is your possession. Just as you are his possession. Its a state of co-possession that presumably you both willingly entered into. When you enter into that sort of relationship, you give up certain rights. To suggest otherwise undermines the very purpose the relationship. What I hear many of you suggesting is that you have given up no rights and remain completely independent of him. Unfortunately, that does not reconcile with either historical analysis or legal review. Does that mean your spouse can do whatever he wants? Of course not, but what does mean is that your spouse has the right to do things, at times, even over your objection, just as you have the right to do the same back. I am not trying to justify rape, so please, don’t go there. If you reject that you are in a state of co-possession, then what are you in? Simply cohabitive temporary alignment? Men have an internal designed need to feel connected in a possession type way. They want to feel possessed as much as they want to possess. You don’t have to like it, but realize trying deprogram a man may have negative consequences from time to time.

    Point #4 – Society is creating the problem by giving boys, young men, and men mixed messages. I have children, several actually (again, I can hear your “those poor kids” refrain). I have boys and girls. I protect my daughters. They know that I am their dad and they are my daughters. There is a possessive nature to our relationship. When they get married, I will give them to their husbands (see the word “give”, its used regularly and it is intentional). They know it is my job to protect them. It is my job to make them feel safe. They are treated differently then the boys in many ways. They are given deference and also held to more scrutiny depending upon the circumstances. I don’t want my daughters to think that they are the same as boys because they are not. They know that they were created with unique characteristics. But that really isn’t my point. My point is that my boys also have different expectations. They know that women go first. They know that they should sacrifice themselves for a woman. They know, when they get to dating age, that they are to be the man in the relationship, which means they ask, they pay, they protect. And this is where the mixed messages come in. Many women want the man to be the man, until it makes them uncomfortable. They expect him to ask her our, they expect him to pay, and they like it when puts her first. But when he refers to her as “his” she calls him a misogynist and leaves him. Most men are confused by this. I was visiting one of my son’s fifth grade classrooms recently and I heard the (male) teacher instruct the students to line up. After the gold star students lined up (a special designation for students that had done a good job that day), he instructed the “ladies” to line up. There were no groans. I also found out it was customary, in his classroom, to afford the girl students the opportunity to line up before the boys. But how could this be? If men and women are no different, should women be given this deference? If that were true, not hey shouldn’t, but it isn’t true because men and women are equal, but not the same. Our society is confusing boys by telling them both messages and expecting them know precisely when each message should be adhered to.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 11:26 am

      Cool story bro.

    • Alex Lee

      October 29, 2014 at 11:35 am

      How many pink shirts do you own?

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 11:35 am

      Obviously none because that would be emasculating. Pink shirts are part of the man-hating, feminist agenda, dontchaknow.

    • Ursi

      October 29, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      I can’t wait until this mindset is a distant memory to future generations. Cannot wait for my husband to stop taking shit from idiots for being an outspoken feminist. Cannot wait for my mother to get it through her head that the separate roles in our marriage exist because we are good at different things and they have nothing to do with gender. Cannot wait until me being the primary source of income is flat out unremarkable in the eyes of the world. Cannot wait until I can stop being treated like a “woman” and start being treated like a real person by every man I meet.

      Oh and I really really cannot wait until “separate but equal” is tossed out the window as bullshit psychology JUST LIKE IT WAS DURING RACIAL SEGREGATION.

      Cannot. Fucking. Wait.

    • Guest

      October 29, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      You really didn’t address anything that I wrote, just spouted your feminist ideology. And for the record, what you want will never happen because it is unnatural!

    • Ursi

      October 29, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      Calling things unnatural is a refuge for those who fear progress.

      I’m sorry the thought of gender equality disturbs you. If we are all very lucky your daughters will someday live in a world that treats them better than it has treated women of my generation, myself in included.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      Thanks for the novel. You’re wrong on so many varying levels, but to refute you would take time away from my male child, and I simply refuse to do that. Thanks!

  78. groovymama

    October 29, 2014 at 11:51 am

    I think the biggest problem is allowing “children” to participate in relationships that are clearly not ready for emotionally. And would agree with the notion, parents want to be a friend with no responsibility to teach their children, thinking someone else will do it for them. He was 14 years old!!! Obviously he had more than he could handle and the parents had blinders on. Check their phones, computers, etc… you are paying the bill for it and have the responsibility to teach your children about life, relationships, etc. So sad for those parents whose children are now dead, I pray they all find peace.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 11:59 am

      It might make you feel better to think that the things you suggested would prevent this murder, because then hey, that means your kids could never do this, right? But checking social media accounts in no way would stop this boy from killing people. It just wouldn’t.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      Also, checking computers and phones isn’t going to make someone un-learn sexism, entitlement, and misogyny. It’s not going to make someone un-learn all of these behaviors. That comes from somewhere else.

  79. Krispy

    October 29, 2014 at 11:58 am

    You do realize the girl in the picture is not a girl who was there or even went to that school. She was his ex that he sent a picture of him holding a gun to before he went and shot those at the table. The whole love triangle between his cousin, him and one of the female victims is complete speclulation. Your entire post is just that…speculation.

  80. pyropan

    October 29, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    I think the thing we should stress the most is that kids of this age should not be having sex or impregnating this young, i would take it so far as to say they should not even be dating at this age. There is much more to the story than people realize and more than media has focused on.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Are you suggesting sex turns people into murderers?

  81. Diane J

    October 29, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I think you are mostly correct, however you can not look past his mental capacity. You said you “refuse to talk about his… depression. ” Mental illness is a real factor in these situations. Yes there may be a narrative of men’s control over women, but that mindset mixed with mental illness caused this. Most men don’t kill there love interest who don’t want them, many men are jilted daily and move on. But his mental illness/ depression/ personality disorder didn’t allow him to say to himself, like a healthy person would, even though this situation sucks for me, I am a likable person who will find love. If what you say is true then men would be killing women at much faster rates. We need to stop overlooking mental illnesses because this is what allows human beings to do something that most believe to be unthinkable.

  82. Megan

    October 29, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    To understand this specific situation, you need to understand the relationship between the Tulalip Indian Reservation and the small bedroom community Marysville that borders it. I went to school with kids from the reservation, their violent actions and words where excused by school admin or teachers because they where “Indian” and the tribe would handle it. It’s difficult to describe what’s that like for a kid to grow up with these attitudes, but basically it feels like these few people (more like gang members) can be violent and cruel to many and because they are Indian they get a pass. After the shooting I noticed one of these kids (who bullied my friends and I from grade 6-11) was now a prominent tribal leader, the same person who was a direct role model for Jaylen and many other Indian kids. Now folks are sharing “team jaylen” banners around Facebook…what?! Unfortunately it seems there are much bigger problems happening in Marysville.

  83. Name

    October 29, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    I don’t agree with painting this just as an issue of his seeing women as possessions. I mean, certainly, that’s part of it, and even were it not, that view’s still a real cultural problem, but this is not just about that. He didn’t kill five people because one of them stole his toy car – there’s more at work here psychologically than just an unequal male-female dynamic. The ‘jilted lover’ reporting is sensationalist, of course, but you forfeit your right to criticize others for imposing incomplete narratives on tragedies when you explicitly refuse to talk about the culprit’s (murderer’s, in this case) depression.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      What people aren’t understanding here is that millions of people with depression, even severe depression, manage to function normally without killing people. That attitude is giving everyone who struggles with mental issues a bad name. It continues to spread that stigma associated with mental health. I don’t know if this kid was clinically depressed, but to sweep his misogyny and entitlement under the rug in favor of depression is unfair.

    • Kelly

      October 29, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      I don’t think that they were trying to sweep anything under the rug. I think what they were saying is that this – like most violent crime – probably doesn’t just have one, neat little cause (ie, that he was an entitled misogynist), but rather is the result of a combination of multiple factors that come together to create the “perfect storm”. If this kid did have a mental illness it would be pretty silly to just sweep that under the rug because it gives mental illness a bad name. Certainly, the majority of people with mental illness never commit a violent crime. But some do and it’s fairly ridiculous to ignore that fact or pretend that mental illness and violent crime are entirely unrelated because they’re just not. To say that a mental illness has no impact on a person’s mental state is patently absurd.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 30, 2014 at 9:50 pm

      I’m not saying that mental illness doesn’t have an impact on a person’s mental state. But as we all know, people who suffer don’t all go out and shoot people. I’m not saying that mental illness has nothing to do with any of this, but the more people use it to “excuse” his behavior, or “explain” it away, the more people with mental illnesses are being stigmatized because of cases like this. (“Oh, you suffer from anxiety? What if you just snap one day?”) I’ve heard it in my personal and professional life.

    • Name

      November 1, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      “I don’t agree with painting this JUST as an issue of his seeing women as possessions.”
      “Certainly, that’s part of it… but this is not JUST about that.”
      “…there’s MORE at work psychologically here than JUST an unequal male-female dynamic.”

      Considering how clear I was on this point, I really don’t understand how you think I’m promoting the dismissal of his misogyny or anything else. I’m saying that these things have composite causes, and that it’s hypocritical to complain about the media playing narrative games while doing the same thing yourself.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:25 am

      I think it might be psychopathic entitlement as much as misogyny. He was entitled to what he wanted from his “friends” because he was the leader. When he didn’t get it, they had to pay.

  84. Terry

    October 29, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Let’s all look at the fact that everyone ignored his postings. Is he a murderer? Yes! Is what he did wrong and his fault? Yes! Did the school system and his family fail him? Yes! I do not find justification in his actions but I do place blame on those around him as well. Did anyone talk to him, counsel him, or try to understand him? It is easy to say that he believed he owned this girl but does anyone know his side. Women can just as easily toy with a man and make it believed that they own them. What is this could have been stopped by just talking to him and just listening to his side and feelings. Maybe it would have do everything nothing but what if it could have.

    • guets

      October 29, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      So you’re saying maybe she deserved it because she made him believe that he owned her? Are you a fucking moron? The fact that you are somehow trying to say that this could have come back to something *she* did just shows YOU are part of the problem.

    • May

      October 29, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      There is at least one person that reached out to him over social media and he angrily responded that he was “fine.” I guess one lesson that can be taken away from this is not to assume someone is “fine” just because they say they are. Kudos to the girl that took the time to ask him but the next step would be to alert school guidance counselors and parents. Not putting the blame anywhere but on him, just suggesting what to do if someone runs across these types of angry and depressed comments on social media.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      Thank you for illustrating Maria’s point.

      At some juncture in everyone’s life, they have to own what they do. This is nobody’s fault but Jaylen Fryberg’s, and while what happened was a tragedy it’s one that could have been prevented had he chosen to talk to someone. Instead, he decided to kill multiple people.

      There’s no excuse for that.

  85. jjsmom21

    October 29, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Nobody but media is “excusing” his actions. These family members, friends, and community who were close to this young man are taken over by a torturing confusion as to why he took his anger to this extreme. Any teenager heart broken can say things like he did. Lets take a look at every 14/15 year olds social media accounts and see if theyre all rainbows and butterflies. Most likely not. But how many of those children took the lives of others? I think people are looking for someone or something to blame. His parents, family, and friends were deeply involved in his life. He was not taught that girls are a possession or prize. These people are choosing to forgive to help themselves grow out of this sorrow. There werent any legitimate signs of taking his actions this far. He kept a smile on his face and acted himself up to the moment of this tragedy. He was not a bullied child secluded to his room for hours plotting his revenge on the world. He was not neglected by his parents. He lived his normal life day by day. The question here is not why he did it, the question is why did he feel he needed to take it to the extreme. No one will ever know that but Jaylen. So again i will say no one is trying to excuse his actions but trying to find a way out of their torturing confusion as to why he went that far. I feel as if this post was written from anger and this community doesnt have time to be angry when they have taken such a heart breaking loss. All the victims will be remembered regardless of whom the media chooses to name, our hearts remember everyone.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:53 am

      I would say that by allowing a public memorial to him, the school district is excusing his actions. The students are too deep in their denial to even understand why memorializing this person is so awful.

  86. Terry

    October 29, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    While I agree with the opinions conveyed in the article, the author was incorrect in that the girl the shooter was upset with was NOT one of the shooting victims. She goes to a different school.

  87. C

    October 29, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    One thing he didn’t turn the gun on himself. He struggled with the teacher, she was trying to get the gun away and it went off. And this kid is not a victim. If we all had heart break and went around shooting people there would be no one left. Please its part of life. He would have had many more heart breaks in his lifetime

    • Marysville Mom

      October 30, 2014 at 2:29 am

      No. He did not have a struggle with a teacher. Another mistruth.

  88. momof3

    October 29, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    We have to remember that this “murderer” was a child. Yes, at 14 you’re still a child except now you’re dealing with raging hormones and emotionally NOT ready to be sexually active. They’re brains cannot process this. You can tell on his twitter feed that he was sexually active and his mind is filled all day with these thoughts. They cannot process these feelings at age 14, 15. How can they?! They are still children! We, as parents, must protect our children from such things! It’s saddens me that he’s been able to tweet all of his feelings and explicit messages and not one adult knew about this mind boggling. With access all social media we need to be vigilant and watchful in what our children are getting into. We need to engage in meaningful conversation with our children so we KNOW what is going on in their lives. We can’t play the best friend role with our kids nor do we let them run around and do whatever they want. Children need 100 support and guidance and protection. That’s our role as parents. What he did was just horrific and that entire community will now have to deal with the consequences of his actions. All because nobody not even his friends and paren’t could see the cry for help on his twitter account. This whole situation is heartbreaking. These children and parents are forever changed.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      “They’re brains cannot process this…”

      …and yet, millions of them do, everyday.

      (p.s. it’s “their”)

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      I don’t understand how you are making a connection between sex and murder. Plenty of teenagers have sex and never murder anyone. Plenty of murders have happened completely unrelated to sex.

    • Blueathena623

      October 29, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      Why is “murderer” in quotes? Did the people come back to life? Or are they still dead?

  89. idiot

    October 29, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    This is the most idiotic article i’ve read yet! You don’t even know THAT ANY F’N THING YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT IS TRUE, YET YOU ARE SELLING IT AS FACTUAL! Pretty much everything you wrote in here is a LIE. A LIE. You HAVE IT WRONG! YOU ARE WRONG- but you wrote this anyway. You sold this to the public anyway and THEY ARE BELIEVING YOUR WORDS. Your WRONG words. You should be ashamed.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      I’m pretty sure the young man murdered people that trusted him enough to meet him for lunch. That’s the ugly truth. There really isn’t anything that caused him to commit cold blooded murder outside of the obvious: he had a very distorted view of himself, the people around him and the most effective way to handle difficult emotions.

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 9:32 pm

      CAPSLOCK will make us change our OPINION!

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 10:02 pm


    • Alwaysright

      November 4, 2014 at 12:10 am

      Ok. Even if 99% of it is opinion (not lies) there is still that 1% truth in that he’s a murderer. That my dear is a fact that you cannot argue so rage at the writer if this blog all you want, it doesn’t change the truth- that 3 innocent kids died at the hand of Jaylen Fryberg.

  90. May

    October 29, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    The reason people are left asking so many questions after this incident and seem to be mourning the shooter is it appears the Jaylen Fryberg who shot 5 people on October 24th acted completely differently from the Jaylen Fryberg they had known for 14 years. His actions on October 24th were awful, devastating and inexcusable. But they were not expected. Yes he had warning signs on his social media pages but as many parents have been quoted saying, kids are saying his tweets were no different than many other kids that age and I find that to be true. They are certainly no different than his circle of friends and the victims. In fact, his cousin Robert Fryberg could have potentially been a negative influence on him, with tweets on his account like “a n*gga with a gun.” Should he have been in an intense relationship, having sex and smoking weed at age 14? No, but many other people have in the past at that age and haven’t shot anyone so I’m not sure that’s what led to the shooting. There is a video of him asking his girlfriend to homecoming two weeks ago and he appears to be a loving and caring guy in the video. That is the Jaylen Fryberg people are mourning, the one they knew from birth until October 23rd, 2014. They do not mourn the Jaylen Fryberg of October 24th. As for domestic violence issues going on within his family and his tribe, a strange and inappropriate picture with his uncle poolside, the fact that he was given a rifle (to be used for hunting) for his birthday, although it was not the weapon he used on the 24th, all these things should be looked into by police and I hope they will be.

  91. Natalie

    October 29, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    This is fucking bullshit whoever wrote this blog go to HELL HOW CAN YOU ALL BE SO FUCKING IGNORANT AND DISRESPECTFUL AT A TIME LIKE THIS ?! I hope the parents of the shooter or the victims sue your ass for writing such sick and UNREALISTIC INFORMATION ON THE WEB. GO TO HELL AND I HOPE YOU GET YOURS DICK HEAD !!!

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      I think it’s funny that you talk about “disrespect” whilst calling people dickheads and telling them to go to hell.

    • Alwaysright

      November 4, 2014 at 12:07 am


    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      What information would they sue over?

    • Guest

      October 29, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      No they’re not.

      Anyone that does do it, is just trolling the SJW/Feminist morons that infest these sites.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      You’re cute.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      I’m being called an SJW/Feminist…does SJW stand for Stunning Jazzy Wings? Sassy Jumping Willies? Spectacular Jaunty Waffles?

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      Sadly, no. It means social justice warrior, which is apparently a bad thing?

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      ANYthing but THAT….?

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      I know. I was hoping it meant Super Jew Warrior because that would be awesome.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:55 pm

      There’s another good one!! Orrr… a Spontaneous Jesting Wallaby!

      “Two kangaroos walk into a bar….”

    • JessBakesCakes

      October 29, 2014 at 9:32 pm

      I was hoping for sparkly jelly walrus.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 5:34 pm

      I’m going with Spectacular Jaunty Waffles.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      I can agree with that…I am a Spectacular Jaunty Waffle/Feminist, hear me roar!!!

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      Well, hi there, Guest! Ya little ray of sunshine you!

    • Spitting_mad

      October 29, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      You know the opposite of a Social Justice Warrior is a Secretive Criminal Coward.

      So okay.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      Care to make a point-by-point correction?

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:22 am

      Disrespect is that fence at MP where the shooter is lionized. THAT, my friend is disrespect.

      If the parents of the victims sue anyone it will be Jaylen’s parents and the school district that condones lionizing the killer. Murderer parents and school districts are usually the plaintiffs in these cases. See Columbine Mass Murder

    • Alwaysright

      November 4, 2014 at 12:06 am

      Sometimes truth and reality hurts. Sue? For a blog? I’m hoping that the parents of the kids who were murdered do look into some wrongful death suits.

  92. !

    October 29, 2014 at 4:19 pm


  93. John Thomas

    October 29, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Nobody is excusing his actions. Stupid feminists making up issues.

    • May

      October 29, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      I agree with you up until the point of calling the author a “stupid feminist.” She is not a stupid feminist, she is a woman with an opinion. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just like there was nothing wrong with the shooter’s girlfriend choosing to break up with him if he was abusive. Please don’t continue the cycle of hate.

    • John Thomas

      October 29, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      Listen lady. Let’s stay on topic.

      Nobody is excusing his actions. Nobody. Not any where. So this article is in and of itself, stupid. Stupid and pointless. Now the author (or editor) probably decided to post it for the click-bait potential.

      Stupid Article. Stupid Author/Editor.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      I see your “stupid feminist” and raise you a “meanie misogynist.”

    • John Thomas

      October 29, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      You vicious cunt

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:22 pm


    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      *snort* that’s fantastic!

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    • Blueathena623

      October 29, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      Cupid stunt

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      I would love to experience a cupid stunt. It sounds fun.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      Oh you just wait until Valentines Day!

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      Ooh, you know a bad word! What other ones do you know? Are you allowed on the internet? Have you finished your homework?

    • Alwaysright

      November 4, 2014 at 12:04 am

      Yep. I saw that coming. Predictable. Nothing of value to say so resort to vulgar name calling. Pathetic male.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      I was going to go with, “I wasn’t sure if you could be any more unimaginative in your futile insults than ‘stupid feminist’, then WHAM! You hit us with ‘Listen Lady’ and ‘click-bait’ and TOTALLY redeemed yourself!”

    • Blueathena623

      October 29, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      With all of your posting, you are certainly garnering her more and more clicks. I’m sure Maria thanks you for your support!

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 29, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      You haven’t read any of the comments on this article or any other article on the story, have you? Because people are making excuses all over the place.

    • Spitting_mad

      October 29, 2014 at 7:10 pm

      Yes. This is a problem with feminists. Us dirty, nasty feminists.
      Uh-oh, here comes one now! Boogey boogey boogey!!!

    • Alwaysright

      November 4, 2014 at 12:01 am

      I disagree. There are many excusing his actions. It’s all over the media, I would be mortified if I were one of the parents seeing veneration of the person who took my child’s life away.

  94. Meredith

    October 29, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    I just have to chime in here and say that I am pretty certain that the girlfriend didn’t attend the same high school and was not targeted or injured.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Maria never said that. Never once. Please read the post. She never once called Zoe Galasso his girlfriend.

  95. SnohoCntyRes

    October 29, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    How can you claim he was possessive and filled with rage do you know him personally? How about he could have felt betrayed and grief and despair because teenagers are so influenced by their high school sweethearts that’s why some end up getting married and living a beautiful life together. You all will be judged one day by the way you’ve judged others. You’d be better off to remember that. You have absolutely no right to cast this stone. How can you have so much to say on something you know nothing about. You see shit on the news and believe everything the media shoves in your mouth and you take it willingly. That’s America for you, a bunch of stuck up judge mental idiots oblivious to what’s really important here

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 29, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      I feel you, I do. But nothing that happened “to” this young man hasn’t happened to every single young person in history.

      But he murdered people.

      He took their lives away. He robbed his victims and their families of a future. This young man killed people….they’re gone. Forever, and they’re not coming back. Their bodies will be buried under the earth forever. He did this. He did it. Would you do it? Would you kill your friends? If not, then you have to own that there is a difference between you and him. The details of the “drama” in his social circle are not what made him believe murder was a viable solution, it was his perception of the details and a disconnect from reality…do you get that there is a vital distinction there?

      I hope you do. You are, I presume, part of this group of kids. Rather than battling the people here, perhaps approaching your peers to help them understand that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this barring raising every red flag on the planet and ensuring that he got help. Which no one would because no one really believes their friend will kill them. We can’t live our lives in fear that those around us may snap and take us all out at any moment because we don’t love them enough or give them the “right” kind of attention.

    • Tulalip Tribe Proud

      October 30, 2014 at 9:21 pm

      There was a cause and effect. There was a cause perpetuated by his friends, to a breakup. A breakup riddled with untruths. He reached a breaking point and snapped. There is no question he is guilty of murder. There is also no question there is much more that may or may not ever be said. Children are fragile and fearful of public judgement.

    • LeggEggTorpedoTits

      October 31, 2014 at 9:05 am

      No, there was an irrational response to external stimuli. For a person who is capable of coping with this type of conflict (the majority of adolescent children) murdering people is–at most — a fleeting fantasy…one that most people would never actually act upon.

      The point is, this was in his head. The trigger could have been any situation that caused him anxiety. It could have been road rage, later on or getting fired from a job. His problems weren’t external…they were in his head.

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 12:52 am

      If he’d killed your child, I assume you’d feel the same, right?

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      I will not be judged as he will be because I will not be shooting 5 ppl in the back of the head – whatever the reason was for it. I’m amazed at the justifications that go on for murder. Everyone’s afraid to call it what it is. Jaylen Fryberg shot 5 ppl in the back of the head. Therefore he is a murderer. Tell me, is my statement one of fact or judgement?

  96. Korgerani

    October 29, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    This article is fallacious to say the least. I don’t have a lot of respect for people that turn one issue into another entirely. Domestic violence goes both ways in case you didn’t know. Men aren’t the only gender capable of breaking into psychotic, emotionally fueled rampages. Also, males were shot in this freaking particular case. So why don’t you ease up on the feminist ranting a little bit? Voice those thoughts on a different occasion. This is so much more than just another case of women being abused by men.

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 6:44 pm

      Then what was it about? Tell us. Because I’ve heard everything from bullying to abuse, but mostly that it was about a girl. People have come on here and said it was about a lot more, so what’s stopping you from telling us?

      Also, “feminist ranting”? You’re on the wrong site if you don’t want a feminist slant. Just for your information.

  97. Spitting_mad

    October 29, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    I guess all the teenagers finished their homework and chugged a redbull last night. Yeah, you show us mean-old adult, kiddos. What do us old farts know about being a teenager? What do we know about the “facts”?
    I need the enlightenment only a young person who knows everything can give me.

  98. cfo

    October 29, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    I encourage all of you to take the time to peruse the Twitter accounts of all these kids. These little 14 yr old CHILDREN. Everything you need to know about this tragedy is right there in plain sight. In all of its disgusting, vulgar, sex-ridden, pot-smoking hedonistic glory. All in plain sight. I can only hope their parents do too……… because they certainly didn’t do so before this.

    • CMJ

      October 29, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      so it’s totes cool that he murdered them then, right?

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      According to all of his schoolmates who can’t wait to see him in heaven it is.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      October 29, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      I totally get it. I teach teenagers and the things they post to social media makes me cringe. But it still doesn’t explain, excuse, or justify Jaylen’s actions towards his peers.

    • finbd

      October 29, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      No, that is not everything you need to know about this tragedy.

      There are a million people around their age who exist within the same sort of subculture. Most of them grow up and out of it. Most of those who don’t still don’t murder anyone. Hell, most of the ‘upstanding’ kids you think of probably live and participate in a similar culture, just more muted for the sake of appearances.

      Blaming the fact that they are teens who act like teens for this is grossly misleading and doesn’t improve the way we approach or treat either youth culture or school shootings.

  99. crowen7

    October 29, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    While I generally agree that there is a crisis of violence against women and girls in this society, I also think you are jumping to some major conclusions about Jaylen Fryberg’s motives. His tweets are incredibly vague and impossible to determine who or what he was referring to. The entire notion that he was in love with Zoe is based on comments from a single girl who was relaying only what she heard. There is no definitive confirmation or evidence that what you are suggesting is true. So while I agree with your points about violence against women and girls, I also wish everyone would stop using this tragedy as a platform to amplify their opinions. It’s sad no matter how you cut it and none of this actually helps the grieving families.

    • May

      October 30, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      A girl who was quoted saying “”I heard he asked her out and she rebuffed him and was with his cousin.” What high school freshman uses the word “rebuffed?” I’m a 24-year-old with an extensive vocabulary but I pretty much never find myself saying “rebuffed” in conversation. I have doubts that this quote is legitimate.

  100. Dan

    October 29, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    Anyone who has used the words “patriarchy” or “privelege” in regards to this is a fucking moron.

  101. Tracie McClure

    October 29, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    He is a murderer.. But he was also a fourteen year old child who was OBVIOUSLY under supervised AT THE LEAST! A child that age doesn’t know how to handle complex sexual/relationship emotions.. From what I read of his tweets and posts… Someone should have been talking to him… Children shouldn’t be seriously dating at that age…(and don’t come back with the bullshit about people I the 1940s getting married at 15…totslly different situations)
    Also.. People’s children are dead because of him… But he was someone’s child too and their child is dead and that’s a horrible thing as well

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 8:50 pm

      Nobody’s saying it’s not horrible. But it’s incredibly simplistic to say that all you have to do is not let your kids date and this won’t happen.

    • Tracie McClure

      October 29, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      Fairly certain I didn’t say that’s “all”. Pretty simplistic interpretation

    • whiteroses

      October 29, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      Not if the only thing you mentioned was him dating. I mean, I’m sorry if I didn’t read between the lines on your single posting, but that’s all you wrote.

  102. MCK

    October 29, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    He didn’t kill his ex. He killed his friends.

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      2 of which are family. Luckily one will only bare the scars for life, the other-Andrew will most likely suffer the same end as the 3 girls.

  103. 000000000000

    October 29, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    You guys didn’t know him like some people that have grown up with him, respect that.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 7:41 am

      That’s true. But if there’s some information we don’t have, tell us. We’re operating under the information we know.

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:33 pm

      Doesn’t matter!

  104. Pingback: Violent Masculinity and Violence Against Women | Women's Studies 101 Fall 2014

  105. James Williamsen

    October 29, 2014 at 11:52 pm

    Thank you for making this article… so much is true about it. We as the human race are slow to change and often, the needed changes had to be sudden, full of violence, and they had to happen by a large amount of people fed up and standing together. Gandhi, Martin Luther, and those are just two big ones: So many smaller ones who make big changes in their areas. I don’t know if society will change on this issue slowly, but I know that it will definitely change one way or the other. I hope that my actions will, in a small way, contribute to bringing about a change for the better.

  106. spearmintskies

    October 30, 2014 at 12:39 am

    I agree with this 100%.

  107. laurie davis

    October 30, 2014 at 1:39 am

    The girl in the picture with Jaylen is NOT Zoe. It’s his long time girlfriend that attends another high school named Shailene.

  108. ceeds23

    October 30, 2014 at 1:39 am

    On the radio today, “Steal My Girl” by One Direction came on and it went like this “Find another one cause she belongs to me. Everybody wants to steal my girl.” This song only caught my attention after reading this article. Our youth are getting this message and many others like it everyday and are probably listening to it on repeat. Parents must teach their children the fundamental values to repel these messages. We can’t protect children from all that society and social media has to share. That’s my 2 cents. Goodnight!

  109. reanna

    October 30, 2014 at 2:06 am

    Its really disrespectful that you don’t know the family, where he comes from, the ACTUAL story…uh because NO ONE DOES. …yet you use his Facebook pictures!!! How rude of you to judge someone so quick its disgusting. Yes gun rights are important to talk about, yes he knew what he was doing obviously, and yes people too young died.but don’t analyze this situation when you have no info, you’re clearly just someone advocating for domestic violence against women. Fuck this article, and your opinion.

    • whiteroses

      October 30, 2014 at 7:46 am

      Facebook isn’t private. Sorry, but it isn’t. Nothing on the internet is private.

      And yes, we have to analyze this situation, because we’re all moms, or people who want a better world for kids that we love. The time for shutting up and allowing teenagers to do violent things in peace has long since passed. You guys keep saying there’s information we don’t have. Please share that, because the truth as I see it is an entitled, selfish kid killed three people and seriously injured three others because he didn’t get what he wanted, and I desperately want to be wrong about that. I want there to be a reason why he did this, because the idea that he killed and injured people he supposedly loved because he was having a tantrum is too terrible to bear.

      And as for advocating against domestic violence, surely that’s something we should all do?

  110. Lea

    October 30, 2014 at 2:50 am

    I live in Marysville and what has happened is just so sureal, painful and heartbreaking… How anyone could do such a thing is hard to understand but it is done and all we can do is move forward, and try for something like this from happening again. Will it be easy? No. Will it even be possible? Who knows. But if we don’t strive for it we will never know. Reading this article I agree with some aspects of it and disagree with others. Is the way the whole situation being portrayed by the media correct? No, the media is very good at putting it out there and dressing it up and in all really the media is brutal. So is everything they say true, it’s not, and I think most of us realize it already. Yes he was not dating Zoe, his girlfriend went to a different school, that still doesn’t change much. He was only 14…That’s old enough to know know what is right and what is wrong. And No he did not “make” his friends skip class, kids do it all the time. But what I’m really trying to get at is that no matter how good of a parent you are (or think you are), how well you provide for your kids materialisticly, that still doesn’t chance the fact that as a parent your kids will not be able to approach you about everything. There are somethings that they will not share with you, and they need that outlet. To some kids it might be Twitter/ Facebook, to others it might be in a form of drawing, writing ect. Bottom line is as a parent you shouldn’t be arguing with someone about a child’s right to privacy, That’s something each parent can only decide for themselves and that’s something that will not be successful with every child. No child is that same, so all we can do is try our best and provide them with everything they need with physically and emotionally.

    I’m sorry I went on a little rant…

  111. SinDelle Morte

    October 30, 2014 at 6:15 am

    He knew what he was doing was wrong and did it anyway. He believed killing these people was reasonable retribution for his hurt feelings. That is absolute BULLSH*T. It’s also classic abuser behavior and text book narcissism. He is no prince.

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      But he’s hailed as a prince for being on court, well loved, popular… Veneration of one who took the lives of 3 possibly 4 teens. It’s just so messed up.

  112. JLaw

    October 30, 2014 at 11:09 am

    I think that all parties can hold blame in a situation of varying degrees. Did this girl lead him on? Was she overly cruel to him? Did she cheat on him? If so then while she does not deserve to die for that, she is not completely innocent either. Our actions have consequences. Don’t mess with people because you never know when they might snap. Treat everyone kindly. Then and only then will you be blameless.

    • momwrites

      October 31, 2014 at 9:32 pm

      Did you really just suggest that “leading on” a teenaged boyfriend is justification for violence? She promised him sex or hinted that she’s have sex with him, and then reneged, and so she shares some of the blame for his executing 5 people? That’s damned depressing.

  113. jed1170

    October 30, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Look at the Twitter accounts of every one of the students involved in this. They are 14 years old. Some have been on twitter for 2-3 years. There are pictures of them smoking pot, playing with baggies of weed. Graphic pornographic images on both the boys and the girls pages. They were allowed by adults to enter into a social media world that is ruthless (twitter) and clearly they were all emotionally too immature to deal with it. I once read Twitter described as a bad neighborhood and if you go in, sooner or later- you’re going to get jumped. These same adults clearly never monitored their kids pages. I don’t even have a Twitter account and I could go in and look up these PUBLIC postings. Porn, pot and emotionally devastating post after post. Even if you’re okay with your 14 year old having sex and smoking pot- should anyone under the age of 18 have a public page on the internet??? Where were the parents???!!!

    • sailbarb

      October 30, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Totally agree. They’re all so cheap. No moral compass


    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      Parents instill the moral compass.

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      Too busy living their own lives to be present in the lives of their kids. His parents have to take some of the responsibility for the death of these 3 kids. You can’t call him a child who made a fatal mistake, but then condone the adult behavior of owning rifles, doing drugs, having sex, and possibly fathering a child by the looks of his texts. You cannot have it both ways.

  114. Vlastimil

    October 30, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Great article, and about time that someone said it.

  115. Maribel Hernandez-Green

    October 30, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    I don’t know that we know enough about this case to talk about it in any other way than it is a tragedy.

  116. Martha Arenas

    October 30, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    The reason why the majority of all mass shootings happen is not having
    the coping mechanisms and support needed around them. It is an
    indictment in our society and the things we are willing to tolerate, or
    worse, the things we are willfully ignoring. In this dishonest
    individualistic every-man-for-himself mentality that we live in today,
    we allow our compassion to become judgment and anger, and our love to be
    muffled to just a few that “won’t hurt us”… it isn’t the weapon, or
    the person being evil, ti is all of us combined.

    the question to ask is what AM I going to do from now on to ensure that the light of love and kindness shines through me?

  117. Pingback: Catcalling, Heartbreak, and Mass Murder | Grasshopper Girls

  118. Tina Miller

    October 30, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    Try to remember these kids were 14. They are children. Adolescents who need guidance and help when they have thinking errors. Jaylene needed mental health counseling or at least some guidance to deal with his. How could anyone of known it would of gone that far from his text? How did that child get access to that gun? Why was it not locked up? In my mind a child should not have access to a gun without adult supervision and training in the proper use of a gun. Also if we have an age limit for drugs and Alcohol and tobacco and driving a car and going to war should’t there be an age limit on gun use? As it appears guns are more lethal in this case. In my mind there are only 3 uses for guns sport, self defense and for food. None of which pertains in this case.

    • May

      October 30, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      I agree with you that children his age should not have access to guns. It appears however that Jaylen was trained in how to use a firearm and was an avid hunter. He was even gifted a rifle for his birthday, although it is still unsure how he obtained the pistol he used in the shooting. He states on social media that he liked hunting more for the experience of being out in the woods with his dad than for shooting animals, and that he often wouldn’t shoot at all on hunting trips. Just another bit of background.

  119. todd

    October 30, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    ANY violence is a tragedy, whether it is between two people that know each other (a.k.a. domestic violence), or even between two strangers, or more. And especially so, when it is between our children. BUT THIS IS NOT AN ISSUE THAT BELONGS SOLELY TO ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE.. battered women, battered men, or people with mental illness.. and it is just as INAPPROPRIATE FOR THE AUTHOR TO ADMONISH OTHER PEOPLE’S THOUGHTS and reactions WHILE USING THE SAME TRAGEDY AS A VEHICLE TO PUSH ONE’S OWN AGENDA and BELIEFS as CORRECT. Yes, educate and empower our children.. and hope to God this will stop happening, among all people.. not just your favorite crowd.

    • todd

      October 30, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      P.S. I am a 33 year old male, who was the victim of a physically and mentally abusive relationship for 4 years, so please.. stop perpetuating this issue a something we need to educate our “girls” on. It’s EQUALLY important for men. Much love!

  120. Kristin Rader

    October 30, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Excellent Article! I agree completely.

  121. theprinterlady

    October 30, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    I’m curious how the author “knows” that somehow the girl who was killed outright was someone Fryberg wanted to date. An article (local) written by a man who knows the family states that Fryberg’s long time girlfriend did not attend his school, and thus was not one of his victims.

    How about we wait for the investigation before listening to rumors and making judgments?

  122. KS

    October 30, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    I was just talking to my husband last night about how in this school shooting the killer has become this tragic figure and I guess I’m not the only one who has noticed this. The “me, me, me” generation that we are currently raising has had everything handed to them. These kids are never taught to deal with failure or rejection. (scenario: little billy over there rarely made it to baseball practice, and well he really didn’t even try when he did show up, but lets give him a trophy anyways) These kids NEED to learn at a young age that life is full of disappointment and its not the end of the world.

  123. Jordan

    October 31, 2014 at 2:41 am

    I think your opinion on this issue is irrelevant. Jaylen didn’t turn the gun on himself a teacher hit the gun and it misfired. If you think this is his parents fault then you are insane. He was a good kid who made a poor choice. His parents trusted him with a social media account just like many others all over the world do every day. They shouldn’t need to check it to make sure he isn’t saying things he shouldn’t. He deserves his privacy too. You are one fucked up individual for posting a story like this. Keep it to yourself. There are families seriously hurting, including his own and people like you just make it worse.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2014 at 11:58 pm

      He doesn’t deserve his privacy. Not anymore. Not after he killed people.

      And yes, there are families that are seriously hurting. But that doesn’t change the fact that he still chose to do this horrific thing, and we as a society have to deal with the fallout. “Keep it to yourself” doesn’t work anymore.

    • Alwaysright

      November 3, 2014 at 11:41 pm

      I find this comment INSANE. Obviously you are a child yourself. Privacy? Twitter is anything BUT private- so your comment is stupid. Maybe if his parents were doing their job, actually parenting- this could have been prevented. The writing was on the wall- in this case twitter where the whole world could see what the parents somehow missed. A poor choice? So this generation thinks homicide and suicide are just poor choices? I hope that you are never a victim of this type of “poor choice” or your children for that matter should you ever have any. These kids were murdered. Shot in the back of the head and you trivialize their death by calling it a poor choice. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt because you are obviously young, but I’d recommend getting some counseling before you find yourself holding a gun, contemplating making a poor choice, because you can’t have what you want.

    • Concerned

      November 10, 2014 at 1:59 am

      Jordan— why do you say that the gun was hit by the teacher and it misfired? All reports say that isn’t true and that there was no contact—

  124. mellisa

    October 31, 2014 at 4:31 am

    I like how people assume they know what really happened and the motive…smh. your story is irrelevant because that’s not even close to the truth! His long time girlfriend didn’t even go to that school, so the motive you’re given is completely untrue…get your facts right before you assume

  125. Pingback: Jaylen Fryberg Was A Murderer, Not A Heartbroken Prince | Comments From The Peanut Gallery

  126. Amomwrites

    October 31, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Inaccurate in some details. The shooter’s ex-girlfriend attended a different school and was not among the victims. There are some reports that her parents, concerned over his increasing possessiveness and graphically sexual images he sent on social media, forced the breakup. One male cousin he shot is said to be the one he’d accused of flirting with her. That cousin’s girlfriend was the first fatality. He shot her to death right in front of the cousin. There seems to have been some petty hostility between the girl victims and the ex-girlfriend as well.

    He did send the ex-gf a text message asking her to meet him at the school cafeteria the night before the killings so he could “say goodbye.” That she didn’t comply with the request either saved her life, or prevented her from having to watch him kill himself. He also sent her a photo, moments before the killings, of himself with the gun. Likely he intended to her to feel distress and guilt.

    So, he was most definitely not a tragic romantic hero. He was manipulative and felt he was entitled to a particular female, and when he didn’t get to keep her he punished the people he thought were unsupportive of the relationship and decided to take from them what they had and he didn’t. While his parents deserve to mourn him in peace, and I admire the grace it takes to forgive such a person, no one should be excusing, or worse, lionizing him.

    It’s all so very, very sad.

  127. Guest

    November 1, 2014 at 1:40 am

    J…..first off….prayers for the victims families. Second..you are a worthless fuck. Nice job you fucking disgrace. Taking 3 other lives…..

    Fuck you…i hope you rot in hell you worthless sack of shit.

  128. Guest

    November 1, 2014 at 1:45 am

    If i had the chance i would dig your lifeless fucking rag of bones up cut all your bones off dismantle you for what you did to those poor students i can only hope you are being tortured in hell take pride in knowing that you are no longer breathing the air we breathe

    Fucking sad faggot douchbag is all this mother fucker is

  129. Pingback: The Patterns In Mass Shootings and a Conversation About Men -

  130. Samantha

    November 1, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    You know honestly none of you people where a witness to what happened so you shouldn’t be saying anything about it you should keep your horrible comment’s to your self. This was and still is the school I attend and what I seen was the world’s most scariest thing ever I never should have witnessed one of my peer’s dropping dead to the ground she didn’t deserve it and neither did the other victim’s. So please just stop everywhere I go I see and hear about the shooting at my school even all over social media I see it I can’t open up anything without seeing horrible stories and horrible comment’s from rude obnoxious people that only care about the attention of their social media site’s!!!!!!!

    • OhNoes234

      November 2, 2014 at 1:17 am

      Then do yourself a huge favor and get off social media. This place is a trash heap. But if you stay here, you need to face reality. The kid killed your other friends. If he’d have survived, the justice system would be talking today about trying him as an adult for murder, at least 3 counts. He may have faced the death penalty for it. That is the reality. Attempting to shove that reality under the rug while praising the shooter only encourages copycats.

    • JL

      November 5, 2014 at 10:28 pm

      My God. Are you for real? These kids have faced reality. Leave them alone! No one is excusing what happened. Those who loved all those kids are devastated. Maybe if some of you could try to imagine how confusing it would be if your own beloved friend or relative did this, you could grow some empathy for others.

  131. Namaste

    November 3, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Maria, while I do agree with much of what your blog is saying, I do believe you do not have all the facts correct here, you are making a guess based on reading his tweets, and some information obtained through other news outlets. Are you completely sure that these posts were in regards to his first fatal victim Zoe? They actually appear to be responses to a situation with another female, and longer term relationship he was involved in. I don’t think any of us, besides his closest friends and perhaps not even them, have the answers here. This was not just violence against females, two males were also targets. Yes, I agree if we do not get at the root of the problem, this will continue to happen, but this appears to be much more complex that you have covered here, or what the press seem to be focused on. This appears more to be trusts broken on several different levels and a breakdown of communication, again, on several different levels. Social media is a very dangerous playground for communication, many intents are misread, and we are often left to guess as to what is being inferred, and often it is to a negative connotation that we defer. In other words, what I am trying to express, is though many points made are valid, I am not sure they apply to this specific case. To me this looks like betrayal, both male and female.

  132. Guest

    November 3, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    Brain CTE would explain a few things. Sad that the NFL players do not seem to be getting their message out regarding football and head trauma.

  133. MeanieHead

    November 4, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    The author has it wrong. This is what happens when liberals decide that everyone in life is a “winner” and no one loses. No one is taught how to cope when life takes a dump on your head. Because, hey, that’s LIFE, bro. So instead of giving away all those cute little trophies to the participants just to boost their ego, try teaching them how to cope with the disappointments in life because you have to learn to suck it up when hit with the crap.

  134. KD

    November 5, 2014 at 12:15 am

    Do you realize that the picture you have is not the right girl that you are naming. That is not zoe that is shiline and she is an amazing girl that lives in my hometown. 2 Hours away from where the school and shooting happened. She was not there. I want to comment on so much of this. Certain pieces I can see where you are coming from but the article as a whole I disagree with. Not what you are saying but your very inaccurate perspective of the situation. No one is saying what Jaylen did was right. People are shocked, heart broken and confused. People are looking for answers in a situation where there may not be any that will ever be anything more than a hunch. We are all just trying to love the parties involved through this. Just love all of the families and students that’s all. It’s hard to look at the facts you state in your blog as true when you don’t even have a picture of the girl you wrote about. Or were you writing about Shiline? Do you even know WHO you are talking about let alone WHAT you are talking about? I could take your blog more seriously if there wasn’t so much bologna in it. I’m going to continue to send my prayers and love to all involved and not waste my time with anything you have to say from this point forward. These are and were children with the brains of children and the developmental stages and issues of children. <3

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    November 5, 2014 at 4:26 am

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  136. Jessica Williams

    November 5, 2014 at 5:19 am

    What else can i say or do than to give thanks to Doctor Atete the spell caster God used to reunite my marriage. Each day of my life i ask God to bless Doctor Atete for he has make my life complete by using his good luck spell to bring back my lovely husband to me and for this reason i made a vow to my self that i will testify on the internet just to let the world know that Doctor Atete is a God on Earth. My husband and i had a fight for two days which led to our breakup and since then he left the house living my son and i and i didn’t seen or heard any thing about him but one day i came across a testimony on the internet on how Doctor atete use his Good luck spell to help people so i contact him and explained to him via email and here i am so happy because he helped me and my husband came back to me. Do you need help? contact Doctor Atete today via email: [email protected] or via website http://drzazazworldofpowerfulspellwebscom.webs.com

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  138. Dan Cubrich

    November 8, 2014 at 3:14 am

    If parents would lock up their guns away from their little angels, crap like this would be prevented.

  139. Alla

    November 8, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    hm, I wouldn’t call him a murderer. He just needed help dealing with issues he was having and it’s unfortunate that he didn’t reach out for help. I feel sad for Jaylene as much as I feel sad for the victims. The anger, bitterness and rejections that Jaylene was feeling comes from something deeper than just a breakup. It comes from how he was raised. Many children grow up feeling rejected and unloved if they grow up in dysfunctional homes, therefore not being able to deal with any type of rejection later in life. Most kids who commit crime grow up in a very unhealthy environment and I think that was the problem with Jaylene. Main focus should be on how parents are raising their children, and what they’re exposing them to at young age. All children want is to be loved.

  140. Michelle

    November 10, 2014 at 9:09 am

    We can’t just blame this kid. He was a 14 year old who felt abandoned by his closest friends and family. He showed all kinds of warning signs and there was nothing anyone could do for him because there are no mental health services in this country. Exhibit A: Possessive messages and threats all over social media for weeks. Exhibit B: Partner violence against his current partner. Our society focuses on how women need to get away from these men and when they do those men are still out there unhelped and unchanged.

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