It’s October, So You Know What That Means: Stupid Halloween Costumes Are Here!
Ahhhhhh, it’s my favorite time of year! When retailers try to out-do each other in the quest to put out the stupidest Halloween costume of the season. Every year, the bar gets higher … or lower, depending on how you look at it. We’ve seen shit like Sexy Trump (an oxymoron, obviously), and untold numbers of “sexy” costumes that are anything but sexy. Sexy Border Patrol Agent? Sexy Native American? The levels of ridiculousness know no bounds. It’s still early, but we already have a contender for Dumbest Costume of 2018, thanks to Urban Outfitters. They’re selling something called an Influencer Halloween costume for some dumbass reason. If you’re thinking to yourself, well that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, just wait until you see it!
The influencer Halloween costume is supposed to channel Kim Kardashian, as far as I can tell. But not even interesting Kim.
That’s, uh … that’s the costume. This is, according to Urban Outfitters, how an “influencer” dresses. Leggings. Sports bra. Ugly sneakers. And of course, platinum blonde wig and big ass sunglasses. Their description is the best: “Channel Instagram style in this low key costume set worthy of a superstar influencer. Featuring a minimalist sporty-chic sports bra + leggings in muted tonal hues for a look that’s so now.” LOL, calm down Urban Outfitters. What’s even more surprising is what they’re charging for this fucking costume: FIFTY NINE AMERICAN DOLLARS. $59! For a sports bra and some leggings. It doesn’t even include the wig, sunglasses, sneakers, and hoodie. Urban, you are drunker than Brett Kavanaugh right now.
Believe it or not, the influencer Halloween costume isn’t even the worst one I’ve seen so far this year. No, that honor goes to (wait fr it): SEXY HANDMAID’S TALE.
I am not even kidding you. Costume company Yandy, who turns every single thing that is not sexy into a “sexy” costume for the ladies, really tried it with this shit. Sexy. Handmaid’s. Tale. Listen, I am all about crossovers with my favorite TV shows. My kids and I are going as characters from Stranger Things this year, so I’m into it. But like, has anyone at Yandy ever SEEN The Handmaid’s Tale? It’s not a fucking sexy show. Apparently they weren’t paying attention when some other dummies tried to leverage the dystopian nightmare into a line of wine.
A quick search of the Yandy site revealed no sexy Handmaid’s Tale costume, so it looks like they took the hint and pulled the incredibly bad costume. Which is good, because it was THAT bad. But it’s also a bummer, because my god would I have loved to watch some idiot wear it and get ripped to shreds by the internet.
To recap: the influencer Halloween costume is remarkably stupid. The sexy Handmaid’s Tale costume is even worse. Don’t be that person this year. But if you are that person, just know that the internet will find you and Imma write an article about it.
(Image: Urban Outfitters)