I've posted before about not exactly being eager for the school year to start back up and now that we are down to less than two weeks before the first day, I feel the need to whine again. I can't even with the new school year- here in cold NY, we barely even got a summer and my daughter broke two bones so it's been a big pile of poop. My son is starting kindergarten and he's terrified and miserable over it so our house is just a big bundle of nerves and unhappiness. Summer, please stay- we are so not ready to accept this! Here are my 10 reasons I do not want school to start again:
1. I Do Not Want To Wake Up Before The Sun
Summer means we sleep later. I like sleeping later. People who enjoy rising before the sun are freaks.
2. I Do Not Want To Help Anyone With Homework
Seriously. I'm super not down with math. Don't want to do it again.
3. I Do Not Want To Make Stupid Lunches
And now, we have both kids in school-so I get to make TWO stupid lunches.
4. I Do Not Want To Spend Money On School Supplies
I want to spend it on make-up instead. And the thought of having to elbow a fellow parent for the last 100-page wide-rule black and white composition notebook is vastly unappealing. Any mother who says she would rather buy Crayola than Sephora is a lying liar smothered in lie sauce.
5. I Do Not Want To Shop For New School Clothes
The kids get picky, the clothes fit for two months, everything gets stained anyway, why bother. I mean, I can see how you would enjoy this, especially if your name starts with "T" and ends with "A" rhymes with Shmeresa, and you don't mind teaching your child a little materialism early on in life.
6. I Do Not Want After-School Activities To Start Up Again
Our evenings are already busy enough. I am not ready to shuttle little people to and from soccer practice again. I'm also a little busy actually caring for my children instead of napping my life away, Shmeresa.
7. I Do Not Want To Sell Cookie Dough
My kid's school has been raising funds for a new playground for the past two years. Just throw some bales of hay and a few old tires out there and call it good. No one wants $16 cookie dough.
8. I Do Not Want To Volunteer At The School
There is so much pressure to help out. Why can't I just send my kids to school and not have to do anything else? Aren't my taxes enough?!
9. I Do Not Want To Hear The Friend Drama
I don't want to hear the blow by blow of what Sophia said to Ava G. at the lunch table. I simply give no shits. If you enjoy this kind of thing, maybe you should chill out a little and bring the old helicopter blades to a stop.
10. I Do Not Want To Buy More Teacher Gifts
I would rather buy myself gifts instead. People who buy teacher gifts are suck-ups anyway.