1. They're crying.
Crying is not at all normal, so if they've turned on the water works you know you've got some explaining to do. They really can't even believe you right now, and honestly? Neither can we.
2. They just threw up on you.
This happens a lot. Or they want new parents. Could be either one. It's hard to tell.
3. They won't look you in the eye.
They are seriously offended. It might be time to seek counseling. You could benefit from a third party helping you work through your differences.
4. They won't smile.
Oh, your two-day-old isn't smiling yet? It was probably something you said.
5. They're giving you the silent treatment.
That's so weird. Newborns are normally such uncontrollable chatter boxes. You definitely screwed up this time.
6. They refuse to learn your secret handshake.
One second you're closer to them than anyone in the world, then the next thing you know they won't even give you the time of day. This didn't just come out of no where. It's time to make a change.
7. They won't stop kicking you from the changing table.
Diaper changes are totally calm occasions during which infants lie still while you pamper and dress them. Unless they hate you.
8. They peed on you.
The ultimate show of disrespect. This is like the infant equivalent of keying your car. I don't know if there's even a way to come back from this.