A 10 Step Guide To Putting Your Child Down For A Nap
Forget the sleep training books or what new study about naps you’ve read on the internet. You don’t need your mother’s opinion or the advice of the smug women from Mommy & Me to learn how to get your child to fall asleep in the middle of the day. These 10 steps will guide you through the jungle that is putting a young child down for a nap.
1. Bring your child into their bedroom. Lovingly tuck your child into bed and surround him with his blankie, pillow, teddy bear, stuffed dog, two pacifiers and for some reason, one plastic boat. Gently kiss him on the head and activate baby monitor and white noise machine as you leave the room.
2. Run to investigate when you hear a loud crash. Find toddler bed pushed into the center of the room and child sitting atop his dresser with the shattered remains of the clock on the floor. Clean up. Repeat step 1.
3. Text your bestie for reinforcements. Follow her advice of waiting ten minutes before responding to your child’s cries. Realize he’s crying because of a dirty diaper and commence mom guilt. Change diaper. Repeat Step 1. Throw in an extra pacifier for good measure.
4. Dash down the hall once again when the monitor suddenly cuts out. Find child sitting on bed attempting to look innocent and the monitor unplugged. Repeat Step 1.
5. Look at clock and realized it’s been 45 minutes since you first put your child down for a nap. Eat the ice cream from the lid of the container because you pretend lid ice cream has no calories. Finish off with a brownie before going into your child’s bedroom to break up the rave they’re having with their plush pals. Repeat step 1.
6. There’s a scary electronic beeping noise coming from your child’s room. You hear the theme song from Halloween playing in your head as you creep towards the door. Enter the room to find child back on top of dresser playing with the space heater. Unplug heater and move dresser and all contents into child’s closet. Repeat Step 1. Add an extra blanket.
7. Call husband to commiserate. Feel your spirits lift when he offers to bring home sandwiches for dinner. Terminate call when child starts to cry. Go into kid’s bedroom. Repeat Step 1.
8. Start to get suspicious when child is silent for a solid ten minutes. Open door just a crack and instantly regret your decision as child jumps out of bed and reaches for you. Repeat Step 1.
9. Promise yourself that you’re not going into the bedroom again no matter what. Break promise to yourself five minutes later when child starts crying in an alarming way. Enter the room and find child stuck underneath bed in pursuit of Mr. Bear. Give up and take child into your room. Ignoring the gleam in your child’s eye that looks suspiciously like victory. Repeat Step 1.
10. Breathe a giant sigh of relief as your child finally falls asleep. Note how cute they look while sleeping and how they snuggle up so close against you. Enjoy that moment when you heart fills with love, then repeat.
(image: Alena Haurylik/Shutterstock)