Cheatsgiving: How To Handle Your Family’s Thanksgiving Fight Like A Pro
Fighting on holidays is as American as apple pie. But each family has its own special recipe for mixing it up with anger on Thanksgiving Day. Below we’ve got nine of the most common holiday battles – and how to handle them like a champ. Go forth and win, dear readers. (Yes, booze is involved. Duh.)
1. The Racists Come Out Of The Word Work After Two Glasses Of Wine Fight
— Quietly remove said glasses of wine like a stealth ninja. Tuck them into the sleeves of your shirt, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, and chug while you examine your mom’s medicine cabinet full of expired Nivea creams.
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2. The Your Parents Are Disappointed By How You And Your Siblings Turned Out Fight
— Hide in your childhood bedroom reading your old journals from high school and remember that it’s their fault you turned out this way.
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3. The Fight That Is The Same Fight You And Your Sister Have Whenever You Get Together And Seriously Can’t We Just Not Fight About This For Once Fight
— Realize that she’s your sister and you love her no matter what…until this time next year, when you remember that she’s a goddamn pain in the ass who never listens.
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4. The Your Aunt’s Dog Snuck In And Ate All The Yams Fight
— Exit the kitchen and sneak out to the yard to pet the dog. Animals are incredibly therapeutic and also much more sane than your relatives.
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5. The War Is Bad No War Is Good Fight
— Shove as much mashed potatoes in your mouth as possible to keep yourself from screaming at every.single.one.of.them.
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6. The Obama Fight
— Loudly chant “Hillary! Hillary!” to change topic. Once a larger fight ensues, slide under the table and nibble on pie scraps.
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7. The Do We Really Have To Have Football On While We’re Eating Dinner, It’s A Holiday God Damn It Fight
— Wedge yourself into the farthest corner of the couch, cover your entire body in a blanket and watch Outlander on your phone.
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8. The Are You Really Raising Your Kids That Way Fight
— Nod silently, then sneak off and steal a bottle of vodka out of your parents liquor cabinet to drink (and spite them with!) when they’re asleep.
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9. The Adnan Is Guilty No He’s Innocent Fight
— If your family listens to Serial then you come from a cooler family than the rest of us. Count your blessings even when they’re annoying as f**k.
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