Pregnancy

If You’re Curious About How Childbirth Will Destroy Or Improve Your Vagina, Reddit Has Answers

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mommyish 1A pregnant Redditer concerned that her vagina will be “wrecked” by childbirth, went to the site’s Baby Bumps sub-Reddit for answers. And she got some. Oh boy, did she get some.

Proving once again that vaginas are like snowflakes — icy and delicate — other forum members were quick to tell her how much better and how much worse their vaginas were after giving birth.

For the most part, reports were that their vaginas were actually tighter afterwards, which doubtless caused great rejoicing and wincing among some readers. This did come with a caveat from one woman who said that yes, her vagina was tighter, “…but it [doesn’t] look exactly the same.” Another said that her vagina looked the same, but was “noticeably larger” inside. At this point, her head swimming with pictures of large, normal, tight, and distorted vaginas, the original poster took an Ambien and started cutting her split ends with a nail clipper.

The women of Baby Bumps reassured the poster that she was both right and wrong to be worried. One said that her husband found her internally to be “tighter and more textured,” while another said gloomily, “the pain never went away.” One woman shared that she now has “slightly wrinkled outer labia,” displaying a level of familiarity with her vagina that must make her an excellent witness in court. And one hero cut through all the crap and said, “My vagina grew teeth and a nasty attitude.”

 

 

After a few posts reassuring her that her vagina would still work after giving birth, the original poster stepped in and said that she wasn’t concerned about whether or not her vagina was going to work afterwards, but about “how pleasing” it would look. I was surprised by this, because I find that if I just do her hair and slap on some lip gloss, my vagina can generally hold her own when we’re out and about.

Many posters reassured her that she could handle a lot of this preemptively by doing Kegels, the vaginal squeezing you do during a long car ride after a large cup of coffee. One poster recommended doing them when bored or while watching TV, to which vaginas everywhere screamed, “Don’t we do enough for you?!”

Meanwhile, women who’ve had c-sections were patting their vaginas and saying, “Shhhh…it’s okay. I know it sounds horrible. Just close your ears, sweetheart. And don’t talk to Tummy Scar, she’ll just give you nightmares.”

82 Comments

  1. rockmonster

    August 13, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/770/871/1a9.gif

    Does everyone just want a feel-good post today?

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      Seriously. This whole WEEK has just sucked–Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall, shitty people doing shitty things…I think I’d need to smoke all the marijuana in Colorado for a respite. 🙁

    • CMJ

      August 13, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      Will you also go eat a burger at steuben’s for me if you eat meat?

      (on a liquid diet and craving all the foods)

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      With pleasure! Double pleasure, as I had a hospital visit resulting in much the same a couple weeks ago and haven’t made my way to Steuben’s yet.

      (Also, that SUCKS.)

    • rockmonster

      August 13, 2014 at 8:17 pm

      Puppies for you!
      Please get well soon. 🙁
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riQTu_939MY

    • rockmonster

      August 13, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      Yay! Adorable kitties–that does make life better! 😀

    • rockmonster

      August 13, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      You live in Mountain Land, eh?

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 9:06 pm

      Indeed! Colorful Colorado, where most of the color comes from the purple haze!

  2. bea

    August 13, 2014 at 5:48 pm

    Your vagina is a vagina. After childbirth, it may look slightly different. But it will still look like a vagina. There are no ugly vaginas. Only vaginas.

    • Smishsmash

      August 17, 2014 at 12:03 am

      Indeed. I have yet to meet a man who started off foreplay with “hey, can I check out the aesthetics of your vagina before I stick my dick in there? I have certain style preferences.” If you have a vagina before childbirth and you continue to have one after, you’ll be fine.

  3. JSi

    August 13, 2014 at 6:21 pm

    Is a vagina ever not ugly? I mean, I’m a nurse, I’ve seen more genitals than I care to recall, and I’m pretty sure none of them, of either variety, were what I would describe as attractive lol

    • Kite

      September 25, 2014 at 1:29 am

      Do you like giving cunnilingus? Ask some women who do… opinions may vary, but worshipping at the altar of lurve can alter your perspective.

  4. whiteroses

    August 13, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    There’s no such thing as an attractive vagina. Even if there was…you won’t be on the best of terms with yours for a long while after you give birth.

  5. Tina

    August 13, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Well I’ve never given birth, but I can only assume that this is like so many other things in life, completely individual and on a whole falls into a bell-shaped normal distribution. Some small percentage of women will not have any changes to the look, even feel tighter and better. Others might get ripped terribly, not heal right and experience chronic pain in addition to it looking completely different and strange. But the large majority of women fall in the middle and will probably experience an insignificant slight difference in looks due to some tearing or stretching, but will heal properly and still have normal, attractive, working vaginas that will once again allow them to eventually have a great sex life. No use stressing about it because where you end up will be completely up to genetics and dumb luck. On the bright side, statistically the odds are in your favour to be somewhere in the average middle and bounce back just fine. At least that’s what I tell myself to feel better about one day having to face that exact terrifying predicament.

  6. Tina

    August 13, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Well I’ve never given birth, but I can only assume that this is like so many other things in life, completely individual and on a whole falls into a bell-shaped normal distribution. Some small percentage of women will not have any changes to the look, even feel tighter and better. Others might get ripped terribly, not heal right and experience chronic pain in addition to it looking completely different and strange. But the large majority of women fall in the middle and will probably experience an insignificant slight difference in looks due to some tearing or stretching, but will heal properly and still have normal, attractive, working vaginas that will once again allow them to eventually have a great sex life. No use stressing about it because where you end up will be completely up to genetics and dumb luck. On the bright side, statistically the odds are in your favour to be somewhere in the average middle and bounce back just fine. At least that’s what I tell myself to feel better about one day having to face that exact terrifying predicament.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:42 pm

      You know, vaginal damage was honestly not on my list of reasons to remain childfree…until I found Mommyish. Oh my word. I love all you regulars, but I suddenly needed to set aside a designated Alcohol and Weed fund after learning what an episiotomy is. O_O

    • Kapibara-san

      August 14, 2014 at 4:25 am

      This. I don’t even know why or how I started reading mommyish, but suddenly I’m a lot more worried about episiotomies and tearing and all the gross stuff. I might even still have kids in the future, but boy doesn’t it sound like a joy.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 10:52 am

      I followed STFU, Parents here, which probably tells you something about my attitudes towards the joys to come after the tearing. :X

    • Kapibara-san

      August 15, 2014 at 3:12 am

      Haha, I think that’s actually how I got here too 😀

    • biggerthanthesound

      August 14, 2014 at 9:16 am

      I’ve given birth three times and never had an episiotomy, so there is that. I think you really only have to have one in an emergency. My doctor said a natural tear heals better…. like it goes back together like a zipper.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 10:51 am

      I’m not sure the phrase “natural tear” makes me any less inclined to spend an exacting portion of my budget on mind-altering substances, though it may help me redesignate some of the rest for a third form of birth control!

    • biggerthanthesound

      August 14, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      haha… yeah… it sounds more scary than it actually is. I only needed stitches the first time it it was minimal. My vagina has gotten rave reviews since birthing children, so no issues with damage i would presume.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      I refuse to shave for fear of nicks and scrapes, so the thought of genuine may-need-to-be-sewn-shut-with-a-needle tearing in that area has me under the bed in a fetal position.

    • ted3553

      August 14, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Just for a little TMI, I had a tear and 3 stitches and it was no big deal. I healed fine and according to my husband, everything feels the same. Although for the poor redditor, I didn’t take pre and post baby pictures so I can’t really compare how it looks-never really crossed my mind

    • Awa Adams

      August 15, 2014 at 1:35 am

      I have no idea if this helps, but because of my epidural, I didn’t even notice my tear. And while my recovery was no picnic, I wasn’t in any extra pain because of it.

  7. CC

    August 13, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    I still really want that customized vagina necklace. My birthday is coming up, but I guess I should do the responsible thing and wait until I am done having kids…who knows what she will look like by then? :'(

    • Maria Guido

      August 13, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      I have to agree – that necklace was fucking awesome.

    • Maria Guido

      August 13, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      I have to agree – that necklace was fucking awesome.

  8. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    August 13, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    Do men ever have these conversations about penises?

    I know, maybe not directly related, but I can’t help but wonder…do they? Or is this just a woman thing? I know they don’t give birth through their penises, but I’m talking more in lines of the concept of trying to figure out how attractive genitals are. I find penises far more funny looking than vaginas…

    • Spongeworthy

      August 13, 2014 at 7:42 pm

      I think they probably do, but more about size? Or everything they’ve stuck it in? I don’t know. I’m with you. I’m appreciative of what one can do, but damn if they aren’t funny-looking.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 13, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      So true. They are weird! And they stick them in such weird places…I never even imagined until I had sons. But I say “Don’t put your penis in that” at two or three times a week.

    • Spongeworthy

      August 13, 2014 at 7:47 pm

      I say that way more than I care to admit.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:57 pm

      …Y’know what, it’s after 5 here. ALL THE SHOTS!!!!!

    • aheb

      August 13, 2014 at 8:41 pm

      Direct quote from my husband when I complained about our three year old. For the record, I was saying I didn’t want to give him prudish hangups, I just wanted to instill some basic understanding of sanitation.: “honey, you just need to realize that everything in this house is covered in scrotum cooties and get over it. Let it go.”

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 13, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      I feel that. And it is everything.

      I’m less worried about prudish and more worried about what the hell to do if they get it stuck.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      I laughed. And then crossed my fingers that they serve craft beer in hell, because that’s exactly where I’m going.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 8:19 am

      That’s where all the fun people are!

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      August 13, 2014 at 8:25 pm

      I don’t know about grown men, but certainly teenage boys.

    • Spongeworthy

      August 13, 2014 at 8:33 pm

      I think all bets are off when it comes to teenaged boys and penis conversations.

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      August 14, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      Kudos on your username!

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      August 14, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      What?! It’s just the name my parents gave me. 😉

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:43 pm

      Penises are HILARIOUS. Also, I once wandered in on my dad and one of his similarly aged doctor buddies discussing drooping and wrinkles in the, er, testicular region, and I promptly wandered back out to Google Map the nearest liquor store.

    • Spongeworthy

      August 13, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      Oh god if I ever walked in on my dad having that conversation
      http://media2.giphy.com/media/PcnUjSEMBlpgk/200_s.gif

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:54 pm

      I’m pretty sure this is why he tacitly approves my marijuana use…because, rather than in spite of, the studies linking it to memory loss. X(

    • Spongeworthy

      August 13, 2014 at 7:56 pm

      Hahaha…”hey hon, how many more blunts do you think you’ll need before forgetting that time you heard me talking about my ball sack? Here’s $100.”

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:58 pm

      There’s a surcharge for hearing my dad use the phrase “ball sack”!

    • Spongeworthy

      August 13, 2014 at 8:32 pm

      See, I think I’d be more traumatized by hearing my dad say “scrotum”.
      *shudder*

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 9:05 pm

      My dad’s a doctor, so I don’t mind hearing him use official terminology…but “scrotum” is just an icky word!

    • biggerthanthesound

      August 14, 2014 at 8:52 am

      I was told my dad once used “cunt hair” as a unit of measure. WTF Dad!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 14, 2014 at 10:48 am

      I would demand money AND selections from my dad’s personal stash as compensation!

    • jane

      August 13, 2014 at 10:07 pm

      I actually loled. Thank you for that.

    • Maria Guido

      August 13, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Hahahaha!

    • Maria Guido

      August 13, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Hahahaha!

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 13, 2014 at 7:46 pm

      I would still be drunk if I’d overheard that conversation.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      August 13, 2014 at 7:56 pm

      I try to go outside a lot. Not so much for the distraction of it all, though that helps too, but mostly because I can get a contact high by walking outdoors in my neighborhood.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 13, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      What else are neighbors good for?

    • 9n96

      August 15, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      i guess you can live in a nice little fantasy world and never really get your heart broken about billions of nonhuman animals dying and being excluded for caring so deeply.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      August 13, 2014 at 8:24 pm

      I’ve asked my husband about bathroom protocol and he tells me that it is a strictly eyes-forward kind of place. But I have sneaking suspicions that the boys’ locker room is a completely different story.

    • ted3553

      August 14, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      there is no way the bathroom is always eyes forward only when I know a handful of guys who have confessed to having swordfights in the bathroom with their friends

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      August 14, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      As a 40-year-old man, I sincerely hope that my husband is not having swordfights in the bathroom with random men.

    • ted3553

      August 14, 2014 at 5:24 pm

      Ha. I’m not sure this is what happens with most grown men ( the guys I know that have done it were in high school or college) but I enjoy picturing that introductory conversation at a urinal between 2 men in business suits.

  9. Meredith

    August 13, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    You guys are all hilarious. All of you

  10. Martris Drake

    August 13, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Such high level of stupidity on this article, geez.

    “Proving once again that vaginas are like snowflakes — icy and delicate”

    Yes the vagina is probably the most durable piece of the human body…but it still can be hurt/effected by giving birth.

    So of course the best thing to do, as women, isn’t to lend advice to the Original Poster of that reddit thread….instead lets just write article mocking the whole quest for guidance.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 13, 2014 at 10:23 pm

      Did we read the same post?

    • Martris Drake

      August 14, 2014 at 12:56 am

      yes I did, which I read a heavy level or sarcastic mockery of the initial intent of the original poster on Reddit.

      To someone who is not aware of things that happen, then everything is a mystery. Do not mock them for seeking out information.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 8:18 am

      I’m still not convinced we read the same post.

    • Martris Drake

      August 14, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      thats okay

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      August 14, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      I swear, are we getting more high profile? What made Mommyish jump to the top of the troll list? Some algorithm writer at Google needs a smack.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 14, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      I dunno that this poster is a troll, but I definitely think she missed the point of the post.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      August 15, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      Psst. It’s Kalcen in disguise. Pass it on.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      August 16, 2014 at 11:30 am

      Aye. I already read that.

    • Maria Guido

      August 15, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      It’s called a sense of humor. You should look into getting one.

    • Martris Drake

      August 15, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      Are you kidding? This is mommyish, no one on this site has a sense of humor

  11. jendra_berri

    August 13, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    Eh, if you don’t like the way it looks after, regrow the hair and bring back the mystery.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      August 14, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      like an emo haircut for the vagina

  12. Kapibara-san

    August 14, 2014 at 4:28 am

    Just wanted to thank the writer of this article for morning laughs. I am now equally amused and terrified.

  13. wispy

    August 14, 2014 at 11:13 am

    If I could offer one piece of advice to anyone who is about to give birth or has recently given birth it would be to please not take a mirror to your nether regions afterwards. Let it remain a mystery. Ignorance is bliss. I say this seriously, too. After my first kid I cried for weeks, not because the stress of my baby but because of the stress of what my crotch looked like. In the end it didn’t even matter because a while later it didn’t even matter and I guess it went back to normal. I don’t really know because I don’t gaze down there anymore but it works just as it always did. I could have saved myself so much stress if I had just not looked! It makes me laugh now if I think about my husband looking at his penis and bawling his eyes out, which he clearly never has done. If he doesn’t, why should I?

  14. Véronique the Attachment Shark

    August 14, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    omg i laughed so hard at this!!!!!!!

  15. sera

    August 27, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    “about “how pleasing” it would look. I was surprised by this, because I find that if I just do her hair and slap on some lip gloss, my vagina can generally hold her own when we’re out and about.”
    Hahahahahahaha! Iip gloss. ha!
    Who’s looking that has the right to judge? I’m pretty sure my husband is just glad I have one.

  16. Kite

    September 25, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Well, I found receiving fisting made my vagina permanently larger. Also, fisting my partner pre-emptively before birth helped her make it through a traumatic shoulder dystocia birth and survive with not a single tear (OB called it “miraculous”). In general, fisting makes your vagina more flexible and yes, usually larger, so I’d say vaginal birth probably does the same to most women. And keep doing those Kegels.

  17. Pingback: Man Gives Live Updates Of Wifes Affair On Reddit

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