We talk a lot here on Mommyish about Disney princesses, animated films and the messages these movies send to our kids. But if you look past the pretty ballgowns and lovable talking animals, you see there's a category of Disney character that doesn't get much attention-- the parental figure. We know the life lessons impressed upon us by the heroes and heroines in Disney films, but the parents in these movies have advice to impart as well. It's just that it's the most awful parenting advice ever. When something goes wrong in a Disney movie, it's usually the parents' fault.
Beauty and the Beast
Don't let your eleven year old answer the door by himself or else he will be cursed by an evil witch for acting like a typical bratty tween. If your child suffers from a rare physical abnormality, the proper response is to abandon him to be raised by people you hire, thus impairing his ability to trust and love anyone.
The Lion King
Trust your uncle. Even if he's lazy and associates with unsavory characters, family is family.
Ignore all advice given to you by the closest approximation you have to a professional therapist (i.e a rock troll). If your child is unique, teach her to bottle up her emotions and try to blend in at all costs. Conformity is more important than happiness.
Blood relations are only one that matters. Step-kids are just free child labor.
The Little Mermaid
It's totally okay to let your 16-year-old get married to the first boy she meets, because you don't like it when she's mad at you. And if your daughter wants plastic surgery to please her man, so be it.
One accident warrants a lifetime of helicopter parenting.
If your child is kidnapped, don't contact the police or hire a private detective or do anything to try and find her. Just launch lanterns into the sky on her birthday. Kids are like dogs, they'll come home eventually.
If someone curses your daughter, give her away. You don't need that negative energy in your home.
If you're trying to trick a child into eating something, use something they will really want to eat, like fruit. Had the Evil Queen just stirred that poison into a milkshake this story would have had a completely different ending.
(image: Tyler Olsen/Shutterstock.com)