We have to hand it to Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Nobody expected their love to last the early 2000s, but Speidi is still going strong. Montag and Pratt recently welcomed a baby boy whom they named Gunner Stone, after making sure the name was available on all currently popular social media platforms. Pratt wants his baby to be “a professional content maker,” but right now he’s just a professional breast-milk drinker.
Gunner just turned one month old, and Heidi Montag has had her first postpartum glass of wine. She kind of freaked out about it, though, and her new mom freakout is the most relatable thing she’s ever done.
According to Cafe Mom, Montag’s been breastfeeding, and it looks like she decided to wait for the one-month mark to give Gunner his first bottle of expressed milk. That’s a big milestone for a new mom.
While Pratt gave Gunner his first bottle, Montag took the opportunity to have her first postpartum glass of wine. She poured herself a small glass of red wine, and posted a photo of herself with it to her Instagram Stories, writing, “First sip of wine in 10 months!”
“I’m about to have my first sip of wine in 10 months. I’m really nervous,” she said in her video. “Ahh! I don’t know, should I do it?”
She does go through with it, and she sips for the camera, remarking that it is so weird to taste wine after not having had any in 10 months.
“It tastes like … It’s definitely different than I remember. Wow!” she said.
But then, of course, Heidi Montag kind of freaked out about drinking alcohol while breastfeeding. She didn’t have anything to worry about, of course. Gunner was drinking a bottle of expressed milk and sleeping. Montag could have a glass of wine and be fine. But Montag is a new mom with a one-month-old newborn. Of course she’s panicking about everything and constantly on Google.
She probably hallucinates the sound of a baby crying every time she turns on the shower, too.
Montag freaked out and went to Google if she was really allowed to have wine.
Montag ran off to Google to see if she was allowed to have a glass of wine. It wound up being a little stressful.
“My first glass of wine was fun and stressful,” she said. “I was Googling everything. I was like ‘Oh my gosh, how long until I can drink this?’ So it took away the fun of the wine … it was stressful.”
She also was a little ambivalent about Gunner’s first bottle. So far she’s been feeding him herself, so that’s an adjustment. Now Gunner can be fed by someone who isn’t her. That’s weird the first time it happens. Montag says she was a little jealous and she’s not sure she’s going to do that again.
The next day she went out for a walk, and spent the whole time panicking. “What is my baby doing? Is he cold? Who is watching him? Is he freaking out? Is everything OK?”
Heidi Montag has been on reality TV for more than a decade, and this is the realest performance she’s ever given. She’s a high-strung, overtired new mom with a one-month old. She probably still thinks, “Do people know we have this? Like … am I supposed to be watching this baby by myself? A grown-up is coming to check in, right?”
Don’t worry, Heidi. A few months, and you’ll be tossing Spencer bottles and running out the door for wine with friends on a regular basis.
And when your second baby is five weeks old, you’ll be Instagramming wine tastings in low-cut tops like Beyonce did when her twins hit that milestone.
- Mila Kunis’ ‘Bad Moms Confesses’ to Letting 3-Year-Old Daughter Sip on Wine For Shabbat
- I Bought Those Alcohol Detection Strips For Breast Milk And Threw Them Away Almost Immediately
- Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Had a Baby Boy, and His Name Is Very On-Brand
(Facebook / Spencer Pratt)