And that is probably the wrong reaction.
I probably do need to listen to the crunchy moms and avoid slathering my child in pesticides. My instinct to panic is just so strong. I can't handle the idea of bugs living on me, no matter how common of a problem it is. Even writing about head lice right now is making my head itch. I might go into the bathroom when I'm done and obsessively check my scalp. Hell, I might preemptively just slather my head in olive oil and essential oils every night because why not?
I read a post once about places where they'll comb the lice out of your kid's hair for you. You bring your little lice magnet to a place that looks like a hair salon and they charge you a gazillion dollars an hour and do all of the dirty work for you. I'm not going to lie: I would totally do that. In fact, they should also consider starting a head lice home cleaning service to come over and take care of the bedding, stuffed animals, clothes, carpets, etc. Actually, they could just burn the house down and build us a new one. I will pay for that. Just don't make me handle the lice on my own.
I know the odds are against me and that one or both of my kids is most likely going to come home with head lice someday. I know it logically, but emotionally I'm just not ready to deal with it. I'm not ready for the phone call from the school or having to pretend everything about what's going on doesn't repulse me. I'm not ready to deal with possibility of also getting lice myself from my own kid. I'm just not ready. I hope by the time it happens I've made enough money to just go on vacation to Hawaii that week and pay other people to deal with it because I cannot, you guys. I will not be able to handle it.