The 10 Worst Halloween Treats Ever Conceived
For some reason, come Halloween, all the grossest candy ever made finds its way onto store shelves. A lot of traditional Halloween candy is disgusting. Admittedly I haven’t trick-or-treated in two decades, but when I was a kid we used to have to separate candy into two piles – they stuff we actually wanted to eat and the stuff that was disgusting but that we would still consume after all of the good candy ran out.
1. Pumpkin Peeps
Great idea. Here child, let me just throw this loose marshmallow in your bag. That’s not gross.
Raisins aren’t candy, people. Why are you destroying joy? Why do you hate America?
3. Tootstie Fruit Rolls
Somebody took a mediocre candy and made it disgusting.
4. Ribbon Candy
This makes my skin crawl, as it brings back memories of the sharp ends of it slicing through my tongue. This stuff is actually a weapon. Maybe you should keep some in your purse.
5. Candy Corn
I put this on here because everyone hates it – except me. I eat the white tip first, then the orange middle, than the yellow base. I can’t imagine why anyone would pop these things in their mouths intact.
6. Circus Peanuts
Do they still make these? Please tell me the younger generation has been spared.
7. Strawberry Candy
Grandma’s not buying any new candy. She’s just dumping her candy jar in a festive bowl and pawning that stuff off. Why is this “hard” candy always chewy? And what in the name of god is that gelatinous substance in the middle?
8. Bazooka Bubble Gum
Someone put this gum out of its misery. It’s so hard you’ll crack a tooth if you’re not careful and the comic is dumb. If you’re lucky, this made-to-be-stale gum actually will be stale, and it will just turn to crumble when you try to chew it. And does anybody know what happened to Bazooka Joe’s eye?
Apples are delicious – just not on Halloween. Have you ever seen the movie Halloween? That kid bites into an apple and has to go to the ER and have it surgically removed from his tongue. Apples on Halloween are horrifying. You pretty much suck if you give these out.
10. Candy Canes
Do you know what month it is? It’s October. Don’t try to pawn off any seasonal goodies you bought on the clearance shelves at Target last year. That’s just mean. And wrong.