6 Guns For The Princess In Your Life
Psst. Hey. Gun owners. I’m trying to get your attention as quietly as possible because lord knows I don’t want to take any of you by surprise. Anyhoo, the holidays are here, and you might be stuck on what to get that little girl in your life who believes in both the Second Amendment and Santa Claus. Well, you’re in luck because I found seven options for your camo-wearing little lady.
1. Princesses need princess guns.
It’s the Lady Diana gun by Glambo! (No really, that’s what it says on the side) With a pretty pink grip and Lady Di’s face by the trigger, your daughter will feel like lead-pumping royalty after you explain to her who Lady Di was.
2. Hello, Kitty. I see you’ve come armed.
Because why wouldn’t you want a pink Hello Kitty gun? It says either, “I am a grown woman with a child-like regard for safety,” or, “I am an actual child and too young to own a gun.”
3. Bling bling!
If she has to pull a gun on someone, she might as well look good doing it. Just imagine how that burglar and/or innocent bystander will swoon over the sparkle of your little girl’s precious handgun.
4. It’s just like in the movies!
Blur the line between fantasy and reality even further by getting your daughter a Bond Girl gun. Because guns, like Bond Girls, are for pretend. Given the Bond Girl theme, this also might be a good time to teach her about birth control…ha, just kidding! I of course meant abstinence.
5. OMG, pink bullets.
6. Rawr. Saucy!
If your daughter wants a gun that looks like the big kitties in the zoo, then you get her a gun that looks like the big kitties in the zoo God damn it. But in pink, because she’s not a lesbian.
7. But please, there’s no need to be tacky.
I may not understand what is happening here, but I do understand that I’m seeing a rifle that is perfect for your pre-teen. Maybe she can open carry to Forever 21 and get a matching purse.
Merry Christmas, everybody! Please lock up your bullets so no one accidentally murders Santa!