10 Gross Things All Parents Do But Won’t Admit
There’s no question that babies can do gross things, yes, even the girl ones. But despite the fact that parents are practically the reason Purell stays in business, we too are guilty of doing things that would make the childfree blush, including those who regularly undertake the trek to Burning Man. While parents love to overshare on Facebook, there are some things not even the boldest among us will confess to on our timelines. Here’s ten gross things all parents do, but will never admit.
1. Ignoring a dirty diaper.
Leaving a baby in a soiled diaper is something all new parents swear they will never do, and rightfully so…but sometimes you just need to check your Facebook feed for few minutes to gather the courage to deal with what lies beneath that Pamper.
2. Using spit as soap.
Even your cat gives you the side eye for this one.
3. Drinking backwash.
Your child is thirsty but drinks at the money pit that is Frozen on Ice cost $5 a pop. You know she will only take a couple sips before declaring herself finished, so you let her share your beverage and then finish it off yourself, floaty specks and all.
4. Reusing a diaper.
Sorry not sorry, but there is no way I am wasting an otherwise clean diaper when my kid pops out a rabbit turd ten minutes before bedtime. Just grab a wipe, dig for your treasure and then bury it in the commode. Go ahead and deny you’ve done it all you want, but we both know the truth.
5. Eating partial chewed food.
In a move I like to call the Reverse Alicia Silverstone, you cram the rejected deli cheese/wet and crumbled granola bar/mashed banana into your own mouth because stores never have enough trash bins in the aisles and they’ve yet to invent comfortable pants with pockets.
6. Sniffing butts.
We all roll our eyes at this parenting stereotype, but we still do it anyway. I’d rather imitate a golden retriever any day when looking to see if my kids need a change rather than pull on a diaper and wind up with a poopsicle for a finger.
7. Eating off the floor.
You worked hard on those pancakes that your toddler just rejected, and it would be a shame to let them go to waste. The five second rule still counts, even if you can’t remember the last time you used the mop.
8. Licking the pacifier.
If breast milk has wholesome health benefits, so must saliva. #allbodilyfluids
9. Wearing clothing with pee on them.
If we changed clothes every time our kids leaked on us we’d have more costume changes in a day than a Kardashian. As long as your perfume can mask any blue cheese-like odors, its fiiiine.
10. Faking a clean up.
We try our hardest to stay on top of the messes, but sometimes a parent can only do so much before you throw in the towel and call in the Febreze. My son peed down the heating vent last week. Apart from tearing into the walls or putting my a cat on a belay line there wasn’t anything I could do except light a candle and hope that it dried.
(image: PathDoc/Shutterstock.com)
