Grieving Mom Buys Gifts For Her Stillborn Child And Of Course, The Internet Is Terrible About It
As the fortunate mother of two healthy and living children, it has never occurred to me to question how a grieving parent handles their loss. I honestly cannot imagine how one goes on after losing a child and I think however a grieving mom copes with her loss is her business as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. No one should judge her for it.
From the Daily Mail, we have the story of a mother in the UK who lost her son at 32 weeks along almost three years ago. In the years since, Sabrina McKenna has found that buying gifts for her little boy provides her a measure of comfort in his absence:
A grieving mother has defended her heartbreaking decision to spend thousands of pounds on presents for her baby, despite the fact he died before birth.
Sabrina McKenna, 34, says shopping for gifts for her son helps her cope with her loss and pay tribute to Jamie, who died aged 32 weeks in June, 2012.
But her decision to post images of what would have been her son’s nursery crammed with gifts and toys has led to her being abused online.
Of course, she is being abused online. There are millions of scumbag human beings who have nothing better to do than chastise a grieving mother for buying toys for her deceased child. Yes, humanity!
Sabrina has now decided to speak out about her experience to make people understand why she enjoys buying toys for her son.
She said: ‘Buying presents for Jamie helps me cope with my loss, so who has the right to judge or attack me for that?
‘I’m sick of people’s cruel comments about me. I’ve been through enough already without receiving vile messages from strangers.’
I am glad she is speaking out. With a loss this unfathomable, who are we to judge how she handles the aftermath? I can tell you all right now that I am not sure how I would go on. She has no other children and her relationship with her partner ended after Jamie passed on. I cannot imagine her pain. Whatever she has to do, as long as she isn’t hurting anyone, is fine by me. I can’t even say that this is “extreme” behavior because I am pretty certain I would be a puddle on the floor if this happened to me. If she gets up every morning and puts one foot in front of the other and this helps her do that, then everyone needs to leave her alone.
She mentions that down the line, she would considerdonating the collection of toys she has amassed for her son so other children could enjoy them:
‘I hope that one day I will feel strong enough to donate all of his wonderful toys to charity.
‘I love the idea of other children getting pleasure from the things I have bought for Jamie. But until then they will stay in his room.
‘I wish he was there too but nothing can change that.
‘All I can do is continue in the way I have found that makes life easier and if you don’t want to try and least to understand then please just look the other way instead of posting nasty messages.
‘I just hope the people that are ridiculing me never have to understand what it feels like to lose a much wanted baby.’
This touched me because I know of an amazing mother from a parenting forum I used to frequent who does this. She lost her little one in the second trimester and every year since, she finds a girl in need who is the age her daughter would have been and buys gifts to donate to her. When she posts about it on Facebook, my heart clenches- I can’t imagine it is easy for her to do this while thinking of the child she lost but I think it is a lovely and meaningful way to keep her memory alive. If McKenna finds the strength one day to do this herself, I think it would be a beautiful way to commemorate her little boy. If she can never part with the gifts, that’s fine too. I am, and always will be, of the frame of mind that she should do whatever she needs to do. Instead of judging, maybe those not in her unenviable position should just thank their lucky stars for their good fortune.
(Image: Jeff Wasserman/Shutterstock)