Newsflash, Grandparents: It’s Never Okay To Cut Your Grandkids’ Hair Without Asking

woman-giving-child-haircutParents and grandparents often have different ideas about the way kids should be raised, but at the end of the day it’s the parents’ choice and most sane people realize that. Still, not everyone gets it. If they did, we wouldn’t constantly see frustrated parents venting after grandma and grandpa crossed the line yet again.

I was browsing Reddit recently and came across one such boundary violation that I couldn’t believe is even a real thing: grandparents cutting kids’ hair without permission. User GirlNamedGeorge wrote:

reddit-post-girlnamedgeorge-haircut(via)

This seemed totally absurd to me, but to my surprise a few people chimed in on this user’s post to let her know plenty of their friends have had similar things happen. Apparently haircuts without consent are a phenomenon among grandparents and extended family. I had no idea.

It shouldn’t need to be said, but randomly cutting a kid’s hair without their parents’ permission is the opposite of okay. Yes, hair grows back and they probably didn’t mean any harm, but that’s not really the point. The real issue is the complete and utter boundary violation that is altering a child’s appearance against their parents’ wishes.

Even though I don’t have experience with secret haircuts, I once harbored fears that one of my kid’s grandparents would pierce my daughter’s ears without permission and the experience was stressful and awful. They were so insistent about piercing her ears and had a history of doing other things without my permission, like introducing my infant to new, unapproved foods and refusing to follow our bedtime requests when babysitting. Eventually I had to address the constant boundary crossing because I truly feared coming home one evening to find my six-month-old with shiny new earrings punched into her ears.

It’s not that I thought earrings would do permanent damage, but I want to wait until my daughter asks to have her ears pierced and I want to be the one to take her to do it. I would’ve been really upset if someone took that away from my daughter or from me. And that’s the thing with these violations: it’s impossible to know the real consequences of your actions unless you ask first. What if you’re spoiling a bonding moment? Giving kids something they’re allergic to? Putting a kink in established rules and patterns at home?

Grandparents might think these slights are harmless, but they really do put a strain on relationships and make it difficult to parent, especially in a situation where the grandparent is a part time caregiver. Parents desperately need to be able to trust the people who watch their kids. If a grandparent is willing to give kids a haircut without permission, it’s only natural to wonder what else is going on when mom and dad aren’t around.

Parents shouldn’t micromanage their children’s relationships with their grandparents, but it’s vital to maintain healthy boundaries and respect parents’ wishes. This Reddit poster might be going off the deep end a little bit in threatening to remove her daughter from otherwise wonderful caregivers, but I can understand why she’s upset. Hopefully she’s able to communicate her feelings in an honest, open way and the whole thing can get resolved without creating bigger problems.

(Photo: Shutterstock)

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