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Giuliana Rancic Invites Some Ugly Mommy-Shaming By Saying She Puts Her Marriage Before Her Child

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Giuliana Rancic babyIt’s an age-old motherhood debate: who do you love more, husband or child? It’s a debate that I’ve always found slightly ridiculous, because I don’t find these two kinds of love to be comparable at all. And still, women have been proclaiming their allegiance and judging those on the other side of the debate for decades now. The most recent mom to throw her hat into the circle of this fight is Giuliana Rancic, inviting some serious mommy-shaming by saying that she puts husband, Bill Rancic, above her son.

The Fashion Police host and reality television personality recently welcomed a son Duke, via gestational surrogate after years of difficulty trying to get pregnant, including miscarriage and treatment for breast cancer. She told Us Weekly that having a child hasn’t changed the way she prioritizes her marriage.

‘We’re husband and wife, but we’re also best friends, and it’s funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second. That works for some people. For us, I find, we put our marriage first and our child second, because the best thing we can do for him is have a strong marriage. So we’re even stronger than we ever were before and even imagined we could be.’

Rancic was obviously attempting to make the comment less offensive. She goes out of her way to mention that the viewpoint isn’t meant for everyone and that she’s talking about a personal choice. That didn’t stop the mommy-shaming though. A selection of Daily Mail comments:

From Lucy:

“First tiny dogs, now babies…. Babies have become quite an accessory in hollywood and to her this baby was a way to keep up with the Jones… Do anything to stay in the press to further her career. I wish she stops making it about her and focuses on her family.”

From Evie:

“Maybe her comments have something to do with the fact that she didn’t carry the baby for nine months, nor did she give birth to him. Mrs. Rancic used a surrogate for her baby due to some cancer related health issues. Then, why does one have to come before or after the other? Why a first and a second?”

From La Dee Da:

“Don’t believe the hype, her career is the most important, her husband and the baby are decoys for her image to show she is a normal mother and wife, children must and should be #1, that husband of hers can find himself someone younger and prettier and be gone and then she will see where her priorities should be.”

From Ruby Jones:

“I’m sure if she had the baby herself she’d think differently…”

To be fair, there were plenty of other commenters standing up for Giuliana and agreeing that they too, put their marriage first. But these nasty comments, especially the ones implying that Giuliana is somehow not as much of a mother because she didn’t carry her baby herself, are completely out-of-line and despicable.

This entire debate just seems so ridiculous. The idea that mothers have to “choose” who love more or better makes no sense. If your family, as a whole, is your top priority, then hopefully everyone in it will feel loved and secure.

I’m not offended by Giuliana’s comment, just like I’m not offended by someone who believes that they love their children first. I am offended by the instinct to insult anyone who thinks differently.

(Photo: Travis Wade/WENN.com)

33 Comments

  1. Ipsedixit

    February 28, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Uh, it’s not a “debate” when you’re copying the comment section from the Daily Fail.

    This entire site is one big epic face palm.

  2. Run4Fun

    February 28, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    I hate it when I see people getting up in arms because someone lives their life in a different way.

    I personally think Giuliana has the right idea. I am a firm believer that you have to put yourself and your spouse before your children. This does not mean be selfish and neglectful and it does not mean that you don’t love your children.

    What it means is that if you do your job as a parent right, your kids are going to grow up and make their own way in the world and you are left with yourself and your spouse.

    I see so many empty-nesters who are still married but are virtual strangers because they didn’t believe in babysitters or spending time as a couple while their children were growing up.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      February 28, 2013 at 7:36 pm

      Agreed. When you’re on a plane, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on first before you put it on your children. Part of being a good parent is taking care of yourself, including your relationship if you’re in one. I think it’s good for every parent to have “alone time” and “couple time”, and people who shame them for it are jerks.

    • Courtney Lynn

      March 1, 2013 at 1:18 pm

      Exactly. If you’re losing oxygen, how the hell are you going to help your kid?

    • Zoe

      February 28, 2013 at 7:46 pm

      And that, children, is how clingy mothers-in-law from hell are born!

    • Blooming_Babies

      February 28, 2013 at 8:33 pm

      Lol YES!

  3. Cee

    February 28, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    I think mothers who make scenarios in their head are just crazy “if there’s a fire and my husband and baby are stuck, Id save my baby” Yet, they also say “well my husband will take a bullet for me.” WTF. First, it sort of reminds me of the women that tell their partners that they had a dream that their lover cheated on them and are upset the whole day, stop living in odd lifetime scenarios. Secondly, the way you’ll be in the emergency is unpredictable so don’t say you’ll save anybody or expect someone else to do it for you. Lastly, I don’t think your husband wants to hear that you’ll leave him to burn and expect him to get shot as well. But, I think what Giuliana is trying to say is that she wont forget she has a husband and get absorbed with a baby. Go to other mommy blogs and read comments about how they feel about their children and sometimes it is very…very close, then read the comments they make about husbands…eeesh. Its almost as if they are just sperm donors.

    • Ordinaryperson

      February 28, 2013 at 4:02 pm

      Haha, living in odd lifetime scenarios? I could see this making my life much more interesting. I’m going to start it off by throwing a glass of water in my husband’s face when he walks through the door because I suspect he’s been cheating on me with his office assistant, or the beautiful older lady with the perfect gardens across the street, or maybe the blind woman he saved from oncoming traffic with whom he shared his darkest secrets because her eyes don’t judge like mine…

    • Cee

      February 28, 2013 at 5:17 pm

      lol BUT it would actually be his twin that does this shocking-yet-predictable-twist!

    • Courtney Lynn

      February 28, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      I personally don’t like it when people create such scenarios, either, and I won’t even entertain them.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      February 28, 2013 at 7:38 pm

      My mom is definitely one of those who is “save the kid first”, but when this debate came up again (sinking ship, not fire), she was momentarily silenced when I pointed out that I’m twenty-one and able-bodied while my dad is seventy-five and can’t swim. Our priorities have to shift sometimes.

    • meteor_echo

      March 1, 2013 at 2:54 am

      Eh, I’d save my husband first anyway. It always seems to piss off the creators of those scenarios for some reason – do they think that every woman would go for the kid first?

  4. chickadee

    February 28, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    US Weekly and the Daily Mail….your sources are impeccable and reflect well on this site. I especially appreciate the inclusion of the always-thoughtful and nuanced comments from the latter.

    • Paul White

      March 1, 2013 at 9:20 am

      Now they’re going to start reporting from World News Weekly or something 🙂

  5. Ordinaryperson

    February 28, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    My husband and I had to take a marriage course to get married in a church, and I remember them specifically telling us to make your marriage a priority over your children. I guess they could have been biased since it was a marriage course, not a children course, but if you want your children to grow up in a loving two parent home I guess it makes sense to make it a priority.

  6. Blueathena623

    February 28, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    I love my husband, son and family equally, but in different ways. Is that so hard?

  7. Courtney Lynn

    February 28, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    I think people are confusing this with who she loves more. It’s not a matter of who you love more! I love both my husband and my son very much, but in very different ways. I think by making my marriage a priority and keeping my husband my BFF, I’m setting an example for our son. I think it will be a basis for him to form healthy relationships. I just don’t think all my attention and focus should be on my son and my husband cast aside and I think that’s all Giuliana was trying to say. I don’t know why so many women get so up in arms about this! I suppose she should be bashing her husband as I hear so many women doing? I refuse to do that and I’m glad other women are doing the same.

  8. CrazyFor Kate

    February 28, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Wow, some people are horrible. Why is parenting such a minefield? If parents and kids are happy, who cares? Whatever happened to the “whatever works for you” viewpoint?

  9. Monique Boulanger

    February 28, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    Kids are usually around for only 18 years or so, you’re married to your spouse (hopefully) for LIFE (as in much longer than 18 years) After the kid is gone, what will you have to fall back on? An empty husk? Naw, keep working on that marriage. Kids seeing a strong marriage will grow up feeling secure and loved anyway because the family unit is solid.

  10. Marrnne

    March 1, 2013 at 12:10 am

    Ugh. Who cares what some ersatz-celebrity says about her love-ranking? Does it effect any of us? In the least?
    “Oh dear! Someone uttered the words ‘mother’ and ‘children!’ This is relevant to me and my opinion is not only warranted but absolutely necessary!”

  11. Lis

    March 1, 2013 at 7:53 am

    Normally I can’t stand this woman, but I agree with her entirely. Husband and wife make the foundation of the family, children come second. Not saying children aren’t important but in so many families the KIDS are the ones in charge with Mommy & Daddy wrapped around their little finger. Mom and Dad are in charge because they have knowledge and wisdom to pass on to their kids. Kids need to know they are safe and boundaries are in place.

  12. Fran

    March 1, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    I bet it’s super easy putting your marriage first when you have a nanny.

    • Courtney Lynn

      March 1, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      You don’t need a nanny to put your marriage first.

    • whiteroses

      March 10, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      Not necessarily. Otherwise nobody in Hollywood would ever get divorced.

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  14. Miki

    March 2, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Wow, I had four kids, all with the same husband, and all proceeded forth from my body. Promise. I was there. So debunk those woman=-shaming accusations about it being different because she didn’t gestate them. @@. Make that a double eyeroll. @@ @@. I can totally get where she is coming from. I’m sure if you asked her if she would put her kids’ actual NEEDS on the back burner for her husband, she would not- as it should be. But as they grow, you have to build a strong, impenetrable as possible marriage and sometimes that means, your kids are not happy that you take every Saturday night as *your* might, for example. You put making a strong relationship above things like 15 different sports/extracurricular activities that are usually fleeting interests for the kids. Do you accommodate some? Of course. But if entire seasons go by with spouses juggling extra activities and rarely seeing one another, it’s time to step back and remember the marriage comes before the playing.

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  16. whiteroses

    March 10, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    My son, who is eight months old, needs me more than my husband does right now. Hubs understands that and is perfectly fine with it. However, I can’t watch “The Big Bang Theory” and then have a conversation about complex physics equations with my son.
    I love them both with all my heart (in entirely different ways, of course) and as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have to choose between the two of them.

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  19. FF4life

    November 2, 2013 at 4:51 am

    Maintaining a functioning marriage is far more difficult than maintaining a healthy relationship with an infant. An infant you love unconditionally, but the love you feel for another adult can be chipped at and deteriorate.

    It seems to me that people are under the impression that if faced with the choice of saving her son or her husband in a fire that she would choose her husband. I’m not her but I’m pretty positive that she would pull that baby out before him anyway.

    These are wealthy people and they don’t have to worry about the same things we do. They don’t have to worry about affording to make enough dinner for an entire family or have to choose between a new car and braces because money is not an issue.. If money was an issue I’m sure she would be saying differently.

    And if Bill one day comes home with an incredible drug problem and refuses to go to rehab, don’t think for one minute that she wont pack up that baby and leave.

  20. FF4life

    November 2, 2013 at 4:51 am

    Maintaining a functioning marriage is far more difficult than maintaining a healthy relationship with an infant. An infant you love unconditionally, but the love you feel for another adult can be chipped at and deteriorate.

    It seems to me that people are under the impression that if faced with the choice of saving her son or her husband in a fire that she would choose her husband. I’m not her but I’m pretty positive that she would pull that baby out before him anyway.

    These are wealthy people and they don’t have to worry about the same things we do. They don’t have to worry about affording to make enough dinner for an entire family or have to choose between a new car and braces because money is not an issue.. If money was an issue I’m sure she would be saying differently.

    And if Bill one day comes home with an incredible drug problem and refuses to go to rehab, don’t think for one minute that she wont pack up that baby and leave.

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