Work Life Balance

Gabriella Reese’s Marriage Was Saved Because She Became A Nice Little Submissive Wife

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shutterstock_91496678__1365857687_70.118.110.28I love it when powerful women who have managed to balance career, children and a satisfying marriage admit that the reason it all works is because they stay in their lane. You know, do the cooking and cleaning and be the submissive little wife all men want. It’s so empowering. Who needs to dismantle gender stereotypes when you have a life of cooking, cleaning and being a yes-woman to fall back on? Not Gabriella Reese. She thinks being being feminine equals being submissive. How enlightening.

Yes, I’m being a snarky witch. I admit it. I just really hate it when women do this kind of “femininity PR.” Whose side are you on, anyway? In her new book, “My Foot Is Too Big For The Glass Slipper,” Reese writes, “to truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and – look out, here it comes – submissive.”

In an interview with Today, Reese elaborates by saying:

“I think the idea of living with a partner is ‘How can I make their life better?’ So if I’m the woman and he’s the man, then yes, that’s the dynamic. I’m willing and I choose to serve my family and my husband because it creates a dynamic where he is then in fact acting more like a man and masculine and treating me the way I want to be treated.”

Reese also says:

“I’ve chosen to be a wife, I’ve chosen to be a mother. I’ve chosen to continue working. I’ve chosen to try to keep my house in a certain order. “

So he’s hunting, pounding his chest and dragging you by the hair by to your cave – got it. Actually, no, I don’t get it. How is a man more of a man because he has a woman around to cook and clean? This is a stereotype I do not understand. Clearly you are both professionals and bread winners. Why is “serving” your family an intrinsically feminine trait?

Reese and her husband Laird Hamilton have obviously found an arrangement that works for them. I am not begrudging them that. Of course I clean my house and do laundry. So does my husband. I just hate it when our roles as wives and mothers are reduced to chores and “submission.” Maybe this is just an inflammatory sound bite that her PR team knew would get people talking. If so – genius. I just think professional women have enough of an uphill battle on their hands without famous women writing books touting the benefits of this “intrinsically feminine” fairytale. There is nothing intrinsically feminine about being submissive and keeping an organized house. That is all learned behavior.

“I think first of all you realize what can you do different and do better in the relationship. That’s what I had to look at because you’re not born with the skill set to live and cohabitate and be in a relationship with somebody, so really sometimes it’s only trial by error and by fire.”

Exactly. I’m glad this is working for them. But in a lot of cases, these “traditional gender roles” put more pressure and anxiety on men and women alike. Can we evolve?

(photo: s_bukley/ Shutterstock.com)

65 Comments

  1. princesspirlipat

    April 13, 2013 at 10:07 am

    I can’t believe you get paid for this. You sound like my four-year-old arguing with me about bedtime.

    • meteor_echo

      April 13, 2013 at 11:09 am

      If your four-year-old is a girl, I sure as fuck hope you don’t raise her to be “submissive”.

    • Guerrilla Mom

      April 13, 2013 at 12:16 pm

      I love you.

    • meteor_echo

      April 13, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Awwwww :3

  2. Blueathena623

    April 13, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Whatever works for her, fine, but I don’t like generalizations. So I am not feminine if I’m not submissive? Then what am I? Can a lesbian be feminine if she has no man to be submissive to?

    • Tea

      April 13, 2013 at 12:01 pm

      Only if she submits to her butch partner, since femmes can’t be with femmes and still be feminine.

      (This is Tea’s sarcasm mode, he is not anti-LGBT, he is in fact queerer than a satchel of peacocks.)

    • EmmaFromÉire

      April 13, 2013 at 12:33 pm

      That, my good sir, is the most wonderful phrase that I could never possibly have thought of.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:12 am

      Your over complicating things, your questions are too general in the first place.
      You mean feminine in general our relationship wise, butch I think is a general term, a woman can be kind and caring as a social worker with little hair especially among african americans be portrayed as masculine, or some woman are very sporty, or some woman are tomboys and are different throughout the day as investigators, politicians,etc, its a free country and choice.

  3. Harriet Meadow

    April 13, 2013 at 10:20 am

    Traditional gender roles work well for a lot of people. They don’t work for everyone, which is why no one HAS to conform to them if they don’t want to. I don’t see what she says as inflammatory, though. It works for her. If she’s happy, then so be it! Personally, I don’t think either partner has to be “submissive” per se, I think the important thing is taking your partner’s needs and desires into consideration equally with your own. But both my husband AND I do this…

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:27 am

      Yes, for some people its 50,50 for others it’s different depending on situation and circumstance for instance some folks may not be in a relationship with children or pets and do their own business throughout the day, it’s not that one spouse has less say in the matter, it may be gender equity rather than equality.

      As long as folks are happy, but sometimes you need to be real.

  4. lin

    April 13, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I can understand a woman making her own choices -choosing to stay home, take care of the house, be the primary caregiver. That’s the kind of “traditional” role I understand, not for me, but that is where I say “to each their own”. I don’t get the submissive part. How does that even work? To be submissive means your partners opinions are more important than your own, and that I don’t think is healthy and is so very backward.

    • Tea

      April 13, 2013 at 1:42 pm

      Submissive relationships can work very well if both parties consent willingly and know what they’re getting into, be it from a very traditional standpoint or even a 24/7 BDSM one. That doesn’t mean everyone should do it or that it works for everyone, but it does work very well for some people.

      It takes a lot of mutual respect, and truly knowing your partner to make it work, it does not mean my way or the highway. I’ve been doing it that way with my partner for 8 years, and married 5, it works extremely well for us, and no one considers anyone’s opinions to be invalid. My husband is content to not make decisions, or be given an assortment of options (He has severe anxiety when it comes to decisions, it’s common with adult ADD), and he is content to wait on me if that’s my desire. I’m content to make decisions based on both of our interests, and make sure he is cared for. This makes him genuinely happy, there is no forcing or resentment, and certainly no lack of mutual respect. I do not order him around and say my way or the highway.

      It’s a different kind of relationship, and one that takes a different approach and has its own different problems, but that doesn’t mean anyone is invalidated.

    • Gangle

      April 13, 2013 at 7:04 pm

      I don’t have a problem with a submissive relationship as such. I live in a fairly traditional relationship myself. If it works for you and makes you happy, great! Do it, and screw what other people think! But I get very worried when the woman or submissive person just relinquishes control or responsibility for whole aspects of their life and just accepts being taken care of. What happens if/when your partner leaves/dies/becomes incapable of taking care of those aspects? I know if any of those things happened, I would be able to confidently take care of myself. I don’t ‘need’ to be taken care of.. but a girlfriend of mine lives in a relationship where she is the happy little wife at home, and her husband takes care of everything outside of the home. This is great, they are both happy… but she would be left completely vulnerable and defenceless. There aren’t any strategies in place if their lifestyle should change. To me that is scary and dangerous. I think at all times women (and men), despite the lifestyle they have chosen as their own, should be prepared and ready for the time they may have to take the reigns and carry on.

    • Tea

      April 13, 2013 at 7:46 pm

      Oh, I agree. I think anyone should be capable of independence if need be. My partner will not starve to death or let the bills pile up if I’m out of commission. I don’t think most people would be so lost.

      I would say that I feel like you’re giving people too little credit, but I have a family member in a VERY traditional relationship who would be utterly sunk if something happened to her husband. She has never lived independently, held a job, or even driven a car. She has no idea how to handle her life on her own if she had to. So, It’s a possibility and one that should be planned for, but the idea of a lifestyle change happening eventually shouldn’t stop you from doing something if it makes you happy and you can roll with future changes.

    • Gangle

      April 14, 2013 at 2:24 am

      Don’t get me wrong, I think most people can adapt to anything, if they need to. I even think your relative would probably end up learning to swim on her own if she was thrown in the deep end. And of course, nothing should stop you from living life the way you want to ever. But I do think that one shouldn’t just leave everything up to chance and simply handle things as they arise without any sort of prior planning or options. Its ok to take a traditional role in a relationship. But it is also ok to be aware and ready to take on a non-traditional role if need be too. This could mean anything from understanding your finances to having your own funds to keeping your skillset up to date so you are ready for the work force. One of the big conversations that my husband and I had years ago was my independence and ability to go it alone if he was ever incapable, or if I ever wanted to leave. If I can ever stay pregnant long enough to give us a family, I will probably choose to be a SAHM, but I will always make sure I am ready to stand on my own at any time, if I need or want to.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:23 am

      Let me decouple this, being submissive and having a skill set are two completely different things.

      I think may submissive women have skill sets such as driving a car(especially if your a sahm taking kids with you) but probably let their husband take the reigns and take care of the “big stuff” and may have basic skill sets you describe although may they may not be “up to knowledge about financial matters and other things”.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:19 am

      Got the gist of your post, but BDSM is different from what were talking about there although its another similar topic,

      I would strongly suggest treatment for ADD because you may not always be there, but it’s great that there is respect and working out.

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 14, 2013 at 10:29 am

      That is not what submissive is. And I would never be in any relationship where my voice was any less than my partner’s.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:24 am

      There was probably some confusion on the part as submissive vs. whether an opinion is more important but allowing someone to take the reins is different.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:17 am

      Your post sort of make’s sense, in some ways woman can trust their partner to make the big decisions even though the couple respects eachother so it’s not abusive. It isn’t healthy even if it works because there’s no guarantee things will work out if a big financial mistake happens for instance and things flare, because then the person who took the reigns will get a lot of flak.

  5. Tea

    April 13, 2013 at 11:38 am

    If that’s what she wants, and works for her, then why not? I’d be up in arms if she was saying that’s the only way it works, and that all women have to do this, but it seems like she’s saying that doing this made things better for her. If she’s genuinely happy and so is everyone else, then why not? I thought feminism was in part about the ability to choose how you want to be a woman in any direction, and not be shamed for it. I think she’d be being praised if it was the other way around.

    I have a fully submissive partner, and he’s gotten flak for it too (Because he should be a MAN, with a capital M, and A, and N.), we both have. But he’s happy, very genuinely happy. And I’m happy to hold the reins. It’s different, but not better or worse than anyone else’s, it works for us, and we are happy.

    • meteor_echo

      April 13, 2013 at 11:55 am

      Nah, she actually used the word “should”, addressed towards the readers. I read another post about this on ONTD, and somebody in the comments brought up a link to her recent interview, where she stated that her husband has sex with her every 48 hours – whether she’s in the mood for it or not.

      I read that one and lost the ability to can.

    • Tea

      April 13, 2013 at 11:59 am

      Really? I missed the should. Blarg, post withdrawn then. That’s what I get for not turning on the screen reader.

    • Guerrilla Mom

      April 13, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      Wha? Oh my god…

    • meteor_echo

      April 13, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      If you feel like browsing through the Eldritch terror that ONTD is, here’s the post for you: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/76898618.html

      They mention this somewhere in the comments.

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 14, 2013 at 10:26 am

      I actually watched part of it and even though she and I share some similarities in our marriage, I found her SO sanctimonious and annoying. The sex thing, nah. My husband and I have enough respect for each other that when one of us is tired or sick, we both have the right to say no and to leave it alone. We have our whole lives to have sex any other time.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:14 am

      Quite the opposite of the first couple of posters, who’s husband’s take the rein, but in any case, I don’t think any couple should dominate the rein’s in terms of big decisions especially finance ones. It’s too bad though that men would get flak for it, on the other hand they can get flak for being too dominate.

  6. Courtney Lynn

    April 13, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    I have a problem with her believing that because that dynamic works for her, that it should be for everyone else, too. Every couple and family is different so you can’t measure your own marriage against someone else’s in that way. You should only worry about your own, anyway.

    I do take issue with people who have a problem with submissive wives, too, though. It works in our marriage. We’re Christians and follow the teaching of “wives submit to your husbands”. This does NOT mean I’m a doormat. I am his partner and yes, his equal. It is KEY that the husband treat his wife with the utmost respect and mine does. He never makes a big decision without talking to me and my input is valued, as it should be. It’s not what people think it is. I trust him to take care of the big stuff because he is worthy of that trust. This works for us. I would never tell another couple they HAVE TO do this and everyone’s idea of femininity is different. What makes one woman feel feminine is different from one to the next. It’s not a one-fits-all and I would never impose that on anyone. I just would like it if others on the opposite end would not put down those of us who DO live like this and enjoy it. I’m not setting women back. Feminism is about choice and this is mine.

    • Justme

      April 13, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      Yes. Good point about the word “submissive” in the Christian doctrine. The idea of being “submissive” to your husband doesn’t really mean what everyone thinks it means. Well, I mean…there are those men that think it DOES but that’s a whole different topic.

      We had this discussion during Bible Study when we covered Peter and I likened being “submissive” to being on a basketball team because my husband and I are both coaches. He is the captain of our team but as any good captain does, he understands each player’s strength and allows them to do what they are good at so that the team as a whole functions at the highest level.

      I know that’s a cheesy analogy but it makes sense to me.

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 13, 2013 at 5:07 pm

      Exactly! Being in retail myself, I think of it as a manager/assistant manager role. I’m still the boss, but he’s head boss. And men who think it means “UUURRGH woman. serve me.” in that caveman mentality don’t deserve wives.

    • Justme

      April 13, 2013 at 7:23 pm

      Because people forget about the OTHER part of the marriage contract in which the man also serves the woman! Plus the Bible was written in a time where wives were routinely abused and murdered by their non-Christian husbands so the basic tenants of “treat your spouse with respect” were revolutionary.

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 13, 2013 at 9:32 pm

      Yes they do! It also says to “submit to one another”. People like to forget about that sometimes.

    • Blueathena623

      April 13, 2013 at 5:32 pm

      I say that as long as its two consenting adults, whatever works for your marriage, do it.

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 13, 2013 at 5:39 pm

      I agree. For anyone and any style, religion or culture.

    • Frances Locke

      April 13, 2013 at 10:28 pm

      Agreed. This setup might not be for me but I would never begrudge someone’s life or happiness.

    • LiteBrite

      April 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

      While we’re not Christian, we have a similar marriage set up to yours. My husband is the true head of the household because frankly he’s just better at it than I am. He’s one of those natural born leader types, the kind of guy who just steps in and easily takes charge. When we first got married, I fought against this natural inclination of his because I thought I HAD to, that I would be a traitor to the sisterhood if I didn’t. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized this is the role he is most comfortable in and honestly I’m going to agree with at least most of his decisions anyways, so why the hell am I fighting him? Once I stepped back and let him take the reins, things went much smoother between us.

      But he’s not some caveman dragging me about by the hair, barking orders while I salute meekly. Anyone who knows me outside of the Internet would not use the words “meek” and “submissive” to automatically describe me My input is definitely valued, my opinion sought, and he would never, EVER consider making a major decision without at least giving me a heads up. Most of the time my response is “Hey, do what you think is best” (because I know he will make a decision that is not just best for him but for all three of us), but if I felt strongly enough about something I would be 100% comfortable voicing and fighting for that opinion. Frankly, I’d probably win too.

      A lot of people I know IRL would be shocked to know DH is the leader, but it works for us. Like you, where I have the problem is when others say “Hey this is how my marriage works so you should do it too.”

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 13, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      Exactly! We fit like interlocking puzzle pieces.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:08 am

      Just because it works now doesn’t mean it will work 10 years from now, while couples can be happy and respect each other, the stepping in and taking charge may not work all the time.

      Yes it’s true men can be like that, and not saying they are wrong, but sometimes there can be issues, major big issues where the woman is right but leaves it to the spouse because she is used to him taking charge and for “too much of a good thing” because the relationship is okay and not much fighting and arguing, a mistake happens such as a financial mistake or not being aggressive in a situation.

      Sometimes woman need to take the reins and the husband needs to submit to it, not in an angry fashion, but the respect that the men needs to know that the woman is right and I’m not referring to minor decisions.

    • Courtney Lynn

      July 15, 2014 at 9:30 am

      You make it sound like we just sit by and keep knitting and baking pies while he fucks up. That’s NOT how it is. Maybe for some people and we call them idiots.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:03 am

      Yes, that’s the problem with relationship advice, it’s great to seek out but every couple and circumstance is different,however although you respect your decision, I think “trusting him to take care of the big stuff” is a mistake, your spouse may be well intentioned and caring, but spouses make mistakes, they can forgot to pay bills, be smart but make certain mistakes even after years, and miss the big picture, and not be proactive at times.

      There are folks in the same situation as you, who realized despite the above relationship have wished they did not as “hands off” trust with the big decisions.

      I agree femininity is a loose definition as woman can be feminine in different ways in leadership roles, a person with less hair and a business like attitude can have still be a charming social worker from a female perspective.

    • Courtney Lynn

      July 15, 2014 at 9:24 am

      You just pointed out the problem with relationship advice and then proceeded to dole out unsolicited advice of your own? Really? And don’t we all make mistakes? For the record, I’m the bookkeeper, meaning *I* take care of the bills and I’m in charge of the finances. Should he not trust ME to do that because I could screw up, too! He does though, and we communicate about all the big decisions and most of the small ones (we don’t need each other’s permission to buy a coke at the gas station, though). There’s nothing “hands off” about it. I simply respect him as the head of the household. I leave major final decisions to him after we have discussed it. I don’t need someone who doesn’t know me at all or my marriage to tell me what “mistakes” I’m making.

  7. Emmali Lucia

    April 13, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    I watched the full interview on whatever station it was on, I’ve got to say I did not like it. There was only one part that I agreed on, and I quote:

    “Men don’t care if you have cellulite or a muffin top, they just want you naked and smiling.”

    But then it was followed by her intense workout routine. Oh Well, no one ever takes their own advice.

    • Justme

      April 13, 2013 at 7:24 pm

      She’s still a pretty top-notch athlete – I would assume that her workout routine is more to keep in shape to play volleyball and less about pleasing her man.

    • Courtney Lynn

      April 14, 2013 at 10:28 am

      Exactly. It’s what she’s used to.

  8. biminibigblue

    April 13, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    I’m just saying, I’d do pretty much whatever it took to stay married to Laird Hamilton.

  9. Justme

    April 13, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    I think when the word submissive gets used, people automatically get their hackles raised because there is such a negative connotation. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be this bad, anti-feminist thing.

  10. Maureen A. Eggert

    April 13, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    I’m fine with the idea of making his life better but that assumes he is doing the same for me. Same with “serving.” I’ll serve dinner and he gets to “serve” clean up and dish washing. I’m straight so I’ll marry a real man — not someone who has to “act like” one.

  11. Anonymous

    April 14, 2013 at 12:25 am

    Relationships need the male/ female, like Yin/ Yang for balance. Doesn’t matter if the male is the female part or female is the male part. As a group (2 or more) always need the leader, the head person. Doesn’t matter if its a he or she. Just needs the leader and follower. She chose her side and it works for them. No haters.

    • lea

      April 14, 2013 at 1:01 am

      I agree with you in one sense, in the their needs to be a leader. But can’t you share that role? We do. In some things my husband leads, in others I do. We each have things that matter more to us, or that we are better at than the other person. So we let each other take charge where it suits.
      The idea that the leader is a static role doesn’t work for me/us.

    • zeisel

      April 16, 2013 at 9:00 am

      That really does make perfect sense. Like in owning or working for a company. Everyone has different strengths and are suited for a specific ‘department’ to utilize those strengths. A household should be no different and if there are strengths that are lacking then the one who is better equip to handle them, should take on that task. This will keep a company afloat and same goes with a household, whether it be finances to cooking. If you have someone doing the job that severely lacks the skill requirement- then it will show and affect the whole company/household.

      Like you stated- “take charge where it suits”. That’s what we do and everything feels so much more manageable and no one is overloaded with a ‘role’ that is entirely unsuited for that person.

      Just my opinion, but it seems to be the best concept to grasp, where the outcome would be the most positive in ‘growth’ of a marriage/household or company.

      I had to make this analogy, seems logical in the sense that you want what’s best for a household/marriage- same with a company and both require skills for specific departments. If we want that in a company- why wouldn’t we in running a household.

    • Ashley

      April 15, 2013 at 5:44 pm

      Why do you think a relationship needs a leader/follower dynamic to function? My fiance and I are partners in all things. Co-leaders, if you will!

  12. Pingback: Another peal of feminism’s death knell: Gabriella Reece on the joys of being a submissive wife. | Sunshine Mary

  13. UncleElmer

    April 15, 2013 at 10:39 am

    You gals better wise up. A man wants a wife not a coworker :

    http://www.the-spearhead.com/2012/02/20/a-man-wants-a-wife-not-a-co-worker

    • Guerrilla Mom

      April 19, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      If that linked “essay” is a joke – it’s a bad one. If it’s not – it’s pathetic.

    • UncleElmer

      April 20, 2013 at 10:30 am

      It’s not a joke. My feminine, submissive wife cooks like that every day and loves doing it.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:37 am

      and some men like to eat out all the time

  14. Revo Luzione

    April 15, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Bravo to Gabby for recognizing that there is a natural order to gender roles, and that it’s not a bad thing, but quite admirable. She’s right, you can’t “have it all.” Choices need to be made, and I honor and respect her choice, especially her choice to make a public statement about it. I hope more young women see her example and choose to explore this concept, and make their own decisions on it, rather than simply accepting the feminist dogma. Fortunately, it seems more and more women are realizing that it makes more sense to serve her family than to serve some corporate master, c.f. Sandberg.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:43 am

      Your post sounds a bit biased although the “have it all” questions remains.

  15. Rachel Sea

    April 15, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    For f***’s sake. If she has a submissive personality, and likes being the 50’s housewife then fine, but don’t put it on the rest of us. That’s how we got the social alcoholism of the 60’s.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:36 am

      Your post make come across as derogatory and arrogant, but I can relate to religious wives in a happy relationship who preach and come across as not being a realist when a spouse is a bit stubborn at times.

      Can you clarify what you mean by social alcoholism?

  16. Pingback: Gabrielle Reece Tries To Clarify Submissive Wife Statement But Fails

  17. Nandini

    May 29, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    God, why are “feminists” so intolerant of traditional women? This is exactly the kind of attitude I hate. Women who aren’t willing to be nurturing, sweet, and emotionally generous in their relationships are part of the reason why marriages fail.

    Before talking further, maybe I should establish my feminist credentials so you take me seriously. I’m a lawyer who earns her own money and has made her own decisions since forever. I’m an aggressive and skilled litigator and in high school debates, people called me a ball-buster. I’m VERY assertive and opinionated and always have been. I’m also tender, nurturing, soft-spoken (with certain people), and sweet.

    I’ve been happily married for 3 years to a great man (and he earns the same amount I do, so don’t pull that “he’s your provider!” shit on me), and part of what makes our marriage so successful is that, minus the career thing, I’m a traditional wife. I love submitting to him in bed, and I love catering to his needs and being nurturing. I love to think of how I can make his life better and more comfortable. I make his coffee, I rub his feet as we watch TV, and generally am quite docile. And he treats me like a princess, so I feel loved and nurtured too.

    If you think that’s sexist garbage, then don’t call yourself a feminist. You’re not a feminist.

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:32 am

      Completely Agree! but there are feminists who don’t like that, it’s a choice though, although I think not an optimal one, folks like jessica valenti try to be more “politically correct”, having a gender neutral wedding, some men may put up and shut up but say “okay I can live with it with a little anger and discomfort but overall I’m okay and happy”.

  18. Leah G.

    July 8, 2013 at 9:01 am

    Before I speak i would like to say that I am working on being submissive. I use to believe that being this type of woman is exactly how you feel, thats until I got the right definition. Submission is showing respect to your husband and trusting that he will make the right decisions for his family. No one especially WOMEN likes to be disrespected in private or publicly so why should we give that in return. Women wants to be loved and men wants to be respected. Some how women believe that when we are submissive we lose all of our power but it is actually the exact opposite we gain it. When women feel like they have to make all of the decisions for the family, the bills, the driving, the food, and the list goes on and on that is because we have TRAINED…and yes I said trained…our men to not step up. Well how did we do this?? Answer: EVERY time our husband did something and it was what WE wanted we barked at him and his response is to shut down (like all men do) and say to himself “well I’m going to let her do it cause she is going to go crazy if I do it” and then we are left to clean the house pick up the kids, balance the checkbooks, pay the bills, and yes cook. This is too much stress for a woman…I should know I’ve been doing it for years. NEVER be a doormat because men HATE women who are WEAK, but be a helper, a motivator, encourager, a team player. That is being submissive. Now when you speak up about something you dont agree with say it softly because men can train themselves to stop listening if its loud enough (why yell you’re standing next to him he can hear you). When he tells you his plans and you can see in the future that it may not work out BE A WOMAN give him other options if he rejects him let him fail while all the time having plan b for him and you. You dont have to tell him “I told you so” he already knows that just tell him that you have figured out another plan for him to get out of the fire. AND THIS IS WHERE WOMEN GET THEIR POWER…he will start to TRUST YOUR SUGGESTIONS MORE AND GO WITH WHAT YOU WANT!!! I’m telling you it WORKS! My life is becoming stress free and my man is becoming a MAN!!!

    • Alex

      July 15, 2014 at 8:42 am

      I can relate to men acting that way but there can be a time when woman have to make those decisions or woman may regret not making those decisions and wrongfully allowing the husband to take reigns and then a mistake happens, if a man shuts down then maybe it’s time to cancel the marriage or get counseling.

      Yes, I agree that speaking softly helps and some woman don’t mind doing all those things you mentioned as their independent and it doesn’t stress them out, (not saying everybody should be that way).

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