Two Florida Teens Saved This Drunken Idiot Wrestling An Alligator
I think it’s no secret that, for the most part, teenagers are assholes. But every once in a while, even teenagers have their awesome moments, and this is one of them. Two Florida teens became local celebrities this week when they stumbled upon something that could only happen in Florida; a (presumably drunken) idiot wrestling an alligator. The teens somehow managed to stifle their inevitable fits of laughter long enough to save this shining example of humanity from himself.
The teens, 16-year-old Ryan Stomsnes and 18-year-old Daniel Butler, were walking along the water near the town of Mulberry, Florida, when they came across 28-year-old Matthew Pope attacking a fucking alligator. Why? According to the teens, Pope claimed that he wanted to kick the alligator’s ass to “make it pay,” because one of its alligator brethren ate his dog. Yup, that’s right. This was an alligator hate crime. It wasn’t even the same alligator! You can’t make this stuff up, folks!
According to an interview given by Butler to WTVT:
“I don’t know what was going through his head because I would never even attempt a thing like that…”
“I just can’t believe he actually tried to wrestle a gator.’
Pope tried to grab the gator by the snout before it broke free and attacked Pope. The gator dragged him under and he was gone for a few seconds. He came up screaming,’ Butler said.”
Resisting the urge to point, laugh and pull out a camera phone to record this moment for posterity, Stomsnes jumped into the water and grabbed the damn alligator by the TAIL. Butler then jumped in, and thankfully the two teens managed to scare the animal off. Stomsnes then used his belt as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding from Pope’s mangled arm. Seriously, is this kid a superhero or something?
But wait, there’s more!
In an M. Night Shyamalan-ian twist, the teens say they later found out that Pope never even owned a damn dog:
“We heard later he probably didn’t have a dog. He was just trying to get the gator,’ Stromsnes said.”
Apparently Pope just wanted a taste of sweet, sweet alligator vengeance, and wasn’t gonna let a little thing like facts or logic get in the way of his blood lust. Because you can’t fix stupid.