Doctors Are Warning Against Eating Flaming Hot Cheetos and They Will Pry Them From My Red-Stained Fingers

If eating Flaming Hot Cheetos is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Yes, I know they’re junk food. And yes, I know they’re not exactly good for you. But I don’t care. I’ve walked around with red-stained fingers more times than I care to admit. As with ANY kind of junk food, if you’re going to eat it (no judgement), moderation is key! Life is too short to deprive yourself of what brings you joy. But now some doctors want to take away our joy, and I’m not OK with it. Pfffffft, doctors. What do they know? OK, so maybe they know a lot. Doesn’t mean I’m going to listen, though.

Doctors are urging parents to stop letting their kids eat Flaming Hot Cheetos. So I guess it’s fine if I hoover this bag then? It’s for the sake of my children, after all.

I feel like this is one of those things that doesn’t really need to be said, but apparently needs to be said. My kids don’t like them, so they don’t eat them, but I know plenty of children do! And kids, bless their hearts, sometimes don’t know when to quit. At first I thought they were issuing the warning because, well, they’re junk food. And anytime we can curb our kids’ consumption of too much junk is a good thing, right? But no. No no. Turns out, they might actually be harmful in other ways.

The spices used in Flaming Hot Cheetos (those delicious spices) can potentially damage your stomach. They can stick along your gastrointestinal tract and cause pain (I can attest to that). There’s also the matter of them, um, aftereffects of eating too many hot Cheetos. It’s sort of like when you eat beets? And then forgot you ate beets? And the next morning, you’re like HOLY SHIT I AM DYING. Just like that, but BRIGHT red. Parents and children may assume it’s blood and seek medical attention. And even though it’s technically fine, that much red dye probably isn’t great for you.

So the moral of the story is: if you’re going to eat Flaming Hot Cheetos, try not to eat the whole bag (you will fail, but trying is half the battle). And don’t share them with your children. Kids don’t deserve them anyway.

(Image: Facebook/Cheetos)