Food

Awesome Tips For Creating Meals For Your Family From A Mom Who Knows

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Feeding A Family TipsI’ve been a mom for almost 18 years. Typing that out is so scary! 18 years. That is old enough (well, hopefully not yet) for my oldest human to go have humans of his own. And I can remember the first time I had one of these humans and tried to figure out how to feed them. I went from being on my own and constructing amazing meals from ramen noodles and half a snack sized bag of stale Cheetos to creating food for my people that is nutritious and satisfying. Here are some things I have learned along the way about how to feed a family.

 Go To Whole Foods And Purchase A Ripe, California Grown, Organic Avocado For Seven Dollars. Mash This Up For Your Baby And Watch Him Throw It On The Ground. 

 

 Create Healthy, Nutritious Meals For Your Toddler Involving All Four Food Groups And Enjoy Watching Them Refuse To Eat It. 

 Eating Fruits And Vegetables Are Incredibly Important. Spend A Lot of Money On These Things So They Can Turn Into Grey Sludge In Your Produce Bin. 

 Only Purchase Organic Brand Macaroni And Cheese For Your Children. Prepare It Lovingly And Present It To Them. Eat The Cold Dregs Of It At Your Kitchen Sink While You Listen To Them Complain That It Isn’t Kraft. 

You Can Prepare An Amazingly Delicious Meal For Your Family By Adding Meat, Vegetables, And Seasoning To A Crockpot And Forgetting To Turn The Crockpot On And Then Ordering Pizza When You Realize This At Seven PM. 

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67 Comments

  1. DeanaCal

    July 10, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    Don’t forget the part about watching all the Food Network shows and critiquing everybody’s techniques and then feeding your children peanut butter toast for dinner. With marshmallows on the side.

    Also lovingly preparing the 2 inch thick steak specially purchased directly from the butcher, so you kid can put ketchup on it.

    • Spongeworthy

      July 10, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one who critiques the Food Network! God, Giada, stop trying to pretend that you eat all that food you make! You take one bite max!

    • sudden_valley

      July 10, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      Giada is the WORST!! She talks in interviews about portion control being key to maintaining a healthy size. I don’t consider 1 bite to be portion control. That’s more like masochism.

    • Spongeworthy

      July 10, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Right? She irritates me so much. I don’t mind a lot of her recipes, and she’s great for someone who is new to cooking because her stuff is pretty simple, but I just can’t watch her show anymore.

    • DeanaCal

      July 10, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      I mostly just cringe when she corrects someone’s pronunciation of “mozzarella.” It’s pizza cheese, yo.

    • guesta

      July 11, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      The way she says “mozzarella” makes me want to head butt her.

    • Spongeworthy

      July 10, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Right? She irritates me so much. I don’t mind a lot of her recipes, and she’s great for someone who is new to cooking because her stuff is pretty simple, but I just can’t watch her show anymore.

    • 2Well

      July 10, 2014 at 10:59 pm

      I read a blog by this young woman giving “health” advice on how to eat delicious food for little calories. She said in one of her entries that she went to Panera and got a salad (without meat.) It was 300ish calories. But then she said that the key is to only eat half, so that was only 150 calories! See, delicious food for few calories, just by starving yourself!

      It’s not like she ate a large dinner that night, or a large breakfast that day. She was basically advocating a 600-800 calorie diet, which isn’t healthy by any standard.

    • Alex Lee

      July 10, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      It’s gotten so bad at my house. My 8 y.o daughter now sits down at the dinner table and asks me “So, chef. Tell us what you have prepared for us this evening.”

      I then have to yammer on about reductions and bechamels, just to humor her.

      I applaud your open-faced Fluffernutter technique.

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      July 10, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      I want to cry when my kid forces me to put ketchup on his perfectly cooked pork chop. Pigs are smart, wonderful, adorable creatures that taste INCREDIBLE and you’re putting ketchup on it. T_T

    • Snarktopus

      July 11, 2014 at 1:06 am

      I’m a grown ass woman and I put ketchup on EVERYTHING. WHAT WHAT?

    • wispy

      July 10, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      My mother flat out REFUSED to put ketchup on our meat growing up. It was for french fries only. Now my child wants ketchup on everything and I try not to twitch and slap the bottle out of my husband’s hand when he puts a tiny bit on her plate so she’ll eat. I have to say “don’t be mom, don’t be mom, don’t be mom” in my head.

    • 2Well

      July 10, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      My mom liked to cook meat very well done, to the point of being charred. I hate that charred taste on most meats, and it made the steak, or pork chop, or whatever very tough, as well as making it difficult for me to learn how to decently cook meat without black bits that won’t kill me. So ketchup was a must.

    • keelhaulrose

      July 11, 2014 at 12:26 am

      My brother is paranoid about undercooked food, so he compensates by turning every bit of meat he cooks into “hockey puck” status.
      We refuse to let him cook. It’s just awful. Especially since my mother likes her steak still mooing. Before he was banned from cooking she’d actually call and ask if he was the one manning the grill before coming home, and if we said yes she’d show up with a bag full of tacos.

    • Bleu Cheese Bewbs

      July 11, 2014 at 7:29 am

      My husband is also paranoid about undercooked food – especially chicken. I have also banned him from cooking because I don’t think you should be able to knock on a chicken breast and have it sound like you are knocking on a door.

    • ted3553

      July 11, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      I grew up with a Scottish dad and this is the way they cook all food. I used to hate having him cook dinner. Thankfully my mother’s influence took over and he learned that you don’t have to cook everything so that you can eat it with a straw or that you need a hacksaw to cut it.

    • Spiderpigmom

      July 10, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      Hah! when my kid insists to put ketchup on the steak that — for once, to my utter pride — I managed to cook perfectly, neither overdone nor too rare, I won’t stop him but it makes me feel murderous

    • keelhaulrose

      July 11, 2014 at 12:29 am

      My daughters will put ketchup on all the meats. It drives me nuts now that I’ve spent hours slow-roasting a leg of lamb and making a delicious sauce, just to have Big One sit down and say “where’s my ketchup? I don’t like sauce!”
      My mom drew the line at letting Big One put ketchup on the beef wellington she made for Christmas without trying it with the sauce first. Still had ketchup on it in the end.

    • keelhaulrose

      July 11, 2014 at 12:35 am

      My daughter once put her favorite foods in a box (ketchup, frozen shrimp, chocolate, and noodles), brought them out to me, and said “This is Chopped, and you have thirty minutes to make dinner with the ingredients in this basket.”
      Cute, kid, but it was two thirty in the afternoon, and I have no idea what the eff I would make with that particular basket of stuff.

    • sandrabjock

      July 11, 2014 at 6:57 am

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      Riley got an almost new red GMC Canyon just by some parttime working online
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    • Ursi

      July 11, 2014 at 8:58 am

      Ketchup is the devil, I don’t even keep it in the house.

    • ELK

      July 11, 2014 at 9:36 am

      I once went to an expensive steak house when I was a vegan with a large group of people. I watched this teenager put ketchup on a beautiful, perfectly cooked $40 steak. I wish I could go back in time, tear that steak away from him, and eat it naked and bloody (the steak, not me) as nature intended.

      My mom cooks everything until it’s like leather and serves it with no sauce. Her steak is the only steak that makes me use A1.

  2. Emily Wight

    July 10, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    I’m currently writing a cookbook (to be published Spring 2015! Buy it please!) and the saddest thing about my life is that my kid won’t eat any of the healthy, delicious, homemade things I try and give him unless it’s a muffin or a cookie. I make these beautiful, healthy meals and he will not even try a bite. I drink a lot of wine.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      July 10, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      My kid wouldn’t eat anything I made either, and so since I had read somewhere that kids are more likely to eat something when they help with it we took him to a few kids’ cooking classes. Besides spending at least half of the class time at the sink washing his hands, he gladly helped in making everything, and promptly refused to eat any of it. That was last year, and he keeps asking when he can go back to cooking class, but he’s only just now getting a bit better about trying foods, so we’ll have to see.
      Good luck with your cookbook!

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      July 10, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Oh, and I forgot to add that the only thing he ate from the 3 cooking classes where they made at least 6 different things was the muffin.

    • Emily Wight

      July 10, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      How old is he now? You have given me some hope! And thanks!

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      July 10, 2014 at 4:16 pm

      He’s 5 now. And now my 2yo is getting into his own super picky stage. Haha, oh well.

  3. Boozy Shark Lee

    July 10, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Bwahahaha! The dehydrated broccoli in velveeta shells with broccoli counts as a serving of veggies, right?

  4. keelhaulrose

    July 10, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Little One will only eat food if there’s cheese and ketchup on it (unless it’s McNuggets or bacon).
    For freaking serious, I’ve given her shrimp stir fry with a slice of American and ketchup on top.
    I’d feel bad, but she fucking eats it. #sorrynotsorry

    • Surly Canuck

      July 10, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      My mother did the same thing when I was a kid. Apparently the question I would ask was “Do I like this Mummy?” and her tired reply was always “Yes, it’s got cheese on it.”

    • jane

      July 10, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      I’m trying to figure out why you feel bad about this. It seems like the perfect solution.

    • keelhaulrose

      July 10, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      It does get me a few funny looks when I bring cheese and ketchup packets to restaurants.
      People seem to think that because American cheese is processed to hell and ketchup is full of sugar I’m just pouring crap down her throat. I even had one woman say “let me feed her, I’ll get her eating her veggies without that stuff on it”. I nearly took her up on her offer.

    • jane

      July 10, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Eff them and their funny looks. If she’s eating shrimp stir fry under there, I think you’re doing ok.

      If all she’s eating is american cheese and ketchup, then you have a problem. But if she’s eating everything with american cheese and ketchup, you just don’t have a gourmand.

    • Rachel Sea

      July 10, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      Maybe over time you can wean her by trimming the cheese smaller and smaller.

    • sudden_valley

      July 10, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      “Let me feed her” That is so creepy. I’m picturing this being said by Mr. Burns or alternately, the old witch from Snow White.

    • sudden_valley

      July 10, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      No, not american cheese! My husband was only given american cheese as a kid, and now that’s all he buys for our house. I hate it, because why would you eat that when there’s such a thing as cheddar?

    • keelhaulrose

      July 11, 2014 at 12:23 am

      I’ve tried cheddar. I’ve tried Havarti, Gouda, mozzarella, Parmesan, pretty much all the cheeses, and American is the only type she’ll eat. And I give in because I want her to eat something besides nuggets and bacon.
      Though I’ve started to notice a subtle shift towards Nutella being an okay substitute, but frankly the only thing I could think of that would taste worse than American cheese and ketchup on a salad is freaking Nutella.

    • Guest

      July 12, 2014 at 12:12 am

      What about colby? I wasn’t a big cheese eater as a kid, but I loved me some colby. My dad would give me a big chunk of it as a bedtime snack in exchange for a promise to stay in bed. I’d lay there in the dark, nibbling my cheese and pretending to be a mouse. I always ate as slowly as possible so I could stay awake a bit longer and listen to M.A.S.H. playing in the next room.

    • keelhaulrose

      July 12, 2014 at 12:21 am

      We tried colby because that’s her daddy’s favorite cheese and we always have at least half a pound of it in the fridge. No go, unfortunately. She’s an extremely picky eater, but, from what I’ve read, that’s pretty common for autistic kids.

    • Maria Guido

      July 10, 2014 at 11:15 pm

      I might have to try this.

  5. Spongeworthy

    July 10, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    I did the whole forgetting to turn the crock pot on thing in my first week back to work. When I got home and saw what I had done, I may have sank to the floor in tears. There may have been some gnashing of teeth and rendering of garments. It was a scene man.

  6. WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

    July 10, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    I would like to give a big “fah que” to the people that told me my daughter would grow out of her pickiness by the time she was six… Bool sheet! Adding pineapple to pizza does not count as growth!

    • Rachel Sea

      July 10, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      It does count as delicious though.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

      July 10, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Ohmygodyes….
      I think it’s my fault, though. When I was prego with her, I ate this one restaurant’s pizza that was total crap on its own but with BBQ sauce and pineapple, it was the bomb …and also necessary.

  7. middleofnowheremom

    July 10, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    Um yes, and the part where your 18 month old sits in his highchair screaming “done” and crying and throwing food on the floor, so that the second you let him down, he can go try to eat cat shit out of the litter box.

  8. sudden_valley

    July 10, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    What’s wrong with cereal for dinner? Also acceptable for dinner: cake, pie, ice cream, pancakes.

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      July 10, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      Almost every night, we sit down to eat and my 2-year-old asks for pancakes and then answers his own question with “No, no pancakes.”

      It’s kind of heartbreaking.

    • sudden_valley

      July 10, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Aw, that is sad, and even more so because your username is Cruelty Cupcake.

    • Spongeworthy

      July 10, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      Aw that’s so cute! Poor guy is just preparing for a lifetime of disappointment…I’m still disappointed that no one brings me pancakes.

    • libraryofbird

      July 10, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      Brinner is one of my favorite meals, there is something special about pancakes at night.

    • 2Well

      July 10, 2014 at 11:15 pm

      Have you ever tried mashed potato pancakes? It isn’t really great for you, because they are cooked in oil like a regular pancake, but it might be a special treat. They are also great with ketchup, actually, though I’m sure you can find a more grownup sauce if that isn’t your thing. Also sour cream and chives if you like them.

      Simply make double the amount of mashed potatoes for dinner one night, because they work better with leftover potatoes. Mashed potatoes keep for a couple of days according to my mother. Find your choice recipe online. They’re actually not horribly difficult, and I say that as a strapped for time student who would eat Chipotle and Panera every day if I could.

      Of course, if there are dietary concerns I don’t know about feel free to ignore me.

    • Cruelty Cupcake

      July 11, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      We haven’t tried mashed potato pancakes, but we make latkes fairly often. I’ll have to try this, thanks! I do let him have real pancakes once a week or so, I love them too >:)

    • libraryofbird

      July 10, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      And wine

    • sudden_valley

      July 10, 2014 at 5:02 pm

      of course, wine’s just a given. I mean, it’s a fruit, right? So that makes dinner healthy.

    • libraryofbird

      July 10, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      And it’s good for you heart (or something)

  9. Valerie

    July 10, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    BBQ sauce on your titties? Is there also boob salad and bra popcorn?

  10. val97

    July 10, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    My kids are away for 3 weeks this summer, and I’ve decided that I’m not making a single dinner for anybody, not my husband, and not even myself. So far I’ve spent 4 nights at whole foods salad bar, and while it might not be affordable, not coming home from work and immediately cooking is AMAZING. Bonus: no clean up. #straightupbragging

    • Spongeworthy

      July 10, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      I am jealous! I like to cook, but damn it is a drag sometimes.

    • guest

      July 10, 2014 at 6:03 pm

      My parents decided once all their kids were out of the house that cooking was stupid. Literally everytime I go over there they order or pick up fast food. The only thing she takes time to make are desserts. Not surprising though, when I moved out of their house my initial thought was “I’m going to eat out as much as I want”.

  11. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    July 10, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Eating Fruits And Vegetables Are Incredibly Important. Spend A Lot of Money On These Things So They Can Turn Into Grey Sludge In Your Produce Bin.

    I feel like you get my struggle, Eve, as I just cleaned out the produce bin for this specific reason.

    • 2Well

      July 10, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      So did I. Trying to buy veggies and fruit sucks when you are a single person because things go bad quickly and stores package them in family size portions. So no strawberries for me, or grapes. I can buy cherries, but that’s because I eat them in one sitting (my mom and sister and I used to fight over bags of cherries when they went on sale.) I have to cook the entire carton of mushrooms at once because I’m afraid I’ll get diseased if they sit too long. Blackberries work only because so few come in a package, but they are hella expensive.

      And no pineapple. 🙁 Or watermelon. Or honeydew melon.

      Maybe I should hit the farmer’s market this weekend. The only thing I miss about living with my family is having a garden.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      July 11, 2014 at 10:21 am

      I haven’t had any luck with the local farmer’s market here, but hopefully where you are is different.

      I hate throwing away food of any type right now, because we are on such a tight budget, so I was kicking myself the whole time. I’m thinking of trying canning for the veggies. We’ll see.

    • tSubh Dearg

      July 12, 2014 at 11:55 am

      I am the only one in my house who eats pineapple and watermelon. Earlier this year I bought one of each a week, chopped them into a big bowl and put it in the fridge covered by cling film (saran wrap I think Americans call it?). I took a portion out every day for my lunch, it lasted perfectly for the week and I got to eat the fruit I love without it all going to waste.

  12. jendra_berri

    July 10, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    I have a stark feeling this is going to be my life.
    Parts of it already are. And I don’t like cooking enough to persist ideals.

  13. Katherine Handcock

    July 10, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    Oh, this just made me so happy…and I actually enjoy cooking. But man, it gets old after a while. And yesterday I actually had the moment where I got to 4pm and realized, “I totally forgot about dinner. Like, that it even existed. Is there food here?”

  14. 2Well

    July 10, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    I always hated it how my mom fed me according to her dietary likes. She cooked what she liked to eat and called me picky when I didn’t like it. She also didn’t feed me anything she didn’t think a kid would like.

    She was surprised the first time I went to Olive Garden and loved the salad. Turns out it was the ranch dressing she favored that I didn’t like. I didn’t like her spaghetti or meatloaf because I don’t like meat sauce or most things with hamburger (too heavy). She learned to let the family add the sauce to the noodles themselves. Disliking canned corn and peas must mean disliking other vegetables, so my liking broccoli was a surprise. I was the odd duck who turned her nose up at a hotdog but loved mushrooms.

    She learned this with my sister and encouraged her to try anything that struck her fancy, even if it was weird for a four year old.

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      July 11, 2014 at 8:24 am

      My mom says I wouldn’t eat my cold over boiled potatoes just to spite her because now I eat broccoli, asparagus, cauliflower and tons of other veggies. I ask why she didn’t serve those, because she doesn’t like them. I still don’t like over boiled potatoes and overcooked leather roast beef.

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