We All Knew Farrah Abraham Wasn’t Pregnant, But Boy Is She Relieved

By  | 

BDqlO2HCQAIhnD1This girl is a piece of work.

The amateur/ professional/ personal sex tape/ professionally-funded porno she made with adult film star James Deen apparently didn’t garner her the attention she craved. Farrah Abraham, of MTV’s Teen Mom fame (I can’t believe this is actually a show that brings people fame) purchased a pregnancy test on a conveniently photographed outing to her local Rite Aid.

We learned that the duo didn’t wear birth control while filming the now-infamous sex scene. This girl is every after school special I ever watched all rolled into one publicity-hounding teenage mother. Let that sink in for a minute. She didn’t wear birth control while filming a sex scene with a professional porn star. Stellar decision.

As if the sex tape and photographed outing to buy a pregnancy test weren’t enough tabloid fodder – she then decided to go on the new CBS show The Test to pee in a cup on a nationally-televised platform. Wow. The existence of this show kind of makes me want to throw away my television once and for all. A news release for the show explained it as  “a one-hour conflict resolution talk show that will use lie detector and DNA tests to settle relationship and paternity disputes among the guests.” I thought Maury had that covered, but whatever.

Well, thank God for The Test, because apparently home pregnancy tests don’t work anymore so the already negative one she took with her store bought test just wouldn’t do. She had to go on national television to hear the results from a comedian that hosts this awful talk show so she could rest-assured that she would not be getting the months of press that being an ex-Teen Mom star who is now carrying a porn star’s baby would have assured her.

Screen Shot 2013-05-18 at 7.25.14 AM

I think you meant deep “breath,” but now I’m just nitpicking. Back to the drawing board, Farrah!

(photo: Twitter)


  1. Annie

    May 18, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Has anyone started one of those white house petitions yet? It’s a long-shot but we might be able to dump her off on Britain.

    • EllenCyril

      May 18, 2013 at 10:09 am

      No thanks, you can keep her.



    • Annie

      May 18, 2013 at 2:36 pm

      Fine, fine. North Korea, let’s dump her off on them. It is, after all, how we deloused ourselves of Dennis Rodman (at least for short increments).

  2. Emmali Lucia

    May 18, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Didn’t someone in an earlier post comment the James Deen had a vasectomy?

    I mean, come ON. Vasectomies are just about as fool-proof as they get now-a-days.

  3. whiteroses

    May 18, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Oh, Farrah, sweetheart…. no. Just, no. The only reason Kim Kardashian was able to do what you tried to do is because Kris Jenner is some kind of freakish momager/CFO/ PR professional hybrid- just because you make a sex tape doesn’t mean you’ll get anywhere with it.

    Please, for your daughter’s sake if not your own, start actually thinking about your life choices. She will eventually grow up. When she does, she will Google you. I hope you’re ready to have some heavy conversations with her when she does.

  4. Pingback: I Envy My Teen Mom Friend - Mommyish

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *