Pregnancy

The Creepiest App Of All Time Let’s You Spam All Of Your Facebook Friends With Pregnancy Overshares

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If you’re pregnant and the endless pictures of your growing bump and ultrasounds just aren’t littering your friends’ news feeds enough, Facebook has an app for you! The “Little One Pregnancy Calendar” will update your friends with every, single detail of your that they never asked for or wanted!

It may seem like a little much, but just pretend no one has ever been pregnant before and that all of your friends are interested in what your little fetus is doing week by week. Neither of these statements are true, but the only way you’ll be able to spam all of your friends with this weird stuff is if you pretend that they are. Have fun deluding yourself!

10 Weeks

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“Today I am a little embryo, but tomorrow I’ll be a big fetus.” There is a creepy video right next to all these creepy words, with a strangely calm woman speaking over the worst music, ever. I’m sure all of your friends will really enjoy it. Also, your fetus has hair growing near its mouth. I bet you didn’t know that.

12 Weeks

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Note the computer-generated image of a hand holding the computer-generated image of your embryo. Also note how creepy that 3D ultrasound image is. You can’t tell, but it’s moving in the video. Also, it has fingernails and toenails and I’m not sure your friends’ days would be complete if they didn’t know that.

22 Weeks

 

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“If I am born this week, I have up to a 40% change of surviving with expert medical care!” Good to know! I have no idea what the sentence “my skin is complete” means but it is creeping me out. Add the news that the little fetus’ eyes are “no longer sealed shut” and it’s like you have your own little scary monster growing inside you who doesn’t like loud noises. I am so glad I am no longer gestating one of these. They sound horrifying.

34 Weeks

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This one is old enough to shame you for your culinary choices. If what this little fetus says is true, my kids will both have an affinity for Kit Kats and bagels.

40 Weeks

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Forty weeks! You made it! Your pregnancy may actually go longer than 40 weeks, but by now all of your friends have probably blocked you anyway, so it doesn’t really matter that the calendar ends here. There is also a bonus childbirth video for all of your friends to enjoy. Here I come, ready or not!

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