10 Ways To Know If Your Facebook Friend Is Knocked Up
You may know someone who is pregnant. How do you know? This can be tricky to know for sure. Offline it can be confusing because sometimes you may ask an acquantince you haven’t seen in a while “Oh, are you going to have a baby?” and they may punch you in the throat because they are only having a two beer and cheeseburger lunch baby or else they got a cute new empire waist baby doll top on clearance at Ross Dress For Less. Online can be confusing too, especially when navigating social media but here are some signs someone you know may be having a baby and discussing it on Facebook.
1: You say your mom was diagnosed with cancer and they reply THAT IS JUST LIKE ME I ALSO DON’T FEEL GOOD BECAUSE I AM HAVING A BABY.
2: They post status updates like “Going to the doctor to have a six week checkup wish me luck I have to pee in a cup!”
Unless they are a dude or taking a drug test chances are they may be having a baby.
3: They start liking stupid shit on Facebook
Before your pal used to like stuff like Breaking Bad or Gwar or an article about how leg warmers are making a comeback and now they keep liking stuff which is only pages from the Pottery Barn Baby and Kids website.
4: They start joining groups on Facebook
5: When you update your status about how you ate a mess of sushi or drank Jagër bombs they just reply “LUCKY”.
6: They start asking for shit on Facebook
They post things like DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY CAR SEATS OR BOTTLE NIPPLES OR MATERNITY JEANS SIZE 10 THEY NO LONGER USE CAN I HAVE THEM CAN I HAVE YOUR OLD DIAPER GENIE CAN I HAVE IT DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANYONE SELLING ANY USED BABY CLOTHING FOR A BOY THAT ISN’T WORN AND CAME FROM NEIMAN MARCUS?
7: They start posting shit like this
8: They Post Vaguebook status updates
They vague book all over the place and it’s always shit like “Feeling pukey” or ” bloated”
9: They post a lot of photos of Pinterest baby shower ideas so people don’t disappoint them
If you are close to someone on Facebook and helping plan their shower you better take some damn good notes because if you aren’t floating some rubber duckies in lemonade their will be one very disappointed mommy-to-be.
10: They start asking for opinions on baby names
Pro-tip: if you reply to these sort of questions, just say it is the most adorable name you have ever heard because any other answer is the wrong answer.