Childrearing

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs To Hear On Mother’s Day

By  | 
13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day sad mom and kid jpg

Mother’s Day is a weird day for me. I’ve been estranged from my mother for over three years now, with no contact, something I don’t regret for 364 days out of the year. But every year on Mother’s Day?

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day tumblr inline mys23irNUu1rbrja2 gif

It’s a weird mixture of sadness, anger and guilt. I am sad for the way our relationship disintegrated, angry at her for the reasons that it did, and guilty because I wonder how I would feel if I had no contact with my daughter a few decades from now. What takes the guilt from bad to worse is the number of people who have “helpful advice” on Mother’s Day, in the hopes that they can help me fix something that’s irreparable.

Estrangement isn’t easy for everyone to understand, which is why I believe that people have good intentions when they offer their far-from-groundbreaking nuggets of bumper sticker wisdom. On behalf of people estranged from their moms on Mother’s Day, I’ve compiled this list of things you should never say to an adult estranged child when Sunday rolls around.

1.  Why don’t you just call her? I’m sure she loves/misses you!

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day giphy gif

Ooh, a psychic! Thanks for weighing in.

2. Couldn’t you just give her this ONE day?

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day giphy downsized gif

No. Working up the courage to go no contact isn’t easy, and it can take years. Even one conversation can destroy the progress someone makes.

3. What did she do that was so bad?

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day tumblr mtnvliMIfH1rtv0n2o1 400 gif

None of your business. Also, saying this implies that someone needs permission to end a toxic relationship.

4. Well, whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as you remember.

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day giphy gif

Again, how do you know? If anything, people romanticize the past. Chances are, it’s worse than that person remembers, not better.

5. Maybe you were just a difficult child? Have you ever thought of that?

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day Shut up gif

Yes. Every single day of every single year. Most estranged adult children will blame themselves for everything, especially being a “bad child”.

6. I’m sure she only wanted what was best for you.

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day tumblr ma73w4LBxS1r2xmpk gif

Well thanks, that makes everything better. In reality, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

7. The Bible says to honor your mother and father.

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day HouseNotCaring gif

Wow! Let me convert really fast so that this makes sense.

8. But she seems like such a nice lady!

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day giphy gif

Really? Tell me more.

9. Some people don’t even have mothers!/You’ll regret this when she’s gone.

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day tumblr inline mk8vut7aYT1qz4rgp gif

Again, you have absolutely no idea if this is true. I know that I don’t regret cutting contact. In fact, I regret not doing it sooner.

10. Surely you must have SOME good memories, though!

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day tumblr msjlzfgOy11sgmt4po1 400 gif

Yes. But a trip to the ice cream parlor or a day at the park doesn’t supersede all of the bad stuff.

11. How would you feel if YOUR kid cut you off?

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day giphy gif

Horrible. Which is why I work really hard to never give her a reason to.

12. Don’t you miss her even a little?

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day 108965 Jennifer Lawrence shut up gif pm9r gif

No. I miss her a lot.

13. No one is perfect, not even mothers!

13 Things No Estranged Child Needs to Hear on Mother s Day tumblr n3rtpbrHJz1s266z3o1 500 gif

This is the worst of all. I have never, ever met an estranged adult child who cut off contact with someone that was “less than perfect”. Most of them would have settled for flawed, because it beats the hell out of abusive, addicted, and pathological. Many of us are parents ourselves now and realize that there is absolutely no way to achieve perfection. To imply that we are in a snit because our parents didn’t buy us the right things or say the right words is deeply insulting.  The fact is, many people forgive their parents over and over again, only to watch the cycle repeat. It isn’t until their quality of life is completely nonexistent that they finally excise themselves completely.

(Image: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock)

comments
Share
Pin
Tweet