being a mom

Open Thread:What’s The Most Embarrassing Thing Your Child Has Ever Done?

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embarrassing moments with childrenMy daughter and I were in the car recently, singing along to “Let It Go” when one of us started replacing words with silly ones. Four rounds into “Let It Fart” I realized that my child would one day be embarrassed to be seen with me, especially given my predisposition towards juvenile (but totally hilarious) humor. For now, she’s over the moon that I can make all manner of toilet sounds for a laugh, but one day, I realized with surprised sadness, she would find her father and I utterly mortifying.

And then I remembered that she totally has it coming. Children are embarrassing sometimes, and we love them for it. My friend once told me a story of the public restroom, where she and her son were hunkered down in a teeny hiney hider to do their business when her child asked her very loudly why her butt was furry. “Butt”, of course, being her son’s interpretation of what a vulva was, and of course, you know what the fur is. The other bathroom goers found this hilarious.

As for me, I can only think of one particular instance in which my daughter caused me to blush and stutter. You see, when my child was younger, she had, as all children do, a limited grasp of vocabulary. The kitchen became “the chickens”, applesauce became “Oppapuss”, and the computer became “the puter”. One of her favorite things to do was sit on her dad’s lap and bang on the keys.

So once, when another adult at a play group asked my darling child what her favorite activity was, she answered with a loud and enthusiastic: “sit on daddy’s lap and play with his puter!”

What followed was mayhem. The more I tried to explain, the more suspicious the woman looked, and meanwhile, my daughter kept insisting, more and more loudly how fun daddy’s PUTER was.

So I guess what I’m saying is I won’t feel too bad when she grows up to be horrified by my extremely vocal love of “bun length wieners” in the grocery store.

What’s the most embarrassing your child has ever done? Is it vocabulary related, like my kid’s was? Perhaps they are more of a strip down to their natural state in the Target electronics section type? And I know what you’re wondering: if you don’t have an embarrassing moment compliments of your child to share, do I want a story of you yourself mortifying your parents all those years ago?

Yes, yes I do.

(Image: PathDoc/Shutterstock)


  1. Jen

    July 21, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Context: we had been using the “bare bottom” method of potty training our son in the summer. So he had been without pants/undies in the house for a week or so. I asked him if he wanted to go to the carousel. His response (in front of friends): “No mama, my penis would get too dirty!”

  2. Ursi

    July 21, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Can I share a story about my cousin when he was a little tyke?

    We were at the pool, I was at that awkward middle-of-puberty phase when I was not yet embarrassed about the way I looked but mystified by body changes and not really up to speed about how to deal with them. Well I’d grown some hair under my armpits and no one had explained to me that it was time to shave. You couldn’t really see it unless you were up close but anyway, my little cousin swam by me in the pool as I’d lifted my arms and shouting, “OH NO! You got some guy’s hair under your arms!” Like somehow swimming in the pool I’d accidentally picked up some free-floating hair that had stuck to my arm pit. And I got really red and quiet and said, “That’s just my hair” he want, “AHH! Man hair! MAN HAIR!” and swam away.

    I wanted to die!

  3. Music Mamma

    July 21, 2014 at 9:13 am

    In line to order at Panera Bread, my daughter put her hands on my breasts and said in a loud voice, “Mommy, why are these big?” It was hilarious utter humiliation.

  4. noelle 02

    July 21, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Running to answer the door naked from the waist down while potty training and it was our new pastor. Pulling pants down to pee at a baseball game. Same at field day in front of many conservative homeschoolers. Somehow potty training my youngest was FULL of mortifying moments

    • Sri

      July 21, 2014 at 11:21 am

      At a barbecue recently:
      Little boy: Daddy, I have to pee!
      Dad: Ok, go and pee, then.
      Boy: *Pulls down his pants in the middle of the lawn in front of the entire party and pees ON HIS DAD’S LEG!* (He didn’t mean to pee on the leg, just near his dad, but, well, little boy aim is really bad)

      I feel like kids (especially little boys) are always going to be embarrassing when they’re potty training. It’s a function we’re all taught to be somewhat ashamed of, even though we all do it, and the little ones don’t feel the same way.

  5. LadyClodia the Modest Rat

    July 21, 2014 at 9:23 am

    A few months ago we were at his toddler gym class and my 2yo put his hands out in front of him and ran across the room towards me yelling “Boobs!”
    I think this happened when my 5yo was 2, but my stepdad had him at the store where he worked, and my son took off running, and my stepdad ran after him at which point my son started to scream “Ah, help! He’s going to get me!” as loud as he could. Luckily the employees knew them otherwise it could have been bad.

  6. Obladi Oblada

    July 21, 2014 at 9:25 am

    My family is mostly Caucasian but I have a couple of African-American family members that we only see a few times a year. These are, for the most part, the only people of a different race that my children see. (I don’t live in the most cosmopolitan of areas.) These cousins are about ten years younger than me and my kids love it when they visit. About a week after the aforementioned family members had visited, my then newly five year old son and I were at our local mall. While we were walking he noticed an African-American man walking the other direction and exclaimed, “MOM LOOK! There’s a homie!” I could not clamp my hand over his mouth fast enough. THANKFULLY, this gentleman was out of earshot and kept on walking. I was horrified. As it turns out, he had simply heard his male African-American cousin say that in conversation and somehow assumed that’s what all African-American people were called. When I called to tell them about this, they found it HILARIOUS. We started talking about proper terminology soon after.

    • Boozy Shark Lee

      July 21, 2014 at 10:07 am

      When I was a child we lived in a very small town that was very white. My grandmother lived in Chicago and did hair in her basement. There was a African-American woman that my grandma was friends with and did her hair. I had been around her since I was born. One day when I was 3 I was sitting in her lap while she was getting her hair done and I started licking my fingers and rubbing her arm. She finally asked me what I was doing. I said “Bulah May, why are you so dirty?”. Luckily she was good natured about it and that was the day I learned about different skin colors. My mom and grandma wanted to die of embarrassment though.

    • keelhaulrose

      July 21, 2014 at 10:47 am

      My oldest daughter, upon meeting my grandmother’s caretaker (who is from Malawi) immediately said she was “tan enough, stay out of the sun”. The only people of color she had met to that point were all lighter skinned or bi-racial, so truly dark skin was a new experience. The caretaker good-naturedly explained about coming from Africa, but I couldn’t apologize fast enough.

    • Boozy Inactivist

      July 21, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      We moved to New Zealand from Scotland, I had never seen anyone other than a lilly white scot before, so on meeting my first Maori I loudly asked my parents if I would turn into one if I lay in the sun long enough!

  7. keelhaulrose

    July 21, 2014 at 9:28 am

    Big one: the naked party she and cousins decided to hold during Christmas dinner. The kids table will no longer be minimally supervised. And I totally know, as does most the family, that my daughter is the ringleader, so it was totally her idea.
    Little one: proudly looking at her speech therapist, who had just asked her if she had any new words, and saying “shit, shit”

  8. Hibbie

    July 21, 2014 at 9:29 am

    My daughter loves to go disc golfing with her dad and will tell anyone who is willing to listen. She has a little bit of difficulty with words, though, so she proudly exclaims “Daddy and I are going to play with dics!” I try SO HARD not to laugh when this happens.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      July 21, 2014 at 9:36 am

      “Dik” means “fat” in Dutch, and of course that’s one of the words they pick up from their father teaching them Dutch, but there’s also a series of storybooks featuring a cat called “Dikkie Dik,” and it can get quite awkward when they try to tell other people about it.

    • Spiderpigmom

      July 21, 2014 at 10:13 am

      Similarly, it can get awkward to have a French-speaking toddler who won’t shut up about seals (“phoques”).

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      July 21, 2014 at 11:27 am

      Please tell me you have taught that child to respond to other kids asking to share favorite seal-themed toys with, “I have zero phoques to give.”

    • Theresa Edwards

      July 21, 2014 at 11:28 am

      If she doesn’t that is a grave disservice to the rest of us

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      July 21, 2014 at 11:31 am

      Ah, I remember when we learned that word in French class. Our teachers tried very hard to avoid it, but once one kid knew, they promptly told EVERYONE. Hilarious to a 6th grader, but I felt a little bad for the teacher.

  9. Alene

    July 21, 2014 at 9:29 am

    I was at a friend’s party with my daughter, who had to be less than two months old. I needed some adult interaction so badly, and she was content to just sit on my lap and stare at ceiling fans, so I figured it would be fine. I had just finished telling everyone how awesome motherhood is, and how you totally don’t have to uproot your whole life just because you have a baby. My daughter took that moment to take a massive yellow breastfeeding dump out the side of her onesie, all over my black leggings. And my friend’s white afghan. Not that I blamed my infant, but I was mortified.

  10. Lisa Walker

    July 21, 2014 at 9:33 am

    In the small town that we are from there are only a few African Canadians, and we had one of them as friends. My son loved playing with Oscar and thought he was the greatest. We then moved away to a big city where there are tons of African Canadians and my son would run after them yelling Oscar! OSCAR! I always hated explaining that they looked like our friend from back home because I always got glared at.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      July 21, 2014 at 11:01 am

      When my 5yo was a toddler he had only seen African Americans on TV, specifically “Yo Gabba Gabba.” We were at the playground one day and an African American dad was there with his daughter, and I swear my son stared at the man like he was a unicorn. My son wasn’t verbal at that point, but I suspect he thought African Americans really were magic. We’ve since talked to him about skin color, but at the time he was too young to understand.

  11. Metsy

    July 21, 2014 at 9:33 am

    My daughter grabbed my vibrator out of my drawer and brought it downstairs and waved it, in all its purple, sparkly glory. I was living with my parents at the time and yeah, I wanted to die from mortification.

    • Hibbie

      July 21, 2014 at 9:35 am

      That reminds me of the gun safety advert where the little boys are playing swords with one of the mom’s vibrators. The tagline is something like: if they find it, they’ll play with it.

    • Metsy

      July 21, 2014 at 9:43 am

      Yes, they will! And my vibe was in a nondescript bag tucked away. So she had to root for it. I should get a lockbox…

    • Spiderpigmom

      July 21, 2014 at 10:09 am

      My son did the exact same thing, but fortunately the only witness was my husband (who couldn’t stop laughing).

    • keelhaulrose

      July 21, 2014 at 10:41 am

      Now you’ve brought back memories of my older daughter, at two, coming to arrest me for the crime of not making hot dogs for dinner, and pulling out the fuzzy handcuffs to do so. They were in a box with much more interesting toys, which I had to go on a treasure hunt to find around the house. My husband tried to make it into a game, but I was too afraid that the next step was catching us using them, and refused to use the box for a couple weeks.

  12. WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

    July 21, 2014 at 9:34 am

    In the grocery line while looking at a magazine cover featuring a 19 yer old in a bikini: “Mommy, how come your na-nas are a floppy and way down here?” Complete with wild hand gestures and exaggerated perplexed expression.

    • Theresa Edwards

      July 21, 2014 at 10:12 am

      because life is cruel, honey.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

      July 21, 2014 at 10:18 am

      Little does he know what gravity does to boy parts by the age of 40’ish…mwaahahahahHaha!

  13. WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

    July 21, 2014 at 9:49 am

    One more… In a department store, a very large, very angry-looking, very sweaty woman walks by and my little boy (who had a freakishly manly voice for a 3 year old) says, “That lady as a biiiiiiiiig butt.” I spun around and doubled him over in my coat so she couldn’t see him, I looked all innocent and “Well, I never!”

    • Spiderpigmom

      July 21, 2014 at 10:27 am

      Yeah, because explaining to a three year old that commenting on other people’s body is rude would never cross your mind, let alone ask him to apologize. Oh no, that’s not for your little snowflake, it’s not as if this “very large, very angry-looking, very sweaty woman” had feelings.

    • VenusDoom3

      July 21, 2014 at 10:48 am

      Wow. Way to suck the fun out of things. She never said she didn’t address it with him later. Sheesh.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

      July 21, 2014 at 11:10 am

      Thank you! In our culture, we are centrally focused on detachment from the body, so this is a conversation we have on a regular basis…and all kinds of in earnest when the moment is right.

    • Ursi

      July 21, 2014 at 11:09 am

      It’s not that I don’t disagree on principle but as a large person I think we can give a pass to parents who are just too mortified to do anything but escape the situation. I can’t help laughing when I hear a kid call another fat person fat because how can you not? They’re tiny. They don’t get it.

      I’ve had kids remark on my physical appearance quite loudly and though I always expect that a good parent will correct them later it’s more embarrassing for the child and for me when the parent makes a huge deal out of it in the moment. I mean, I’m big. I’m aware of it. Kids are just remarking on the obvious. They aren’t saying, “eww a fat person!” or anything like that.

    • Ursi

      July 21, 2014 at 11:15 am

      *it’s not that I disagree on principle– that should read, that double negative makes no sense

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

      July 21, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Ursi, I am grateful for the innocence of children and the patience of so many adults. As a person with sun damaged skin, I’ve had kids tell me I have dirt all over my cheeks, and I totally understand it when parents are either at a loss or even if they just turn and run.

    • Obladi Oblada

      July 21, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      We have always made it a priority to make our children take responsibility for their actions. We knew that when they were little that it didn’t mean anything but it was our intention for it to become a habit. For example: my kids have done the same thing you mentioned above. If we heard them, we made them apologize for it immediately. Now that they’re older they recognize what they have to do immediately when we call them out. Admittedly, it still doesn’t always mean something to them but they have learned that taking responsibility for their actions and apologizing for said action can go a long way in repairing the damage done.

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

      July 21, 2014 at 11:17 am

      For lots of reasons that didn’t seem pertinent to the topic of “embarrassing moments”, I didn’t include the mood of the moment, the demeanor of the woman who had already ripped someone’s face off after she nearly knocked them down and my motherly instinct to protect my 3 year old from her. For myriad reasons, the opportunity for a teachable moment just didn’t manifest on the spot. But, as I mentioned in my response to VenusDoom3, in my culture we are very adamant about physical detachment. Every day, we teach our children to view all living beings as souls wholly separate from the bodies they inhabit, each deserving of the same level of care and respect… But I’m not going to hold my 3 year old child up for an already enraged and abusive lady to rip apart. #BadMOMent

    • Obladi Oblada

      July 21, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Oh for Pete’s sake…

    • Esilva

      July 21, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Yeah well kids don’t think about it like an insult. Kids see it as an observation. My oldest will call any old guy he sees “grandpa” if he doesn’t know their name and also makes observations I people having big bellies. They’re not being rude. If an adult can’t understand a child has no intent on being malicious then there’s something wrong with THEM.

    • personal

      July 21, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      My almost-5-year-old and I were out recently on a hiking path and saw a woman who probably was anorexic, speedwalking by. DD loudly exclaimed ‘Wow! She’s really skinny!’
      We did have a talk about it, but I waited a few minutes so we could do it in private.

  14. Shannon

    July 21, 2014 at 10:01 am

    Probably not THE most embarrassing thing he’s ever done, but the other night we went out to dinner with my sister, brother-in-law and their friend. My sister asked me how this pregnancy is going, so my 4-year-old pipes up and says, “Mama, you go pee ALL THE TIME because you’re growing a baby!” Loud enough for the next table to hear. At least he followed with, “Growing a baby is HARD.”

  15. KSo

    July 21, 2014 at 10:06 am

    Recently when shopping in Target, we saw a Little Person (not sure if that is the most PC term or not). My son, who is 4, had never seen one before. He pointed at the poor man, and said, very loudly: “Look Mom, a Midget!”

    • allisonjayne

      July 21, 2014 at 10:53 am

      When my wife was a kid, she saw a little person, and exclaimed really loudly to her mum, “Mum I’M TALLER THAN THAT LADY!” all proudly.

    • personal

      July 21, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      Yes, I think this was mine. My 4-year-old daughter stopped in her tracks when she saw a handsome young man who was a little person. She hooted with joy, certain that she was seeing magic come to life.
      TV is bad.

  16. Ashie

    July 21, 2014 at 10:12 am

    we were grocery shopping and waiting at the checkout line. The girl in behind us was wearing some very provocative clothing. My son said nice and loud “Mommy, why is that girl almost naked? I can see her boobies!” I wanted to die. The girl was not please at all lol. When I was little we grew up in a pretty white community, not a lot of diversity. Well an African-American came to the door and I answered it. I Said very loudly, “Mom I think there is a chocolate bar at the door!” The man was really good about it and laughed thank goodness!

    • Esilva

      July 21, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      I’d be so proud if my son embarrassed a girl like that lol

    • Kelly

      July 21, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      That’s pathetic on your part. Please don’t teach your son to slut shame.

      It’s one thing for a child to do it innocently, it’s quite another for a parent to encourage it.

    • MissDelish

      July 21, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      So forward thinking of you! A new generation of parents teaching their kids that slutshaming is all good!


    • Coffee&Cats

      July 22, 2014 at 1:09 am

      Wow, way to teach your son its okay to disrespect women. He’s going to turn out so great…

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      July 22, 2014 at 11:49 am

      We as a whole need to teach our sons to respect all women, no matter what they’re wearing.

    • earthlovingqueerfeminist

      November 9, 2014 at 2:28 am

      Amen to that!

  17. VenusDoom3

    July 21, 2014 at 10:27 am

    My mother delights in telling this story to all who will listen. When I was about 2, she and I were shopping at a local department store when I stopped, looked down, and said very sternly (and loudly), “Panties, you get out of my bagina RIGHT NOW!”

  18. VenusDoom3

    July 21, 2014 at 10:31 am

    One more: I must’ve been 3 or 4 this time. My imaginary friend was The Fonz (because of course). He went everywhere with me, including, in this story, to the mall. Well, he wasn’t cooperating on this particular outing, and I insisted I wasn’t going anywhere without him, so in the middle of the mall, my mother had to shout down the corridor, “Come on, Fonzie! We need to go!”

    • Airbones

      July 21, 2014 at 10:33 am

      I love this. It would not phase me at all as a parent.

  19. Fondue

    July 21, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Overheard in the ladies’ room at work–
    Little Girl: Mom, is that diarrhea?
    Mom: No, honey, that’s not diarrhea.
    LG: What does diarrhea look like?
    M: Ummm, like hot chocolate
    LG: With marshmallows?

  20. Spongeworthy

    July 21, 2014 at 10:42 am

    This wasn’t my kid, but when my niece was 3, my mom brought her with us to look at wedding dresses for me because she loved princesses. So the nice sales lady at the shop, after asking me what styles I was looking for, asked my niece what she thought I should try. My niece replied “a princess dress like Belle. But it has to have a big top to fit her REALLY BIG BOOBIES.”

  21. Cruelty Cupcake

    July 21, 2014 at 10:46 am

    When I was 17, I had to pick my little sister (who was 10) up from school. One day one of her little friends walked up to us, asked my sister if I was “the vegetarian one” and then looked me up and down and said, “She won’t be a vegetarian when I’m done with her.” AND THEN JUST WALKED AWAY. 10 years later and I still feel a strange blend of awe and anger toward that little boy.

    • Jessie

      July 21, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Haha! He has got some cajones, that’s for sure!

  22. Frannie

    July 21, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Recently my MIL was badgering my daughter about reading sight words. I kept telling MIL to stick to the flash cards but she just haaaaaaaad to go off script and was writing sentences for DD to read. She wrote “You are______” and asked DD to read and then finish the sentence. So DD says “You are FAT.” to my MIL. I felt HORRIBLE. I don’t always see eye to eye with MIL, but I don’t want my kid saying things like that, either.

  23. allisonjayne

    July 21, 2014 at 10:57 am

    I love this thread. I love these kinds of stories.

    So this isn’t that funny, but in a busy, public washroom with my daughter, she started asking me about “that white thing that boys put their penis in” (urinal) and why do they put their penises in it and why do they pee there and sometimes boys pee in toilets too and why why why why why for what felt like wayyyy too long to be talking about penises. And of course I could hear all the other women around snickering to themselves.

  24. elle.m.jay

    July 21, 2014 at 11:48 am

    My 3 year old daughter plays this game (that I don’t particularly care for) where she makes a confused face and points at her baby brother and says “what’s that thing?” And when I ignore her, she gets more descriptive (based on what he’s wearing) – “what’s that striped thing?”, etc.

    Well, one day we were at a restaurant where the employees wear black shirts. There was an African American man bussing the table right next to us, and of course, she points and loudly says “what’s that black thing?” I just about died.

    • jmuns79

      July 21, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      That game sounds really cute with the little baby. With random strangers, hahaha.

  25. Ann

    July 21, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    When my now 18 year old son was about 4 or 5 we were at the mall and I ran into Victoria’s Secret to buy some bras. He was growing impatient and started holding up bras so I told him no that’s the wrong size and of course he asked what size, so I told him then he was running through the store, opening ALL the drawers, holding up bras screaming at the top of his lungs “HOW ABOUT THIS ONE IT’S 38D?”

  26. Esilva

    July 21, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    When my oldest son was almost three and my second was only a month or so old we went to the mall. I was breast feeding. As I was pushing my younger ones stroller with the older one beside me walking we passes a large Hanes store with extremely large posters of women modeling bras. My oldest points and exclaims extremely loudly, “boobies! Look mommy boobies! Boobies….mommy, you need to feed the baby!” Lol I will always treasure the memory of that adorably embarrassing moment!

  27. LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

    July 21, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Oh God, where do I start? Do I start with the time during potty training I caught him whipping his thing out at a public pool to pee in the actual pool? Or the time driving home from a water park he managed to get his pants off in the back seat and um, explore himself, while I was driving down the highway? Or the time he let out the biggest fart on the planet in the middle of Kohls then proceeded to laugh like a maniac?

    Very recently we were at a restaurant. I let him go in the men’s room and waited for him outside. He was taking forever (he has a tendency to play in the sinks when he’s in a bathroom), so of course I was annoyed.

    Me (After he finally came out): “Why did you take so long? What were you doing in there?”
    Him (Loud enough for five tables around us to hear): “I had to take a poop!”

  28. WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

    July 21, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    This one is courtesy of my Mom: I was evidently about 6 years old (sooooo 1975) and this man was walking through the mall in his jogging shorts (remember jogging shorts in 1975?) when I veered away from her too quickly to stop and walked right up to him and matter-of-factly informed him that his penis was dangling out of his shorts.

    Mom says she died a little inside.

    • Lindsey

      July 21, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Probably good info for him to know…

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusBitch

      July 21, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      True… and something only a child could say without cringing in mortified horror.

  29. Tea

    July 21, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    I had a little kid come up to me and ask if I was a ghost when I was a teenager, and right in the middle of a Victorian goth phase, and wearing a few chains for good measure. His mom literally dragged him away as she apologized.

  30. Geogirl

    July 21, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    When my daughter was four she liked to pretend she was an animal. At the grocery store one day she was following behind me making small barking sounds while I pushed her brother in the cart. The sound meant she was with me and hadn’t run off, so I thought everything was good. Then I heard a man behind us start laughing. I turned around to see her on her hands and knees licking items the bottom row of groceries. I was mortified, the man, apparently thoroughly entertained moved on. We made a new rule about not licking things that don’t belong to us, even when in character as a dog.

  31. JenH1986

    July 21, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    My God Daughter, she was 3, maybe and I had taken her out shopping while babysitting. I told her if she was good I’d let her pick a toy at our last stop. So while waiting in line at the grocery store an African American woman walked up behind us in line. I smiled and turned around minding my own when my God Daughter said very loudly “Aunt Nen, Aunt Nen, I be a good girl and get a chocolate Barbie like the chocolate lady behind us, k?” I really had no response other than “Ok, we’ll get you a chocolate barbie when we get to the store, as long as you behave”. The woman behind me kind laughed and didn’t say anything but I was like “Shit do i correct her? Applaud her? WTF!?” She was a good girl so I got her a chocolate Barbie but yea…

    • journalgal2

      July 21, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      My friend’s three year old son did that – “Hey grampa, who’s that chocolate man??” Totally innocent and completely mortifying.

  32. Kelly

    July 21, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    One of my husband’s coworkers had an awful, old beater of a car. It ran but looked like hell. One day when we had several people over, someone asked him, “Why don’t you wash that car? It would make it look a little better at least.” The guy responded, “You can’t wash a turd.” and everyone laughed.

    A few weeks later I was at the salon with my two year old son. A lady was talking to him while she was getting her hair done and he was being polite and everything was fine. Then she asked him, “So, how do I look?” and without skipping a beat he shrugged and said, “You can’t wash a turd.”

    I could have died. There’s just no fixing that. I never went back there again. LOL

    • Guest

      July 21, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Toddlers just have the comedic perfect timing when it comes to this stuff…

    • Katherine Handcock

      July 21, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      Laughed out loud at this one. Now my daughter is looking at me funny.

    • journalgal2

      July 21, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      Tears are rolling down my face. My coworkers think someone must have died. This is the best thing I have read all day.

  33. kayvee

    July 21, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    My two-year-old leaned over his breastfeeding sister and said sweetly (and loudly), “You eating mama’s nipple? you eating mama’s gigantic nipple?”

    • Coffee&Cats

      July 21, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      LOL! Were you out somewhere where people heard him or at home? Either way that’s freaking hilarious! XD

    • She Loves To Craft

      July 23, 2014 at 12:49 am

      I am laughing so hard, I am afraid I might wake the baby. so freakin’ funny.

  34. EX

    July 21, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    So many. But I’ll share the story of a family friend who’s son was running around during a party and playing with his favorite toy – a dump truck. There were quite a few surprised guests when this little tyke was running around yelling “dumb fuck!” at the top of his lungs. And also, my daughter told my husband that he had “big boobies”. Which wouldn’t be embarrassing because it happened in the privacy of our home, except that I tell everyone because I thought it was funny. My husband, not so much.

    • neighbor57

      July 21, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      Ha ha! That happened with my two year old on a camping trip. His (somewhat large) grandpa came out without his shirt on. My son pointed at him and loudly asked, “Grandpa, are those your big boobies?” The man has never gone topless since.

  35. Katherine Handcock

    July 21, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    Alicia went through a lengthy phase where she was yelling “No, don’t! Help me, help me!” whenever we did something she didn’t like. I consider it a miracle that I was never stopped by store security! Now, instead, she’s picked up “Don’t touch me, PLEASE!” from Elsa in Frozen. It’s really only a matter of time….

  36. middleofnowheremom

    July 21, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    When my youngest learned to talk, he couldn’t say his Brothers name (Brandon) or his sisters name (Jaz) but it came out sounding delightfully like “Dammit” and “Sis”. The following sunday we didn’t think of it at all, until during the sermon when his siblings tried to leave to go to Kid’s Church and he started yelling, “DAMMIT SIS! DAMMIT SIS!” with full blown hysterics. I’ve never seen/heard so many people start belly laughing at once.

  37. elle.m.jay

    July 21, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    Another embarrassing moment out of my 3 year old… We were grocery shopping, and out of nowhere, she loudly asks “Mama, did you wash your breasts in the shower this morning?”

  38. Jessifer

    July 21, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    I was on the streetcar with my 10-month-old sitting in his stroller, when I suddenly looked down to see his little hands groping a woman’s VERY large ass. I was trying to discreetly grab his hands to make him stop without making matters worse but the woman felt it and turned around to see what was going on. Luckily, she had a good sense of humour about it, but i was still completely mortified.

  39. effingplates

    July 21, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    I had a friend who used to sing silly songs with her daughter. One of them was “If there is a poopie in your butt, push it out” to the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it”. Her daughter later went on to a summer church camp where they sang a version that went “If you’re happy and you know it, praise the Lord”. Well, the little girl got a little mixed up and ended up singing “If there is a poopie in your butt, praise the Lord!” in front of grandma at Thanksgiving. My friend still laughs when she tells the story.

  40. LTKinney

    July 21, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    All four of us siblings all had a moment where we pointed out someone who was fat but I think the best was my oldest brother, standing in line behind a very large man and said “Mama, that man is BIIIIIIIIIGG” very much emphasizing loudly this mans stature. I think my mom may have just ignored him and hoped the man didn’t hear but I really doubt it.
    My other favorite is my neice who at a very young age was obsessed with everyones boobs. She would like to randomly ask “Auntie Lauren, are those your boobs?” several times through out the day. After awhile I got over it and just said “Yep, those are all mine!”

  41. Foleygirl24

    July 21, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    I may have share this story on here before, but when my son was just learning to talk he would pronounce “sneakers” without the first “s”. Well we were standing in line at the post office one day and an African American dad and his two kids were waiting in front of us. The kids happened to be wearing neon-colored sneakers. Well, my son shouted and pointed “Mommy, look at those ‘neakers!” Say it out loud, and you’ll understand why the dad suddenly spun around looking extremely pissed. Thankfully, he was very understanding when I explained my son meant “sneakers” and that he like his kids shoes. I just about died on the spot though.

  42. brebay

    July 21, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I was on the phone with someone I didn’t know very well and really needed to impress. My toddler came over and wanted to sit in my lap, which I knew would keep him quiet, and about a minute later he let out the loudest fart. The person on the other end paused for a minute, so I know they heard it, but it wasn’t someone I knew well enough that I could say “Omigod, that was (kid), not me.” And there was still that slight hope that maybe they hadn’t heard it. So I just kept talking…to this day I can’t look that person in the face.

  43. MsJJBeck .

    July 22, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Following surgical treatment for breast cancer at 33, I was put on a medication which caused “chemical menopause.” I had all of the usual symptoms that go along with menopause, and apparently had been complaining to my husband a little too much about them. One day, while shopping at a very busy store with my 5-year-old son, he very loudly exclaimed, “Mom, I think I’m having a hot flash!” (Now that I’m in my late 40’s, he gets to hear about them again. 😉 )

  44. Pingback: 10 Embarrassing Stories About Kids You Have To Read

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