Women's Issues

Stop Blaming Elliot Rodger’s ‘Virginity’ For His Killing Spree

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One fact I keep seeing in conjunction with Elliot Rodger is that, according to his own manifesto entitled My Twisted World, is he was a virgin. He had never had sex before. From his own manifesto, he was incredibly angry and dismayed at this fact, and he mentions it numerous times, and media headlines are taking advantage of this by now trying to dub him “The Virgin Killer.”

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There are many other things mentioned in his manifesto that could lead to nicknames for him, The World Of Warcraft Loving Killer, The Gucci Sunglasses Loving Killer, The College Class Dropout Killer, The BMW 3 Series Coupe Killer, and probably most aptly, due to what he wrote in how own words, that The Day Of Retribution could have been prevented if girls had only given me one chance – The Woman Hating Killer. The fact that Rodger was a virgin and media outlets are trying to use his virginity as a nickname not only stigmatizes people who have never had sex before, but also places blame on any woman or girl who rejected Rodger by implying that if only one of you would have had sex with him, this killing spree could have all been avoided. 

Plenty of people are virgins, for whatever reason, and don’t go on murderous rampages. Plenty of people are virgins, for whatever reason, and don’t have extreme anger about it.  Plenty of people are virgins, for whatever reason, and don’t write 141 page manifestos about how they hate whatever gender they are interested in losing their virginity with.

Elliot Rodger could have had sex with thousands of girls and still committed the horrible act he did.

A lone college girl asking him out on a date may not have prevented this. By calling him the Virgin Killer it’s implying that being a virgin is wrong, that people who don’t have sex are destined to become monsters, and that making the choice not to have sex or being unable to find someone to have sex with for whatever reason makes someone inherently flawed and capable of extreme violence. I’m sort of shocked that the ‘Purity Brigade’ hasn’t taken issue with this yet.

Elliot Rodger was, by his own words, extremely angry that he had never kissed a girl, didn’t have a girlfriend, hadn’t had sex, and was a virgin. But there are many virgins in this world who don’t have that same sort of anger about it. He hated women for many reasons, including the fact he wasn’t able to find one to have sex with him, much less share a cup of coffee with him at his beloved Starbucks.

I guess calling him the virgin killer is more catchy then calling him what he really was, a woman hater.

 

 

80 Comments

  1. Kendra

    May 28, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Yeah, it looks like they are using “virgin” in place of “misogynist”. Basically, in a way, they are agreeing with his “statement” by using his choice of words instead of calling it what it is.

  2. The Redhead

    May 28, 2014 at 10:19 am

    This guy was mentally ill, plain and simple.

    • G.S.

      May 28, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Yeah, because people WITHOUT mental illnesses don’t think this way! Only the mentally ill ones! It’s not like there’s a huge culture of misogyny where it’s drummed into boys’ heads that they’re entitled to a woman, or anything. NOPE, it was only because he had a mental illness!

      Haha, fuck off.

    • The Redhead

      May 28, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      So, you’re angry about this guys disgusting views and behavior towards women, yet you personally have no problem telling a woman online to “fuck off” for expressing her view on something. That makes total sense.

    • G.S.

      May 28, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      But I’m not telling her to fuck off because she’s a woman (and seriously, just from the comment and name, the poster could have been a man, I really don’t care), I’m telling her to fuck off because she’s ignoring the fact that he had these thoughts because of the environment he was in just to say that his mental illness caused it. There’s a helluva range of mental illnesses and disorders, and the vast majority of them don’t make you run off to shank people. And excuse me if I fear for people who are very close to me that I love with all my heart who have mental illnesses/disorders (who wouldn’t even hurt a fly) that the only thing people take away from this is that people with mental illnesses/disorders are dangerous and are more likely to go on a rampage when things don’t go their way.

      Seriously, those without mental illnesses and disorders are just as capable of thinking and acting like he did.

    • CMJ

      May 28, 2014 at 11:28 am

      Unfortunately, it’s not that plain and simple. It’s just not.

    • K.

      May 28, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      What. fuck. difference. does it make? So he was mentally ill. So he hated women. So his dog’s name was Buck. We’ll never definitively know what caused this guy to go on a shooting rampage.

      The “cause” is irrelevant. The target is what’s relevant.

  3. Kay_Sue

    May 28, 2014 at 10:22 am

    Whenever I read this, I read, “If only someone had laid the poor guy, he’d have been just fine.”

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 10:29 am

      Ugh, if one of those snotty bitches would’ve just had sex with the guy even though she didn’t want to, none of this would have happened!
      So nice to see that some people can still find a way to blame women even after a guy goes on a killing spree.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 28, 2014 at 10:42 am

      Yup. We should all feel guilty that no one of our sex deigned to reach out and sleep with this “perfect gentleman”.

      End: Sarcasm

    • Kendra

      May 28, 2014 at 10:45 am

      And, honestly, if this was all about sex for this guy….I mean…you can BUY sex. Yes, it’s illegal and all…but…it’s not like it’s not out there.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 28, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Exactly.

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 10:53 am

      But remember he didn’t want just any woman…he deserved a tall, blonde, model-type woman! All of us uggos need not apply.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 28, 2014 at 11:02 am

      Well, thank god. That absolves me of any complicity in his crimes, then.

      I’m being sarcastic and actually getting furious. I can’t even snark on this topic without raging.

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 11:44 am

      I know. Typing this stuff knowing people actually think this way makes me want to take a shower.

    • Nimue

      May 28, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      The irony is that is exactly what he was saying and now it has come full circle to reinforce his own logic. Terrifying.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 28, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      The really terrifying part to me is that the people writing these stories and headlines can’t see that, when we all can. It’s so clear. And yet…there they go again.

  4. libraryofbird

    May 28, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Way to blanket blame all the horrible women that never gave this asshole what he deserved. Fuck you media.

  5. JenH1986

    May 28, 2014 at 10:39 am

    One of my very very best friends is still a virgin at 31. She has never so much as raised her hand in anger to ANYONE let alone an entire gender. So…there is anecdotal evidence that this is bullshit.

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 10:54 am

      Oh, but women don’t even like sex! They just use it to get free dinners and purses and shit. But the poor men, they NEED sex or else they go crazy.

    • JenH1986

      May 28, 2014 at 11:21 am

      I must be doing sex wrong because all I got was a lot of really awesome sex…and some not so great sex.

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 11:48 am

      Definitely doing it wrong. Next time try to get some shoes or something.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Louboutins, at the very least.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      Yep- and a baby, I got a baby too!

    • JenH1986

      May 28, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      LOL I didn’t even get that! Mr. H is getting an earful when I get home. No Shoes, No Purses, No Baby! This is bullshit!

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      Did the baby come out clutching a diamond-encrusted push present? No? Then I regret to inform you that you are doing it wrong.

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Well, shit. He came out, almost directly peed on me, and proceeded to be extremely grumpy for the next three months because we all interrupted his nap.

      Come to think of it, he’s a lot like me…

    • Diane Harrison

      May 28, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      I’m supposed to be getting purses and dinner? What am I doing wrong?!?!

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      Please refer to the Stuck Up Bitches handbook, page 12, paragraph 3 for instructions.

    • K.

      May 28, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I promised it all the time–free dinner, purses, trips to Paris, my state AND federal taxes…

      #sorrynotsorry
      #yourestillnotentitled

    • keelhaulrose

      May 28, 2014 at 11:05 am

      My uncle is nearly 60 and still a virgin. He’s a bit eccentric, but he’s certainly not violent.

    • Rachel Sea

      May 28, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      I know two blokes who were still virgins at 35. I’m nearly positive that neither one ever went on a terroristic rampage.

    • JenH1986

      May 28, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      But…they…can’t. Virgins MUST write manifestos and then attack innocent people with whom they’ve had no contact to show how shitty the rest of the world is for not wanting to screw them. God can these virgins get nothing right?

    • K.

      May 28, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      …But she’s a woman.

      Vaginas cure psychosis. Didn’t you know that? But only vaginas. It doesn’t work with penises.

    • Sri

      May 28, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      But uteruses (uteri?) cause hysteria! We really got the shaft in the anatomical lottery…

    • whiteroses

      May 28, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      * rim shot*

  6. TngldBlue

    May 28, 2014 at 10:47 am

    It should surprise me that the media has now circled around to encouraging the same misogyny that motivated this man to murder but it doesn’t.

  7. keelhaulrose

    May 28, 2014 at 11:04 am

    If it just about sex he had access to enough money “virgin” need not come into play.
    He’s mad that women weren’t interested in him in the slightest. And instead of wondering what he was doing wrong he blames them for not seeing him as the “magnificent gentleman” he thought he was.
    That’s what makes this misogynist. Virgin doesn’t matter, it’s much deeper than sex.

  8. Ariel

    May 28, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Hate it. Monday, some guy walked up to me at Starbucks talking about the “virgin killer” and how he hopes I’m being a good girl so the men are happy. Asshole pissed me off so bad. I’m sick that the media would take this “well maybe if a girl just had sex with him” angle. He laid out exactly why he did this and people are still trying to make excuses, saying we will “never understand” why he did it.

    • CMJ

      May 28, 2014 at 11:26 am

      Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

    • Surly Canuck

      May 28, 2014 at 11:32 am

      That’s disgusting, I’m sorry you had to deal with such a douche-canoe. I honestly don’t know how I would have reacted to that.

    • K.

      May 28, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Yeah…That’s worth hot coffee on the crotch.

    • Ariel

      May 28, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      I had a few thoughts running though my head, but I’ve never been real confrontational. Death stares for me. I was actually having a really good day, and didn’t want it to down my mood much.

    • K.

      May 28, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      Sigh. I know–I’m one of those people who thinks up awesome comebacks 2 days later. In the moment, I think I would have been too shocked to say anything.

      But I like the thought, not gonna lie.

    • G.S.

      May 28, 2014 at 8:16 pm

      Oh, I know that feel SO bad. 🙁

    • Spongeworthy

      May 28, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Oh. My. God.
      How much do you want to bet Starbucks guy describes himself as a “nice guy”?

    • Eve Vawter

      May 28, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      what a total fucknugget

    • Kendra

      May 28, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Upvoted specifically for “fucknugget”.

    • Jordina

      May 28, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Really??? WTF

    • geckomommy

      May 28, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      What. The. Fuck. Was that a pickup line???

  9. G.S.

    May 28, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Huh, not even noon, and I’m already broken by rage. Good job, world.

    Seriously, FUCK EVERYBODY.

    http://replygif.net/i/499.gif

    • Jordina

      May 28, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      agreed

  10. tk88

    May 28, 2014 at 11:41 am

    This young man was so twisted I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the sort of murderer who killed women AFTER he had sex with them–if given the chance.

  11. K.

    May 28, 2014 at 11:57 am

    I read this more as a “feminizing” or emasculating feature. Which bothers me MORE because I’m sick of people prefacing discussions about this guy with, “So, not ALL men are like this…”

    No shit, not ALL men are like Rodger, but for fuck’s sake–why do we have to preface this with a disclaimer? So men feel better? Misogyny is an institutional, human issue, not a women’s issue and not an issue that requires separating “good” from “bad” men. If you’re human, it’s your issue. I don’t care if you’re the biggest pro-woman guy out there–if you were, then you wouldn’t need a fucking disclaimer anyway.

    So the whole idea of “virgin” killer to make this guy appear pathetic and to emasculate him is yet another way of saying, “It’s okay guys, your virility makes you better than THIS guy. You’re totally cool and we want to make sure that your definition of masculinity as connected to women’s sexuality is a-ok.”

    What’s wrong with “UCSB killer?” We used “Virginia Tech” for Cho and “Aurora” for James Holmes.

  12. lpag

    May 28, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Seriously. Somehow, Oscar Wao managed not to kill anyone despite being a virgin until just about the very end of his Brief, Wondrous Life.

    • Miriam

      May 28, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Wonderful book.

  13. Hana Graham

    May 28, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    I am so glad you are so angry about this. I have already bored my husband to death with my rants. Mostly because he agrees with me, so I’m preaching to the choir.

    Not that I’m an expert on mental health, but I see zero signs of anything diagnosable without a lot of work from professionals, or maybe nothing at all. Of course, since he’s a straight white (presenting) male, people are actually clamoring to the defense of the mentally ill. Even though nothing about a diagnosis has been mentioned. Gee, would be nice if that happened all the time and not just when trying to defend straight white men after they carry out a massacre.

    I read the stupid manifesto…this kid was spoiled rotten, entitled, self-obsessed and yeah, there were some epic parenting fails, but most of all he was a misogynist, a violent one, and NOTHING ANY WOMAN DID OR COULD HAVE DONE WOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM.

    Also, on a light hearted note, there is only one appropriate use of virgin killer, and that is in horror movies, where virgins are being killed. Esp this one:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkkFUQ7GUuw

    • pixie

      May 28, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      I’m impressed you read the whole thing. I couldn’t bring myself to read any more than what was posted yesterday by Eve.
      And I’ve also already bored my boyfriend to death talking about it, too. He agrees with what I have to say, just isn’t quite as passionate about the topic.

  14. lizinthelibrary

    May 28, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    The thing that angers me about this is that sexual experience is seen as a on or off switch and not a continuum and in that on/off virgin/not virgin mode, the only thing that matters is P in V. That of course discounts huge swaths of the populations and leads to so many other societal issues, including “abstinence only” teens swapping diseases all sorts of way because they’re “not having sex” by the one definition we use.
    Also the guy was a misogynist and we need to not make excuses or explain it away, but stand up and face our problems as a society.

  15. Rachel Sea

    May 28, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Makes sense. I’m really angry that I haven’t won $196 million dollars in the lottery, so I should punish everyone who sells lottery tickets.

  16. kellyshaun

    May 28, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    We have to just about all feel guilt ridden that will no one of our own sex deigned to succeed in out there and also snooze using this type of “perfect man.Elliot Rodger’s ‘Virginity’ For His Killing Spree

  17. AlbinoWino

    May 28, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    Pretty sure if a woman went on a murderous rampage because she hated men the media would dub her the “man hater” without batting an eyelash. Then again, a female mass murderer is pretty fucking rare.

  18. SA

    May 28, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    The thing is, if he wasn’t a psycho, self-important, woman-hating douche bag, maybe some girl would have ‘thrown him a bone’. Pretty sure there were something there turning all these woman off in the first place.

  19. LaLa

    May 28, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    Ladies, I don’t know why you’re all so confused. The rules for being a woman are simple:
    1) You have to have sex with dudes or they’ll go crazy
    2) But you can’t enjoy the sex too much or else you’re a slut
    3) you must make your body available for sex any time a guy need/wants it
    4) But you can’t ever dress or speak in a way that implies you like your own body.
    5) but you can’t be all frumpy either. Then nobody will want you. What do you think they’re after? Your brain? Lol!
    6) you must ways be on guard because “boy will be boys” and they might sometimes forget that they can’t just force you to have sex with them
    7) but if they DO forget that and end up forcing you, it’s still your fault. You weren’t vigilant enough.
    8) If a man is ever nice to you or gives you any sort of gift or ever pays for any meal, you will automatically owe him sex
    9) but if you ever ask for payment for sex, you’re a total whore bag who is undeserving of respect
    10) if you’ve ever had consensual sex, ever in your life, you are incapable of being raped

    See? It’s not that hard. Just follow these simple rules and you’ll be the perfect woman!

    • Bryn Schut

      May 28, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      If this wasn’t the reality of the situation I’d commend you for your excellent satire. Take this upvote while I drown my sorrows in Hershey’s Kisses.

  20. Guest

    May 28, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    Actually I understand how he feels. I’ve never killed anybody over it, but a big blow to my self worth for the last few years has been the fact that I never even been kissed. I’ll be turning twenty in three months but I might as well still be eleven. When I’m with my friends and they all start talking about sex and relationships all I can do is sit there and listen because I have absolutely nothing to add to the conversation. I just recently met a guy who I thought might be interested. We enjoy spending time together and he seemed intelligent and unique and I actually thought he might not be as shallow as most of the guys I’ve met. And then he passed over me for a thinner prettier girl.
    It’s like constantly being told that I’m less than human simply for being overweight and that I don’t deserve the same kind of love and closeness that the attractive people do. This has being happening to me my whole life over and over and over again and it’s like being slapped in the face repeatedly. I hate myself and I hate looking in the mirror and everywhere I go all I hear about is “my boyfriend” and “my girlfriend” and I see all these happy couples and I just want to shoot myself. And I feel like if just one guy in my whole life decided that I was worthy of the same kind of attention that everyone else seems to take for granted, I wouldn’t feel this crushing self loathing every minute of every day.
    If this is what Elliot Rodgers has been going through and these are the same feelings he’s been having, I’m not surprised by his breakdown. He was tormented by loneliness, depressed and mentally ill. I just feel sorry for him.

    • Itcangetbetter!!

      May 28, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      I was a virgin until I was well into my 21st year. I also have been overweight my entire life and I could completely relate to your story. I finally realized that I was looking for the wrong kind of partner. There are so many shallow asses out there, but there are also really good people who care more about personality and chemistry than your clothing size. I’m still overweight, but I’ve found someone who I’m crazy about, who is also crazy about me. I’ve been married 15 years and we have 2 gorgeous kids. I pinky promise if you have a good attitude and find something to love about yourself there will be someone who will fall head over heels for you. Good luck and lots of interwebs hugs!

    • Guest

      May 28, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      I appreciate your support but this is the same thing that everyone says to me. “It’ll happen” “you can’t force it” “you have such a pretty face/great personality” “there’s so much more in life” but no matter how many times people keep telling me this, it never actually fixes anything. I’m still fat, still single and I’ve officially been left behind by everyone I grew up with. I am in a very lonely depressing hole right now and its become too late to dig myself out.

    • jen27

      May 29, 2014 at 11:41 am

      First off, if you are only 19 it’s definitely not “too late”. You don’t realize it now, but 19 is incredibly young. And it is absolutely not too late pretty much ever; but you do need to take the steps yourself. A very good friend of mine was nearly 24 when she had her first kiss and pretty darn close to 30 when she lost her virginity. She suffered from many of the same feelings that you did for what sounds like many of the same reasons.

      Finally she went and sought a professional. It sounds cliche, but talking to someone who isn’t in your friend group or family can really be useful. That person doesn’t have the emotional ties that those who love you do and you might wind up feeling like you can be more authentic with them too. Plus, as someone trained in this stuff they are simply better at it.

      Believe me you are not alone or unique in this and it can get better, but you need to stop convincing yourself that it’s already over or “too late”. You’ve got a long life ahead of you and you are the only person who can take the steps today to make that life more in line with what you want it to be.

    • shorty_RN

      May 28, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      If it’s possible, you might want to talk to someone about these feelings (therapist, doctor, counselor, etc.) I know it’s cliche, but I think it’s important for someone to love their self (or at least like their self) before they go into a relationship. I’ve been through depression before, it REALLY sucks, but I promise it can get so much better.

    • Guest

      May 28, 2014 at 10:11 pm

      I did love myself. Until I realized that no one else did. Yes it’s important to love yourself but that doesn’t do you any good if you’re going to die alone anyways.

    • Byron

      May 29, 2014 at 2:58 am

      Get a hobby. A passion. Something to be super into. Comingle with people who are similarly into that thing. Build up your offerings of personality and interests, don’t look for a relationship as a solution to your problems but rather a chance to share your wonderful self with another and use yourself to enrich their life as much as you’ll be enriched by them. I recommend Japanese Animation/comic books/video games!

    • Itcangetbetter

      May 29, 2014 at 9:37 am

      As much as you think you’re not portraying the negativity you’re harboring, people can always pick up on it. I agree with ShortyRN, talking with a professional will help. I’ve been where you are, and I wish I could assure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  21. shorty_RN

    May 28, 2014 at 9:59 pm

    I wish being a virgin didn’t get such a bad rap in our culture. I was a virgin until I was 22, and some people thought I was being crazy. I just wanted to wait until I was 100% ready! There’s no shame in being a virgin over the age of 20 (or 30, 40, etc.)

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  24. sweetgotham

    May 29, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I just like the fact that ‘virgin’, a label that he hated for himself and filled him with such loathing, is exactly the label he will now wear forever.

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