When I found out I was pregnant, I learned my due date was March 3rd and I thought to myself that it was a great time for a birthday because not much happens in early March. Then preterm labor hit when I was at 27 weeks, just after Thanksgiving. Once we were out of the woods and I was sentenced to bed rest I focused a lot of my energy on keeping my boys in my belly, not just because I wanted them to bake a lot longer before coming out, but also because I wanted to spare them the indignities of having a December birthday like their mother. I got lucky- the boys were born smack dab in the middle of January, so unlike me, they won't grow up knowing all the reasons it sucks to have a December birthday.
1. Winter weather is fickle.
Spare me your odes to Elsa and the Frozen universe, there is nothing cool about snow when it causes you to cancelled your birthday party. My 6th grade birthday party was going to be off the hook. My parents had promised to stay in the other room, I had the new Boys II Men and TLC CDs for guests to dance to, and my crush was coming. Cue epic blizzard and my tiny tween heart being shattered. For anyone lucky enough to be born in any of the other eleven months besides December, I'm sure you're wondering why my parents didn't just reschedule my party, which brings me to...
2. Holiday parties and errands make it hard for people to find time to celebrate with you.
Even if the weather does cooperate enough to grant you a party, December is a short month filled with office parties, family gatherings, book club cookie swaps, school holiday craft fairs and gift shopping- all in addition to the usual stuff people have going on in their lives. Trying to coordinate having grandparents and cousins over for cake in the middle of the busy holiday season is tough enough, let alone having a party with all your friends, which is why many years, it just didn't happen.
3. No one wants to eat your birthday cake.
Admittedly less of an issue when I was a child and could eat sugar, wrapped in sugar, drizzled with some sugar without consequence and would therefore make a fuss about having a cake no matter what, as an adult, I can't remember the last time anyone got me a birthday cake. Between recovering from Thanksgiving indulgences and navigating their way through platters of Christmas cookies, no one wants yet another treat foisted upon them. Which is why no one ever gets me a cake. Yes, I'm saving room for peppermint bark like everyone else, but blowing out candles and eating frosting that isn't red or green would be a nice acknowledgement of my existence on this planet for another year. Maybe this year I'll treat myself to a cupcake for one.
4. All your birthday gifts are holiday related.
Whether it's wrapped in paper that's covered in snowmen or Christmas themed gifts like a stuffed reindeer or gingerbread scented body lotion, the vast majority of gifts I've in my nearly 31 years on this Earth have been related to Christmas in some way. Sure, it's the thought that counts, but try telling that to a little girl who with a closet full of Christmas sweaters she can only wear for the 13 days following her birthday without looking ridiculous.
5. The only birthday party themes available are 'Holly' and 'Jolly'.
Unless you throw a full-blown, bratty tantrum and demand that the tree go up after your special day like I did circa 1991, if you are December baby your house will be decorated for Christmas on your birthday. All of the photos will have a festooned tree or stockings in the background, leaving you to wonder years later if it was taken on your birthday, or on Christmas. Even if your mom tries to get some party supplies that aren't red or green, pickings in the store are slim this time of year. Eventually, you decide it doesn't matter, since everyone else treats Christmas and your birthday as one and the same, you may as well embrace it and have a silver and gold themed party that no one will come to anyway, because it's going to snow.
Merry Birthday to all the December babies out there!